Ten Things to Do With a Picked Booger

I was just thinking – hey, I’m a Mommy and a Blogger, yet where are my Mommy craft project posts?  I have let all you guys down.  So I came up with one, with the help of Twindaddy, who is a Daddy and a Blogger, but also does not do craft projects for kids cause lazy!  Here are 10 ideas.

What to do with these boogers?  Help!

What to do with these boogers? Help, Supermom Alice!

1. Fling it at someone.

2. Smear it on a cracker as a snack.

3.  Wipe it under someone’s desk.

4.  Drop it in the salad bar.

5. Mold it into a little bunny.

6. Stick it on your cheek like a beauty mark.

7. Put it in a kleenex . . . nah.

8. Start a collection on the side of the couch. See how many you can pile on before they fall off or someone notices.

9. Stick it in your enemy’s taco.

10. Swear it is in the shape of the Virgin Mary and have people make pilgrimages to see it.

Anyone have any booger craft projects to add?

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64 responses

    1. Thanks. I have dreams of it ending up in the Vatican one day.

  1. I love this ideas, but I’m not sure if I still will eat a salad at Mc D., maybe they have read your post :o) If a Booger Fairy exists, maybe it could be a good idea to place it under your pillow… one dollar per booger is to much, but 50 cents would be ok :o)

    1. The Booger Fairy! Excellent! I mean, half the time my kids just wipe ’em under their pillows anyway cause kleenex? Way too far! Considering how much snot is up their noses, they could be wealthy in no time.

  2. Mold it into a taco.

    1. Well I did say put it into a taco – but molding it into the shape of a taco would be fun too. If you had enough of them, you could make it as big as a taco, and probably sell it at Taco Bell. Wow, this is even better than when they got the Nacho Chip Taco Shell! New salty taste!

      1. I think I am gonna hurl. LOL

        1. Come to Taco Bell for the new Booger wrapped vomit tacos!

          1. I can’t eat any of that garbage anymore, but back in the day, watch out Chalupa’s.

          2. Occasionally I will eat something there, if I’m broke and desperate. That happens a little too often. But after hearing comedian George Lopez talk about how migrant workers should just wipe the lettuce up their bums, it’s really hard to get that imagery out of your mind. Which is why I don’t eat their lettuce.

            This disgusting Friday brought to you by Alice!

          3. Um, it’s Thursday, WT.

          4. Fuck. Lol. Must be the boogers in my brain.

          5. It’s okay, that is why I am here..to remind you of shitty things? LOL

          6. This booger’s for you! Hey I made a new badge. Can’t wait to flick this one at people, er, I mean to reveal it’s greatness.

          7. I flicked a booger 5 feet once, was one of the best days of my life, totes.

          8. You could totally make it into the Booger Olympics.

          9. The gold medal of Boogey Flicking. I like it.

  3. You can use boogers to glue things together in other craft projects. It saves money, too.

    1. Awesome idea! Instead of goo gone, it’s goo on! You should get an infomercial started STAT.

      1. But what would I sell? I make good quality boogers, but so does everyone.

        1. There are so many kinds, though. Crusty, gooey, bloody, greenish, yellow, etc. Find something unique. Possibly in the shape of a religious figure. Find the right market. I’m thinking “Tea Party”.

          1. And make a Booger Man for them?
            Speaking of colors, I guess you could also make art with boogers.

          2. Booger art! It’s genius. A new, all natural, organic alternative to Play-doh. I mean, if you can make art with placentas, why not?

          3. And unlike placentas (really? Someone does that? but I heard of elephant dung art, so it’s not that surprising), booger art can also last centuries.

          4. I saw the placenta thing on STFU parents. What has been seen there cannot be unseen. Like also art with the umbilical cord. Crafts with medical waste. Fun!

  4. The couch one is probably most common. So says my friend, I mean.

    1. I, personally, have never put boogers on a couch arm. Not on my jeans leg either.

      1. I mean, as adult women, we’ve never even picked our noses or anything. We don’t even need to be having this conversation. If we did though, a couch and/or jeans leg would be perfectly common, popular spots for booger placement.

        1. Exactly. It’s like how models never, ever poop.

  5. Thanks for curbing my appetite… 😉

    1. Booger appetizers don’t sound good? And here I was thinking I was going to be the next Rachel Ray and get my own cooking show!

  6. I used to feed them to the dog. That may sound cruel, but he loved them and seemed to have a snot fetish…

    1. I’ve heard of dogs eating their own vomit (I made food! I’m magical!) so this doesn’t surprise me.

  7. Snort waves it around until I give him a hanky to wipe it off.

      1. More like he freaks out because he has bogies stick to his finger. “That’s nasty!” He says.

  8. This is the most awesome post about boogers ever.

  9. Can’t stop laughing! My dad used to roll it and then try to inconspicuously drop it in his ashtray. My sister and I couldn’t hold our laughter in…between our gags.

    1. Oh yeah, the booger fake out! Classic.

  10. Why did I choose to read this while eating? 😉

    1. Warning: Eating while reading Alice can have unfortunate consequences including regurgitation and possible liquids coming through the nose.

  11. I am reminded that I was playing “Smarter Than a 5th Grader” earlier (when I should have been doing one of an innumerable order of Other Things) and there was a question: “Which of these was a character in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland?”… and I missed it.

    1. It wasn’t the Boggerwacky was it?

      1. The correct answer was “Bill the Lizard” but I picked “Zomo.” For shame, for shame.

  12. At first I thought this said “pickled booger”. I’m not sure which version is more disgusting.

    1. Pickled. Definitely pickled.

  13. When I was about 6, my mom caught me about to eat a booger when we were at the grocery store. Since she wouldn’t let me eat it I had to wipe it on a package of steak. I like to think I made someone a vegetarian that day.

    1. Eww! But just think, you saved some cows with your selfless action!

  14. Well….I’ve lived to see the day! ;D
    I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that you have a booger post & top ten…or the fact that I have a comment to add to your list. Lmao~ Okay, as for my experience with boogers, there are but two! 1) My brother Robert had a booger wall, where he collected Boogers & had them named & graded! Well…he had it ’til mom found out & whooped him but good then passed him a bucket filled with bleach water & forced him to wash down his booger wall! You can imagine our disgust as I yelled out at her. “MOM!!!!!! NOT WATER!!!!!!!! They transformed into something completely grotesque & damn near took over the town we lived in. (picture the blob) And my last booger comment is a memory from fourth grade. The twins, Lisa & Liza caught Donnie Walton eating his boogers during class & ousted poor Donnie. That’s not the bad part. Mrs. Roberts proceeded to teach us all what boogers we’re so we could get a better understanding of the life of a booger! (Needless to say, we had several kids vomit that afternoon) I find your top ten malicious though Sweet Alice! Infiltrating taco meat, using them alongside croutons. But my favorite was your E-Fashion Booger remark! How creative you are! Stick that Booger on your face for a Cindy Crawford look! (Is that how Cindy did it?) By God I’m trying it!! Great post sharing now 🙂

    1. Thanks so much for sharing your booger stories! I feel we have bonded now. 😀

  15. Cool, but gross. I’m very glad we didn’t have gooseberries at dinner today!

  16. Bengt-Erik Engholm | Reply

    Take a look at this: http://sabrisfunkyart.blogspot.com.es/2013/05/james-robert-ford.html Well, found your blog when researching for a children’s book about… yes, you know. It will be out next summer, in Sweden. Sorry ’bout that.

  17. Dorman Shindler | Reply

    Dear Alice: just noticed your site and this blog, in a random search. When typing responses and/or “random” thought-sentences, you should know that a phrase like “but he does not do art projects for kids cause lazy” or a sentence like “I mean, half the time my kids just wipe ’em under their pillows anyway cause kleenex?” _should_ be written thusly: “but he does not do art projects for kids cause: lazy” (or, you could put an apostrophe after lazy, for real comedic effect and emphasis). And, “I mean, half the time my kids just wipe ’em under their pillows anyway cause: kleenex?” I KNOW this is “just” blogging, but if you’re gonna’ inadvertently join the unofficial “Corps of Creative Types”, you must, of needs, retain and display the proper use of grammar. Only then can you sally forth and type out thought-sentences that purposely slide on the original rules, whilst not quite truly slipping (and breaking the sentence’s back). 🙂

    Sincerely,
    DTS
    P.S. Because it’s a contraction, “cause” (often written or typed as cuz or even more improperly, coz) should be typed as ’cause. The same way one writes “don’t” when contracting those two words together.

    1. 1. The blogger has advanced degrees. Your condescension is laughable.
      2. Punctuation does not equal grammar.
      3. Vernacular grammar is correct if it is clearly understood by the listener/reader.
      4. Punctuation conventions, and the flaunting of them, convey information to the reader. Your insistence on use of a colon by the blogger would render those sentences more formal than called for to optimally convey humor in a post about boogers.
      5. “Go sell crazy somewhere else. We’re all stocked up here.”

      1. Dorman Shindler | Reply

        Dear RavinJ:
        1. George “Dubya” Bush has “advanced degrees”. You’re misinterpretation of my gentle nudge is sad, and likely testosterone-fuelled.
        2. Tell it to Strunk & White (if you have to ask), see reply number one.
        3. Vernacular and Grammar are two diametrically opposed concepts (especially in the USA, and here in “oz”).
        4. Anyone who believes punctuation is a “convention” obviously doesn’t understand…well…grammar; also, punctuation was invented (not by a punk named Chu-way-shun, by the by) in order to both allow a reader for oxygenation pauses but to properly make sense of a sentence one reads (so it don’t look like this: Anyone who believes punctuation is a convention obviously doesn’t understand well grammar also punctuation was invented not by a punk named Chewie by the by in order to both allow a reader for oxygenation pauses but to properly make sense of a sentence one reads).
        5. You’re entirely correct: ’cause “aliceatwonderland” is waaaaaaaaaaay overstocked.

        Sorry to have disturbed your twit-wit zen. 🙂

        Not quite sincerely as the first time,
        DTS

        1. 1. Yes, but Alice earned hers and learned in the process. And my testosterone levels are in the normal male range, thank you very much. (Do you see what I did there? I started a sentence with ‘and,’ just to annoy you.) Also, there is no apostrophe in the possessive “your”: “You’re misinterpretation” was to go after the mote in another’s eye without first seeing to the beam in yours (Biblical reference).
          2. Strunk and White? It’s around here somewhere. It discusses altering punctuation to reflect the formality or lack thereof in a piece. See also The Art of Writing, on convergent vs. divergent writing.
          3. Grammar, n.: “1. The study of the way the sentences of a language are constructed; morphology and syntax. 2. These features or constructions themselves: English grammar 3. An account of these features; a set of rules accounting for these constructions: a grammar of English. 6. knowledge or usage of the preferred or prescribed forms in speaking or writing: She said his grammar was terrible.

          Vernacular -n. : 9. the native speech or language of a place. 10. the language or vocabulary peculiar to a class or profession. 12. the plain variety of language in everyday use by ordinary people.

          Grammar and vernacular are only “diametrically opposed concepts” if one takes as one’s assumption that the everyday use of language is not or cannot be the preferred usage. This is the case mainly for elitist twits who prefer pooh-poohing others’ use of language, perhaps because they lack the capacity for creative thought.
          4. Punctuation n.: 1. the practice or system of using certain conventional marks or characters in writing or printing in order to separate elements and make the meaning clear, as in ending a sentence or separating clauses.

          Alice’s meaning was clear (and nuance of level of formality conveyed) without your suggested use of the colon. I realize it is a sadly under-utilized punctuation mark. It is not, however, necessary in the sentences you critiqued. It also has nothing to do with grammar, as it did not change the word order, morphology, or syntax of the sentence.
          5. We don’t need any douchebaggery whatsoever. To use vernacular that should be as clear in Oz as here: fuck off and quit picking on my friend. (How’s that for a testosterone-fuelled response?)

          Dictionary definitions courtesy of Random House Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary (2d Ed.). Apologies for not using italics where conventionally called for; I’m on my phone.

          1. You are my hero, RavinJ.

  18. Dorman Shindler | Reply

    Hey, RavinJ

    Not on a phone OR an Ipad or any electronic gizmo as often as your generation. And I didn’t sign up to see about any responses. But I _did_ remember the link, and thought to check back one last time. To see if you would actually twist your pretzel of logic a bit further. Or do what so many twit-wits nowadays do: actually use a typo to try and “score” points.
    Typos should be expected; ignoring grammar rules that help with clarity in reading and so forth, shouldn’t.
    But I know I’m pissing in the wind, especially with someone so young, dumb and full…contradictions.

    Make sure you put the seat back down after every use! 🙂
    Cheers,
    DTS

    1. Hey, Dorman! You are cordially invited to accept a new award in your honor! See post below to accept.

    2. Dear Dorman,

      You do realize, I hope, that a computer, even a desk top computer, is, in fact, an “electronic gizmo”?
      I hope you also realize that “To see if you would actually twist your pretzel of logic a bit further.” is a sentence fragment, not a complete sentence. Specifically, it appears to be a dependent clause which should have been joined to the preceding sentence, optionally with a comma, rather than separated from it by a period.
      As I stated in my previous post, I deliberately disregarded a grammar rule to twit you. Clearly, I was successful. By definition, a typo is an inadvertent error caused by hitting the wrong key. Furthermore, when it comes to twisting logic pretzels, I in fact have a juris doctor degree, which in many was amounts to an advance degree in twisting logic pretzels.
      Typos should not be expected; there is this nifty feature on most word processors, including here at WP, known as spell check, which helpfully catches most of them.

      You either left out or added in an extraneous comma in the sentence “Typos should be expected; ignoring grammar rules that help with clarity in reading and so forth, shouldn’t.” It should read either “Typos should be expected; ignoring grammar rules that help, with clarity in reading and so forth, shouldn’t.” or else “Typos should be expected; ignoring grammar rules that help with clarity in reading and so forth, shouldn’t.”

      Your final sentence began with a conjunction (a grammatical no-no by the conservative rules you seem to hold so dear in your original post) and you inexplicably and nonsensically replaced the preposition “of” with ellipses.

      You also make a variety of assumptions about me. To wit, you assume that I am male, presumably due to my profile photo; you assume I am young (I am, in fact, not the individual on the left in that photo, which is several years old); you assume I am dumb (I suppose because I do not agree with you; if that was somehow a measure of my intelligence, stupidity would be revealed by agreeing with you, rather than disagreeing, because your specious punctiliousness is a ridiculous attempt to ridicule and correct my friend as if she was an errant child, which, despite her chosen avatar and the frivolous topic of the post you criticize here, she is not); and finally, you assume I am “full of contradictions.” I challenge you, sir or ma’am, to identify these contradictions in a reply with some kind of substance, rather than simply resort to name-calling without any substance to back up your assertions. I maintain that I have not contradicted myself in my responses to your post. You, on the other hand, are clearly a hypocrite, as you presume to correct others but cannot be bothered to follow your own rules. You sound like a cashed-up bogan who thinks because you read a book you are now above yourself.

  19. […] all!  You may not remember (I didn’t) but two years ago I wrote a post entitled “Ten Things to Do With a Picked Booger”.  It wasn’t that impressive, booger-wise, just a top ten list. This post generated a lot of […]

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