Bang the Drum!

“I don’t want to work

I want to bang on the drum all day.”

-Todd Rundgren

It's not that I'm lazy; it's that i just don't care.

It’s not that I’m lazy; it’s that i just don’t care.

6:00 AM I’m sooo sleepy but hey it’s FRIDAY people and that’s a HAPPY day cause it’s the end of the week, right?  Yeah!  Nothing can get me down!

6:10-6:40 AM Eat cereal.  Do breathing treatment with the nebulizer (LUKE I AM YOUR FA-THER) and play pretend farm on the Nook (pretend cows don’t milk themselves),  use long-acting (supposedly) asthma inhaler.  Rinse mouth out a zillion times.  Use nasal spray.  Hope to breathe.  Uh, oh, time to wake up children.

“I don’t want to play, I just want to bang on the drum all day . . .”

Vader: Time to get dressed, Luke. Luke: Noooooooo!

Vader: Time to get dressed, Luke.
Luke: Noooooooo!

6:40-6:50 AM Snuggle with Thing One.  Try not to fall asleep.  Encourage her that it is Friday and that’s awesome cause Friday and last day and for God’s sake get up.  Go to Thing Two’s room.  She is in a loft bed which seemed like a good idea at the time until I figured out I couldn’t climb up there and get her out.  Pelt her with stuffed animals.  Yammer at her.  Stand on toes and poke at her.  Yell.

“I took a stick and an old coffee can, I bang on that thing ’til I got blisters on my hand . . .”

6:50 -7:00 AM Forgot to wash jeans.  Just how dirty are they?  Wow, yeah, that’s a few too many stains to pretend I didn’t notice.  Wear work pants that are less dirty.  Thing One wanders in with a pop tart.  Send her to check on little sister and make sure she’s out of bed and getting dressed.  Someone has to do it, and it’s not gonna be me.  I’m prostrate on the bed, but at least I’m dressed.

“I don’t want to work, I want to bang on the drum all day . . .”

7:00 AM Door slams.  Thing One reports that Thing Two is, in fact, dressing.  Hallelujah.

7:00-7:10 AM.  Make stab at brushing teeth.  Actually stab gums.  Thing Two is wearing a black shirt with cats that says “We are Strange” over a pink shirt along with a lacy blue skirt, some sort of pants that hit between her knee and ankle, but no shoes.  There is a strand of pink fake hair in her short hair that she is insisting on tying back with barrettes.  I am just informed it is picture day at school.  I tell her to take the pink hair out.  I can have one standard right?  Thing Two has first conniption fit.

“The teacher told me I should stay after school, She caught me pounding on the desk with my hands
But my licks was so hot, I made the teacher wanna dance.”

7:10-7:15 AM.  Thing two has second fit.  No lunch sacks because my husband insists on throwing out all my plastic bags that I save.  For trash liners.  And lunch sacks.  He doesn’t throw anything away INSIDE the bags, no, just my bags.  Like I can send a lunch in a giant paper sack?  I plot his demise.

I looked something like this.

I looked something like this.

7:15-7:25 AM. I am informed that it is also picture day for singing group Thing Two is involved in.  She needs her group shirt.  No idea where it is.  I need to get going.  Every minute I’m late means one more moron with stupid stick people figures on their SUVS dropping off their brats and blocking me in.  I get in my car and plug in my MP3 and loudly play

“I don’t want to work, I want to bang on the drum all day”

7:25-7:30 AM Thing One is in the car.  We are grooving and beating on the dash.  Thing Two storms out later, incensed that no one else is upset about her plight.  We drive by Sonic so I can get caffeine cause GOD I NEED IT.

7:30 AM Reach Thing Two’s school.  She is still howling despite my turning the volume way up on my song.  Now she has realized she forgot her lunch.  I give her a dollar – no way am I going back.  I tell her to quit screeching or the other kids will be annoyed.  She says she’s just upset that I got a coke when I COULD have been helping her find her shirt, after all.

“And I get my sticks and go out to the shed, And I pound on that drum like it was the boss’s head”

Just kill me now.

Count to 100.  Slowly.

7:30-7:40 AM Peal out from elementary school.  Drive Thing One to her school all the way across town because that’s just so convenient.  We yammer and sing along to the song.  This time I remember to stop at her school, unlike the time when I just drove right past it and was almost at work, talking all the time, when I realized she was still with me.  She hangs out as long as she can until I tell her she has to go in.  I feel like a bad parent for making her go to junior high.

7:40-7:50 AM I drive to my work which is actually only five minutes from my house but nevermind and there is no parking because they took away our staff and faculty parking cause like, who needs morale, right?  I drive around a while and find one spot at the very back of the parking lot – one spot in handicapped, mind you.  I get the awesome placard on account of the cold air making my lungs go splodey.  Yay, me!

“I don’t want to work, I want to bang on the drum all day”

Still does not guarantee parking.  What's the use of being handicapped huh????

Still does not guarantee parking. What’s the use of being handicapped huh????

7:50 – 7:55 AM Sit in car listening to music a while.  It’s not 8:00 AM yet.  Realize I have forgotten my own lunch.

7:55 – 8:00 AM Trudge to work with headphones in ears.  Those college kids have something going there.  I am not actually here, I am banging the drum.  All day.

How is your Friday going?  I’m tired already.  Is it time to go home yet?

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35 responses

  1. I actually feel better today than I have the past 2 weeks. Monday was the worst – cried all day long for no ‘good’ reason. Yesterday’s blog cheered me up since I’ve been wanting to write about my asshat neighbor for almost 2 years now. Yay! 🙂

    So I dressed up fancy today (I work in a machine shop – usually jeans and a T-shirt) since it’s my 27th wedding anniversary. If hubby doesn’t make a decent reservation for tonight, Friday will likely end just like my week began…

    1. Asshat neighbor? I might have to check that out. I’m in that kind of mood today.

      1. Please do – I would love to make you laugh! 🙂

  2. That story makes me glad I start work btwn 5:30A and 6:30A b/c I don’t have to get my kid ready for school – my husband does! I just have to come up with breakfast food and a lunch (that I try to make the night before else it’s super pathetic what I give him to eat). I feel for you and your lungs too 😦 But the day will be over in just a few short 8 hours!

    1. My husband also gets to miss the morning rush, lucky bastard! But my brother picks them up from school, and my husband retrieves them from my mother’s, so at least I don’t have to do that. Ugh, a few more hours to go. Still in a pissy mood.

      And wtf did WP do to the smileys? They are so weird now! Give me back the regular smileys! (insert petulant / mad smiley here)

      1. Today was set up to piss you off ~

        I do have to pick up my little munchkin, but it’s not so bad b/c it’s a small school – unlike his previous school which was a 45 minute ordeal to get him b/c each parent had to park behind another and the kids all had to stand outside in (quiet) lines behind their teacher.. you had to display the teacher’s name on your windshield (banner) and then the teacher had to mark off the student from her list. EVERY FREAKIN’ DAY. In 100 degree weather at times. I hated that school – we lasted 3 weeks before we were all sick of it. It makes me angry to even THINK about it. 🙂

  3. I’m afraid I would look “something like this” already at 7:00 AM, that’s a full time job too. Have a great friday and enjoy a wonderful weekend.

    1. Thank you. I get to work every morning tired – but at least I don’t work at a public school where I dump my children. God rest those peoples’ souls.

  4. well, at least you got everyone out. I’m waiting for the day to end (just 7 more hours to go!). Chores this weekend, but at least it will be the weekend.

    Here’s an unusual version of that song…

    1. Will have to listen to it later. Chores? What are chores? Oh, right, like laundry . . .

      1. Oh, yeah, laundry. Thanks for the reminder

        1. Are you getting back to chat at some point?

  5. Lay awake in bed and wonder what time it is… resist the urge to look at the clock. I’ve been awake too long though. Did I miss my alarm. The Little Prince sure is fussy… that usually happens around when my alarm is supposed to go off. Okay, okay, put my glasses on and look at the clock.
    2AM
    Fuck.
    Lay in bed mostly awake for 2 more hours.
    Alarm goes off at 4:08.
    Get up. Shower. Brush teeth. Dress. Pack lunch. Out the door at 4:45.
    Stop at Starbucks, yes I would like an extra shot of espresso this morning, thanks for asking. Check the time, 5:20.
    Drive to work. Log in to my computer, check the time again: 5:30.
    Good times, bad times…
    Me = tired.

    1. Oh, right, I don’t have a baby. Plus one for me. No baby to wake me up. Except I end up with insomnia anyway . . . arghhh. Also, babies don’t talk and and you can put whatever clothes you want on them. Plus one for you.

      1. Hooray!!
        Wait. I think that means we are all square. Plus one for you and plus one for me cancel each other out.
        That’s less exciting…

    2. I had one of those mornings. Woke up at 2 and couldn’t get back to sleep until 4.

      1. But you got to back to sleep at 4!
        My alarm goes off at 4… no more sleep for me.

  6. Baby C woke himself up this morning and was waiting at his gate when my alarm went off. “Oh hi, Daddy!”

    He then incessantly pounded on the bathroom door while I took a shower just so he could tell me his mother let him have a couple of jelly beans.

    1. The jelly bean info was of vital importance.

      1. It truly was. BREAKING NEWS: Jelly beans have been spotted in Baby C’s possession and at some point will be meticulously eaten.

  7. My day is going pretty well, actually, thanks for asking! Then again, I only have one child to worry about.

    1. Did she wear the tutu today?

      1. THE tutu? There are several tutus. And yes she wore one.

  8. Ooh… just adore “Office Space”… =)

    Your day sounded insane… doncha just LOVE photo days ?! =)

    Hope you have a wonderful weekend !

    1. Office Space is my favorite movie ev-er. You too. Thank goodness for the weekend . . .

  9. Office Space is the best. I don’t know how you did it. Thing 2 has excellent taste with her pink hair extension.

  10. haha! Funny post. Seriously though, getting two kids plus yourself to work before 8 am is pretty impressive.

  11. Maybe I’ll get your kids reusable lunch bags for their birthdays.

    1. I got them reusable lunch bags. Thing Two lost hers.

      1. A package of 200 paper bags, then?

  12. Suddenly my 5.45am starts don’t seem quite so bad after all…

    1. I can make anything sound horrible. #whitegirltroubles

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