The Wide World of Underwear!

I was looking at some vintage underwear ads the other day – what?  I like vintage.  Shut up.  Anyway, a lot of them were either hilarious or in the case of the ones containing the words “electric” or “radiation”, somewhat scary.

But then I considered our modern underwear ads.  These are also often either blatantly offensive or unintentionally hilarious too, at least to me.  Two of the biggest underwear companies – by numbers of ads that is, not by size of the underoos – would have to be Calvin Klein and Victoria’s Secret.  So I concentrated on googling the ads.  I googled a few of them quite a bit!

Not really.  I mean, yes, there are hunky men and beautiful, though somewhat anorexic, women, but it’s hard to be “natural” while standing around in your underwear.  People just don’t do this.  So I collected some of my favorites from around the Internetz.

The eyes . . . the EYES.  Haha, so clever, Victoria!

The eyes . . . the EYES. Haha, so clever, Victoria!

OMG, stop Victoria, I'm rolling here!

OMG, stop Victoria, I’m rolling here!

I especially love the second ad.  I mean, they’re saying “double major” and she has TWO boobs.  Personally, I’m wondering if there is an ad for a single major based on a woman with a uniboob right in the center of her chest.  Now that would be interesting.

Enough of the girls, though, let’s move onto the boys.  Now, yes, most of these men do have nice bodies, I’ll give them that.  But I still crack up when I see them.  I’m sorry guys, most girls aren’t nearly as fond of that package as you are.  It’s really kind of funny looking.  So seeing these guys proudly stick these out and try to act casual at the same time is entertaining, to say the least.

For men who carry boomerangs in their shorts.

For men who carry boomerangs in their shorts.

Word has it that model David Beckham is suspected of having his family jewels enlarged via photoshop.  All I can say is – God I hope so.  I don’t think any girl wants one quite that big.

Sitting in the principal's office is hard enough when you're not in your underwear!

Sitting in the principal’s office is hard enough when you’re not in your underwear!  Poor kid.

underwear 5

So, Todd, what do you make of that situation in the Middle East?

The two guys hanging out together in their underoos is pretty funny, but you have to check out the vintage ads for true weirdness.  Considering how rampant homophobia was then, they sure did like having guys chilling together in only their underwear, as if this was something they did every day.

But then there’s the men and women hanging out together in their underwear.  There’s no sexy times to it, really, no they’re just being casual.

Huh, I didn't think a pea would stay in your belly button that long . . .

Huh, I didn’t think a pea would stay in your belly button that long . . .

Shh, guys, just look natural and maybe the cameraman will go away . . .

Hey, anybody want to get a pizza?

Girl: Where is the rest of my hair! Boy: You think I scalped it?  Come on, let's get back to Tennis.

Girl: Where is the rest of my hair?
Boy: You think I scalped it? Come on, let’s get back to Tennis.

If you think these ads are offensive, weird, or funny, you should see the retro ads I referred to earlier.  Check them out on The Wonder Twins.


54 responses

  1. […] stop here.  For a modern day look at stupid underwear ads, you can check me out AGAIN on aliceatwonderland. Unless you came from there.  In which case you are probably caught up in a time warp.  Good […]

  2. Your quotes under the photos are priceless, I was laughing so hard, I choked ! =)

    1. Thanks! The jokes kind of write themselves . . .

  3. Still laughing from the other one…This one is just as funny.

    1. Thanks. These ads are really priceless.

  4. I agree, the pea in the belly button had me cracking up. LMAO Great double (get it?) posts today, Wonder Twin.

    1. I’m a double major, but I made Ds in both hee hee.

  5. You need a hobby… 😉

    1. You mean looking at underwear is not a normal hobby?

  6. I agree with you for Mr. Beckham … but maybe he misunderstood the saying “the more the merrier” lol

    1. I mean, really, wtf IS that in his shorts?

      1. a banana ? or a blindworm? :o)

        1. Maybe he’s just happy to see us?

          1. haha, yes, it’s much better than to see “grumpy cat” aka Vicky everyday :o)

  7. Where IS the rest of that chick’s hair? This is going to bother me the rest of the day.

    1. Not as much as people trying to play tennis in a racketball bothers me.

      1. Court…a racketball court.

        1. It’s kind of hard to tell. And tennis or racketball . . . these people should get dressed.

          1. You’ve got me there.

          2. Unless it’s a nudist resort. Then they need to get undressed. Either way, playing racquet sports with flying balls in your undies is just silly.

          3. They have flying balls in their undies? Well, I guess the guy does.

    2. Lost to a freak wheat thresher incident?

      1. That seems unlikely…

        1. It’d be amusing to watch. Help I’m trapped in a thresher – in my underwear!

          1. And the worst part is I now have a mohawk!!

          2. It’s a unique style.

    3. I think she made her underwear out of it.

  8. I think those ads would have been better if they were all wearing underoos.

    1. I was just thinking – next time, Superman and Batman!

      1. Wonder Woman! Of course there was never one for Morticia. I wanted those. So I just wore black…bingo- it worked!

        1. Black with the ants on them – like in the other post.

          1. Sans ants – I’m ok with spiders.

          2. I bet there are spider underpants somewhere in the world of pinterest. I could get lost in their retro ads.

          3. Oh, yeah, we have stuff like Good Housekeeping from the 30s – we pull them out for the fashion class. The ads are the best.

  9. Bahahaa! I always wondered about the back story with those ads where a group of people are just hanging around in their underwear like it’s the most normal thing to do. What was happening there? Did they just think “hey! Let’s all hang out in our underwear! Thursday 3 o’clock good for you guys?”

    1. Like, let’s have a unisex slumber party! Panty raids are so much easier that way.

  10. You know Alice that’s what I do all day. I just hang around in my underwear and invite other people over to hang out in their underwear. Then we have some tea. Oh, it’s so fun! Hahaha. These are so funny.

    1. Underwear tea parties will surely become all the rage. I hope they include lots of pastries cause those female models are starving. And all the models look pissed about half the time. That should cheer them up too.

      1. Ah, I love it. I needed a laugh just now. Thanks so much.

  11. gentlestitches | Reply

    HaHa! The secret is the boobies are false and come off with the bra!!! Boomerang pants….you could be on to something! 🙂

    1. I remember hearing someone say their boyfriend wanted them to wear the Wonderbra to bed cause the boobs really were in the bra . . . I’d have choked him with the bra myself.

  12. I don’t know how much I would have to be paid to stand in my undies and be photographed…. but there is worse. We were selling a new kind of adult diaper at Mecca last year, and it came in a feature package which included pictures of people modeling the diaper. Fully grown adults modeling diapers. There’s a career to aspire to…

    1. Oh wow. Imagine being known as the “diaper guy”. I remember a Friends episode where Joey got a job modeling for posters warning about VD. Then he couldn’t get a date. haha.

  13. Some of those models just look so pale and thin, that they make me want to feed and clothe them.

    1. They could show the models looking all thin and pathetic (like normal in other words) and then say “Save a model. Send her a sandwich today.”

      1. I think we should make a “Please help” poster out of those black and white pictures of models, like they do with starving kids in Africa.

        1. Just 50 dollars a day will get a model a Perrier and some sushi. Help now!

  14. Yeah, underwear ads are just strange. It’s bad enough when you go into a clothing store and the picture on the box shows someone being all seductive, when what you’re buying is basically a granny bra…

    1. Ha, I know! Like oooh let me take that granny bra off of you! No, really, that thing is awful (but sooo much more comfy).

      1. I find that the fabrics are a big factor in how comfortable a garment is, as well as the style.

  15. The first ad (“Look me in the eyes…”) brought to mind Loverboy’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” (“Do you love me? Will you love me forever? Do you need me?…”) WhoooHoo – Blast from the past. Pretty bad when underwear ads give you flashbacks – you know it’s all over but the crying. Sob!
    Ha! By the way, according to my sources, Aussie girls call those lads with the big crotch bulges: “Budgie Smugglers”. Ha!

    Funny Post Alice! I laughed out loud many times. Thank you!

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