This one should be easy. There are so many songs that get stuck in my head on a regular basis. So. Many. But how to choose the most obnoxious one?
No, not that one, though undeniably it gets stuck in your head, I’ve already covered it. The worst songs are the ones that not only get in your head but that you hate beyond measure. I don’t actually hate Macarena – the first few times I hear it. It’s after you hear it dozens of times that I begin freaking out. But there is one song I only have to hear once, and yet radio stations continue to play it, probably because djs are ticked at getting low salaries. Here it is, guys, here it is.
I was tired of my lady, we’d been together too long
Like a worn-out recording of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleepin’, I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns there was this letter I read
Get ready for it . . .
‘If you like Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape
I’m the love that you’ve looked for write to me and escape’
Arghhhhhhhh! I hate this song. Hate it. It gets into your head and just stays there, and it is the worst possible song ever about the worst possible people. I guess I should show you more, in case somehow you have managed to miss it.
I didn’t think about my lady, I know that sounds kinda mean
But me and my old lady had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I’m nobody’s poet, I thought it wasn’t half bad
I’m bored so I’m gonna go cheat on my wife! Yay! Check out my song! It’s so awesome!
“Yes, I like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain
I’m not much into health food, I am into champagne
I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malleys where we’ll plan our escape”
Yes! I DO like Pina Coladas! Also standing in rain! I like getting drunk! Also cheating on my wife! How about you? Of course if you know the rest of the song, it turns out his wife likes cheating on her husband too, cause that’s who shows up in response to the personal ad! Isn’t that romantic? They’re both totally untrustworthy jerks, but at least they found out they both like pina coladas and standing in the rain and cheating on each other!
Now technically this song is called “Escape” and it’s by Jimmy Buffet who also wrote a song about Margaritaville, which is probably where this pina colada guy escaped to after he figured out he had VD. But enough of that. The point is, no matter how awful this song is, it sticks in your head, and no one remembers the “escape” part. They just remember “If you like pina coladas, if you like pina coladas, blah blah make it stop, make it stopppp!”
Yes, I know, I’m responsible for another earworm, but the challenge made me do it. If it gets too bad, go have a pina colada.