They have my house surrounded. Some of them have already infiltrated. It looks like this might be the end. But wait – there’s Indiana Jones! With that keen eye and sharp moves and cute little shell, surely I’ll be saved!
Wait, what?
In case you didn’t pick up on it, I’m referring not to the Harrison Ford Indiana Jones, but to the turtle Indiana Jones. And the enemy surrounding me are not Nazis but crickets. Scoff all you want, these are no ordinary crickets – they are highly trained ninja crickets that torture you with this steady CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP that gets louder and louder until you get close and then bang, they vanish.
I will chirp until your brain explodes, but you’ll never find meeeee.
Luckily for me, Indiana is no ordinary turtle either. My husband assumed Indiana was a boy because like he can tell. So Thing Two named it Indiana Jones, cause what else would you name a turtle? Then one day I got home and Thing Two excitedly told me that Indiana Jones had laid an egg. You don’t hear that everyday. So Indiana’s a girl.
But that turtle’s no sissy. Sure she’s smaller than my shoe, but in her mind she’s like Gamera (that was a giant monster turtle in Japan – no seriously look it up). Put anything in front of her mouth and she will open those tiny freakish jaws impossibly wide and chomp. Frankly, she scares me just a little, but fascinates me at the same time. Her favorite meals are dandelions, worms (the massacre is NOT pretty but still cool), and those cherry tomatoes. She likes those so much she once mistook a little tomato shaped egg timer for one. Boy was she frustrated, and boy was I sorry I couldn’t find the camera.
Indiana Jones and the Cherry Tomato.
But what does this have to do with the cricket scourge? One day Thing Two caught one of the crickets and dropped it in Indiana’s enclosure because I have twisted little children. Turns out, Indiana thought it was GREAT and ate it. I have new found love for this turtle, much more so than past pets like the guppies that chowed down on their babies or the hermit crab that escaped its shell and I just really don’t want to go into that one.
So this morning, after yelling pointlessly at the crickets to SHUT UP before I blew up the house just to kill them, I had an idea. You see, I’m terrified of crickets because once I was dropped in this giant vat of them. Not really. I just hate all bugs cause they’re creepy.
Quiet? No. Creepy? Yes.
But Indiana’s not scared. So I sat her down by the refrigerator where the loudest noise was coming from. And for a minute that cricket shut up. Then Indy walked away. So I put her back. And she walked away again, after giving me her usual “Don’t make me bite your finger off” expression.
Still, I have hope. I’ve left her loose in the house in the hope that she will eventually get hungry and live up to her name as Indiana Jones: Adventurer and Nazi cricket eater. Let the Crusade begin.
aliceatwonderland 
Bwahaha! A turtle Indy bent on a cricket hunt – at least according to the turtle’s owner. I’ve never looked at a home from the point of view of a turlte before – it is possible you have not thought this through and it could have serious unintended consequences. Like be sure to check your slippers before you put them on in the morning. Not saying that just because Indy is female she will like fuzzy bunny slippers, but you just never know. She probably can’t get high enough to get into the toilet, but open doors could be a problem. And with a few younger children I’m sure you are aware that they do not defend a closed perimiter well (i.e. thye leave the door open). And you are aware that turtles carry Salmonella on their shells? It can be deadly if touched http://www.fda.gov/forconsumers/consumerupdates/ucm048151.htm.
i hope your turtle wins the war against the crickets but I am afeared that we will read further posts here about this subject. May the Force be with You. (sorry wrong film).
Ha, yes, I am very familiar with turtles. My husband is nuts about them – he had several when we met. We use a LOT of hand sanitizer. And yes, try to watch where we step (though she is very sturdy and no way would I be barefoot around her). She might be able to scale a toilet using a whip as a grappling hook – you know, if she wasn’t a six inch turtle.
She likes attempting to fit under the couch or occasionally you find her by the front door. Mostly I keep her in an enclosure, but I want her to have freedom. (We also take her outside some and let her soak in water). If she’s lost, it takes minutes to find her because you hear this scratching noise.
At least I hope that’s the turtle . . .
Interesting tactic! You’ll have to let us know how it plays out.
My brother had a turtle when we were younger. He let it out, and it got lost in our house for a month. No one could find it. I was terrified I’d find it in my bed. We assumed it died, but then one day my mother was pulling out a record album from her collection and out came the turtle (her name was Charlotte–named after my brother’s girlfriend; nice, huh?). She was still alive, but barely. Sadly she died the next day. How’s that for a cheery Friday tale for you?
Good luck, Indy!
Happy, happy! Yes, turtles are incredibly hardy, but a month would be a while without food. This turtle very much likes to eat, and she’s already partially trained to run to a paper bag for food (we keep it in there so she doesn’t make a mess all over). As far as animals missing for a long time, that’s what happened with the shell-less hermit crab and I’m still scared I’m gonna find parts of it. NEVER AGAIN.
Hmm, I wonder if I could get a pet turtle big enough that Evie Cat could ride on it’s back?
Sulcatta tortoises grow big enough that toddlers could ride on their backs. We had one (it was pretty young, just the size of a medium dog) and I swear to God, my husband just brought it home one day like it had followed it home. It had a mouth wound that kept it from eating well and died later, though. Was weird while it lasted.
Arrrghhh!!! I hate the crickets this time of the year! They seem especially thick this year. My cat Ody gulped one down once a long time ago… but hasn’t touched another one since. I guess he didn’t like the taste. Maybe I need to find a hungry little egg laying turtle…
Maybe you could find mine . . . now that Paul went and suggested it, I’m not sure where she is. She’ll show up pretty soon, though, she always does. Luckily I don’t have fuzzy bunny slippers.
Your cat is named Ody? Is that like the dog in Garfield or something else? Growing up, I had a dog that once ate a cicada – even noisier than crickets. Just walked by and CHOMP but then never did it again as far as I know. Drat.
Ody’s short for Odyssey… I actually named him after one of my characters since there’s the resemblance. And it’s pronounced that way (Ah-dee) by exactly one person, me. Everyone else, like you, assumes “Odie”, including everyone at the vet’s office….
I will not make the mistake again. A tragic Greek cat there, eh? 🙂
Oh, got a turtle, too. My first grew bigger than my palm and it was always a calm one and just stayed there when I held it like that. He was a gift from my friend so he was a bit big already when I got him. Sadly, he got out of his enclosure and we couldn’t find him anymore, even the neighbors tried to find him. Then I bought two little ones. One grew a lot bigger than the other and that other got sick and died 😦
Always make sure to clean your hands after touching your turtle because they can “carry” stuff like salmonella.
We lost a turtle that way – he escaped his outside enclosure. I like to think he made it to the Bahamas and found some hot turtle babes.
We keep hand cleaner close.
Maybe your turtle met my turtle! 🙂
TURTLE!!!!!
Ahem. I hope Indy is able to destroy some of the maurauding hoardes for you!
I thought he did, but then they returned. I may have to sick her on them again. She’s fierce – I would not mess with her.
At least you don’t have to worry about the main thing that eats crickets around here: scorpions!
Scorpions and heat! Come to Arizona!
I think Indiana should now be known as the Ninja Turtle, the Armored Assassin of Crickets.
I think she’ll approve of that name. She’s also good at going after toes.