When Turtles Fly

I was going strong today, I really was.  Bought some groceries, walked around the block, and decided to do a little yoga.  Ah, sweet, relaxing yoga.

I had my mat, my bolster, and my video.  There was only one thing I didn’t realize.

There was a predator in my midst, watching with beady little eyes.

I turned on the video, and was getting all into it, moving my legs this way and that while stretching out my arms.  My arms connected to the hands with all the fingers on it.  Fingers that could look like wiggling worms.  If you’ve seen my past post on our egg-laying, cricket eating turtle, Indiana Jones, you may see where this is going.

So I slide my arm out while the lady on the video says “breathe” and CHOMP something bites down into my finger.  Panicked, I screamed and flung my arm and something flew off into the distance.  Indiana made an impressive landing onto some laundry, safe in her sturdy shell.  10.0.  I, on the other hand, had a bite mark on my finger that HURT.  I don’t care how small and cute these little guys are, man they can bite hard.

Approximate recreation of events.

Approximate recreation of events.

Now, you may wonder, why was the turtle out while I was doing yoga?  I can tell you I sure as heck would not have gotten onto the floor like one giant turtle food buffet if I’d known she was out.  I called my dear husband, worried that I might have turtle rabies or perhaps turn into one of the teenage mutant ninja turtles, and he said not to worry.  Oh, and also “Hey I was wondering where she was!”

I’m thinking of slipping the turtle into bed beside him tonight and sneaking off to the couch.  Sounds fair.

Alice General Warning: Do not attempt Yoga with turtle on loose.

25 responses

  1. Oh, gosh! Just make sure you wash it well, because don’t reptiles harbour salmonella?

    1. This is totally the first time I’ve heard turtles can have salmonella. Yes, I washed it and put on antibiotic ointment, and it’s all fine now. Except I have the strange urge to be a ninja and eat pizza.

      1. http://www.fda.gov/forconsumers/consumerupdates/ucm048151.htm

        Owning turtles is safe with proper sanitary measures, of course.

        1. I’ve owned turtles for 15 years you realize . . .

      2. Wait, you were being sarcastic, huh? (facepalm)

      3. Maybe it will also de-age you to a teenager?

  2. Be careful about Salmonella. Hopefully no diarrhea will befall you. What are the odds of being bitten by a turtle during yoga? Love the pic, by the way.

    1. Nope, no ill effects other than a slight heart attack. And yeah, the odds are pretty weird, but then that is my life. And thanks, I was really inspired, although the scale is off – Indiana is not really that big.

  3. I dare not do any floor based activities whilst my tortoise is out. Their bites hurt! A lot!!!!!

    1. YES. I just realized this for the first time. Even worse was not knowing what that chomp was for a second. Talk about a new form of yoga. I bet Jillian from Biggest Loser would do a yoga program with wild animals making you keep up the pace.

  4. I think that your turtle bit you out of jealousy. After all, the turtle definition of yoga is sticking a leg out of the shell and pulling it back in.

    1. That’s true. I should clearly get her some turtle yoga pants and work with her a little. If she’d just climb out of her shell like that Franklin guy in the cartoon. Oh, wait, that’s her spine. Ah, but true yogis don’t need those anyway.

  5. Yikes…Haha..sneaking to the couch after turtle escapes in bed sounds fair.

    1. I really thought about it. Maybe if he falls asleep first. How important is my marriage, hmm.

  6. Ha! Too funny Alice. Love the drawing of turtle trajectory. You could have been an enguneer – apply force “A” to to turtle “B”by flinging arm “C” in an arc – and draw the trajectory that is required to have the turtle hit the laundry pile. Bwahahaha!

    Happy Yoga, and Great post. Thanks Alice.

    1. Thank you for appreciating my turtle drawing. Paint is so great for drawing if you want it to look like a 3rd grader did it, which was totally my intention. And I wanted to be an engineer, but I fail at Math, so instead I am a librarian making a fabulous salary!

      1. You might have broken your hip attempting to escape.

        1. Truly my name is not grace.

  7. Indiana Jones and the Downward Facing Alice – sounds like a hit to me. 😉

    1. Oh man, I’m just glad I wasn’t in downward dog and she bit my toe. Who knows what would have happened.

  8. A man and a turtle should never share the same bed, because….. well, just be lucky it was only your finger!

    1. Oh, now it sounds EVEN BETTER.

  9. I would suggest that in the interests of continuing marital bliss you don’t put the turtle in the bed. However you could put the turtle on his favourite chair, and see what happens. (The advantage to this is it makes the bed safe for you, as I guess the bed is more comfortable than the sofa!)

  10. Wonder what my class would say if I added that to a list of cautions …’so, don’t do this pose if you high blood pressure, a heart condition, or a turtle on the loose’…
    You could do a routine in her honour:
    (Probably don’t need to tell you I can’t do turtle/tortoise pose myself 🙂 )

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