Frozen Disney Madness

How may I bippity-boppity help you have a magical day?

Yeah, how's about you magic up some Frozen dolls.  Also one of those pumpkin carriages - STAT.

Yeah, how’s about you magic up some Frozen dolls. Also one of those pumpkin carriages – STAT.  By the way, I’m armed.

Generally, if anyone greeted you on the phone like that, you’d slam down the phone.  Unless you happen to be calling the Disney store.  And yes, they really make their unfortunate customer service reps talk that way.  The first time I heard it I actually snorted, then had to remember what it was I had called about – oh yes, my slight Disney obsession.

Bad word, Disney, bad word.  You are so evil, but you’re so freaking cute about it.

What has, quite possibly, trumped the Tickle-Me-Elmos and dare I say it – the Cabbage Patch Kids in the case of THE TOY YOU MUST GET THAT DOES NOT SEEM TO EXIST EXCEPT IN TEASING PICTURES?

disney frozen


Frozen.  If you haven’t heard of this movie, I really don’t know where the heck you’ve been – under a rock?  Or a troll?  You’d get that if you’d seen the movie.  I can’t believe you haven’t seen this movie.  Do you realize that a woman actually left her husband because he didn’t like the movie?  Yes she did.  This is like Twilight hysteria and THE TOY hysteria combined into some big mass of insanity which normally starts with children but can quickly spread to adults.

Waiting for Frozen toys.  WTF. from

Waiting for Frozen toys. WTF.  I mean, why wait in a line when I can click.

But why?  What is so freaking great about this movie that Disney has run out of merchandise faster than they can make it (and you KNOW Disney wants to make money).  I have a few ideas.

First off, why do kids like it?  That’s easy – there are two princesses, and one of those princesses has a sparkly dress and can shoot icicles at your eyeballs.  Also, there are songs.  And kids love to sing passionate Broadway-style songs until your brains start to ooze out of your ears.

Do you want to build a snowman?  Hey, do you want to build a snowman?  How's about a snowman?  SNOWMAN!

Do you want to build a snowman? Hey, do you want to build a snowman? How’s about a snowman? SNOWMAN!

They also like toys of these princesses, especially the one with the power to kill people with snow cones.  And they want them yesterday.

I'm gonna put this icicle where the sun don't shine!

I’m gonna put this icicle where the sun don’t shine!

As far as adults go, they just want their kids to shut up already.  At least at first.  Then, somehow, it starts to become a challenge.  Finding the elusive Elsa (she’s the icicle killer) doll, especially.  By GAWD, you think, I am gonna do it if it’s the last thing I do because Disney is SO not going to beat me.  And no way do you want to give in and spend 300 bucks on a plastic doll that retails at 20 bucks because a bunch of scalpers with dead alien souls bought them all up and are selling them on ebay and amazon.  Nope, not gonna happen.

I just bought the entire Frozen collection!

I just bought the entire Frozen collection, parents!

Of course, I’m fortunate in that, while my kids love this movie, they are able to understand supply and demand.  Try telling that to a three-year-old.  It’s not easy, but it can be done.  You shout “NO YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE FROZEN STUFF!” and then lock yourself in your bedroom until the craze has passed.  Easy.  Believe it or not the child will not die from not getting the Frozen Elsa Deluxe Costume (retail $99.00 at the Disney Store –  RETAIL at $99.00) immediately.

They do realize that this is basically a child's nightgown, right?

They do realize that this is basically a child’s nightgown, right?

Almost a year after the movie’s release, Disney is finally beginning to catch up with demand.  But how did this mess even get started?  In truth, Disney wasn’t actually trying to create the insane demand that your average Xbox release brings with it.  The last few movies had been moderate successes, and they still had toys lying around.  Ever look for a Rapunzel doll (from the last Disney movie Tangled) and you’ll find her immediately, and cheap too.  They had no clue that this movie would be such an incredible blockbuster.

If I have to draw that snowman one more . . . you mean we made money?  Where's our cut, Disney, I just know there's . . . oh, right.

If I have to draw that snowman one more . . . you mean we made money? Where’s our cut, Disney, I just know there’s . . . oh, right.

But that’s not all.  There is a reason, beyond the pretty princesses, and the cute, hard-to-find merchandise that can turn any parent (including me) into something akin to a drunk gambler wanting just one more hit.  It’s the movie itself, and its beauty, and song, and message.

Really?  All that from a Disney movie?

Yes.  I’ll tell you more in The Frozen Effect, coming up next.

Note: If you can’t wait that long, copies of the next post are available for 20 dollars, no 1,000 dollars RIGHT NOW.  Limited copies.  ACT NOW!

Just because we have this many Frozen toys does not mean we have a problem.

Just because we have this many Frozen toys so far does not mean we have a problem.  Because with a few exceptions, most of these are not authentic DISNEY STORE DOLLS.  Yes, we’re just fine.

P.S. I just found Frozen designs on frozen cookies at the grocery store.  WTF.

46 responses

  1. One of my friends made me travel to every McDonalds with a 30 mile range of us to find all the figurines for Pocahontas. Although I don’t have a Disney obsession, I was a part of it for about a month.
    Um, I have never seen this movie.

    1. Don’t worry, you will see plenty of the merchandise. Do you happen to have a Disney store near you . . . wait, nevermind, stop it Alice . . .

      1. I do, but I am poor. Plus, I might have to cut a perky bitch.

        1. I might too. Hopefully they don’t make them do that at the actual store. I bet if there’s no manager they say whatever the hell they want. I would.

          1. But there are cameras Everywhere.

          2. Mickey is always watching.

          3. Also Donald. And you really don’t want him to chew you out. Duck spit is gross.

  2. I was wondering what you were talking about until you said you were just talking about official Disney crap. I was pretty sure we have plenty of Frozen shit at Mecca… I think my job is the only reason I even know that movie exists…

    1. Yes, since at Wal-Mart it is on EVERYTHING. You may have it on your aprons soon. And the cash registers.

  3. I’m still frozen about the prices :o)

    1. No kidding! They know they can get it, so they ask for it! Still, nothing like what those scalpers will charge. Unbelievable. Like let the four-year-old have it, you scumbag charging 200 bucks for a toy.

      I may buy them, but I don’t sell them. My girls and I take pictures of them and play weird games, like normal people.

      1. And I thought only iphones are overpriced LOL

  4. It blows me away that companies take advantage of people’s desires to shove prices way above any reasonable cost. I worked for a large retailer for many years and i clearly recall one day we switched suppliers from local to china – once we were big enough. The cost reduction was huge for the idential product (it was a cast iron and ceramic piece). The buyer set the retail price much lower than the competition but still with a 250% profit. The owner chastized him and made him raise the price to just below the competition – meaning a whopping 750% profit. To me charging so much higher than cost simply because you can is gouging. Which is what Disney is doing with the Frozen prodcuts. I hate it with a pasioon – all it means for many kids is that they will never get the toys they desire (and could afford if they were priced cost +) because some rich c**ks***er wants to get even richer. There is a lot that i like about capitalism but that is one thing I despise.

    Great post Alice – thanks for letitng me rant. 🙂

    1. But it’s not Disney that’s doing it – it’s the people buying up the products and then scalping them. Not that Disney prices are all great, but really the dolls themselves retail for 16 bucks a piece. Then people buy them and raise the price to 300 or whatever they think they can get.

      But the dress was ridiculous. I have no idea why you’d pay that when you can get it for 20 at Wal-Mart.

  5. I *refuse* to see this movie. Anything that has this kind of oddball following has got to be sick and twisted, and not in the way I normally find appealing.

    1. But you could be sick and twisted with me, Mama.

  6. I haven’t had to deal too much with the Frozen fad given I have two teen sons, but I’ve seen the frenzy it’s created. I saw the movie. It was cute, but I can’t imagine leaving my husband over it. I’m going to have to go check out that link. How weird.

    1. Very weird. It’s funny too, because while I loved the movie, it’s not the kind I’d watch a bunch of times. I’ve seen it twice (once w/ kids and once w/ my aunt who hadn’t seen it) and that’s about enough. But I admit I love the songs, and something about shiny things attracts me . . .

      1. My oldest actually went with me. He wanted to see it. (He’s cool like that–if he wants to see something, he doesn’t care if it’s not cool for a guy his age to see.) We laughed so much at Olaf. I tried to get my youngest to watch it, but he didn’t want to. When Olaf says, “Oh, look, I’m impaled,” we burst out laughing. That’s what’s funny to a 17-year-old boy. 🙂

        1. It was funny to me too. Also “I don’t have a skull . . . or bones.”

  7. Funny, I’m watching that movie with my daughter right now. I think I could act it out for you and get every word of dialogue perfectly right. Maybe I’ll do that for her, and she’ll stop making me watch it. (I’ve developed a twitch in my eye that I’ve named “Frozen”)

    1. I totally get you. When mine were young, they preferred certain movies over and over again – the Magic Railroad was a big one for my eldest (HAAAAATE, HAAAAAAAATE IT) and then later it was all the Barbie movies. They were especially ingenious when they came out with the 12 dancing princesses. My daughter prayed to God to ask Santa to bring her the 12 dancing princesses. MY mother was so tickled that by golly, she got them all.

  8. My daughter wanted an Elsa dress for her birthday. And damn if that wasn’t a tough request. But we eventually got one for her. May God have mercy on our souls, but we got one for her.

    1. I feel for parents with little ones. They DO NOT FORGET EVER. Hopefully you haven’t had to watch it a couple of times a day. When my eldest was little, she loved Thomas the Tank Engine. I think Frozen has got to be better than The Magic Railroad. Dear God I hated that movie.

      1. Thomas creeps me out. I keep waiting for the episode where the trains overthrow the humans

        1. It’s coming. Those . . . creepy faces will be the last things we see . . .

        2. Thomas at least makes sense, because there are humans. Unlike in Disney’s Cars, where the machines are all there is.

          1. Thats because the humans have abandoned the Earth. Didnt you read the long back story about all the Pixar movies?

          2. Yes but supposedly its all the same timeline

          3. But the machines themselves are ALIVE, and then people ride INSIDE THEM, which is even more bizarre. I mean, no wonder they always look pissed off.

          4. They’re programmed to want to be Really Useful. And, hopefully, with Asimov’s Three Laws.

  9. It just occurred to me that part of the activity fee I forked over for my kid’s school probably went to pay for the licensed music for her show choir performance. Of Frozen music.

  10. I’ve still not seen the film and am a bit irked. I borrowed the DVD from my sister back in August when I was visiting the family, and it would. not. play. Not on any device I tried. I then looked at the disc and it was scratched to hell. So I told her that I couldn’t get it to work, not on my parents’ main DVD player and not on my laptop (and normally a laptop player will read scratched discs) and she said it was fine at hers. I’ll just have to hope they’re all still addicted to it come January when I next go back.

    1. Make it play, make it play . . . you don’t just have all day . . .

      1. I’ve resorted to asking for it on DVD for Christmas. Cunning, eh?

        1. Very! I wish I could say I was getting nothing Frozen for Xmas. Also that I didn’t just buy a rare set of Frozen toys at Wal-Mart cause it was the last set left and were being marked up everywhere else . . .

          1. You take what chance you find!

            Please ignore that I’ve essentially made this comment again this morning. The app last night told me that it failed to post my reply. Clearly it was telling a giant porky pie.

      2. I phoned my parents last night and asked for it in DVD for Christmas if possible.

        1. Yay! Be sure and let me know what you think. Of course we can’t be friends if you don’t like it – just kidding!

          Seriously, I think we would have too much fun if we ever got together! I would try to behave though. 🙂

          1. It would be incredible if we did ever meet. Once we get over the initial awkward oh-my-god-what-do-I-actually-say part!

          2. I’ve just thought of a solution to the awkwardness. We’ll watch a film we can bitch about.

          3. 50 Shades is supposed to be coming out soon. I just HAVE to see how they handle the tampon scene.

            Wait, no, just no no no no no.

          4. Yeah, I reckon there’s going to be a lot left out.

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