How may I bippity-boppity help you have a magical day?
Generally, if anyone greeted you on the phone like that, you’d slam down the phone. Unless you happen to be calling the Disney store. And yes, they really make their unfortunate customer service reps talk that way. The first time I heard it I actually snorted, then had to remember what it was I had called about – oh yes, my slight Disney obsession.
Bad word, Disney, bad word. You are so evil, but you’re so freaking cute about it.
What has, quite possibly, trumped the Tickle-Me-Elmos and dare I say it – the Cabbage Patch Kids in the case of THE TOY YOU MUST GET THAT DOES NOT SEEM TO EXIST EXCEPT IN TEASING PICTURES?
Frozen. If you haven’t heard of this movie, I really don’t know where the heck you’ve been – under a rock? Or a troll? You’d get that if you’d seen the movie. I can’t believe you haven’t seen this movie. Do you realize that a woman actually left her husband because he didn’t like the movie? Yes she did. This is like Twilight hysteria and THE TOY hysteria combined into some big mass of insanity which normally starts with children but can quickly spread to adults.
But why? What is so freaking great about this movie that Disney has run out of merchandise faster than they can make it (and you KNOW Disney wants to make money). I have a few ideas.
First off, why do kids like it? That’s easy – there are two princesses, and one of those princesses has a sparkly dress and can shoot icicles at your eyeballs. Also, there are songs. And kids love to sing passionate Broadway-style songs until your brains start to ooze out of your ears.
They also like toys of these princesses, especially the one with the power to kill people with snow cones. And they want them yesterday.
As far as adults go, they just want their kids to shut up already. At least at first. Then, somehow, it starts to become a challenge. Finding the elusive Elsa (she’s the icicle killer) doll, especially. By GAWD, you think, I am gonna do it if it’s the last thing I do because Disney is SO not going to beat me. And no way do you want to give in and spend 300 bucks on a plastic doll that retails at 20 bucks because a bunch of scalpers with dead alien souls bought them all up and are selling them on ebay and amazon. Nope, not gonna happen.
Of course, I’m fortunate in that, while my kids love this movie, they are able to understand supply and demand. Try telling that to a three-year-old. It’s not easy, but it can be done. You shout “NO YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE FROZEN STUFF!” and then lock yourself in your bedroom until the craze has passed. Easy. Believe it or not the child will not die from not getting the Frozen Elsa Deluxe Costume (retail $99.00 at the Disney Store – RETAIL at $99.00) immediately.
Almost a year after the movie’s release, Disney is finally beginning to catch up with demand. But how did this mess even get started? In truth, Disney wasn’t actually trying to create the insane demand that your average Xbox release brings with it. The last few movies had been moderate successes, and they still had toys lying around. Ever look for a Rapunzel doll (from the last Disney movie Tangled) and you’ll find her immediately, and cheap too. They had no clue that this movie would be such an incredible blockbuster.
But that’s not all. There is a reason, beyond the pretty princesses, and the cute, hard-to-find merchandise that can turn any parent (including me) into something akin to a drunk gambler wanting just one more hit. It’s the movie itself, and its beauty, and song, and message.
Really? All that from a Disney movie?
Yes. I’ll tell you more in The Frozen Effect, coming up next.
Note: If you can’t wait that long, copies of the next post are available for 20 dollars, no 1,000 dollars RIGHT NOW. Limited copies. ACT NOW!
P.S. I just found Frozen designs on frozen cookies at the grocery store. WTF.