Monthly Archives: January, 2015

Snow Day! Thanks, Elsa!

So last Thursday we had a snow day.  Wait, let me say that better.  Snow dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!  Wooot!  Bounce around!  Stay in jammies all day, no work, no school!  As you can see, I still react to snow days the way I did when I was the Things’ ages.  But who doesn’t like a free day off?

Still, we should be thankful for who was responsible for dumping snow and ice on us in just the right amounts to cancel work (rather than just enough to make it crappy, which is what happened the next day).  That’s right.  Elsa, the snow queen from Frozen, finally did something right!  Unfortunately, her friends weren’t quite so happy.  My Things got it all on film.

Conceal don't feel my hiney!  Eat snow!

Conceal don’t feel my hiney! Eat snow!

 

Arghhhhhhh!

Arghhhhhhh!  Not again!

The other princesses aren’t too happy with the situation, especially since they were at a beach party and have no pants.

If all of you would quit whining, I wouldn't have to freeze stuff!  I don't care about Prince Charming's new hairpiece, or how cute Kristoff's buns are, I'm not getting a boyfriend soon and I hate shrimp!

If all of you would quit whining, I wouldn’t have to freeze stuff! I don’t care about Prince Charming’s new hairpiece, or how cute Kristoff’s buns are, I’m not getting a boyfriend soon and I hate shrimp!

Elllllsa!  Are you off your meds again?

Elllllsa! Are you off your meds again?

What?  I'm perfectly fine! Eeeeaaaarerrrrrgh!

I’m gonna freeze more than your heart and brain this time, Anna!

Elsa, calm down.  Read a nice book!

Elsa, calm down. Read a nice book!

Uh, last book she read was the original The Snow Queen.

Uh, Belle, last book she read was the original The Snow Queen.

Nevermind.

Nevermind.

My Charming does NOT have a toupee!

My Charming does NOT have a hairpiece!

I like shrimp.  They make great friends!

I like shrimp. They make great friends!

At least my hair looks good in the wind.  Ready for my closeup!

At least my hair looks good in the wind. Ready for my closeup!

Hey, fish can swim in snow, right?  Flounder?  Flounder??

Hey, fish can swim in snow, right? Flounder? Flounder??

You guys . . .

You guys . . .

Elsa, if you'd just get a nice boyfriend like me, you'd feel better.

Elsa, if you’d just get a nice boyfriend like me, you’d feel better.

 

Kristoff DOES have nice buns.

Kristoff DOES have nice buns.

ANNA!!!

ANNA!!!

Eat snow!

Eat snow!

Hmm, maybe I should think before I speak and not rile her up so much.  Nah.

Hmm, maybe I should think before I speak and not rile her up so much. Nah.

Yay, snowball fight!

Yay, snowball fight!

Ariel don't . . . OOOF!

Ariel don’t . . . OOOF!

Okay, enough . . . try some relaxation, Elsa.  Like make snow angels!

Okay, enough . . . try some relaxation, Elsa. Like make snow angels!

I . . .am feeling calmer.

I . . .am feeling calmer.

Heh heh, now would be a good time to drop snow on her face!

Heh heh, now would be a good time to drop snow on her face!

You can probably guess what happened next.  It was a while before the snow cleared up, and even longer before the ladies decided to go without pants.

All pictures and doll arrangements made by Thing One and Thing Two.  I just loaded them and helped with captions.  Hope Elsa doesn’t get too mad at all of you – or at least gets mad just the right amount.

-Alice

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Jacob’s Ladder

“All I want from tomorrow

Is to get it better than today.”

– “Jacob’s Ladder” – Huey Lewis and the News

 

Life is hard.  Like Math.  It’s just hard.  And when you add on extras to life, like depression and anxiety and asthma and whatever my next diagnosis might be (weird?) it gets harder.  Getting out of bed, knowing you have to get a teen and a pre-teen out of bed in the morning when you have a giant stone sitting on you, knowing there WILL be drama, knowing you will be exhausted from it before you even get to your actual job, knowing that is enough to make one not want to wake up in the morning.  This isn’t to say I want to literally climb Jacob’s ladder up to Heaven right this minute (Is there a downward ladder?  I hope not in my case).  It’s just that I don’t do mornings.  Or afternoons.  It’s that I want a break.  From life.

But you don’t get breaks.  Even if you do, you know it’s temporary.  The job waits, the kids wait, the husband waits, the bills wait.  Well sometimes the bills get all uppity and don’t wait and go to those nice, friendly collection people who offer me discounts if I pay, whereas if I paid on time I would not get a discount.  I’m not sure what lesson they are teaching us here.

In the movie Office Space, exhausted office worker Peter says, “So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.”  Ever feel that way?  I’m 38, which means that I’m looking around another 30 years or so before I can retire, and that’s if I even CAN retire.  Saying I live that long and don’t die at my desk.  I don’t have a cubicle.  I wish I did because then people wouldn’t see me and ask me for stuff like books and crap.

Hello, Peter, my old friend.

Hello, Peter, my old friend.

Still you have to keep going, and you can’t look too far ahead.  It’s too scary.  That’s why I like this song by Huey Lewis, “Jacob’s ladder”.

Step by step, one by one

Higher and higher

Step by step, rung by rung

Climbing Jacob’s Ladder

Rung by rung, day by day, hour by hour sometimes.  Just get through it.

I’m just another fallen angel

Trying to get through the night

Oh and the nights are the worst, when everyone else is asleep and there you are just racing in your hamster wheel – the one in your head anyway.  Your body just sits, or sits and taps a foot or a leg or just plain vibrates.  I can only hope I burn calories when I do this.  Thinking about tomorrow, and what I’ll have to do.

All I want from tomorrow

Is to get it better than today

That’s it.  That’s all I can do.  Make another day, and hope the next one is better than the last.  And maybe it will be.  It’s that hope that keeps you climbing.  Step by step.  Rung by rung.

Higher and higher.

 

 

 

Frozen Lego Castle Review or Maybe I Should Stick to Duplo

I saw a cute little lego castle – and it was Frozen, so I thought GREAT. I bought it before the scalpers could jump the price up to even higher than legos are normally priced.  I figured, hey, the girls and I love Frozen and building the thing together should be tons of fun!

I am very dumb sometimes!

See, what I didn’t realize was that the castle would be so small.  By small I mean like slightly over microscopic.  This is not to say there is no detail, oh no.  There is a LOT of detail.  Like 5 thousand pieces worth or so.  The box claims there are only 292 pieces, but I think they’re lying.  I personally would have given up on the first level (yeah there are three) but luckily I had Thing Two with me, the Master Builder.

Objects may be tinier than they appear

Objects may be tinier than they appear

You might notice on the box that it says this set is for ages 6-12.  WTF.  I happen to be much older than 12, and I was about to lose it.  I can only imagine a six year old putting this thing together, unless said six year old is incredibly brilliant and dexterous and comes from Oz which is probably also a set made by Lego in 5 billion pieces.  My Thing Two is ten, and yes happens to be brilliant, so brilliant she made her own youtube channel right under my nose on the computer in the living room after I told her not to do it and also made her own videos which I don’t even know how to do.  I didn’t discover this until 2 months later.  That’s how to be a “with-it” parent, you guys.

In this instance, her devious tenacity came in very handy.  After only 6 or 70 hours or so, we had the entire thing together.  By “we”, I mean “she”, although she did allow me to put some pieces in, as she said “So you can feel involved, Mommy.”  Here is a picture of our fabulous work.

It's the size of my freaking hand - my real hand.  That is not a stunt hand.

It’s the size of my freaking hand – my real hand. That is not a stunt hand.

It really is a very neat set.  It comes with three figures – Anna, Elsa, and Olaf.  Olaf gets his own picnic set like in the movie, which was great cause I could just shove him over to the side that way.  There’s also a sled which Anna and Elsa can ride, as well as ice skates, and skis, and a tiny hill they can slide down or hide cookies inside, if they choose.  I don’t know why they’d choose this, but whatever.

You’ll notice the side of the castle has some cool stairs.  Those were neat.  There’s also a tree.  Don’t ask Thing Two about the tree.  It about drove even her over the edge since the instructions told us in intimate detail how to put together the three parts of Elsa but not any steps on making the dumb tree.

Inside on the first floor is an ice cream and popsickle machine.  I don’t recall this being in the movie, but then again, Elsa had no furniture that I could tell in the movie.  I guess she was too busy running around doing dramatic Broadway numbers to care.  Anyway, it’s cute.

The whole set.  Note the giant hill Ana can slide down - ooooh.

The whole set. Note the giant hill Ana can slide down – ooooh.

Upstairs you’ve got Elsa’s balcony so she can belt out her “Let it Go” tune for the 564,493,206 time.  Also she has a bed and a book to read – it looks like it’s the Snow Queen.  I bet she didn’t like the reading there.  There’s probably a reason they named the villain after the original author.

On the top story there’s mostly just a seat and a torch.  Not sure how the torch doesn’t burn down the castle, but I guess it’s her magical powers and all that.  Anna has a torch to hold as well, in case she gets mad at Elsa and decides to test those magical powers.  Elsa was supposed to have a frozen scepter, though that got left out of the set.  Fortunately we have an extra arm for Olaf, more giant cookies, and other extras we didn’t need to make up for it.

Kristoff, Sven (he’s the reindeer), and my favorite sociopath, Prince Hans, are not in this set.  I hope they make another set soon so I can add them to my collection after Thing Two builds it for me.  Right now, the three have to play with Vadar whose head fell off and a Ninjago figure.  She does have some handcuffs, though, which will come in handy when we get a Hans figure.

Hope you enjoyed this review and be warned.  Legos are cool, but evil.

 

The Cold Does Bother Me Anyway

Things were going well.  I wasn’t sick all the time.  There were birds twittering in the trees and crap.

Then came . . . THE COLD.  And the birds froze and died and fell out of the trees.  Not really, they got the heck out of here, but I can’t because I live here.  I live in Texas, so it’s not as bad as Yankee weather.  I don’t understand how anyone can live up north without sacrificing themselves to a snow plow.  My father had a sophisticated term for this type of cold.  “Colder than a well-digger’s butt in Idaho”.  That is the ultimate in cold, though I have never been to Idaho, met a well-digger, or taken the temperature of his butt.

That's pretty darn cold right there.

My scientific chart

Let it snow, let it snow, MAKE IT STOP.  I hate that song, and the White Christmas song, and I hate snow.  Also ice.  And cold, did I mention that?  Partly I hate cold because it makes my lungs have seizures or something and then refuse to come out and play.  So it’s hard to breathe and I get sick easier.  This is partly why I haven’t posted in a while.  I am sorry about that.  You can go on living happily now.

I went to the doctor, but he said I just have a cold that has lasted since last Wednesday.  A cold – from the cold.  How nice.  This cold cold has stuffed up both my nostrils and my brain.  I can’t the think straight.  Thinking is not needed to write on my blog.  It is needed to work, so I’m not sure what I’m going to do about that.  I have to write a short bio on former slave Frederick Douglass for our exhibit.  This is what I have so far:

It's off to a good start.

It’s off to a good start.

Where was I?  Oh, yeah, the cold.  Did you know there are people who actually like this weather?  I knew one guy who did, and it’s a good thing he lived elsewhere cause this makes me angry.  Know what else does?  Elsa.  That’s right, the freaking snow queen from Disney’s Frozen.  I used to like her but now I’m starting to think she’s kind of a jerk.  Prancing around in a flimsy dress while everyone else freezes to death.  Real nice, Elsa.

Wheeee, snow!  Ice!  Car wrecks!  Pneumonia!

Wheeee, snow! Ice! Car wrecks! Pneumonia!

So I’m supposed to end this blog post with a kick or something.  But I got nothing but rambling.  So here were go.

Frederick Douglass

He lived.  It was cold.  He died.

The End

 

-Alice