Jacob’s Ladder

“All I want from tomorrow

Is to get it better than today.”

– “Jacob’s Ladder” – Huey Lewis and the News

 

Life is hard.  Like Math.  It’s just hard.  And when you add on extras to life, like depression and anxiety and asthma and whatever my next diagnosis might be (weird?) it gets harder.  Getting out of bed, knowing you have to get a teen and a pre-teen out of bed in the morning when you have a giant stone sitting on you, knowing there WILL be drama, knowing you will be exhausted from it before you even get to your actual job, knowing that is enough to make one not want to wake up in the morning.  This isn’t to say I want to literally climb Jacob’s ladder up to Heaven right this minute (Is there a downward ladder?  I hope not in my case).  It’s just that I don’t do mornings.  Or afternoons.  It’s that I want a break.  From life.

But you don’t get breaks.  Even if you do, you know it’s temporary.  The job waits, the kids wait, the husband waits, the bills wait.  Well sometimes the bills get all uppity and don’t wait and go to those nice, friendly collection people who offer me discounts if I pay, whereas if I paid on time I would not get a discount.  I’m not sure what lesson they are teaching us here.

In the movie Office Space, exhausted office worker Peter says, “So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.”  Ever feel that way?  I’m 38, which means that I’m looking around another 30 years or so before I can retire, and that’s if I even CAN retire.  Saying I live that long and don’t die at my desk.  I don’t have a cubicle.  I wish I did because then people wouldn’t see me and ask me for stuff like books and crap.

Hello, Peter, my old friend.

Hello, Peter, my old friend.

Still you have to keep going, and you can’t look too far ahead.  It’s too scary.  That’s why I like this song by Huey Lewis, “Jacob’s ladder”.

Step by step, one by one

Higher and higher

Step by step, rung by rung

Climbing Jacob’s Ladder

Rung by rung, day by day, hour by hour sometimes.  Just get through it.

I’m just another fallen angel

Trying to get through the night

Oh and the nights are the worst, when everyone else is asleep and there you are just racing in your hamster wheel – the one in your head anyway.  Your body just sits, or sits and taps a foot or a leg or just plain vibrates.  I can only hope I burn calories when I do this.  Thinking about tomorrow, and what I’ll have to do.

All I want from tomorrow

Is to get it better than today

That’s it.  That’s all I can do.  Make another day, and hope the next one is better than the last.  And maybe it will be.  It’s that hope that keeps you climbing.  Step by step.  Rung by rung.

Higher and higher.

 

 

 

Advertisements

9 responses

  1. It’s funny isn’t it, how so many of us go to bed wide awake and toss and turn and are unable to get to sleep, and then in the morning when we wake up (whether we’re woken by an alarm or wake naturally) we feel tired and groggy and just want to go back to bed. There’s been a serious shift with the whole body clock thing and it doesn’t seem to work properly anymore for too many people.

    Of course, a huge bunch of folks will blame modern technology for this. I blame capitalism – if we didn’t have to go to work to earn money to pay the bills and buy food to eat and to live, then life would be somewhat more in tune with nature.

    1. That’s an interesting comment, and it made me think of an article I read recently about our past as a species. Apparently, we aren’t wired to sleep 8 hours in a row, and it’s only been in the last couple hundred years that that’s become the norm for civilization. Before that, we would sleep four hours, wake up for a couple hours, and then sleep another four. Some people are going back to this as a treatment for their insomnia, going to bed with the sun, and waking again with the sun, with a few hours in between awake.
      Apparently we used to do this every night– with whole communities up in the middle of the night, socializing, eating, talking, whatever.

  2. The idea of living in my body for another 20-30 years does not appeal to me. So…yeah…step by step. let’s hope for a better tomorrow.

  3. I can empathize Alice. I too have a plethora of medical issues and you lose hope after a while. That being said, every now and then I get recharged from an unexpected experience and that little bit helps me to be grateful. In this case, it was a doctor’s appt at the hospital and I actually wrote a post about it over at Willowdot21 https://willowdot21.wordpress.com/2015/01/17/if-we-were-having-coffee-jan-182015-guest-post/#comment-20888

    Keep up the faith Alice.

  4. Me too. Like Paul, I have a plethora of medical problems. Sometimes I look at the handful of pills I have to take morning and night and wonder whether it will be disease or treatment that kills me first.
    But there’s always hope. Always.

  5. Yep, some days, weeks and months, life just sucks, plain and simple. Thank goodness for Jacob’s ladder.

  6. Sounds like time for better drugs. Or maybe Botox. That way no one will see the true look on your face.

  7. You know, this is the 21st century. We should have had Jacob’s escalator by now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: