21 Days of Gratitude: 3 in 1 Blow

Get it? Thanksgiving = gratitude? Also Squanto was hot.

So I’ve fallen behind in my gratitude stuff, blah blah, bite me.  I’m determined to get through every one of these (aren’t you happy?)  Let’s see, what was Day 3?

Day 3: Write about something you feel grateful for in your life today.

I just know what some people would write here.  God.  I’m grateful to God cause like I exist and He hasn’t started another flood in spite of the Tea Party, etc etc.  You know what I think?  Total cop out there.  Don’t get me wrong – I have nothing against God at all.  I just have something against people who feel they constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY, have to tell everyone how much they love Him.  It’s sort of like the guy who is always going on and on about how wonderful and perfect and speshul his wife is.  If he’s been married to her over 24 hours, I’m looking for the girl in the closet.

Note: You show love for people (and the god you worship) in how you LIVE not just in what you SAY.  That being said, I’m so so grateful for my readers!  You guys are awesome!  Even the spambots!

(cough) Cop out.

Okay, fine, that’s a no-brainer too.  Obviously I’m grateful for my readers.  Just like I’m grateful for my Things – especially when they are hilarious and clever and, at times, out of my hair.  So I need to use my noggin to come up with something different.  And I did.  Not only that, it takes out two days of gratitude with one stone!

Day 4: Write a short message of thanks for some of the “negative” things in your life.

I didn’t put the quotes around negative.  What do they mean by “negative”?  Are we talking “dog doo on the shoe” vs “terrorist attack” or what?  Nevermind.  I found something that answers what I’m grateful for even though it’s a definite negative (no quotes needed).

I am grateful for E.L. James.

WhyAlicewhywhywhywhy someonegetadoctorsheslostitforgoooood!

No, I’m serious.  I am thankful, in the negative, for her because if she hadn’t written such crappy books, I would not have been compelled to make 1,000 posts mercilessly mocking them (and her) and so would not have been noticed by someone else mocking her (Speaker 7 – rest her soul) and would not have gotten my hilarious, inspiring readers.  Which I really am grateful for, along with God (please don’t strike me down).

Okay, so 3 and 4 are done and now we’re on day 5.  Hurrah.

Day 5: Take five minutes to write about how grateful you are for all of the wonderful things that you currently have in your life.  Don’t long for what you can’t possess-instead, take stock of all the blessings you already enjoy.

I’m watching you, Alice.

Five minutes?  Am I supposed to time myself, cause I type pretty fast.  Also, has anyone else noticed that this is getting a bit repetitive?  How many times do I need to be grateful for the same things?  And another thing – notice that grateful is not spelled like “great” but like “grate” which is something that like covers vents and stuff?  I always have to hit spell check on that one to make sure I’m right.  Maybe not after this exercise.

I also considered that this would be a good way to show off to other people, especially if you post these suckers on Facebook or something.  For example:

I’m grateful for my 1,000 inch flat screen TV, my XBOX 7500, my 5 million buckaroos in the bank, my handsome and virile husband, my perfect straight A, gorgeous, athletic children, the LORD, my house in Malibu, Ronald Reagan, brown paper packages tied up in string, kittens, and the less fortunate people (ie the rest of you) because you make me feel superior.  Amen.

I could do that, but I won’t.  I, Alice, am thankful for all the wonderful things in my life (how long have I been writing now?) like fuzzy socks, electric blankets, and those family and friends I live with and chat with (like my Wonder Twin!) and all that stuff.  And also my FABULOUS READERS who will most definitely leave me lots of comments now.

Alice.