Oooh, oooh, I can’t decide!!!
I was so filled with happy when I got to Facebook; this morning and discovered it was National Grammar Day. A day two celebrate a dying art! I know I tried and use the proper grammaticals each day cause I majors in it when I were in that they’re college and it promotes the dental hygiene did you know some peeps dont understand grammers? And that them peeps, be all over that Internetz? Like OMG its true! One has to asks, “Is our children learning? Well, is they???”
Putting eyeballs on your letters makes you look more professional. Also little hearts in every i.
So just four you’re information Im gonna give grammer rules so you not be looking like no fool. Here goes!
1. Don’t worry about (your / you’re), (their / they’re / there), or (its / it’s). There interchangeable! I know I see it all the time on the internetz.
2. If unsure, just throw in, a comma, or two, or even a semicolon; cause it makes you, look smart?
3. When in a hurry just forget about using punctuation at all cause it only slows you down and their are things to do and places to go and people to kill and we aint got time fo dat you know what I mean right
4. It is always “Sam and I” no matter where those words go in the sentence. Always. For instance, Barack Obama gave Ebola to Sam and I.
The correct way to say it is “Barack Obama gave Ebola to the entire universe and I.”
5. Bloggy is not a word and never will be ever ever ever ever. So stop.
6. Ignore that squiggly lines that appear under you’re words when you types. Their just for decoration!!!
7. Grammar Nazis first appeared in World War II and tortured Jews by inventing lots of random rules four how to write and say stuff but they were German so we dont have to use thems.
8. If you screw up a word enough times it will appear in the dictionary the way you screwed it up! So just keep on keepin’ on.
Forget grammar texts, just try 50 Shades of Grey!
9. English is a mystical language that not even English teachers understand they just pretend they do so they look smart dont listen!!!
10. If you’re grammars still not gooder after reiding this, you can always get a career as a spammer. Example:
Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your post seem to be running offf tthe screen in Safari.
I’m nott sure iff this is a format issue or something to do with web browser compatibility but I thought I’d post tto let you know.
The style and design look gret though! Hope you get the problem fixed soon. Kudos
Your welcome!
And one more speshul one for the road:
11. Alice often uses grammar incorrectly. She does this on purpose. It is called stylistic writing and means she is hipster not dumb. Someone tell her mom.
Any other grammar rules you’d like people to follow? Or maybe forget? Let me know in the comments below!
aliceatwonderland 
While reading this, I had that small itch inside my body that made me cringe and feel extremely uncomfortable. It’s amazing what grammar can do for us.
I feel that itch almost every day. Especially if you read one of those local ancient newspapers, and they make an obvious grammatical or spelling error in THE HEADLINE. I could see missing one in the body, but the headline is like an inch tall! Arghhh.
Brilliant, Alice! Thanks for these tips. 🙂
Anytime! Be sure not to use them! Or much of anything else I write!
I love #8.
It IS true and it drives me nuts. Like oh people kept goofing it up so we changed it. Like so then if people keep running stop signs we’ll just take them down? What kind of crazy world is this? I had to memorize it, so those punks will have to memorize it too. At one point I had a word processor that decided that you no longer had to double the ending letter if you put “ing” at the end. For example: kidnapping becomes kidnaping (kid-nape-ing). That just sounds so wrong, kidnaping, I mean worse than kidnapping.
Well, I trust human linguistic evolution over computer arbitrariness (?) for starters. I think language does evolve and that there is room for common sense/understanding over severe prescription. I break rules all the time, but, as they say, you should know the rules first before you’re allowed to break them.
Merriam-Webster site posts good short videos on these things. (One of their lexicographers, Corey Stamper, also writes a smart, funny blog.) Check out the one on “irregardless” and lose your mind.
Bwahaha.
Inside jokes are the best jokes, WT!
Your the best…you’re the best…you be the best? I be so confused. Tongue in cheek. Happy grammar day from one with imperfect grammar.
You can bet that if my mother ever read any of my posts, she’d be there with the red pen. She’s an English major too, but her grammar be much better than mine be. As she so often reminds me.
PS…my friend swears that proper grammar stops us from cannibalism. Let’s eat grandma…oldies but goodies.
I love that one. Let’s eat grandma! Aieeee! Also misplaced modifiers are fun. Like when EL James describes idiotface Christian’s tie and his hair and makes it sound like his tie is covered in furry red hair. I love those.
I know you were doing this to be funny but I have to confess I sat here twitching while I read this.
I may now need therapy. (And I too would read a newspaper with a red biro in hand if I owned a red biro.)
Oh, totally, it made me twitch to write it and I had to go back over things to make sure I didn’t get them accidentally write, er right.