The News According to Facebook

Before I start this post, I’d just like to say this new editor sucks. Seriously sucks.  And now I can’t find where to go back to the old one anymore.  WordPress, you suck. Where the hell is the old editor?  If I see one more boop beep bop I’m gonna blow.

Okay, done – for now, saying this post even posts since it’s on this new stupid editor arghhhhhhhh.

Okay, so I don’t watch the news much because it is really depressing and stupid, and I get enough of that in real life.  Also in fiction, seeing as authors, even kid authors, have decided to kill off main plot characters for funsies.  Like, what the hell is that about authors?  It’s not dramatic, it’s just being a jerk to your readers.  I mean, sure, you gotta kill a few off but that’s what red shirts are for – you know, the guys on Star Trek that they took down on the away teams to alien planets who were not listed in the opening credits so you knew they were gonna die?  Put in more of those guys.  Fiction is for escape, not further punishment.  Make a note.  Try something funny for once, for God’s sake.

Yes, I own this shirt.

Yes, I own this shirt.

But back to the news, right, that’s what I was talking about.  Because it’s way weirder than any fiction.

I only see news on Facebook since I’m on there chatting with people.  Suffice it to say, it’s an even weirder way to get news since I”m only getting what Facebook considers trending news.  It might be as bad as what Fox News considers trending.  Speaking of Fox, number one trending news item today (I swear I’m not making up the order or anything here):

Facebook news, now with more Cookie Monster

Facebook news, now with more Cookie Monster

Rand Paul: Kentucky senator formally announces 2016 Presidential Run.

– Oh, goody.  Is there some way I can just take a sleeping pill and wake up when the election is over?  Cause it’s already getting painful.  By the way, it’s Rand, not Ron his dad, though both are Libertarians disguised as Republicans and as we all know the Libertarian party is best represented by a unicorn, according to my other news source, blogger List of X.  Still, he’s a better choice than Cruz who has a Hispanic name so boo-yah, the Repubs have a ethnic!  Just kidding, he’s white.

Elmwood Park, New Jersey: 100 year old man killed wife with an ax in murder – suicide, officials say.

– Is it wrong that the first thing I thought of upon reading this headline was – wow, he can swing an ax at 100?  That’s pretty darn impressive.

Burger King: Company to pay for wedding of man named Burger and woman named King.

– Yeah, really, this is what came after the murder-suicide.  I wonder if the wedding will be catered with burgers and fries and officiated by that creepy Burger King mascot.  I would love to go to that wedding.

I now pronounce you Burger and King - may I tickle the bride?

I’m available for baptisms too!

Sebastian Inlet State Park: Photo purportedly shows bobcat dragging shark on Florida beach

No word on whether the bobcat is planning on a 2016 presidential run, but he has my vote.

And finally . . .

Marilyn Manson Musician reportedly hit in face after argument at Denny’s.

What happens at Denny’s, stays at Denny’s.  Unless you are Marilyn Manson, who may also be planning a 2016 Presidential run.  I wonder if he ordered the Grand Slam?

Okay enough news for today!  Got any good stories of your own?  Or a way out of this BLASTED EDITOR?  Where’s a good bobcat when you need one?

25 responses

  1. If you go to your dashboard and open up your lists of posts you can sometimes use the old editor. Sometimes it magically happens for me, sometimes not. I, too, hate the new editor and was irked when they took away the option to go “classic” aka usable.

    1. Yeah I couldn’t even get to my dashboard this time and went ahead and published so I wouldn’t lose the damn post. Didn’t they learn from Coke that classic is best? Idiots.

      I wonder if I could swing an ax at 100.

      1. If you could, swing it at WordPress’ beep boop bop.

  2. 100-year-old murderer? If I put that in a novel, I’d get accused of being too far-fetched!

    In terms of your editor, someone reblogged this recently. Maybe it will help you:

    1. I know, right? It doesn’t really surprise me he went for the wife – imagine how tlong they were married. I mean after 16 years I”m . . . really a sick puppy. Thanks for the link, I’ll try it.

  3. Yeah…beep beep boop. That along with the fact that someone does a murder suicide at 100 years old proves something in the universe is demented.

    1. Yes, and it’s not just me! I might have to actually read that article to find out what happened. I mean, was it Geritol related? Who knows?

  4. Hmmm, sounds like facebook news has all the important topics covered. I lived in a bedroom community for about 8 years (a suburb with only homes and no businesses). There must have been about 20,000 people living in the neighbor hood. The power lines were all underground which meant we seldom lost power even in the worst of storms. One cold and clear night, the power went out for 8 hours, which had never before happened. It turned out that a squirrel had gotten into a control box and had accidentally shorted the main power line by chewing on it. I don’t know what the squirrel’s last will and testament said with regards to final wishes but needless to say the poor squirrel was cremate in situ. May the squirrel rest in peace (I think he was a red-short squirrel).

    Anyway, my point is that I scoured facebook for this news and they didn’t report it – can you believe it? It destroyed my faith in facebook – I mean after all what could be more important than a fried squirrel?

    1. This just shows that the media is liberally biased as they won’t show a report on an electrocuted red-shirted squirrel, but will report on bobcats and sharks.

      1. Media ratbastards.

        1. I say we form the Red-Shirted Squirrel Defense Fund.

          1. I’ll start a campaign on Facebook. People will join anything there.

  5. And now, Alice, you have returned the favor and became the source of news for me.
    Which probably also means that I should get back to the habit of writing stuff. I am so out of it that I don’t even know what this beep boop poop editor people keep talking about.

    1. The editor seemed a little different to me the other day, but I just assumed I’d been away so long I’d forgotten how it works.

      1. You really should get back to the news, because with this election season (that’s only been going on 7 years now) in full force, we need a good comedian / reporter. I can hardly wait to see who the GOP nominates next. Too bad about the squirrel Paul reported – he managed to knock out power for hours. That proves he has the ability to go mess up another country, which is what makes the USA so famous.

      2. I’ve been away myself, but last I was here there was a way to go back to “classic” ie workable mode. They will probably change it for a while, then change right back, so you will continually think it’s just you. Through the looking glass, my friend.

      3. That must be it. I’ve noticed some changes, but I still have no idea what this boop-tee-bop is.

        1. It does that boop tee bop stuff while it’s waiting to get you to the screen where the sucky editor is located. No idea why.

  6. “New Study: alcohol consumption while pregnant can lead to birth defects and other complications…” This isn’t a joke. I actually saw this and scratched my head after.

    1. NEW study? Were these people locked in the 1970s or something? Then again they still write warnings not to stick curling irons into any orifice, so who knows?

  7. Which more accurately captures the decline of Marilyn Manson, being hit in the face or being at Denny’s?

    1. I’d have to say Denny’s. Though they do have some great french toast.

  8. So I’m the only one who kinda likes the new WP editor?

  9. Time I wrote a new post so I can sympathise with the torture.

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