Facebook News with Alice: Alyssa Milano and the case of the stolen breast milk

I was chatting with my old pal Merbear and her hubs when Mer noticed another IMPORTANT NEWS ARTICLE on Facebook.  Apparently Alyssa Milano was getting on an airplane and someone confiscated her breastmilk.  OMG.  STOP THE PRESSES.  This is Alyssa Milano, people, and clearly they did not recognize that she was, HELLO, on that show with the witches that lasted like dozens of seasons somehow AND “Who’s the Boss” back in the 1980s.  I remember the episode where she picked out her first training bra with a pink bow.  And now here we are, coming full circle back to the boobs.

Just WAIT till Twitter is invented, Dad.

Just WAIT till Twitter is invented, Dad.

And there are several boobs here, as you’ll soon see.  Now I’m not going into a breast vs bottle debate or breastfeeding in public or any of those other first world problems we have going on around here cause I like to keep this a lactivist-free zone.  I’m also not arguing that it was not incredibly moronic to take breast milk, even if the rules do say take away liquids cause once a terrorist once tried to use liquid to blow up a plane.  I mean, it’s breast milk, and I highly doubt it carries explosives.  If so, I have to say I’d be very impressed and much more keen to call breastfeeding a true “super power”.

I don’t know the exact airport guidelines for liquids anymore, and I didn’t want to look it up, especially since a lot of airline personnel also don’t really get the guidelines either.  They’re just doing their jobs, which, like most jobs, make no common sense.  I mean, it’s not like terrorists get together in little conventions every few months and share their tips and strategies.

Todd, I'm tellin' ya, put the stuff in breast milk.  They'll never suspect!

Todd, I’m tellin’ ya, put the stuff in breast milk. They’ll never suspect!

Terrorist One: Hey, man, I heard this dude hid a razor in his shoe and hijacked an airline. 

Terrorist Two: Cool stuff.  Let’s do that from now on.  They will never suspect a thing!

Still, we take our shoes off at the airport because, well, maybe some terrorists really are that stupid and by golly, we are going to catch them.  As well as a lot of irritated people just trying to make their flights, like say little boys whose names happen to be on the no-fly list.

But that’s the thing – it’s an irritation.  The truth is that we really don’t know how to fully prevent terrorists cause they tend to change their strategies like the little sneaks they are, but people want you to do something, so you do what you know.  And it bugs people.  But it has yet, to my knowledge, caused anyone to say starve to death or go without medical care.

Whoops, did I forget Alyssa?  God forbid.  Now I don’t blame her for being ticked that someone took her special milk.  I mean, she pumped that stuff from her own bod, and it was for her bay-bee and they just, like took it.  That bites.  I could see writing a nasty letter to the airport.  Or griping about it to friends.  Starting a twitter campaign that is then picked up by SEVERAL media outlets . . . not so much.

It's only a matter of time before baby is on twitter too.

It’s only a matter of time before baby is on twitter too.

My friends and I pondered in our hearts about Alyssa’s problem.  First off, we admitted that we had no idea she even had a baby – talk about OUT OF THE LOOP.   We worried for poor Alyssa’s baby.  It’s not like Alyssa can make more of that stuff, like it just comes right out of her boobs or . . . wait.  But that’s not the point.  The point is that Alyssa Milano’s breast milk is a special commodity, probably made from sparkly unicorn dust.  Which means they likely didn’t use it as creamer in the tea or coffee they offer.  I bet they sold it on Ebay!  You know someone would buy it.  But only with a certificate of authenticity.  When you buy actress breastmilk, you want to make sure it’s gonna make your baby spoiled, entitled, and rich.  What if, say, you got Lady Gaga’s milk instead?  I shudder to think of it.

Here’s a snippet from an actual article from USA Today:

The actress, who is mom to son Milo Thomas, 3, and 7-month-old daughter Elizabella Dylan, tweeted that 10 ounces of her breast milk had been confiscated. “Gone,” she said. “Not okay.”

And even worse, apparently it was thrown away.

OMG the HORROR.  So they didn’t sell it on Ebay.  What a waste.  Poor Elizabella.  She’s already confused about her name, now her food’s gone.  Another article stated:

Alyssa Milano: The airport took my breast milk.

Am I the only one who thought of that movie line?  Dingos ate mah ba-by!  Now that’s some news right there.  If dingos got Alyssa’s baby, I would be very concerned.  Especially if she was on an airline at the time.  Maybe the airports should stop playing with breast milk, and start keeping an eye out for dingos.

Cause you just never know what could be the next trending news.

 

 

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31 responses

  1. TSA rules specifically say that milk for babies is okay. SOMEBODY OVERSTEPPED THEIR AUTHORITY!

        1. Alyssa will be thrilled to have you on her side. You guys should tweet.

  2. “lactivist-free zone”—Ha, loved that line.

    And no, you are not the only one who thought of ‘The dingos ate my baby.’ I don’t even remember the movie that dingo line came from, only the line itself. Such a classic.

    1. Me neither, but it is fun. A dingo eating an actress’s baby would definitely deserve an angry twitter campaign. Of course there would be people defending the dingo too. And it’d go on and on.

      1. I just hope they didn’t have to confiscate the breast milk inside her ‘natural’ containers. That could take a while. (Sorry, that was gross.)

        We have a little saying in peds:
        “Breast milk is the perfect food. It’s always the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can’t get into it.”

        Aren’t we hilarious?

        1. Ha, lol. Yeah my kids had formula, and it was always the right temperature cause they didn’t really care. Also Daddy got to get up and feed them at night without me pumping myself. Win win.

          1. I was fed formula. I think I turned out okay. Though my kids might not agree.

          2. Lol. I turned out okay too – well, in a relative sense. I doubt the magic boobie elixir would have helped most of my issues.

  3. Cutter is right – breast milk is allowed and so are medications. I had to travel across the continent by plane and I needed to take some medication with me. It was refrigerated and had to be kept in a freezer bag with ice in transit. The hospital gave me a transit bag and ice and the medication. I was worried and insisted that they supply me with an explanatory letter on hospital letterhead signed by a doctor. So they did. Come the day to travel I reached the front of the security line and before they could asked, explained that I was carrying medication. They waved me through. I wanted to show them inside the freezer bag and they didn’t want to see. I waved the letter and they didn’t want to read it. They shooed me along. i was quite incensed. All that worrying and not even a nibble. The same thing happens when I go fishing (as in with a hook and line in a boat) as well. Not a nibble.

    1. Yeah I wasn’t really arguing that it was wrong to send breast milk along. I pointed out that it was a stupid decision on the part of the airport. I just thought it was dumb to make that big of a deal out of it, as if the world were ending. #firstworldproblems

  4. Her daughter’s middle name is Dylan… is that really a unisex name? Cuz if not I’m thinking rather than take away her titty juice they really should take away her breeding capabilities.

    1. Me too. Elizabella is the best one though. Is it Elizabeth or Isabella? It’s both!

      1. At least it’s obviously a girl name. I just don’t have much respect for ol’ Alyssa since she started hawking the hair care shit that’s really just overpriced conditioner.

        1. But IT CHANGED HER LIFE and she just wants to help us little people! I bet the airport took her conditioner too, those bastards!

          1. Yeah, ok… Sorry, I just can’t get that excited about this, not when there are legitimate issues going on that impact more than a single spoiled actress.

          2. Ding ding ding and you win the prize for realizing the whole point of my post! Yay!

          3. If a TSA agent took titty juice from you or me no one would give two shits about it. (well, they might if it came from me, given the whole anti-breeder thing) So why in the everloving fuck should we care that it happened to her?

            Sorry, moving on…

  5. You are so funny. I didn’t Alyssa had a babe, either. And why do we keep taking our shoes off?! Thanks for the laughs.

    1. Thanks for reading, Amy. Haven’t seen ya in a while. How ya doing? Any trending news? 😀

      1. Oh, a tough time actually. I really did need this laugh. So, thanks Alice. 🙂

  6. Of course TSA was right to confiscate it. Don’t you realize that 99% of people who became terrorists started out by drinking breast milk?

    1. By GOD, you’re right. But what about the terrorists who had formula?

  7. Tom and I were cracking up. LOL

    1. That was too much fun! And lookie, we made a post!

  8. The problem was probably that she didn’t have the baby with her. I’ve heard these sorts of complaints for ten years. Maybe Alyssa can drum up some publicity to get stupid rules changed for the benefit of business traveling moms. It’s at least add important as Ashton Kutchner’s campaign for public restroom changing table equality.

    1. Apparently yeah she didn’t have the baby with her, but they would only let her take the milk if she had the baby with her, because Catch-22 airport rules. But I just don’t see it as being THAT important she make such a mess about it. For one thing, I think the rules actually do state that they can bring the milk onboard, so that guy just screwed up, thus no need to change the rules. As for the diaper changing tables – more of those would have been nice, but I learned to adjust with my kids. How is it that big a deal really, in light of so many other issues? Still sounds very first-world to me.

      And Ashton could like, build some hospitals or something instead of whining about changing tables. But that’s just me.

  9. I saw the complaints too – silly woman. And if she’s not got the bairn with her, why carry around extra boob juice? Common sense – it’s clearly not for idiots or actresses!

    1. I guess she wanted to save it instead of squirtin’ it out? Or whatever. I have no idea as I was an evil formula feeder. 😀

      1. I think breast milk needs to be kept in the fridge if it’s not being stored in the boobs. I think I was fed a combination. My sister fed her girls formula and her boy got some boob juice but mainly formula. All three are perfectly healthy and my eldest niece is one of the brainiest kids in her year. You do what is best for your situation.

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