I have to say, guys, I am on a roll here with this Facebook news. All this time I had no idea some of this news was even happening, since I seem to keep missing TLC’s weird shows in the line up. I’m always in time for the wedding shows. How many times can they talk about a wedding dress? There’s not much humor there. Oh, look, today we have some moron with more money than sense (or with parents who qualify) taking an entourage of people with her to find a dress for her wedding day. And the dresses MUST start at like 10,000 dollars or you might as well wear a garbage bag. And it’s important to have both the dress shop owners AND your family members repeatedly insult you about your choices – like an episode of Maury only with more fashion. This is not at all like what happened on the last 1,000 episodes.
Dress: 1 bazillion dollars
Credit Card Bill: Priceless
And since this is obviously so fascinating, TLC must have dozens of shows about the exact same thing – wedding dresses. And then they must show them in a marathon. Until your brain bleeds. Really, TLC, I have more important stuff to watch. Like shows about the lady with Freddie Krueger nails and the eternal Santa Claus looking for love. Or all those zany mishaps ending people up in the ER. Or the baby powder snorters. And of course there are the baby-making shows. Either shows about who can pop out the most kids, how many babies they can fit inside them at one time like a gumball machine, what size those kids are (if you can do it with average size adults, it can be done with little people too), how the kid was born in a forest or a car or on the sidewalk beside a daycare (all true), or how people can have twins without even knowing they are pregnant. I’m not sure if the one about the mom and her teen being preggers at the same time is still on, but it wouldn’t surprise me.
Speaking of fascinating births, we have our latest bit of Facebook news, and it is totally blowing Alyssa and her breastmilk out of the water, er plane.
Pregnancy Over 50: 65-year-old Berlin Schoolteacher Pregnant with Quadruplets
Wow. What can I say except – hey, Americans, you are totally letting us down here. We have to go to Berlin to find someone this whacked out crazy. I mean getting pregnant with quads is weird enough, but when you’re eligible for social security? And you already have 13 children, the oldest of which is 44 and too old for having babies herself?
No problem, I feel like I’m 55 again!
I try to peer into the mind of someone like this. Why would you want another baby at that age? She has 7 grandchildren. Those are the best. Take ’em for a while, give them loud, obnoxious toys and fill them with sweets, then send the home. Yet she wants more of her own. Couldn’t she like, adopt some puppies? People don’t frown if you occasionally put those in a kennel. Or baby dolls! They have lifelike ones and I’ve seen some people on TLC who drag them along in real strollers like actual children which is whack, but not as whack as four real babies at 65. Saying they all survive. There seems to be a contest for people to have the most babies at one time so they can score reality shows and stock in Huggies. But the thing is, we aren’t dogs. We’re people. We’re not actually meant to have litters. Technically, even a twin pregnancy is high risk. So – someone needs to take away this lady’s access to baby-making tools before she and all her children are in diapers together.
There were a lot of comments on this article. Some say she is selfish since she’ll probably die and leave the babies without an insane mother. I say she wants her 15 minutes of fame. And guess what? She’s got it! If she can just toast those babies a few more months in there, she could get a reality show for sure. Move over Kate plus 8. We’ve got Geriatrics plus 17. Three more and she could outdo Michelle Duggar, who only has 19 of the little buggers. Maybe she could get married too – she’d need a wedding dress! And if she married a little person, our story would be complete. As long as they make sure she has the quads out in the woods or something.
This is Alice, your Facebook reporter, signing off.
Dear Lord Alice – you have once again risked life and limb reporting this astounding news to us – your ever eager reading public. Occasionally TLC will follow one of those spoiled brats (i.e. brides) through to their wedding day. I saw one rich b**ch recently who sent to Italy for the glassware for her wedding. When it arrived she didn’t like it and there wasn’t time to re-order, so she went to Italy and shopped and returned with her glassware. This same girl wore – get this – $10,000 diamond eyelash clips. She was complaining because they were too heavy to leave on for the reception. Her mother found a reception hall that was big enough but she didn’t like he color of the carpet, so she paid to have the carpet changed.
As for the pregnant 65 year old – blech!
Holy batcrap, Batman. How did you make it through that episode without vomiting? Who cares about glassware? I got some in my wedding, and it sits in my mother’s china cabinet cause like who is coming to my house, the Pope? And it was like just plain old American glass. And 10,000 diamond eyelash clips? Just – damn lady, have you heard of mascara? Then just sprinkle some diamond dust on yourself. Or something. It’d have to be cheaper. And changing the color of the reception hall carpet . . . it would have been hilarious if someone had spilled a lot of wine on the floor. Just imagine when THIS woman has a baby. There will be a planned C-section with 20 attendants ready to wrap baby in a blanket made of golden thread. And just imagine if someone took HER breastmilk, that she bought from a famous actress. Alyssa Milano, move over! Oh, what am I saying. She’ll probably pay someone else to have the baby, then hound the poor person till she flees the country.
The pregnant grandma seems kinda tame now. Maybe I should check out that wedding show. I do remember one where the brides all checked out each others’ weddings and bitched about how awful they were. Also there’s gypsy brides, so you can insult an entire culture while playing with gaudy, Vegas style gowns. Thank goodness for Facebook and TLC. Amen.
Yeah, there are some sad stories out there – i forgot t mention that the B**ch had 2 wedding dresses and spent over $20 K (She had this super huge ornate main dress and then another for the reception – no way she could dance in the main dress.)
Two wedding dresses? (facepalm) I guess the first one had a 20 foot train like Princess Diana’s. Are you sure they weren’t talking about Kim Kardashian?
Watch the marriage last like 1 year and they go through the entire process again. The groom is, after all, just an accessory.
I’m just impressed that as a schoolteacher, she’s not yet sick enough of children to have four more.
And hopefully those 4 children don’t grow up to demand their mother to pay for their $10,000 wedding dresses.
Yeah, no kidding. I was actually an Education major for a while before I realized I didn’t like most children. Yet she’s still teaching – why??? Can you really afford that many procedures on a teacher’s salary?
I hope, personally, they all expect 10,000 dollar wedding dresses, especially if Mom / Grandma gets a reality show for this.
Holy hell, what the everloving FUCK??? I didn’t want any babies and I made that decision at 35, I cannot even begin to fathom being pregnant at 65, let alone pregnant with a damn litter of babies! Dammit, I need a nap now. I’m tired just thinking about it.
I know! What the hell? Wouldn’t it be funny if it turned out to be an actual litter of real puppies? That I’d tune in for, cause it’d be awesome.
I might pay to see that, but only $1.
Having twins at age 37 was harrowing. That woman is beyond nuts.
She must have had IVF to get pregnant in the first place. What fool medic gave the OK on that? Sheesh… Not forgetting that there are oodles of kids out there in the world who need good homes because their parents aren’t able to cope for whatever reason (there’s a serious shortage of adoptive parents here in the UK) and then all the kids in the developing countries who will be lucky to make it past their first birthday, never mind their 5th. Some people really don’t have any brains at all, do they?
Her brain is in her uterus. Which someone remove for crying out loud!