Monthly Archives: May, 2015

Disney Mother’s Day

The Disney princesses aren’t exactly wild about Mother’s Day . . .

But Muuuum, I don't want to go shopping!  Girls, doncha understand?

But Muuuum, I don’t want to go shopping! Girls, doncha understand?

Our Moms are all dead.  THANKS DISNEY!

Our Moms are all dead. THANKS DISNEY!

Ummm, my mum was a bear once?  Errr, awkward.

Ummm, my mum was a bear once? Errr, awkward.

Happy Mother’s Day – for all who have lost their moms, and all those who still have them.

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La la la la la bomb-a!

On the way to work this morning, I was listening to La Bamba on the radio and, as usual, singing along even though I not only don’t really know what he’s singing about in English, I don’t understand for sure what Spanish words he is singing.  And then I thought, hey, why don’t I try to translate this song despite not knowing what the heck I’m doing in either language?  After years of Spanish and English, I could make so many teachers cry silently at once.

Come on, Vamanos.  Everybody let’s go!

What are we doing? We don't know!  What are we doing?  We don't know!

What are we doing? We don’t know! What are we doing? We don’t know!

Spanish version (Espanol, muchachos!  Yo rock-o!)

La la la la la la bamba!

La la la la la la bamba!

Necesito un poco de gracia

Una poca de gracia

A mi fatia

Arriba, arriba!

Arriba arriba por ti dicen

Por ti dicen

I think she missed a few steps

I think she missed a few steps

(next verse, I’m worse than the first!)

Yo no soy no dinero

Yo no soy no dinero

Soy capitan

Soy capitan, soy capitan

La la bamba

La la bamba

La la bamba

La bamba

AliceisthebestatSpanishevah!

AliceisthebestatSpanishevah!

(repeat lines a few more times, no one will notice, they’re still singing “bamba bamba”)

Bamba bamba

Bamba bamba

Bamba bamba

Bamba bamba

And now to make you cringe even more, here comes my English translation! 

English version – Yay yay yay dumb Anglos!

The the the the the bomb!

The the the the the bomb!

I need a little thanks

A little thanks

My favorite

Yay yay!

Yay yay for your talking

For your talking!

(He wanting thanks for making the bomb, or for defusing it?  Yay yay!)

Arriba, arriba!

Arriba, arriba!

I don’t have any money

I don’t have any money

I am the captain

I am the captain

The the  bomb!

The the bomb!

The the bomb!

The bomb!

Stop, por favor, Alice.

Stop, por favor, Alice.

Bomb bomb!

Bomb bomb!

Bomb bomb!

Bomb bomb!

(I’m guessing at this point the bomb blows up thus ending the song?  Maybe if he wasn’t a broke captain, he could have stopped the bomb, which clearly was not defused.)

So what do you think?  Are you thinking I might have goofed up some of the lines?  Or rather accidentally gotten one or two right?  Who knows?  La la la la la bamba, amigos!

Lo siento, mi profesoras.

She's very sorry.  As she should be.

She’s very sorry. As she should be.

Alice (Alicia)

The Princesses of Disneyland County: Elsa Goes Evil

It’s been a while since I’ve visited this series, a series some say rivals the Lifetime network in nonsensical plotlines and use of plastic.  No nakey dolls here, though, so look for your sexy pony pics elsewhere.*  Anyway, I already introduced our main family, the Kristoferrsons, who include Kristoff, Anna, and their four kids.  I forget their names but one was named after the reindeer, Sven.

Obviously we have other princesses here, like Belle and the former Beast guy who is now not nearly as interesting, and their children, one of whom is a a little beastie herself.  Belle is stuck teaching not only children but a continuing education class for the princesses with stunted intellectual growth (it’s a full class).  Ariel and Eric have a beach-side house complete with pool and BBQ grill, but Eric is stuck on an all seaweed diet until he gets out to party with the other princes, who should never be allowed to watch their own children.  Aladdin and Flynn are great pals and love to have adventures that frequently force their wives to bail them out of jail.  When they feel like it.  But I digress.  I’m talking about Auntie Elsa today, the single I-don’t-need-a-man chick who is totally comfortable in her own skin.

Until she tried on Maleficent’s dress and went off the deep end.  Again.

Wow, I can't believe Mal sold her stuff to a thrift store.  Maybe I'll just try this thing on.

Wow, I can’t believe Mal sold her stuff to a thrift store. Maybe I’ll just try this thing on.

Ooh, I'm liking this.  Evil, yeah, I could totally do that.  Just for fun.

Ooh, I’m liking this. Evil, yeah, I could totally do that. Just for fun.  A few minutes, tops.

Riiise my snowman minions, rise!

Riiise my snowman minions, rise!

Bwahahahaha, now no one can stop me from taking over the suburbs!  I think I'll start with Anna's cul-de-sac!

Bwahahahaha, now no one can stop me from taking over the suburbs! I think I’ll start with Anna’s cul-de-sac!

Uh, Elsa, the people at the thrift store called and said you were kinda acting weird.  Again.

Uh, Elsa, the people at the thrift store called and said you were kinda acting weird. Again.

THIS is for sitting outside my bedroom for thirteen years!  I built snowmen, Anna, lots of 'em.  Now dieeeee!

THIS is for sitting outside my bedroom for thirteen years! I built snowmen, Anna, lots of ’em. Now dieeeee!

Elsa - you're just not yourself today.  Have you had your snickers?

Anna: Elsa – you’re just not yourself today. Have you had your snickers?                                                                          Elsa: That’s a granola bar.  Anna: Just freaking eat it.

Oh, whoa, I feel much better now.  Thanks, Anna!

Oh, whoa, I feel much better now. Thanks, Anna!

Good thing Anna saved the day, there.  Elsa is much better now, but banned from the thrift store.  Also the mall and the grocery store, but those are stories for another day.

Speaking of stories, is there anything you’d like to see the princesses do next?  What family would you like to see?  Do you want me to stop playing with my dolls?   Because my counselor says it’s okay as long as they don’t talk back to me.  Anyhoo, let me know what ya think.

Alice

*Sexy pony pics used to be a common search word on my blog.

Fun with Dolls: What was Elsa DOING behind that door all that time?

In case you missed it somehow, I dig that movie Frozen. The funny thing is, I’ve only watched it twice (I swear!  No word on how many times I’ve heard one of the songs).  I also love collecting the dolls along with my kids.  I got a new Elsa – she’s so fancy, everybody knows, cause she’s got a fancy outfit, and a fancy price.  But anyhoo, she’s also quite flexible if you TAKE HER OUT OF THE BOX.  I mean, really, what else do you buy and then just leave in the box forever?  I don’t get it.  You’re supposed to play with them.  Studies show that if more people just played with dolls, they wouldn’t be playing boom boom with guns and accidentally shooting their pals during drunken hunting trips.  Or becoming vice president.

But moving on.  Even if you haven’t seen the movie at all, you can’t help but know some of the songs because they are played over and over.  And over.  In one of them “Do you want to build a snowman?” Anna sits outside of her sister Elsa’s door for like thirteen years or so, asking her to come out and play.  Anna doesn’t take a hint easily.  Anyway, I was wondering if, while Anna was out there running around the castle aimlessly and banging on her door, or sitting at her door, or leaning up against her door, what was Elsa doing in her room?

Ohhh Ellllllsaaa, come out and plaaaay . . .

Ohhh Ellllllsaaa, come out and plaaaay . . .

Well it just so happens there was a hidden camera in her room (probably set there by a relative of that creeper Hans) that caught some of Elsa’s moves on camera.  Let’s check them out, shall we?

Elsa quite enjoyed coloring and writing letters to "Dear Abby".

Elsa quite enjoyed coloring and writing letters to “Dear Abby”.

Dear Abby:

My parents locked me in my room cause I have freezing powers and my little sister has spent the last decade slamming her body into my door and screaming at me to go play with her.  It was all her fault I froze her brain in the first place.  I’d thank you to please answer my letter this time instead of telling me to “please seek help”.  That’s why I WROTE you.  Jeez.

Elsa

She practiced Yoga for better control.

She practiced Yoga for better control.

Dear Abby:

I am trying to practice Yoga to help with my little problem.  I keep freezing my Yoga mat and slipping.  Also when I do headstands, the blood rushes to my head and and I get brain freeze.  Should I give it up?

Elsa

Elsa tries out gymnastics.

Elsa tried out gymnastics.

Dear Abby:

Gymnastics is really tough.  I can do a mean splits, but it doesn’t appear super elegant in my wool dress.  My parents will not buy me a leotard despite being a king and queen.  They are unfair, especially since they let Anna ride a bicycle through the house while standing up.  I heard her crash into the stairs the other day.

Elsa

Elsa tried out dancing.

Elsa tried out dancing.

Dear Abby

My parents went away on a two week trip, so I did a little dance.  It’s hard to dance in this dress.  I don’t dare go out, yet, because my sister just told me our parents mysteriously died in a shipwreck.  I don’t believe her.  I think she is possessed. 

Elsa

Elsa played with ponies

Elsa played with ponies

Dear Abby

I don’t actually play with ponies.  I am a collector.  I just think they’re nice, is all, and magical, and sparkly, and express the true meaning of friendship.  Also I think they are spiritual talismans that can ward off evil.  I plan on stringing one around my  neck before I face my sister.

Elsa

Elsa got daring and showed off some shoulder.

Elsa practiced for her debut.

Dear Abby:

I’m tired of this buttoned up look.  I decided to show off a little shoulder today.  Look out, world.

Elsa

Elsa tries out her Marilyn impersonation.

Elsa tries out her Marilyn impersonation.

Dear Abby

Oops, some wind blew up my dress the other day. I have some pretty nice legs.  I wonder if my powers could go into dressmaking?  Did I tell you I created a living snowman back when I was four? 

Elsa

P.S. I think I’m finally ready to leave my room.  You can call off the restraining order now.

So anyway, for those of you at all familiar with the movie – what do YOU think Elsa was doing behind the door?  Also, do you think maybe Anna is secretly evil?  Here’s a video that might give you second thoughts.