Seven Dwarfs Go To The Mall or Why Snow White Should Not Be G-rated

Breaking news!  The Things and I just happened to catch the Seven Dwarfs at the mall yesterday (It could happen).  And they volunteered to be interviewed!  Well most of them did – Grumpy had to be restrained.  But it was all worth it, cause now we can let you see into the minds of the real stars of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs – the dwarfs of course.  What do they dig them jewels for?  What the heck is wrong with Dopey?  Why is Bashful, you know, Bashful?  What ticks Grumpy off the most?  Why are they still in the same bachelor pad after all these years?  How have they adjusted to modern times?  So many questions.  Let’s get some answers.

Warning: This will ruin your childhood and possibly scar you for life. (Click to enlarge pictures)

They were easy to spot what with the single file and all.

They were easy to spot what with the single file and all.

The dwarfs each had special shops in mind, but were nice enough to wait.  Mostly.  First we spoke to Sneezy, while trying to avoid his mucus.

I'm now going to have to change clothes and get vaccinated.

I’m now going to have to change clothes and get vaccinated.

Next we spoke to Grumpy.  Or rather he spoke to us.

Not sure if that's the best place for you to go right now, Grumpy.

Not sure if that’s the best place for you to go right now, Grumpy.

Let’s check in with Sleepy while he’s still awake.

Not sure if we want to know, Sleepy.

Not sure if we want to know, Sleepy.

Let’s check in with old, reliable Doc.

I guess that's what they dig them for?

I guess that’s what they dig them for?

Well, there’s that lovable Bashful.

I'm not seeing this.

I’m not seeing this.

Let’s talk to Happy.  I could use some happy.  But – what happened to his hands?

Hooo boy.

Hooo boy.

I wish Happy had some soap and water for MY brain.

I wish Happy had some soap and water for MY brain.

Okay, one last dwarf.  Thank freaking Disney-goodness.  Dopey.  Aw, what could be wrong with Dopey, fan favorite?

Oh, right he doesn't talk much. Wonder what he's thinking about?

Oh, right he doesn’t talk much. Wonder what he’s thinking about?

 

Well there goes my childhood.

Well there goes my childhood.

Wow.  Okay so I think that answered all my questions and then some, boys and girls!  I need to get hold of some of that memory soap and see if I can reach my brain.

Any other Disney characters you’d like to peer into the minds of?  I didn’t think so.

 

Alice

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11 responses

  1. I always thought the head dwarf was called Doc because he was always hooking up the others with drugs.

    1. It would make sense. Also he has all those jewels he mined, yet the dwarfs don’t appear to work for anyone, and their house isn’t a freaking castle, so he’s spending that stuff somehow. I think it’s on more of “the stuff” if you get my drift.

  2. They say that drug use will stunt your growth (and fry your brain like an egg, and turn you stupid, and result in poverty and destitution, and make you not bother showering, and cause your teeth to fall out, and give you HIV, and make you an unemployable derelict,will cause permanent impotence, incontinence, hives, etc). It must be hard being a drug using dwarf.

    1. I’m sure, especially since I don’t think Dopey had a lot of brain power before he took up that hobby. It was one of my Things that thought up the “dope” in Dopey. I’m not sure whether to be proud or somewhat concerned about my parenting. 😀

  3. Bashful..you have to watch for the quiet ones…oh oh…how about the characters in Cinderella pre ball and.post ball? I was but a humble mouse…hut not on THAT night. You and your daughters could be way funny. It’s okay if you don’t. Your take would he so funny.

    1. Oh that’s a good idea! I could imagine that being somewhat disturbing to them. Like on Shrek when Donkey is changed into a stallion and he says “Look, Shrek, I’m sexy!”

  4. I feel sorry for Pinkie Pie having to witness all of that dwarf madness…

    1. Thing Two loves that you saw her Pinkie Pie she sneaked into the picture.

      1. You can’t sneak a poneh by the ol’ squirrel. And I think it’s even funnier now that I know she was planted…

  5. Alice, I love your brain. You’re sick and twisted in all the right ways… 😉 (And passing that on to the Things? That’s definitely good parenting.)

    1. You heard it straight from a lady of the cloth’s mouth, guys. CPS, quit calling!

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