What if we put presidential candidates in the Hunger Games?

This race would be over a lot faster, that’s what!  Yes, I know I did this before with Disney characters, but this time I finished it.  We now have a victor, chosen by the arena after the candidates ruthlessly murder each other TO DEATH.  I think this is a modest proposal, considering how bloody politics can be anyway.  I was able to follow our candidates as they fought to the death thanks to a generator Thing One found called BrantSteele Hunger Games. You can try it later, with people of your choice!  They don’t have to be real people (I’m still wondering on Trump) or alive (note the inclusion of Ronald Reagan who does quite well, considering).  This is a much easier way of getting even with people than playing Oregon Trail and purposely flying through the game so that all the kids you don’t like in school die of Dysentery.  Not that I know anything about that.

But enough listening to people barf out stupid opinions on things they know nothing about, on with the games!  The generator randomly (I swear) makes stuff happen each day.  I’ll show you the honest-to-goodness results.

Our candidates are all assembled! Whether they ever ran for president, are still running for president, were president, are president, or are dead is unimportant, just like in the debates.

bloodbath part one

Note that I goofed on the genders on some of the candidates. I think this would bother them more than the killing part.

Note that I goofed on the genders on some of the candidates. I think this would bother them more than the killing part.

No deaths this time, but I like how Hillary stopped to pick some flowers. So like her!

No deaths this time, but I like how Hillary stopped to pick some flowers. So like her!

First two ruthlessly booted off the island! Bummer, guys.

First two ruthlessly booted off the island! Bummer, guys.

Mike falls on Marco, killing two birdies with one stone! See how much faster this is going?

Mike falls on Marco, killing two birdies with one stone! See how much faster this is going?

Carly, Scott, and O'Malley (what was his first name?) are out and Dan questions her sanity, since he is now a she thanks to me.

Carly, Scott, and O’Malley (what was his first name?) are out and Dan questions her sanity, since he is now a she thanks to me.

Favorite part? Rick Santorum crying himself to sleep. Aw.

Sucks to be Bernie. Bush Jr falling into a frozen lake is not that surprising. Favorite part? Rick Santorum crying himself to sleep. Aw.

Wow, all those people to kill off Bush Sr? He's not that fast these days . . .

Wow, all those people to kill off Bush Sr? He’s not that fast these days . . . Also Trump scares EVERYONE off, not just Jeb.

DANG, guys! These candidates be feisty! Maybe they should be the ones going to war?

DANG, guys! These candidates be feisty! Maybe they should be the ones going to war?

Hatchets - talk about your awesome campaign contributions. I like that Barack hums.

Hatchets – talk about your awesome campaign contributions. I like that Barack hums.

Hillary probably daydreams about bashing his head against a rock. Horrible? Yes. Good television? You betcha!

Hillary probably daydreams about bashing his head against a rock. Horrible? Yes. Good television? You betcha!

And then there were three. Nothing can stop Ron Reagan!

And then there were three. Nothing can stop Ron Reagan!

I bet they do! I sense an end to the campaign coming!

I bet they do! I sense an end to the campaign coming!

Yawn, this is getting like the real debates. Get ON with it.

Yawn, this is getting like the real debates. Get ON with it.

Aw, now Megyn will never learn the truth about Santa!

Aw, now Megyn will never learn the truth about Santa!

Lesson? Really, guys, don't screw with Hillary!

Lesson? Really, guys, don’t screw with Hillary!

Six days and we have a victor! I think we should do it this way every time!

Six days and we have a victor! I think we should do it this way every time!

Sure, you might not have gotten the winner you wanted, but it sure beat suffering through four years of campaigning only to not get the winner you wanted, right?  Mr. Trump, I apologize for you not winning. Also for having to go potty.  Please do not send wild monkey mutts after me.  Thanks.

Alice

 

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15 responses

  1. She’s got my vote now! (P.S. I did one of those G.I.Joe reviews you enjoy!)

    1. YAY – Merry Christmas to me. I’ll be right over. 🙂

  2. If that all had happened in real life, Hillary’s victory would be followed by months of congressional hearings on whether Hillary’s use of Molotov cocktail was legitimate and whether the rock she used was loaded with lead and placed there by Democrats and Al Qaeda.

    1. Good point. We should threaten to put Congress in the Games. I bet they would decide a lot faster if monkey mutts and electrical borders were on the line.

  3. Of course Hilary won. Everyone knows she’s ruthless and doesn’t care who gets killed as long as she’s able to climb to power. (Rolleyes).

    1. Yes, bwahahaha! Women are very scary to male political candidates, especially the Republicans. Really all Hillary would have had to do is go to the bathroom, and they would all surrender.

  4. So much better than the real election! I must say that Trump being shoved into the border is just all kinds of poetic justice! 😉

    1. That was the Things’ favorite part. It is odd that they are so political, but it’s because all their classmates have been since Obama was elected back when Thing One was in 2nd grade. I mean maniacally political to the point that these bat-crazy Republicans in my area, by spreading their insanity to their children (like that Obama is Muslim, is evil, will take their parents’ jobs, will make them go to school on weekends, etc), have created two more librals’. The scariest thing, though? One kid in Thing Two’s sixth grade class carries around a biography of Trump and has memorized it. I’m not even kidding here.

      Take me back to the Games, it’s less scary there!

    2. By the way, it’s good to see you, Ruby. How have you been? You can always email me if you want. 🙂

      1. As usual, Alice, incredibly slow with replies. But it’s really good to see you, too. I’ve missed you. And you should email me. Maybe, if we both really try, we can make contact by mid-March. 😉

        Oh, also in the huge news of my life, I got a kitten. Hooray for me!

  5. If only this were real. There are so many great lines in this.

    1. I know! My kids and I laughed so hard at this. The favorite being Obama shoving Trump into the electrical border fence – you don’t get more perfect than that. No more worrying about those illegal aliens!

  6. Poor Obama for dying off. But go Hilary – girl power all the way. 😀 😉

    1. At least Obama pushed Trump into the fence before they got him. 😀

      1. Yes. Revenge for the poor rhetoric or for the hair piece, though?

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