It’s sort of been a tradition, except the years when it wasn’t, for me to take a look back at my posts from the year before and remember all the stuff that happened (or didn’t). I received the WordPress thingie that thoughtfully smashes your stats into a form letter every year, so I’ll start with that.
Killing virtual people remains popular as ever.
I have no idea why I got 324 views on December 10th. I’m not even sure if I posted something that day. Maybe the spambots were out in force on the 10th? My top post was written over two years ago, and continues to get comments. This is kind of cool – and a little unnerving at the same time, sort of like when I learned what my top search word was the year I covered 50 Shades (No more top search word, WordPress? Bummer!) Here is an example of a comment I received this year on the “I kill virtual people” post.
I bet Lisa is voting for Trump.
Next, WordPress pointed out my top 5 posts of the year, four of which were written before 2015. WordPress helpfully commented “Some of your most popular posts were written before 2015. Your writing has staying power!” – which is WordPress’s way of saying “No one read your blog this year.” I’m kidding, some of you read it, and I thank you all! Especially since in 365 days I only wrote 67 posts. I think 2015 was a rough blogging year for a lot of people, some of whom fell off the face of the blogosphere and got lives or something. Or maybe sometimes they had a fat pony sitting on them, as I did part of the year, or were dealing with the Sick, for which I have no representation. Except this.
Mucus or Trump Supporters?
For those of you who read and commented during that time, thanks, and know I always read my comments, even if they call me “evil rhymes-with-itch!”. Now back in time to 2015, the year I will continue to write on dates for the next three months.
January 2015
I whine about cold weather, play with Frozen legos, discuss Sad Pony, and rejoice in cold weather, for it did giveth a snow day, which the Things and I used productively, as usual.
We played with dolls in the snow!
February 2016
I ponder about the 50 Shades of Grey movie, and attempt to sarcastically express gratitude for 21 days for my group therapy (5 posts that month, so you can imagine how well that went). Mr. Sad Person blowing up Snow White got a good response, though.
Whistle while you blow up!
March 2015
I continue the gratitude thing by being grateful for mass consumerism in opening 12 blind boxes of Frozen plastic figurines with my kids, ruthlessly screw up grammar on National Grammar Day, gush about the new Cinderella movie (with Frozen short), review the love song Grenade!, and talk about all the crap we have in TEXAS and how it makes us better than everyone else.
Our contribution to Capitalism.
April 2015
I participate in Merbear’s Beatles contest (and lose), put up a tent in the desert of Depression, start covering hard-hitting Facebook News (example: Alyssa Milano’s stolen breast milk debacle!), and sing about mundane chores to Disney theme songs, because I could.
I sat on the tent.
May 2015
More posts playing with dolls, a horrific attempt to decipher the lyrics to “La Bamba” (turns out it is not about a bomb), and a Mother’s Day post with Disney princess dolls who all have dead moms.
Our Moms are all dead. THANKS DISNEY!
June 2015
I shop for frightening things on Ebay, celebrate the birthdays of my Things, and with them plan the Disney Hunger Games.
They grow so fast.
July 2015
I conduct interviews for the Disney Hunger Games (yes interviews with dolls – what?), write a post praising Science Fiction (that does not involve J. J. Abrams), and another post discussing the history of the South (we don’t all wave Confederate flags).
Everytime this quote is read, a Trump supporter cries.
August 2015
More crazy Ebay finds (what is wrong with people?), a report on the breakup of two puppets, a post about cats, and the beginning of the Disney Hunger Games, with Merida’s triplet brothers axing Snow White. Yes, it’s other people with the problems!
This is totally normal.
September 2015
Lots of fun this month! The seven dwarfs act disturbing at the mall, I advise how to cure Insomnia (never listen to me), create anti-memes, learn about how freaky people in the 1940s were, and report that more people die in selfie accidents than shark ones.
What – just – what? 1940s, guys.
October 2015
I ponder the meaning behind the song “Rain, Rain, Go Away”, introduce the “Diva Cup” (not what you think -probably), report on dogs shooting humans, get injected with radioactive dye, and dream about Jeb Bush. All in all an average month.
When hunting, make sure you can trust your buddy.
November 2015
I find out my gallbladder is missing, have the missing gallbladder removed (see cartoon pictures!), see Thing One perform in a musical, record a Disney Thanksgiving with the Things, and plan for 25 days of hiding a stuffed snowman in December.
Where are we going? Gallbladder!
December 2015
The Things and I start hiding Olaf in fun and disturbing new ways, I write a serious post about gun violence titled the same as another post about goofy Christmas songs from a year past (search carefully), Olaf is lost and goes on a rampage, Disney characters become political and post on Twitter and Facebook, I whine about being sick again, thoughtfully select Christmas gifts for the whole family (especially the gun toting family), sing about boar head, test if the War on Christmas is real (it totes is), put political candidates in a Hunger Games random generator (how politics should always be done!) and write this here post.
Olaf, that creeper.
Whew. 2015 down. Bring on 2016. Just . . . slowly. I’m still catching up.
Happy New Year,
Alice
aliceatwonderland 
Congrats! I’ve got this sydney opera house thingy too. … and my busiest day was the one where Mark fell from the roof top…. not sure if I can top that this year lol
Hey, Mark, I found a taller roof. Come on up here!
Happy New Year, Wonder Twin! 2015…what a year it was. Locked away in the nuthouse twice! Damn, I’m talented.
We both are! We were coloring those adult coloring books before those hipsters!
Yes, I know!
Happy New Year, Alice. I have no stats due to having had to stop writing and pulling down all my posts (stupid me put them in trash rather than drafts – bugger) but I am now allowed to resume, providing two sisters approve what I write. It’s a start.
The sisters are reviewing what you write? As long as they don’t review what you read . . . they might have me in the 7th circle of Hades.
HNY, Alice! Also, screw Lisa. What a word that rhymes with itch.
It’s tough when you try to insult someone and that someone just laughs all the way through your insult. Thanks for trying, though, Lisa!
Lisa obviously spends too much time playing Sims and has no sense of humor. She probably never rolls through stop signs or goes to the express lane at the grocery store with 16 items when the sign says 15.
If you have 5 boxes of cereal, they count as one item. Cause all are cereal. Not that I buy that much cereal. The Sims might, and it would cost them 100 dollars per bowl.