Breaking News: Just thought you should know, Hillary barked like a dog on the campaign trail. Back to the post.
You might be wondering – why, Alice, why would you watch that? You know your brain’s still not well after 50 Shades corrosion. Well, I didn’t watch the whole thing – just some highlights. And you know where I got those highlights from, right?
Thanks Facebook News! Or thank you to our political parties, who continue to have some of the most hilarious / bizarre headlines I’ve ever seen. Including these gems from Trump (And no I am not making any of these up):
Donald Trump on Ben Carson Feud: He Started It
Donald swears he is a bestest Christian, not Ben! But only because Ben started it.
Donald Trump Says I Could Shoot Somebody and I Wouldn’t Lose Any Voters
Except the voters he shot dead? Any survivors would keep the bullets in a little shadow box.
And a few minutes after congratulating Ted Cruz on his win in Iowa –
Donald Trump Accuses Ted Cruz of Stealing the Iowa Caucus
Really, I could just use the headlines featuring Trump and have an entire post. Especially considering he dominates the race to the point that I don’t hear enough about how awful the rest of the candidates are, and I’m pretty sure they’re all awful. But it’s degrees of awful we are talking about here, people. My favorite headline so far is this:
Donald Trump: Presidential Candidate Alludes to Independent Run During Event in South Carolina
Donald’s had it with the Republican party who is totally not being fair to him! I decided to (once again) break my rule against reading the comments to see what Trump supporters thought about this. No worries. They are sure that Trump can still win even if he divides the Republican party because he has a large percentage of the Hispanic vote. Well that makes sense.
Donald Trump Defends Calling Mexicans Rapists
Next they’ll be saying he’s got the Muslim vote. I do realize that people have a tendency to vote against their own interests, like the “chicken voting for Colonel Sanders” as my father always says. That’s Colonel Sanders again, not Bernie. He’s a senator. Pretty sure.
But nevermind that. I say, “Run, Donald, Run!” That way Hillary and Bernie can sit back, take their blood pressure meds and relax. No need to fight each other, guys! Calm down! Bill, please go home – you look tired. And Jeb – really – grown ups don’t usually have their Moms campaign for them. It’s not like she’s class Mom of the Republican party.
Though they certainly need one. In this clip, watch as candidates for the greatest office in the land take turns calling each other lying liars that lie!
So many good moments in this video. First Trump states that Cruz is a liar, a bigger one than Jeb Bush, who pops his head up, eyes wide like a spooked deer, hearing his name, but uncertain what to do about it. He brings up how Rubio tried to take away voters by telling everyone at the caucus that Ben had quit the race, cause like he wasn’t there. (Rubio getting a spot on the next Mean Girls movie? Possibilities!) And later, though it’s hard to hear over the mindless bickering of Trump and Cruz, the moderator actually threatens that he will “turn this car around, gentlemen.” Cruz then informs Trump that grown ups do not interrupt one another. And Trump mutters something like “Yeah like you’re a grown up.” with a sneer.
Guys, even 5-year-olds know better than to talk like that, mostly because their parents and teachers will put them in time out. Personally, I think that’s what the moderator should do – put candidates in time-out according to age. We wouldn’t have to hear from Trump for 69 minutes.
At least there is one thing the Republicans can agree on. Even though the extremely conservative Justice Scalia has died nine months before the election, they believe Obama should wait and let the next president appoint a new justice. Sorry, Obama is still actually the president. And it doesn’t occur to them they might be letting either Hillary or Bernie do it. Or possibly one of our write-in candidates.