He Started It: Kindergarten Politics and the Republican National Debate

Breaking News: Just thought you should know, Hillary barked like a dog on the campaign trail.  Back to the post.

You might be wondering – why, Alice, why would you watch that?  You know your brain’s still not well after 50 Shades corrosion.  Well, I didn’t watch the whole thing – just some highlights.  And you know where I got those highlights from, right?

Thanks Facebook News!  Or thank you to our political parties, who continue to have some of the most hilarious / bizarre headlines I’ve ever seen.  Including these gems from Trump (And no I am not making any of these up):

The Things and I practiced doing this pose and fell over laughing. Thanks, Donald!

The Things and I practiced doing this pose and fell over laughing. Thanks, Donald!

Donald Trump on Ben Carson Feud: He Started It

Donald swears he is a bestest Christian, not Ben!  But only because Ben started it.

Donald Trump Says I Could Shoot Somebody and I Wouldn’t Lose Any Voters

Except the voters he shot dead?  Any survivors would keep the bullets in a little shadow box.

And a few minutes after congratulating Ted Cruz on his win in Iowa –

Donald Trump Accuses Ted Cruz of Stealing the Iowa Caucus

What did I dooooo?

What did I dooooo?

Really, I could just use the headlines featuring Trump and have an entire post.  Especially considering he dominates the race to the point that I don’t hear enough about how awful the rest of the candidates are, and I’m pretty sure they’re all awful.  But it’s degrees of awful we are talking about here, people.  My favorite headline so far is this:

Donald Trump: Presidential Candidate Alludes to Independent Run During Event in South Carolina

Donald’s had it with the Republican party who is totally not being fair to him!  I decided to (once again) break my rule against reading the comments to see what Trump supporters thought about this.  No worries.  They are sure that Trump can still win even if he divides the Republican party because he has a large percentage of the Hispanic vote.  Well that makes sense.

Donald Trump Defends Calling Mexicans Rapists

Next they’ll be saying he’s got the Muslim vote.  I do realize that people have a tendency to vote against their own interests, like the “chicken voting for Colonel Sanders” as my father always says.  That’s Colonel Sanders again, not Bernie.  He’s a senator.   Pretty sure.

Colonel Sanders promises a chicken in every bucket.

Colonel Sanders promises a chicken in every bucket.

But nevermind that.  I say, “Run, Donald, Run!”  That way Hillary and Bernie can sit back, take their blood pressure meds and relax.  No need to fight each other, guys!  Calm down!  Bill, please go home – you look tired.  And Jeb – really – grown ups don’t usually have their Moms campaign for them.  It’s not like she’s class Mom of the Republican party.

Though they certainly need one.  In this clip, watch as candidates for the greatest office in the land take turns calling each other lying liars that lie!

So many good moments in this video.  First Trump states that Cruz is a liar, a bigger one than Jeb Bush, who pops his head up, eyes wide like a spooked deer, hearing his name, but uncertain what to do about it.  He brings up how Rubio tried to take away voters by telling everyone at the caucus that Ben had quit the race, cause like he wasn’t there. (Rubio getting a spot on the next Mean Girls movie? Possibilities!)  And later, though it’s hard to hear over the mindless bickering of Trump and Cruz, the moderator actually threatens that he will “turn this car around, gentlemen.”  Cruz then informs Trump that grown ups do not interrupt one another.  And Trump mutters something like “Yeah like you’re a grown up.” with a sneer.

Guys, even 5-year-olds know better than to talk like that, mostly because their parents and teachers will put them in time out.  Personally, I think that’s what the moderator should do – put candidates in time-out according to age.  We wouldn’t have to hear from Trump for 69 minutes.

At least there is one thing the Republicans can agree on.  Even though the extremely conservative Justice Scalia has died nine months before the election, they believe Obama should wait and let the next president appoint a new justice.  Sorry, Obama is still actually the president.  And it doesn’t occur to them they might be letting either Hillary or Bernie do it.  Or possibly one of our write-in candidates.

Go, Grumpy Cat!

Go, Grumpy Cat!

-Alice

 

 

 

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10 responses

  1. I am catching a train to Canada, where I shall find the nicest cave that I can find.

  2. I haven’t watched the last few Republican debates, and each time I listen to the news the next day and wonder how I could have skipped it. I think I’ll have to tune into the next one. With popcorn and bated breath.

    “Except the voters he shot dead?”—Haha! News reporters missed a great retort with that line. They need you out there. 🙂

    1. Thanks!
      It’s entertaining until you want to bang your head against a wall. Sort of like reading 50 Shades! But I only watch the excerpts. 🙂

  3. I haven’t watched any of the Republican debates. I’m not sure my brain could take it judging from your synopsis!

    1. Mine either. I mean that was just a few minutes. Imagine the whole thing. When even Fox news moderators are like COME ON you know it’s bad.

  4. I always enjoy the highlights of bickering politicians but when they actually have a chance of being voted in , presumably for their comedy value I have to worry. We did the same thing with The Mayor of London, known as a buffoon and for saying doing dumb things he naturally became a celebrity and decided ‘bendy buses’ were a good idea. Trump trumps him though for sheer mentalness, I hope the other side get in though, they seem like they would be less obviously rubbish at running stuff.

    1. Yes, less rubbish is definitely what I’m going for here. I’ve always been a Democrat but if I weren’t, I do believe this election would convert me. Not that they don’t have their own bizarre habits, but they look plain sane next to the Republican Wingding Brigade.

      Very little will surprise me in this election now. I say that, but you know, it still will. IT STILL WILL ARGHHH.

  5. It’s been quite fun watching it from this side of the pond, tbh. It’s like a trainwreck we can’t keep our eyes off.

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