These are the Fruit Salads of Our Lives

Well, we just had Super Tuesday, and it looks like Hillary won 7 states out of 13 and Bernie won 4 states out of 13 and I realize 4 and 7 don’t equal 13 so I’m not sure what happened.  Also Trump won 7 states, but never had more than 50 percent of the vote.  Hard when there are still 5 candidates running, one of whom (lookin’ at you Ben-o!) didn’t register once.  Also, I voted, but more on that on another post!  Since we still don’t have any clue what’s going on in this most screwed up of elections ev-ah, I thought I’d just do a post in headlines I’ve been gathering up while recovering from my latest bout of plague (thanks Obama!)

The Washington post also has some great images (non-moving gifs!) and tweets, but Gawker had the best headline.  Watch Chris Christie’s pained expressions as he stands trapped behind Donald Trump.  Time to rethink life choices, Christie.

I can see my life flashing before my eyes.

I can see my life flashing before my eyes.

Zodiac Killer: 38 Percent of Florida Voters Think It Is Possible Ted Cruz Is Serial Killer, Poll Says

Sure the killings started in 1968, and Cruz wasn’t born until 1970, but, well, look at the guy.  Do you blame them?

Trump Says Hispanic Voters ‘Get It’

Get that you think they’re rapists? That you want to deport them and / or employ them?  What do they “get” exactly?

Ben Carson’s Fruit Salad Makes the Internet Go Bananas

Ben says “the fruit salad of their life is what I will look at” when choosing a Supreme Court justice.  I think that’s how we’re choosing president instead.  Still it got a lot of amusing tweets including:

 – My tell-all is going to be  called the The Fruit Salad of Their Lives

-The Fruit Salad of Their Life is my favorite soap

and of course

– Make America Grape Again

This one goes to Dr. Ben Carson!

This one goes to Dr. Ben Carson!

 

You can’t make this crap up.  Sorry, Ben, you’re really not important enough for a punch.

Lindsey Graham: Sen. Lindsey Graham Jokes About Gone Bat**** Crazy GOP:   “Speaking at the Washington Press Club Foundation Dinner, Graham had the harshest words for Sen. Ted Cruz. “If you kill Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody could convict you,” he quipped.”

I’m thinking a lot of people don’t like Ted Cruz.  Like EVERY ONE of his fellow senators who won’t endorse him, for instance.

Come on, guyyyys!

Come on, guyyyys!

Emancipation Proclamation: 20 Percent of Trump Supporters Do Not Support Executive Order, Poll Says

And another 17 percent “aren’t sure”.  Just . . . I mean . . . what . . .why . . . next question.

Kevin Spacey: Actor Says ‘We Get What We Deserve’ About US Presidential Election

Speak for yourself, Kev!  Pretty sure most of us do not deserve this.

Trump University: Donald Trump Could Be Called to Testify in Fraud Case, Court Filings Show

Trump?  Fraud?  No way!

 

Everybody do the Donald!

Everybody do the Donald!

Hint to Hillary: Find out.

Ben Carson: Republican Presidential Candidate Says President Obama Was ‘Raised White’

WTF does that even MEAN, Ben?  Does Obama not have a good fruit salad?

Donald Trump: GOP Presidential Candidate Says He Wanted to ‘Punch’ Protester Who Disrupted Rally

Sometimes people think words instead of speak them, Donald.  Still, if you can’t find the protester, you could always punch Ben.  He wants to be attacked.  Or Cruz.  He’s just so darn punchable.

Whaaat?

Whaaat?

Note: I tried to find the headlines I’d picked off FB.  When I couldn’t, I substituted links.  Enjoy your fruit salad!

Alice

 

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23 responses

  1. The best is that now that the republicans are engaging in GOP cannibalism, the party officials have announced that they are beginning a national campaign asking people to NOT vote for Trump. The central message of their campaign will be that a vote FOR Trump is a vote AGAINST the republican party. Yeee Haw! I gotta make me some popcorn – this show is going to be fun.

    1. Oh, yes, I missed the headline where Cruz asks others to “prayerfully” band together to support him against Trump. Also I think they’ve been engaging in GOP cannibalism since the beginning, haven’t they? It’s unreal what they will do to each other, while hardly touching the Democrats. Personally, I hope the Republicans push Trump just enough to run third party. That would be so awesome. A literal three-ring-circus, just like with Ross Perot, only dirtier.

      1. Dirty, dirty Ross.

      2. Sounds like a porn title instead of Dirty, dirty girls, it’s Dirty, dirty Ross.

        1. Dirty Ross and Dirty Cruz: Tag team! I heard his college roommate said Cruz was a total creeper around women. I’m shocked.

        2. Somehow, if it’s a porn of Dirty, dirty Ross, I really hope David Schwimmer is in it, and not Perot.

          1. That would be much more tolerable. Terrible, but tolerable.

  2. I feel a distinct taste of nuttiness in this fruit salad of their campaign.

    1. Me too. I think I am developing an allergy to nuts suddenly.

  3. It’s even funnier to read this stuff if you have the Drumpfinator installed on your browser. http://www.donaldjdrumpf.com/ Make Donald Drumpf Again!

    1. Ah, yes, I must report on the Drumpfinator next!

  4. Great round up! Thanks for making me laugh. We have to keep our sense of humor.

    1. We must hang together, or surely we will all hang separately – wait, that isn’t comforting.

  5. Ah, I was wondering what was up with the Carson fruit memes today, and now I know. 😄

    1. And knowing is half the battle! I hear Ben is sitting out on the next (how many is it?) Republican debate. Now the moderators don’t have to ignore him.

  6. One of the politicians over here threw a punch after a protester wanted to share an egg with him (at velocity), it got the party elected again, so perhaps an all out brawl with the candidates would separate the candidates, that or give the internet more ammunition.

    1. The Hunger Games scenario is looking better and better. I noticed our late night talk show host Stephen Colbert even played Hunger Games. I thought I was the only one. It was hilarious when he showed the spotlights of the “fallen”.

      Our last president, George W. Bush, had a shoe thrown at him. Twice. Both shoes. He is good a ducking, at least.

  7. I can’t breathe!that was too funny! At least as the free world goes to Hell in a hand basket we get wildly entertained on the way! “The people” are way better at math than the reporters. Your report made more sence than anything else I have read on the erections. Gunna be yuge, even in Australia. X

    1. Thanks, gentlestitches. They make the comedy so easy. I believe the elections are what keep Saturday Night Live on the air.

    2. I know it’s probably a typo, but I suspect “erections” is a more accurate description of what’s going on than “elections”. They should just put them all out on a table and let Hilary go around with a tape measure – and a magnifying glass – and then she and whoever’s left after all the others have died of embarrassment can fight it out.

      1. Oh I am naughty and you are so funny! It was deliberate! I regretfully inform you your idea would not work because everyone in politics has their embarrassment gland removed even before their first set of Botox injections.
        I am sure they would love to participate though, one thing they have in common is difficulty keeping it in their trousers. 😀
        (at least the road to Hell is amusing)

  8. And while the UK gawks at you, our government is making deals with China that means we now have no steel industry any more, and therefore the only things that will come with the label “made in the UK” or “made in the British Isles” will be human beings, but as there’s no work, soon even that will drop.

    Welcome to 21st Century Britain, where The Hunger Games are starting to look scarily realistic. Especially in the Labour strongholds where there is vast unemployment and people getting their benefits delayed or stopped, and the Tory government won’t provide us more funding because guess what, we didn’t vote for them!

    1. And you guys are learning from us, supposed leaders of the free world! You’re so welcome! Ugh.

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