Someone Left My Cake Out By the Ocean

I’m out for a while, guys, away from Facebook news and stuff gets like, crazy crazy.  Droopy Dog Cruz just drops out, ka-poof, like he was tired of people (like fellow senators) saying he was the devil or something.  And apparently Kasich dropped out too, though no one really noticed, just like they didn’t really notice he was running.  And for like two days I didn’t even know this.  My mother told me, and we don’t even talk all that often (Happy Mother’s Day Mom and Ted!).

Even weirder, there’s not even that much about it on Facebook, the place I get all my liberally biased news.  That’s right, Facebook suppresses conservative news too!  (I tried to find the Gizmodo article, but only got this article by the same guys about painting a room by blowing up paint.) I think it must be true, though, cause Facebook news says Tylenol can make you emphasize less with people, which must be why I don’t care about a lot of really stupid people.  Frequent headaches and all.  Anyway, so we are left with . . .

Trump, te Trump, Trump, Truuuump.

Trump, te Trump, Trump, Truuuump.

No one quite knows what to do with this.  Oh, sure, comedians can laugh about it, but there’s this little edge to their laughter like ha ha Trump might be our president it’s hilarious and hahahahaha . . . ha . . . cough . . . choke.

So we’re left with Hillary and Bernie still duking it out because even though Bernie doesn’t stand much of a chance now, unlike Cruz, he’s just not going to leave Hillary alone until he absolutely has to because where would the fun in that be, huh?  Meanwhile, Facebook does bother to announce that, hello, Trump just won – uh what was that latest state – he won one, guys, and I am totally surprised what with him being the only one running.  Why are they bothering to announce this?  Is it actually possible for someone to be the only candidate and still lose?  I mean saying he’s not a Democrat running in Texas?

These days?  Anything is possible.  ANYTHING.

Time to start snortin' the baby powder, peeps.

Time to start snortin’ the baby powder, peeps.

One might think this is good for Democrats.  The problem is, if Hillary wins, there are many Bernie supporters who claim “Bernie or Bust” which is quite true because if they don’t vote for Hillary, they will, in fact, be voting for Trump, meaning “bust” big time.  Ka-boom.  I will write this out slowwwwly for people who are still uncertain about our two party system.  If you don’t vote for the candidate picked, even if you don’t like this candidate, you are, in effect, voting for the other party.  So then you just have to decide.  Hillary or Trump?

I think I lost some people there.  Come back, Canada is closing the gates!

This whole thing makes as much sense as that old song about cake getting wet.   You know “Someone left my cake out by the ocean” . . . wait, no that’s the new song with one of those Jonas brothers about . . . it’s totally just about eating cake by the ocean young Disney Channel viewers.  It’s edgy though, cause he says like bad words, and talks about cake.  Cake that is bound to get wet.  And you know what happens then.  I don’t think that I can take it. Cause it took so long to bake it. And we are never having that recipe again.

Soylent cake is made out of BABIES!

Facebook News: Soylent cake is made out of BABIES!

Oh nooooooooooo!  Ohhhhhhh nooooooo!

Did you see those metaphors just come flyin’ at you there?  I did.  They didn’t make any sense, just like this election, so it’s like we just took a perfectly good cake, left it out in the rain, on the beach, near a Jonas brother and a bunch of girls in bikinis, and now Trump may be President of the United States.  Actions have consequences, people.  Jonas brothers, ruined cake, Oompa Loompa politicians, people moving in mass to Canada where they probably don’t even have cake or oceans, I don’t know, and someone just “Wake Me Up When It’s All Over”.  When I’m wiser and I’m sober.

Till then, let’s just eat cake and dance to stupid songs.

-Alice

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17 responses

  1. Baby powder causes ovarian cancer. Just FYI.

    1. Well, crap. Now I have to put something else on my donuts.

        1. I’ve almost got enough of those antihistamines saved up for a quarter of a quarter of a quarter of a quarter gram. My entire basement is full.

          1. I never finished watching Breaking Bad, so we’re screwed.

    2. This is why I have always been a purist, it is cocaine or nothing at all.

      1. Always good to have standards, I say.

  2. Hmmm, I’ve not heard of DNCE before – but they are really good. Smooth. You know they remind me of an old band, I can’t quite put my finger on it. The sound is similar – especially in the song opening.

    Anyway, politics. As a Canadian I haven’t figured out why the Republican primaries and congress are continuing with one candidate. What is the point? What are they choosing? They have the person that they want to best represent their interests ( shudders here) what are they doing now? Is it possible that the republicans are confused and in their minds have multiple viable candidates? much like they are confused about less people getting shot when there are more guns or shutting down government (Tea Party) endears them to government workers whose pay is terminated – surely causing said workers to vote Republican in the future.,OR confused about the fact that the polar ice caps disappearing can happen without any warming or confused about printing money to pay debt (Trump) which surely will not affect the value of said money which has been created without any value attached at all or confused about building a wall along the Mexican border or confused about whether women should be allowed to work rather than staying at home to make sure supper is ready when the hard working man comes home (oh and a cold beer and my slippers would be nice too honey).

    Sigh, just when you think the world is progressing, along comes the latest ersion of the Republican party. You too can be friends with the KKK.

    1. Get ready for a lot of refugees. You guys have some sense, and your Prime Minister is hot – uh – cares about people, that’s the main thing, yes. We can’t even have hotness. I think JFK was the last one. Sigh.

      I was behind a guy with a sticker of the Confederate flag on his the back window of his pickup truck. I wanted to shout that that was a really, really old election and time to take it off now. And I thought it was bad when people still had Bush Sr. stickers on their cars.

  3. There’s a whole lot of shuddering going on up here in Canada. Many (me included) are pushing for a border wall. If you guys get him it’s because people voted for him or didn’t vote, which is a lazy way of voting. Either way we’re busy helping people who would cut of their right arm for the right to vote. Sorry but this shit storm has me pissed and I swear I suffer from Tourette Syndrome… intermittently. Good luck, we all need it.

    1. Yes we do. I for one, am not voting for him, but I AM voting. If more people would, you’re right, we would make more change. It’s very frustrating what people take for granted.

  4. Cruz and Kasich both dropping out caught me off guard, too. One day it’s “We’re in it till the end” the next day I get online kinda late and see they’re both out. I’m guessing they were promised a little something like Carson.

    1. What WAS Carson promised? Or Chris Christie? Sorry I’ve been out a while and just saw the comment. Will have to get back to your blog soon.

      1. Not sure about Christie, but Carson said he was promised a role in an advisory capacity.

        1. Do they have to stay awake for it? Because I think he might not make it if they do.

  5. And at the same time, we have Boris Johnson (as the British version of Donald Trump, stupid hair and all) trying to get us to vote to leave the EU…

    We’re all going to die.

    1. Enjoy it while you can. Have some cake.

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