Proper Grammar with Boogers

Oooh, oooh, I can't decide!!!

Oooh, oooh, I can’t decide!!!

Hi, all!  You may not remember (I didn’t) but two years ago I wrote a post entitled “Ten Things to Do With a Picked Booger”.  It wasn’t that impressive, booger-wise, just a top ten list. This post generated a lot of comments, as most of my highly intellectual posts do, but just the other day it got a new comment!  I am always excited to see new comments, especially when they are like this one.  I’m not even sure how to describe it.  Let’s say it’s better than the comment on the Dragon Tail’s Review post in which I was called a “40-year-old farthead”.  See for yourself!

Hiiii, Dorman!

Hiiii, Dorman!

This is my first response to dear Dorman.  I have so much to say.  First off, thank you for making a simple blogger very happy.  I haven’t had such a good laugh in a while.  Here are some other questions, off the top of my head.

  1. What exactly was your “random search”?  Was it for boogers?  Do you search the Internet looking for posts to grammar check?  Specifically booger posts?
  2. Did you like my fragments there?  Feel free to point out other errors.  I will save them up in my heart.
  3. You realize this was a post about boogers, right?
  4. I do have advanced degrees.  I have a B.A. and an M.A. in English and an MLS in Library Science.  I like to collect degrees, then completely ignore them.
  5. Thanks for letting me know that I can improve my comedic timing with a couple of well-placed colons and apostrophes.  I bet you are a laugh a minute: really!
  6. Do and not do not equal don’t. They equal “donot”, or using the proper English spelling, “donut”.
  7. You aren’t Shakespeare and, thusly, do not sally forth. 
  8. My Corps of Creative Types can beat up your honor student.
Allow me to present to you this badge, Dorman.

Allow me to present to you this badge, Dorman.

If you think this comment was bizarre all by itself, then get ready.  I showed this comment to a few people, and my old friend begged to answer it.  Ravin’s response was, to my delight, followed by more responses by Dorman. Thank you so much for not just performing a drive-by grammar run.  This is much better.

You can check the original post for all the comments at the bottom of the page, though they are unbelievably, and hilariously, long.  We are talking my lawyer friend with the genius I.Q. versus a blogger who probably sleeps with a grammar text.  This is the kind of thing you just can’t make up.

I do have some quotes I’ll use with proper quotations (or close enough).  My friend informed Dorman that I had advanced degrees.  Response: “George “Dubya” Bush has “advanced degrees”. You’re misinterpretation of my gentle nudge is sad, and likely testosterone-fuelled.”

"That wasn't funny, Dorman! I talk good!"

“That wasn’t funny, Dorman! I talk good!”

I’m wondering how exactly ol’ (see what I did there!) Dorman knew my friend was male, much less infused with lots of testosterone.  We’re talking a grammar argument here.  These are not generally considered overtly masculine.  I’ve never heard Arnold Schwarzenegger engage in one during a fire-fight.  I’m not even sure what sex Dorman is, so I’ll just refer to Dorman with the pronoun “it” until I have confirmation.

Here’s some other good ones.  Ravin suggested Dorman leave as we were all full up with crazy.  Response: “You’re entirely correct: ’cause “aliceatwonderland” is waaaaaaaaaaay overstocked.”  Thanks, Dorman! Crazy was exactly what I was aiming for, but you helped!

One last bit from my new friend.

Is twit-wit in the dictionary, or are you being 'funny' with us, Dorman? Ha: ha'.

Is twit-wit in the dictionary, or are you being ‘funny’ with us, Dorman? Ha: ha’.

I hope you, my readers, are properly educated by this post.  If you glance at the old post, you’ll see that some of you were there!  Ah, what a long, twisted, twisted road we’ve walked metaphorically.  Anyhoo, please leave comments below.  Hopefully Dorman will come back!

P.S. Dorman: My generation was not born with I-Pads and such.  We were born in the mid 1970s, so I guess you could call us “flower infants”.  How old are you?  Congrats on mastering the keyboard!

~ Alice

29 responses

  1. I remember that post bc it was freaking hilarious. Dorman will keel over at my use of bc to mean because. RavinJ is awesome and I commented as such on the original post. Seriously, would you ever think of redoing the post in Dorman friendly style? People really need to make better use of their time.

    1. PS. I just about keeled over at freshly picked (in a good way of course). It is right up there with the summer’s eve douche award, which Dorman deserves.

      1. I found that on another old post. I apparently sent the booger post to @freshlypressed for consideration. Can you believe no response? So I made my own badge. But good call with the douchebag award! That’s a good one too.

        I think they did away with freshly pressed and now it’s Editor’s pick? Or something? I love that no one cares anymore.

        1. Some people have no sense of humor. I would have voted for it. I never cared about F Pressed. It reminded me of laundry.

          1. Me too! Or a breast exam. That is honestly what I thought of when I first heard it mentioned, lol.

    2. Bc, Bc, Bc. Writing a post Dorman style would be challenging, but a lot of fun! I think I will write another post entirely in chat-speak, if I can bear it. I am finally having post ideas! Thanks, Dorman!

      I probably should make better use of my time, but i honestly can’t think of anything better than doing this! You’re the best, jaded.

      1. I’m inspired by the best. If you decide to do chat speak post or Dorman style, I will be waiting with bated(?) breath

  2. I was highly entertained by this post, verily.

    1. Aye, this gladdens the cockles of mine heart, my bosom friend!

      1. As doth mine, my dear Wonder Twin.

  3. Very funny post! I’m sorry I didn’t proofread it for grammar issues. I really thought it was cray cray that it would do that over a booger blog. But I guess it was kinda good it stopped by cuz we all got some laughs!

    1. We sure did! I am still: laughin’. Cuz that was so much fun! And easily entertained am I, forsooth. I totes forgot to point out the grammatical error that Dorman made: while correcting mine. My mistake’!

  4. Both posts have provided me with quite a bit of entertainment this afternoon!!! I can’t believe someone would take the time to complain about common netspeak. Lawd Jesus.

    1. Unreal, huh? I wonder where this caped crusader of grammar shall return? 😀

      1. If so, hopefully we’ll get Proper Grammar and Boogers Part 2 😀 (And I can only imagine some of the search terms that will lead to your site now!)

        1. You should have seen them when I reviewed the 50 Shades of Grey books chapter by chapter. My top search word that year, not kidding, was crack whore. Lovely!

          1. Hahaha! I get the feeling that I need to take a day away from the kiddos and do some serious reading on your blog.

  5. Too Funny Alice’:!.-? See that? I was using the punctuation shotgun technique to make sure I got it right.

  6. I swear, everyone gets better trolls than I do! And now I know why nobody has ever searched my blog for boogers before… the boogophiles all get directed to your blog instead!

    1. Who would have thought it’d be a booger post? Not a word on coverage of politics, or 50 Shades of Grey, etc but boogers, sure! Dragon Tails, naturally! Murdering virtual computer people? Yup. Lol. Just wait, surely your day will come.

  7. 😂😂😂😂😂 And FYI: now knowing your educational background, I’ll likely be too intimidated to leave a written comment. After today, of course.

  8. I just……. I mean……. I……….
    ………………. I don’t get…………….



    I read Dorman’s initial comment about three times, because I thought SURELY he wasn’t being serious, SURELY he was merely being provocatively and ironically playful….. SURELY he wasn’t ACTUALLY critiquing you on your writing and advising on how you could more effectively portray humour through precise use of grammar…..*

    ….. and then I read the Battle of Wits between Dorman and RavinJ, the latter of whom should be given a knighthood and a certificate in Top Notch Internet Winning, and realised that this strange creature Dorman is for real.

    And I shall remain confused about him for the rest of the day.

    1. I was the same way. I was like, this is a joke, right? Some new highly sophisticated form of sarcasm even I have not reached? Nope. These people vote, Becky. Worse, look who they get to vote for.

      Be afraid.

  9. I thought the guy was just some strange erudite troll first but it became clear that ‘it’ has clearly misunderstood your way of writing which in itself is puzzling as everybody else seems to get it.

    The serious argument of the minutiae of the English language was great as well, I do love how arguments start out small and then get full blown. It’s funny that you should get so critiqued yet nobody kicks off about Cormac McCarthy not using speech marks.

    What’s this underscoring nonsense he does as well? He/she has clearly not bothered to attempt to understand your writing style and his/her generalisations only serve to make him blog fodder. It’s a public service for free really, much respect.

    1. Dorman really made my day, let me tell you. I think it’s underscoring because it doesn’t understand how to create emphasis with italics? I’m not sure why understanding my writing style is tough. Just think “immature” and you have it.

      Speaking of McCarthy, what about poets like e.e. cummings? I can just imagine the letter writing campaign educating him on proper capitalization. So glad we have people like this guy keeping us on our toes! I’ll remember its advice next time I write a thesis on boogers.

      1. Ah yes, well it is understandable italics are one of the more arcane mysteries of emphasis, I bet only three people in the world know about them.

        I see plenty of authors these days starting sentences with ‘And’ so it seems like the grammar police will go ape about that. What is the point in rules if we can’t break them or at least compromise like the do in The Purge films…

  10. I find it discomfiting, yet entirely apropos that, of all posts, he chose to correct your grammar on a post about boogers (warning: commas may not be properly placed in that sentence).

    1. The fact that it was a post on boogers was absolutely the best part of the whole thing! I wonder if there is some place these blog critics hang out? Like a stupid villain lair?

  11. I suspect someone needs to get a life and get out more!! Not you, you have a life. And children. Yay for everyone sticking up for you. Xxx

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