The Donald Trump Song!

If you’ve heard anything about the recent Republican Convention (I get my news from comedians – they are better fact checkers), then you know that Donald has been ripping off songs for his political campaign. This makes bands like Queen feel really stabby considering they hate Trump, and do not think he’s “the champion”, unless he means champion of a-holes. He’s also stolen “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” from the Rolling Stones, but it actually is a rather apropos song for him.  We are definitely not getting what we want.  No satisfaction here, man.

I think I'm gonna need this song soon.

I think I’m gonna need this song soon.

Now if this were any other Ann Coulter type jerk, you could ignore him, but this is a – dear God – viable candidate for president of the United States.  There is no point in listing the awful things he has said.  Better to simply make a list of the decent things he has said.  It’s tiny.  Like his hands.

But when I heard this song I’m about to show you, it just made total sense.  “Big Time” by Peter Gabriel.  Illustrated with pictures.  I’m sorry, Peter, please forgive me.

Big Time

I’m on my way, I’m making it
I’ve got to make it show, yeah
So much larger than life
I’m going to watch it growing

He’s referring to his hands uh hand here.

Thank you, Youtube.

Thank you, Youtube.

The place where I come from is a small town
They think so small
They use small words

He didn’t come from a small town, but he does know the little people because he employs them.

Mexicans are rapists, but they do great work in my vineyards.

Mexicans are rapists, but they do great work in my vineyards.

But not me
I’m smarter than that
I worked it out
I’ve been stretching my mouth
To let those big words come right out

Donald does love to talk about his degrees (I’m sure he did not have any help whatsoever) and how smart he is.  Very smart.  And he says he knows big words!  Gonna build a wall.  A big wall.  A beautiful wall.  Clearly an intellectual.  And no one stretches his mouth farther than Donald.

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!

I’ve had enough, I’m getting out
To the city, the big big city
I’ll be a big noise with all the big boys
There’s so much stuff I will own

He is definitely a big noise in the big big city, and has enough money to play with the “big boys”, especially those giving corporations, who are people, you know.  And does he own stuff?  Guys, he’s about to own the presidency of the United States.  I joked earlier about him putting Trump on the White House in big letters but – look, just – look what he did at the convention and tell me this isn’t a realistic possibility.

What I really appreciate about Donald is the subtly.

What I really appreciate about Donald is the subtlety.

And I will pray to a big god
As I kneel in the big church

Trump's entrance to the RNC convention. Need I say more?

Trump’s entrance to the RNC convention bathed in heavenly light.

My parties all have big names
And I greet them with the widest smile
Tell them how my life is one big adventure
And always they’re amazed
When I show them ’round my house, to my bed
I had it made like a mountain range
With a snow-white pillow for my big fat head

He has big parties, with big names, you guys, like wrestlers.  Some call it a “convention” but clearly it was a party for Donald.  There were huge balloons, lots of guys who appeared to be high on something, and it carried a very high chance of the cops being called.

People all over are amazed at Donald and his fancy house and his giant head.  Adventure!

Balloons are great for calming the masses. Ooooh pretty!

Balloons are great for calming the masses. Ooooh pretty!

Even Hillary lost her composure when balloons fell at the DNC convention! Pretty!

Even Hillary lost her composure when balloons fell at the DNC convention! Pretty!

And my heaven will be a big heaven
And I will walk through the front door

You might get through the front door, Donald, but I don’t think you’re getting past security.

Big time big time
My car is getting bigger
Big time
My house is getting bigger
Big time
My eyes are getting bigger
Big time
And my mouth
Big time
My belly is getting bigger
Big time
And my bank account
Big time
Look at my circumstance
Big time
And the bulge in my big big big big big big big

No words.

No words.

Thank you greatly for not finishing that last line, Peter.  So you see?  What a great song I’ve ruined.  One that used to sound over the top, but not now!  Now it’s presidential!

Excuse me while I find my cave.  I’ll require big white pillows for the screaming.

Any other songs you can think of that describe our candidates or the election in general?  I’m thinking *”It’s the End of the World as We Know it” and “Highway to Hell” would be good choices.

*Wait Trump and Cruz both used that one already.  Really.

~ Alice

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17 responses

  1. I really wish the song The Sound of Silence applied to Mr. Trump. Alas, I don’t think that wish will come true.

    1. If ONLY. There would have to be massive amounts of gold plated duct tape around his mouth. He’d still probably chew through it.

  2. The Puking Song comes to mind. There isn’t enough of the pink stuff in this world to suppress it.

    1. Puking song? I want a copy of a puking song and have it played every time Donald walks on stage. Or opens his mouth. Or just makes a smug face. Like every single time.

      Then I want to smack him with a hammer.

  3. maybe wrecking ball becomes a campaign song too?

    1. Perfect. I could just imagine swingin’ around naked on a wrecking ball oh God no I can’t, I can’t. I wouldn’t put it past him, though.

      1. I did not need that visual, no I did noy.

          1. Me neither. He probably couldn’t hold on to the ball anyway, what with the tiny hands.

  4. How about “The Chicken Dance?”

    1. Lol! The most gratingly irritating song of all time. This would have the double effect of not only being a great description of political candidates and the political race, but also make people leave very quickly, probably before either could speak.

  5. That country song “I Wanna Talk About Me” would work for him. Or maybe the “I’m A Bitch” song.

    When I saw the title, I thought maybe this post was gonna be about the little girls who danced for him at that rally, in the creepiest display ever. I read the other day that their dad is suing him because his campaign was supposed to put out their CDs or something.

    1. I somehow blessedly missed that part. Little girls danced? Did they also have a dancing bear? I really will believe anything at this point.

      Both songs sound great, especially the “I’m a Bitch” one. I don’t say that of people often, but – yeah he is all that and more.

      1. Check this out, it’ll probably be the creepiest thing you see today: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KT2oAYGkB3c

  6. I just have no words. I get my news from comedians because they soften the blows.

    1. I don’t think anything could soften these blows enough. Even Stephen Colbert laid down on the stage in the fetal position, lol.

  7. From this side of the pond, it’s looking really scary. Although there’s reports that there’s a whole bunch of Republicans who can’t endorse Trump who simply aren’t going to vote, which speaks volumes.

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