You Can Learn a Lot from Trump

First off, a quick thank ye to all those who are still following and maybe even reading me, and those who just started following, liking, commenting, etc.  I even thank you weirdos who left me the bizarrely critical comments cause gosh you’re fun.  I haven’t been writing as much, but I’m hoping to pick up on this because the counselor says it’s good to get out my Alice Rage in other ways than, say, strangling a coworker because MY GAWD he is STILL slamming the stapler from what seems like a distance of 10 feet so that it goes KABAMMMM and I jump out of my seat.  #bekindtostaplers

How am I supposed to concentrate on facebook when he's making noise?

How am I supposed to concentrate on work when he’s making noise?

I just had a relaxy moment. Back now!  Yes, now that I’m relaxed I should discuss what’s happened so far in my world.  I got knocked down, but I got up again, you ain’t never gonna keep me down so give me some booze and I will piss the night away.  Or something.  And in world news, our new president continues to do in just a few weeks what it took a couple of years for George W. Bush to do – make every country hate us.  He’s been all crank calling foreign leaders askin them what his job is, puttin’ em on notice, threatening war – what a hoot.  He even picked on Australia.  You know – all those Australian terrorists with their suicide bomber kangaroos.  No one ever sees that coming.

I kind of wish President Cheeto would quit doing that.  You know – talking. And tweeting.  And – making that face, just stop, stop now. But there is one thing I have to give Trump – he’s making people learn more about government right along with him. For instance, presidential cabinet positions keep getting filled, and for the first time people are caring because we’re wondering if he will literally put a Schnauzer (as long as it’s rich and white)  in one of the seats.  We just got a Secretary of Education who knows nothing about children, public schools or, uh, education since she failed her exam massively during try-outs.

Not sure who made this but thanks, Internet!

Not sure who made this but thanks, Internet!  Clearly the top person for the job!

I first learned about this via my regular news: comedy shows, but I wanted to learn more so I actually watched the real clips.  Bernie Sanders, Al Franken, Tim Kaine (remember him?  Hillary’s VP pick?  He’s actually pretty good), and Elizabeth Warren just bullied poor Betsy with crazy questions like are you for equal education for all, or did your family donate a few hundred million dollars to the Republican party, or what’s a school?   “I’ll study that!” she says, which is probably the first time she’s promised to study anything at all.  Al Franken said “I’m surprised – no actually I’m not,” which was absolutely hilarious totally out of line!  I might have watched the clips of them torturing her several times on youtube.  Education can be fun!

We also learned that banning a huge group of people from coming to our country (no matter how legal they are) based only on religion and nationality is ding ding ding against the constitution!  And federal judges – we have those! – have blocked it, for now.  We learned more about executive orders, like how a big wad of bacteria can sneak himself onto the nations’ security council by just slipping that in along with something else stupid, like building a wall to keep people of another nationality out because they are all bad hombres who sell drugs and rape and murder people.

Also we got educated that there is no such thing as terrorism by white people. I am so relieved.

Soon I’m sure we’ll learn more about foreign relations by going to war with them, as we have with past presidents, only this time it won’t take as long.  This learning is hurting my brain, and I’m exhausted already, and we aren’t through the first month yet.  And it’s not just us.  Other countries are also getting tired of all this education.  So I have a solution.  We move, but not to Canada (I’m sure you guys are next on the terrorist watch list, hide yo wives, hide yo kids).  No, we’re going to Nanalan, a place Thing Two introduced me to, and which we have had endless fun with, in spite of this show supposedly just being for children.  It acts as a kind of natural tranquilizer, like Bob Ross, only with puppets.  Take a look!

But wait, there’s more.  Like there’s an adventure with “a Lolly”!   I’ll show you in other posts.  Yes, we have no idea what Yoda’s love child here is saying, though props to the person for attempting to translate, but words no longer make sense in the real world either, so why here?  I’ll be with puppets eating peepos if you need me.

P.S. I have been very bad about going through my reader – it takes too much from my tiny hamster brain.  So if you will leave me links to you recent posts right here, I’ll read them and try to catch up.  Peepo.

Alice

 

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29 responses

  1. can I get a greencard for nanalan please too? the quote beam me up scottie sounds better every day…

    1. It really does. I wish someone would beam him up, and his little friends too! Return those immigrants to their home planet.

  2. I think I’d be better qualified than that Besty lady. I’ve worked with kids before, a long time ago when unicorns roamed the earth, farting glitter.

    1. Yeah, me too! We’ve gone to public schools, we’ve – not by choice – had to go back to them with our kids, and we know words.

      1. Haha! Now I know my ABC’s…

        1. Sing, Betsy, sing! I’ll have to show you a clip of her. She’s like a deer in headlights.

          1. The poor dear.
            Get it? 😀

    2. Besty? I think she’s DeWorst.

  3. Horrified bystander | Reply

    Hey, why the Schnauzer hate? Schnauzers are kind, and cute, and don’t bite people based on their religion or nationality. He could do worse than put a Schnauzer in the cabinet (actually, I think he already has…)
    [For the record, I’m not American, just a horrified bystander of everything President Cheeto is perpetrating. And I won’t sign my real name because I’m trying to get my US tourist visa renewed and I’m afraid of being spied on – I won’t risk my next visit to Disneyworld, I haven’t seen the new Fantasyland yet!]

    -First time replier, but I love your blog (I found it through the FSOCrap craze, so something good came from that POS)

    1. No Schnauzer hate – I was trying to think of the funniest sounding dog name and I liked the way it sounded over, say, poodle. And you’re right, a Schnauzer would no doubt do a better job than Betsy for sure. Many dogs accidentally wander into schools or eat children’s homework.

      There are many horrified bystanders out there, thanks to our new president. I would hurry and visit while they have the ban lifted. I mean he probably wouldn’t make Mickey and Goofy into federal agents tasked with yanking all people out of the magic kingdom, legal or not. Probably.

      I’m glad you like my blog! And thankful a little for the FSOCrap craze. Trump is certainly giving lots of work to comedians everywhere, I’ll give him that.

  4. Though I don’t really blog much anymore, I always enjoy reading your posts when I get a chance. Glad to see you put one up! You have a great blend of humor and seriousness, and with as icky as things our going in our political climate right now, we need all the chuckles we can get. 😟

    1. Thanks, Carrie. We do, we so do. How is it going with the new book? I bet if you add something about Trump into it somewhere, he’ll try to sue you, and then you’ll become a super famous author. Think about it. 😀

      1. Haha, I’ll keep that in mind. 😄 My third book is done, and I’m working on my fourth. Am trying to go a little more traditional this time around so am agent querying. Is a looooong process.

  5. My last post was about DeVos, actually. But I think some people have been overreacting to her – just last week, she was trying to visit a public school and the school teachers were trying to block her. And I was like, why would they do that, it’s probably the first time in her life she’s even trying to step into a public school, and you’re trying to stop her?

    1. Hahaha. Poor Betsy. She was trying to visit the “little people” and find out how they live! Next she’ll go to a “grocery store” and see how peasants find their food.

  6. Well, that was…a post. A lovely post. A great, great post. Too long for 45 to read, I’m sure.

    1. You know I have tremendous friends, just tremendous. You’re great. Great. Some people have no friends. Sad.

  7. Thank you for making me laugh and learn.

    1. Thanks for continuing to laugh!

  8. Not sure people in the UK would agree that there’s no such things as terrorism by white people, given the IRA were predominantly white Irish folk but hey, that’s probably FAKE NEWS, just like any and all negative polls about Trump are. There’s been lots of hilarity in Australia about the reported phone call between Trump and our Prime Minister – largely Aussies taking the opportunity to take the piss out of our PM because the Trump Administration got his name wrong when they reported this. Our PM is polling badly here at the moment, he needs to take a leaf out of Trump’s book and declare that all negative polls about his popularity are FAKE NEWS!!!

    1. OMG, is Trump spreading his cooties to Australia now? I am really sorry. But yeah, white people have never been terrorists. Certainly not the Ku Klux Klan, many of whom support our current president. #soproud

  9. I fear that we in the UK are too busy laughing at the fact that your President is named another term for a fart to notice what heinous crimes our own government are getting up to.

    I think it’s time we started that colony on the moon. We’ll just send the politicians, and not bother to tell them that the atmosphere’s a little thin up there!!

    1. That’s a great idea. President Fart could then declare himself King of the Universe. Betsy would probably go first – she can only stand so much oxygen taken from her already tiny brain. Fart may be able to live off the hot air that fills his body and brain.

  10. marycontrary5309 | Reply

    Betsy DeVos is the worst. Literally. . . the worst . . .

    1. Just wait there’s more! Just a never-ending adventure we’re on.

      1. marycontrary5309 | Reply

        True story!

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