I was feeling a lot better, but then I started feeling not as good. I’m not sure why. It might have been going back to work and trying to get used to regular life again. Or maybe that’s just part of treatment. At any rate, I am going back for another extra treatment today. Hopefully that will help.
There’s one other thing that might help, though. I’m not sure if you’ve watched the news (or the comedy shows that do as good a job only more amusing) but it seems little Donny is a moron. Remember how Hillary Clinton lost the election mostly because of her stupid emails? Yeah? Well, guess what?! She’s not the only one with dumb emails. It seems Don Jr met with a Russian lawyer who gave him confidential info on Hillary which they then used to influence the 2016 election. We’ve been suspecting there was collusion between the Trumps and the Russians for a while, but no one thought that a Trump would actually flat out give written proof of it. I told my thirteen-year-old about this and she frowned and asked, “Isn’t that treason?” Yes, Thing Two, yes it is, good job. Now if only adults on Fox News would figure it out, it’d be great. Till then, we can watch them squirm.
Now I have clips from Stephen Colbert of the Late Show and Trever Noah of the Daily Show. Sure I could have found a bunch of official news clips, but you can do that. This is much less boring. Anyway, my point here is that this has the potential to cheer me up quite a bit. I know it did last night when Thing One and I were watching and laughing so hard we nearly fell out of our chairs. Of course, I could be wrong. They are rich jerks and often they tend to get away with anything but – if nothing else they are not going to shake this for a while. It should keep them busy. Too busy – I hope – to keep working on that healthcare bill that will leave 23 million more uninsured. Yes, Fox News is trying to defend the Trumps and sounding almost as ridiculous as Don Jr. did when he tweeted out the entire email chain containing information that directly links him to the scandal. I did you the favor of linking clips from the Daily Show and the Late Show right here!
And not to forget Stephen’s report – view them both to get all the goodies, if you haven’t already . . .
Weee! Who says you can’t have Christmas in July? Stayed tuned.
Your raving reporter,
I was reading this article about President Obama taking a selfie with an Alaskan woman and her baby. It was super weird, see, cause he held this baby, took the picture, and never once told either her mother or her that they were too fat or had bad plastic surgery jobs. And all I could think was of how sweet it was and how jealous I was of that baby.
That might have come out wrong. Anyway, while I was reading my husband walked by and said, “Reading about Obama?” I said yes and that I was sad that some people called him a “monkey” online. He said, “I know you and the girls make fun of Trump. But he should be given respect as the president.” This surprised me, as he rarely talks about politics. I said, “I wouldn’t be racist about him.” Which is true – that is one thing I wouldn’t do. Even orange people should have rights.
Now my husband is a good man. If I’d known he was going to end up voting Republican, I highly doubt we’d have gotten past the second date. He said he wasn’t into politics when I asked him about his. My translation: I can convert him. Young single people – don’t ever think this. He votes Republican primarily because of gun rights. He was raised in the country, where he was taught to respect guns and use them properly. So he thinks other people do. I don’t try to argue about this with him anymore. In fact, we usually do not discuss politics with each other. This is a good thing because we balance each others’ strengths quite well. With politics he doesn’t care and I care way too much. But his statement got me thinking.
Do we need to have respect for the president because of his office alone? When Obama was president, I can remember being deeply bothered that people said such horrible things about him. My Thing One was just eight when he was elected the first time, and it bothered her that people did not show respect for the president since she was taught to respect her elders. I felt the same way. Even if they didn’t care for his positions on issues, there was no reason to be so nasty about him as a person. Then came Trump.
I tried to have basic respect for him at first, honestly I did. But it wasn’t long, definitely by the time he somehow, inexplicably, became the Republican nominee for POTUS that I lost even a semblance of respect. Was I biased about Obama? Well, yes, of course I was. I am a very passionate Democrat. I stand with the views of that party. But that wasn’t the only reason I liked Obama. He also, in my opinion, earned respect. He wasn’t perfect, no one is, but he made an effort. You looked at him and you saw a decent human being. At least I did. I never could understand why some people had so much hatred for him. The Democrat before him, Clinton, was a successful president, even if he had issues with keeping a basic item of clothing on around interns. Obama, as far as anyone knows, had no issues with this. I think it was the whole “Michelle was awesome and he was a good guy” bit. But girl had muscle and could probably bench press him, so ultimately it was in his best interest.
Moving onto Donald Trump. What can I say? I have not cared for the last few Republican presidents, especially George W. Bush, for very good reasons. Yes, I have bias toward my party of choice. I believe the government should take care of ALL people, not just the wealthy. Everyone should have healthcare. Everyone should be able to make choices about their own lives. And so on. Still, I would never have advocated for wild hyenas to chase after either Bush, or Reagan, or any of the other Republicans before them. But Trump? Oh, yes, yes I would.
I don’t dislike him. I loathe him. And I have reasons, so many reasons, all of which can be backed up with written, audio, or video proof. Almost every time he opens his mouth, something hateful, offensive, sexist, racist, or just idiotic comes out. Or any time he types on a keyboard, which he does way too often for any office holder. We need a new law barring people holding office from Twitter. Unless you are a under 18 years old you really do not need to be spending that much time on a form of social media that spits out idiocy 140 characters at a time. Good grief, my children do not spend that much time on Twitter. They are smarter and have more important things to do with their time.
I do expect my kids to show basic respect for authority, even if they don’t like them. But this is unlike anything I have ever experienced when it comes to authority. George W. Bush was not the brightest light on the porch, but he did know how to listen to his advisors. Trump is so arrogant he won’t even listen to his own staff. And he needs to, because he knows nothing about his job. You should understand your job and if you don’t, you darn sure better lean on someone who does get it. This is true at a KFC, and it is certainly true in the highest office in the U.S.A. Have your own views on the issues, views I detest, but at least do some basic things like:
A: Live in the White House – full time – with your wife. Or
B: Prepare for meetings with presidents of other countries, especially if those presidents are extremely dangerous. Or
C: If you can’t say something nice, shut up.
Crazy ideas, I know, but come on! It’s not just me, some crazy “libtard” as Internet Trump supporters like to say. Other world leaders dislike him too. Watch the Chancellor of Germany Angela Merkel roll her eyes and imagine getting to spend the day sandwiched between Putin and Trump.
Or check out the former president of Mexico, Vicente Fox.
He is now one of my new heroes.
Unlike my president. Yes, though I hate it, he is the president, but he is a lousy president and a pretty lousy human being. He could change, but I highly doubt he will. As Vicente says, he would be much happier back in his old life as jerk CEO. There’s no pressure there, and best of all, no tempting buttons to push. There was a time, back when he was first elected, when I thought people were going overboard with worry. Surely he wasn’t going to be that bad.
I was wrong. So wrong. There are scary things happening out there. Other countries with weapons that could destroy what is left of the promise of this great nation. The United States and her people deserve more than this. The world, of which the United States is one of the wealthiest, most influential nations, deserves more than this.
It deserves respect.
Today is the day Americans, or North Americans anyway, celebrate independence from England. I’ve said this before, but I don’t know if there’s ever been a year to my recollection when it’s been more true. England has to be celebrating independence from us.
Still, all I had to do was look at a newspaper yesterday to see that we still have reasons to celebrate, though we’ve done our best to bury them lately. For one thing, we aren’t embroiled in a civil war. No army has beaten down our houses, murdered us, and forced our children to fight. That is real and happening in the Sudan right now. I’m not just talking about teenagers here, but little children.
But there is no time for the Sudan – Trump tweeted again! And it was a stinker, whew. The latest was a video of him superimposed over a wrestler. Because we all know he’s in shape. And he’s beating the crap out of another wrestler, labeled CNN (fake news!) Goody! Nothing like literally showing violence toward the news media just days before we celebrate the fact that we have free press in this country. We also have democratic elections with the exception of the Russian hacking that is becoming more apparent by the day, and the gerrymandering that politicians, especially Republican ones, use to their advantage.
Here’s a clip not just of the juvenile tweet (I’m so happy he has this kind of time on his hands to make videos like this) but also of the reaction of one of his advisors. Yes, he applies suction fast enough, but as the video points out, he can’t hide his immediate reaction which is priceless. Just imagine what the other countries think of us now! By the way guys, I am not with him!
Our mighty president has finally gone far enough that even the Republicans, who up till now have been pretty spineless about disciplining him, have spoken up. Trumpy again insulted a woman based on appearance, saying Mika Brzezinski, co-host of Morning Joe, was bleeding from plastic surgery. She hasn’t had plastic surgery, but even if she had, who the hell says that? I mean, besides someone used to bullying everyone around him to get his way? Certainly not a president. Several high ranking government officials from both parties have said essentially “For God’s sake, you’re killing us here, please grow up.”
The worst thing is that with Trump being such an imbecile, people are distracted from some very serious issues today, including healthcare. Obama helped put the idea that healthcare is a RIGHT into peoples’ heads, as it should be. Those people murdered in the Sudan? That was during war. Throwing people off of health insurance is effectively murder as well. Poor children can die without medical care. They can lose their parents or grandparents young. And everyone needs health insurance because you never know when you could get hit with something out of the blue. Cancer, Heart Disease, and Mental Illness, all of which require costly treatment, don’t send you warning letters years ahead of time. And even if you are always healthy, you still need to pay into health insurance because that is how they pay for the truly sick people. Just like how you pay into Social Security because elderly people who raised you need care now. You might have heard it before – it’s called being a Christian, or simply a decent human being.
My title isn’t an accidental typo. I’m spelling phonetically, like the man in the commercial for red, white and blue pancakes who claims in a dramatic slur that they taste like “Amuuurica.” Credits to the nostalgia critic for finding this gem. I am crying tears of patriotism.
I’m not sure what America tastes like, but these days it might have a slightly bitter taste. Best drown it down with some beer. The right kind of beer of course.
Drink while you try to figure out what the heck Google means with their 4th of July salute.
Are the animals trying to declare their independence from us too, or what? Either way, have a good holiday even if you don’t celebrate. My house celebrated Canada Day because it sounds nice up there, except for the cold. We could cuddle with your Prime Minister. Oh, wait, that’s not very patriotic . . . Happy 4th!
When you’re out of commission as long as I’ve been, things tend to pile up. All those little things you didn’t feel like doing before are now in front of you. This is true for me even though I have had people help me so much. For instance, the church went in to help fix our air conditioner. While they were there, they figured, holy crap these people can’t find their floor – or their cabinets – or likely their sanity. So they cleaned also.
If you know someone who is ill either mentally, physically, or both, and you’re wondering what to do – that’s it. Clean. If they are at all open to the idea, it is a huge help to them, and they likely aren’t going to ask for it because it’s embarrassing. So that and cooking – both great ideas. They might even go to your church if you do it.
Anyway, in spite of this, I still find myself overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that I’ve gotten behind on. Since we had so many clothes, enough to make a new carpet and then some, they bagged many of them up in leaf bags for us to sort through ourselves. Which we will . . . eventually. But right now, the idea of even starting this project makes me itch.
Itch like my head, because now was a perfect time to come up with the little buggers. Sometimes I even wonder if I’m really better, but my husband assures me I am. I want to go out again, I want to do things again, I smile again. The problem is that there is so much left over from when I could do squat that I don’t even know where to begin. I was told I could skip my Friday treatment. So I did, and I went back on Thursday after getting home on Wednesday. I can’t even drive yet, but I’m back at work.
Or I was, until Friday around 10 AM when I had to go home. I just couldn’t figure out what to do with myself. Not like there weren’t things to do, but there were too many things both at work and at home that I was thinking about, and I had no idea how to prioritize them. Of course I know now that the head itching, which was distracting itself, was not psychological for once. So I can treat that. But there isn’t a shampoo for prioritizing.
I just can’t figure out how so much got away from me. I’ve been in treatment for 3.5 weeks, but even before the ECT, I wasn’t getting anything done because of the depression. Its much easier to say “Yes I should do laundry, but that bed looks comfy” etc., etc. So now I have so many decisions to make that at times I will skip an official meal because I would have to decide what I was going to eat. Overwhelmation is taking its toll.
June is a big month. My Things turned 13 and 17 – yes, you heard right. I can believe 13 for Thing Two – she’s been thirteen for the last three years at least. But 17 for Thing One? You realize how old that makes me, right? If you know me on Facebook, you already know – I turned 41 three days ago. I can’t figure out how so much has happened. Turns out that the world goes on even when you don’t.
In some ways, I needed this depression to understand how much things meant to me. Things like, well, my things – my children and the other people who care for me. I feel I’ve gotten much closer to several people through this, including my parents. They love me more than I realized, and have even told me so. I’ve seen how good so many people can be, and I’ve been inspired to be that way myself.
But where to begin? I don’t know. When you are driving to a big city 6 hours away on Sunday, then driving home Friday afternoon, only to repeat all of this again the following Sunday, your regular life takes a back seat. Normal everyday things like getting housework done or even remembering to fill my pills regularly, take a back seat. There just isn’t any time. And I cannot begin to describe the homesickness. A hotel away from it all sounds nice, but only for a certain amount of time. You start to miss your own town, your own house, your own bed, your children, on certain weeks your husband, and your old routine. And you want to smack the ceiling with a stick to shut up those people upstairs.
I haven’t been able to drive since beginning treatment. While I was in Dallas, driving was scary anyway, and on weeks with my father you could forget going anywhere. He’s 75 and much more nervous than he used to be on the road. I’ve always been nervous, so there’s not a lot of change there. Yet that meant more isolation on days I was with him. I could go out with my husband at least, but that traffic was still unreal. I don’t know how people live like that on a normal basis. No wonder so many in Dallas are getting ECT.
Driving represents a certain amount of freedom for me, and I never realized how I took it, like so many things, for granted. Or how much I used the word “thing” to describe everything. Sorry about that. I don’t have great memory loss, but I do get flustered easily. So here I am, discovering how much I’ve missed, and wanting for once to catch up, but getting confused easily and wanting to go hide under my covers at times. Getting a few zaps doesn’t fix things right away. Recovery takes more time, and as usual, I have no patience. Life doesn’t have much patience for you either. Get on the train or get off, it seems.
I don’t know if I’m ready for work, or even if this is the job I should stay with forever. I like my coworkers, especially my immediate boss. I get decent pay and really good insurance and retirement. It involves History and English, which are two subjects I’m good at. I’m proud of my job, and worked hard to get it. My daughter will be in college in a couple of years, and it would be nice to be around there. However, it doesn’t have an exact job description, which sometimes leaves you floundering around, wondering what you’re supposed to be doing exactly. I feel guilty when I’m not working hard enough, which seems to be most of the time. Not only that, I have a hard time concentrating on job tasks I often find boring when so many other tasks need doing elsewhere. That work / life balance idea is rather laughable. Yet I’m not sure what else to do. If I quit, then I need another job, but what? I’m not sure I could bring myself to decide. I can’t even figure out what clothes to keep.
So keep in mind how I really do want to get it in gear, which means catching up on both my own blog and the blogs of others. This used to be a big part of my life, and I think it would help me to make it so again. But I am struggling right now to get my life put back together, to figure out what is most important and what should be first. I’m not sure how to do that. Old Bob Frost said “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference.”
I like that poem, but I have a question. Which road is less traveled by, and how do you figure that out?
I have never liked bugs. I really don’t see their purpose. If it’s to feed something, then maybe we can just do without whatever it feeds. I’m not super into birds – they’re annoying also. But I’ll tell you what I really don’t like. More than your regular crawly bugs, stinging bugs, biting bugs, or even flying stinging crawly biting bugs . . . it’s bugs that LIVE on you. That’s right. Lice.
I have two beautiful daughters, as most of you know. I affectionately call them Things. Well guess what the Things brought in? That’s right. Bugs. The first time I somehow escaped them. But not this time. This time I thought my head just itched from the ECT treatments but noooo. It had to come from children. I knew there was some reason besides potty training and the facts of life that having girls would get me. Here it is.
My husband just gets a buzz cut. This doesn’t work so well for me. Instead I get to shampoo with pesticides and then comb the things – the bug things – out bit by bit. Oh sure, I could go with an alternative treatment like Mayo but frankly I do not want both bugs and salad dressing in my hair. I want something that makes them GONE, like yesterday, and the deadlier the better to me! If there were some sort of smoke bomb you could drop on planet Earth that killed every single one of them at once, I would be for that. Lice genocide. Works for me.
I got these suckers once before, when I was in elementary school. It sucked then too, only it was just as bad for my mother. I got my long beautiful hair cut, and then I got them shampooed out, and then combed out. For probably 27 hours or so. I’m pretty sure my mom would go for lice genocide too, since she’s the one that found them in her granchildrens’ hair while I was away getting my brain zapped. Lucky her!
So now I wait for my husband to return with “the stuff” and help me get this stuff out. If only I could save the comb and donate it to the Donald. Bugs would go nicely with that orange mop, and who wouldn’t want to see him dance? Be dears and send nice deadly thoughts in my direction. I hope to hear the creatures screaming by this afternoon.