Bugs!

I have never liked bugs.  I really don’t see their purpose.  If it’s to feed something, then maybe we can just do without whatever it feeds.  I’m not super into birds – they’re annoying also.  But I’ll tell you what I really don’t like.  More than your regular crawly bugs, stinging bugs, biting bugs, or even flying stinging crawly biting bugs . . . it’s bugs that LIVE on you.  That’s right.  Lice.

Hi, everybody!!!

I have two beautiful daughters, as most of you know.  I affectionately call them Things.  Well guess what the Things brought in?  That’s right.  Bugs.  The first time I somehow escaped them.  But not this time.  This time I thought my head just itched from the ECT treatments but noooo.  It had to come from children.  I knew there was some reason besides potty training and the facts of life that having girls would get me.  Here it is.

My husband just gets a buzz cut.  This doesn’t work so well for me.  Instead I get to shampoo with pesticides and then comb the things – the bug things – out bit by bit.  Oh sure, I could go with an alternative treatment like Mayo but frankly I do not want both bugs and salad dressing in my hair.  I want something that makes them GONE, like yesterday, and the deadlier the better to me!  If there were some sort of smoke bomb you could drop on planet Earth that killed every single one of them at once, I would be for that.  Lice genocide.  Works for me.

Hey what’s that smoke – Hide yo wives, hide yo kids!

I got these suckers once before, when I was in elementary school.  It sucked then too, only it was just as bad for my mother.  I got my long beautiful hair cut, and then I got them shampooed out, and then combed out.  For probably 27 hours or so.  I’m pretty sure my mom would go for lice genocide too, since she’s the one that found them in her granchildrens’ hair while I was away getting my brain zapped.  Lucky her!

So now I wait for my husband to return with “the stuff” and help me get this stuff out.  If only I could save the comb and donate it to the Donald.  Bugs would go nicely with that orange mop, and who wouldn’t want to see him dance?  Be dears and send nice deadly thoughts in my direction.  I hope to hear the creatures screaming by this afternoon.

On the other hand, maybe he has them already.

~Alice

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6 responses

  1. Ugh to bugs. I hope yours die a quick death. I hate them too. They supposedly serve a purpose, but I’m with you.

    A bird adopted me and turned my porch light into its nest house. I destroyed its handiwork for 3 days. I went out of town for 4 days which was enough time for it to complete construction. The funny part is that when I opened my door, it acted as though I was the intruder. No uh uh. I was here for 12 years you were here for days. Tried to spray lemon juice in hopes it would abandon ship but it stayed. I’m not fond of it but it seems persistent to stay. As long as it doesn’t try to peck my eyes out, I think we’ll be good.

    1. My parents had the exact same thing. These little birds nested in the cranny of their door and would dive bomb anyone who disturbed th em. And they kept getting disturbed! Who’d a thunk with them being in a freaking door? Oy. They’d take it down, and they’d built it right back again. This year at least they seem to have found another door.

      I am combing crap out of my hair – they better find another head next time. And not my kids’ heads either!

  2. Oh joys… headlice as a kid is unpleasant but as an adult it’s super embarrassing. It’s not even reassuring that they prefer clean hair because they’re just so gross.

    I hope the little b——s have all died now and left you in peace.

    1. Haha, I love your attitude faith. I hope so too, and that I get all they left behind out too. As do those kids of mine! Forget what I said about brushing your hair, don’t do it anymore, especially around other kids!

  3. I’m sure there are some useful bugs – bees that make half the food possible, ants that eat the fallen trees so forests don’t turn into giant piles of firewood, earthworms that make the soil usable for plants, but usability of all bugs ends within 10 feet of my house.
    And then there are those bugs that need not exist at all, like lice, or ticks, or mosquitoes, or bedbugs – if we could do a selective bugocide for these, I’d be all for it.

    1. Selective bugocide for sure. Definitely include all those you mentioned, plus wasp stings – there some reason they need to sting? They freak me out too. But if nothing else, please, take the parasites.

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