I have never liked bugs. I really don’t see their purpose. If it’s to feed something, then maybe we can just do without whatever it feeds. I’m not super into birds – they’re annoying also. But I’ll tell you what I really don’t like. More than your regular crawly bugs, stinging bugs, biting bugs, or even flying stinging crawly biting bugs . . . it’s bugs that LIVE on you. That’s right. Lice.
I have two beautiful daughters, as most of you know. I affectionately call them Things. Well guess what the Things brought in? That’s right. Bugs. The first time I somehow escaped them. But not this time. This time I thought my head just itched from the ECT treatments but noooo. It had to come from children. I knew there was some reason besides potty training and the facts of life that having girls would get me. Here it is.
My husband just gets a buzz cut. This doesn’t work so well for me. Instead I get to shampoo with pesticides and then comb the things – the bug things – out bit by bit. Oh sure, I could go with an alternative treatment like Mayo but frankly I do not want both bugs and salad dressing in my hair. I want something that makes them GONE, like yesterday, and the deadlier the better to me! If there were some sort of smoke bomb you could drop on planet Earth that killed every single one of them at once, I would be for that. Lice genocide. Works for me.
I got these suckers once before, when I was in elementary school. It sucked then too, only it was just as bad for my mother. I got my long beautiful hair cut, and then I got them shampooed out, and then combed out. For probably 27 hours or so. I’m pretty sure my mom would go for lice genocide too, since she’s the one that found them in her granchildrens’ hair while I was away getting my brain zapped. Lucky her!
So now I wait for my husband to return with “the stuff” and help me get this stuff out. If only I could save the comb and donate it to the Donald. Bugs would go nicely with that orange mop, and who wouldn’t want to see him dance? Be dears and send nice deadly thoughts in my direction. I hope to hear the creatures screaming by this afternoon.