V-DAY is HERE

V-Day?  What could that mean?  Vaccinate day?  Venereal Disease day?  Happy New Year?  Okay, it’s not Happy New Year, since you could say I missed that one.  Along with January.  And most of February so far.  But hey, I couldn’t miss the most important of days, which is of course Valentine’s Day – though it might involve the other two v days, depending on how you celebrate it.

Or if you celebrate it!  I decided to google “Valentine’s Day is . . .” and it turns out people – this will shock you – think it kind of sucks.  The first thing I got was “Valentine’s Day is Coming Memes”.

I got very excited about this, especially the article that promised to warm my icy heart.  With memes.  You might be doubtful about this, oh ye of little faith.  But I dideth click on one.  There were a lot of super funny memes, like the one where the guy from that office show says yes he has a date for Valentine’s Day and – wait for it – that date is February 14th.  Do you get it?  It took me a second, and then I just sat there laughed hysterically.  My heart is melted!

Okay I did like this one.

Valentine’s Day always makes me pee a little.

So that was from Bridget (@bridger_w) who took that little snapshot at a Rite-Aid.  I now know what to get that special someone.

No more time for “Valentine’s is Coming” memes, though, cause it be right here mah peeps (check out my inclusive language). The second thing to pop up was how much people love this holiday cause it makes them feel super close to their significant other, especially when that other buys them that freaking enormous diamond ring from Jared cause even young children know that Dad is gonna score when he gets their Mom that ring from Jared!  And there was nothing at all disturbing about that commercial that played roughly a million times!

Haha, I’m lying of course, because the sentence to pop up next was really “Valentine’s Day is overrated”.

If you’d like to know four, five, ten or even fourteen reasons why this holiday is overrated, all you have to do is google.  I can summarize them all for you, though.  Valentine’s Day is overrated because it’s a way to make people feel guilty if they don’t get suckered into paying money to retailers in order to prove love to that special person.  It also makes people feel lousy if they don’t have someone to make them get suckered into paying money to retailers in order to prove love.  This is totally different than Christmas, or birthdays, or anniversaries, etc. because it falls on February 14th.  Look!  I have a date for Valentine’s Day!

In light of all this negativity, I decided to look up the origins of Valentine’s Day. For all you naysayers out there, it turns out that this holiday is just oozing with happy and love and well this came up first.

Ah those romantic Romans!  Executions!  That’s just amazing.  Two different guys named Valentine get executed on the same day (different years – did he remember or was it luck?) by this Claudius guy, so the Catholic Church martyrs them with St. Valentine’s Day.  Clearly the next logical step was to make this day about love and chocolate too, just like Easter!

Chocolate Bunny?

So there you go, a special Valentine’s Day post.  In case you are planning a hot date, don’t forget that once again the perfect movie is out just in time for this day of love and torture!

Classy as ALWAYS

Yours truly,

Alice

P.S. Tomorrow the candy is 50 percent off.  True love waits.