Kentucky Fried Crisis!

Have you heard the news today?  They say that danger’s come our way.  It’s a real land of confusion alright, what with all those wars and famines and politicians, but today our old reliable Facebook News had some real news people care about, news to unite all walks of life.

Kentucky Fried Chicken has run out of chicken. 

Yup, you heard right.  Now this is happening in the U.K., not here, thank gawd, but what a terrifying prospect!  So much so that it naturally made international news.

Count on CNN, you guys.

Our media sure savored this little news bite, alright.

And we thought all those hurricanes were bad!

A wing and a prayer!  Get it?  I guess I can see this appearing on CNN Money, since KFC is bound to be losing it’s chicken butt over this shortage, which is causing stores to close all over the U.K.   But that’s not the only problem they face.

There are some super angry Brits over there.  Observe.

There are some marvelous quotes in here.  “It’s a chicken place, so they should have enough chicken,” says one boy.  That’s so cute how kids think logic should apply to real life!  Other people took to Twitter with their annoyance over having to drive to multiple locations to find chicken.  Multiple locations.  They do have other chicken places in the U.K. right?  Or is this chicken just so filled with artery clogging goodness that our mother country is addicted?

If Brits act like this, you realize we in the U.S. are in deep, deep trouble.  As one commenter said, “There would be rioting in the streets over here.”  I don’t doubt it.

KFC is deeply apologetic for causing so many in the U.K. to go without the two of the most important food groups (salt and grease).  Here’s a sign from one of the restaurants.

 

No compromising on quality for us!

So just how did they run out of chicken?  As the sign mentions, the chain just got a new supplier called DHL who promised to “re-write the rule book and set a new benchmark for delivering fresh products to KFC in a sustainable way”.  Jolly good job, right oh, I say!  DHL explained that “due to operational issues a number of deliveries in recent days have been incomplete or delayed.”  Operational issues, eh?  As in what type of operational issues?  Is it because some employees are still teething?  That does hurt.  Or have employees been stealing the chicken for themselves?  Shoving it down their pants and making a run for it?  There is clearly more to this story than they are telling us, people.

I mean it is super hard to round up chickens, kill them, and dump their body parts in a truck and deliver them to 900 stores! But I wonder if this could have anything to do with their new spokesperson, Reba “Colonel” McEntire.  I mean, she was the obvious pick for a new Colonel Sanders, what with the natural resemblance.  But some people are not at all happy with this and have complained.  No, really.

Reba, is that you?

Because this is a feminist issue!  Reba is the first female Colonel Sanders, ya’ll!  Well, sort of!  Because while some praise her for, as one article puts it, “shattering the grease-soaked napkin ceiling,” others are upset cause the colonel can’t just be a woman, but must be a woman pretending to be a man.  So, like, the colonel is now transgender then?  I thought he was an real life man who’s been dead for over 30 years, but apparently not.  He’s a character.  Or she.  Or however the colonel chooses to identify, for chicken is fluid.

So I think the problem is clear.  Colonel Reba here has taken all the chicken.  Because feminism.  But KFC will make things right, though it may be over a week.  Hang tight.  And as another commenter said, “Prayers”.

~Alice

 

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16 responses

  1. “Or however the colonel chooses to identify, for chicken is fluid.”
    That is fucking brilliant, I love it.
    Pooey on chicken, a true disaster would be to run out of pizza.

    1. We would never make it. I wonder if they will have a female who wants to be a male Chuckie Cheese now?

      1. Mice are also fluid, I hear. So yeah, totes.

  2. Either I’m living under a rock, or it really isn’t that big of a deal because I’ve not heard about this! I’m guessing maybe I do live under a rock. Or at least, in a bit of a bubble!

    Providing we don’t run out of tea. Now that would be a national crisis.

    1. Oh, yes! Same with coffee over here. I didn’t even know you guys had KFC – you all seem so sophisticated. Well, until you watch your reality TV. I’ve seen some on youtube and that’s posts just waiting to happen. Cause I’m sure it shows exactly what you guys are like!

      1. We do have done people who don’t drink tea, only coffee. The least said about things like The Only Way Is Essex or Geordie Shore or Big Brother, the better!!

        1. Yay, now I know some new shows to check out!

  3. It’s all very well for you lot across the pond to pass comments on our misfortune, but you are not living through it… this is REAL, people!! We Brits are suffering it as we speak! I was forced to cook my own chicken this evening, and no it did not include the Colonel’s special spices BECAUSE WE DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.
    *Breathes*
    It’s okay. We’ll ride it out. Thank God I had a KFC last Friday, the memory of it is still fresh in my mouth memory.
    Please, send prayers.
    And fried chicken.

    1. I bet Reba knows what the special spices are! I’m going to have to send her a few tweets. Also, I think someone should tell our president. He is very concerned with fast food, as he eats a cheeseburger in bed every night. Maybe he will send an emergency shipment of KFC your way. It’s bound to get there before our aid to Puerto Rico did.

  4. People who are upset over Colonel Reba must have entirely too much time on their hands. 😄

    1. Entirely. They should be thinking of charity – like sending some chicken over to our allies.

  5. Maybe they’d prefer “reanimated corpse Colonel?”

    1. They could use that new CGI technique on the face that brings Hollywood actors back to life in a not-at-all creepy way!

  6. I’d say that supplier has fully fulfilled their promise (if not their orders) “re-write the rule book (the old rule used to be to deliver what is ordered when hequired) and set a new (really low) benchmark for delivering fresh products to KFC in a sustainable way (not delivering any chicken is very sustainable, most people can sustain this way for decades.)

    1. Hey, KFC took a lesson from our government!

  7. I wrote a rap song about KFC. It’s pretty good. If you ever meet me IRL, I’ll perform it.

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