A Very Merry Unshutdown to you!

“You say eether and I say eyether
You say neether and I say nyther
Eether, eyether, neether, nyther
Let’s call the whole thing off!”

– “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off”

I’ve considered writing about this whole shutdown thing for – what is it – 30 some odd days now.  CNN had a handy timer right down to the second, cause they are useful that way. I’m pretty sure most of the world knows how stupid we are by now, but just in case our government shut down for 35 days because well . . . here’s a quick summary:

Trump blarts, “We need a wall cause caravans and criminals and my red hats are mad I didn’t do it yet.”

Rest of Gov’t, “No big deal. You haven’t accomplished anything you promised. Have a hamburger and sign this saying you won’t shut down the government because you didn’t get millions for your petty little pointless project.”

Trump, “Okey dokey, oh lookie Fox News.”

Fox News, “Blah blah Trump is a wiener for signing yadda yadda.”

Trump, “I am NOT a wiener!  No sign!  Want wall!”

Democrats: Nope.

Government shuts down.

white rent


Ah, right, that’s it.  But don’t worry, they said.  It’s temporary.  Even if it’s right before Christmas.  I mean – who needs a government?  We get anarchy with government anyway, so let’s call the whole thing off!

Now it was up to the Democrats, or rather Nancy Pelosi with the rest of the Democrats staring at their newspapers, to try to negotiate a deal with Trump.  The first meeting went like this:

Trump: Am I getting my wall?

Pelosi: No.

Trump stomps out.

35 days later . . .

Yeah, so maybe not so much fun.  Turns out we do need a government for a few minor things to get done like:

Paying 800,000 government workers. (Billionaire Republican Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross says “They should just take out a loan”.  Or maybe sell one of their yachts, Wilbur?  “How about making a deal with the grocery store to pay later?”, dumbs Trump.  Yes, he really did say that.)

Keeping poor people alive through programs like Food Stamps and WIC. (What poor people?  Ask your neighbors for help!  Like that government worker guy next door!)

Ironically, security for stuff other than the Mexican border like TSA, the Coast Guard, the FBI (they do stuff other than investigate you, Trump):

govt shutdown

Everything checks out here!

But good news, a few days ago the government reopened (expect the news on time, none of the time on the Alice network) but only for a few weeks.  Fox News continues to say that Trump got a great deal.  After all, the government opened back up after over a month, and he didn’t get a wall.  Or anything else.  So since this was such a success, it only makes sense that he would ask for exactly the same thing in a few weeks.

I think I can guess what Nancy’s answer will be.  But what is our answer?  How are we going to stop this ridiculous gridlock in our political system?  Maybe we should ask our mother country, the Brits!  They’d know.

brexit please work


~ Alice

4 responses

  1. I have to add just that absolutely brilliant moment during that meeting between Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, and Trump last December — with about a hundred cameras recording — where she got the latter to admit 100% that HE was going to shut down the government. Not the Democrats, not anyone else, HIM. Which she then topped by saying, ‘Um, actually, no, you’re NOT welcome to give the State of the Union and actually I CAN stop you because I know the Constitution.’ Beautiful.

    Here is a woman who knows both politics and how to deal with toddlers throwing fits, whatever their age. The bitch is back and she won’t back down.

    And to think, all those Democrats didn’t want her back as Speaker because change! and younger voices! and complete idiocy!


  2. Ironically, border patrol weren’t getting paid, either. You summed up the whole thing quite nicely, though. Maybe they will grow up by Valentine’s day and pass the Stop STUPIDITY Act!

  3. The sad part is how many people out there actually agree with Trump and think spending that much money on a wall is going to make the country – or their lives – better. These are the same idiots who say, “Why are we spending so much on immigrants instead of supporting our troops???”

  4. Definitely don’t look to us for help with political deadlocks. We’ve just had the second extension to Article 50 and I can’t see another six months helping us sort out what we’ve already had over two years on. I’m not sure what the answer would be to solve the problem, whether we revoke Article 50, have another referendum (given that the Leave Campaign in the first one was based on lies), leave with no deal, or maybe find a virus that is deadly only to white humans so that we can improve the state of the planet completely!

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