It was pointed out to me that my page, All About Alice, doesn’t actually, you know, tell much of anything about Alice. So I added this FNAQ (that’s Frankly Never Asked Questions) for the benefit of everyone who is curious about Alice. And those who aren’t. If you’ve heard any of this before, be a peach and pretend it’s new, like when you get the same fruitcake for Christmas twice in a row.
Question One: Why do you have a blog?
Answer: I love to write, so I’m willing to do it for nothing. I would be willing to be paid for my blogging, but so far no one has offered.
Question Two: So what is your “real” job?
Answer: I work as a librarian. Well, technically my title is Library Assistant II Special Collections, but (A) that’s too long to write and (B) the title “librarian” carries much more street cred than assistant.
Question Three: Do you have any education?
Answer: I have a BA and an MA in English (I never said I used them), as well as a Master’s degree in Library Science. One interviewer asked why I have all these degrees. I guess I just like to collect them.
Question Four: Have these degrees helped in your career?
Answer: Oh, sure. Employers are always pounding down my door asking for people with liberal arts degrees, because there are so few of us, and all. And the pay? Wow, the pay is just . . . next question
Question Five: Do you have a family?
Answer: What? Oh, yeah. I have a husband. He’s a mechanic, which is neat because I get someone to work on my car for free. Well, and the price of parts. And the price of him spending half his time lying under cars. And the car parts in my yard and at times, even my house. And . . . I also have children. I have two daughters, ages 15 and 11. I call them affectionately Thing One and Thing Two and routinely feed them nitrates.
Question Six: Do you have any pets?
Answer: Thing One and Thing Two. Also Thing Two used to have two snails. She was the president and founder of the snail club, which consisted of her, one friend, and a couple of camp counselors she nagged into submission. Then she became the owner of a hermit crab, who managed to escape both his cage AND his shell and is somewhere in my house. *Update: We found the crab by my bedside table. Well, half of him. This has not comforted me.
Question Seven: Who the hell are Sad Pony and Squirrel? Aren’t they just pictures of animals? What is wrong with you?
Answer: Hey, pretend interviewer, you are getting a bit nasty there. Sad Pony is a depressed pony and he is so real. Doubting Sad Pony makes him sad. Stop that. Squirrel is also real. You’ve probably seen him running across telephone wires. He’s a bit of a thrill seeker. They are both in love with Miss Four Eyes, who one of my awesome followers. One day their relationship will be recognized in the eyes of the law. There’s nothing wrong with me. My mother had me tested.
Question Eight: Now that you’ve been Freshly Pressed, what do you want to do next?
Well, I’m not going to Disney World. Those animatronic things scare the crap out of me. I thought about making the freshly pressed symbol my background, a huge blue field with FRESHLY PRESSED across it. Then I thought about adding it into my name “aliceatwonderlandwastotallyfreshlypressedsuckahs.wordpress.com” But instead I think I’m just going to continue being fabulous™ only now with freshly pressed bling placed subtly up in the corner of my blog.
Question Nine: Do you have any other blogs to recommend?
Yes! Check out any of the people brave enough to comment here. I’d make a list of them, but it’s
possible probable that I would leave someone out because I have ADHD and often forget what I’m doing in the middle of
Question Ten: What’s up with all the Alice in Wonderland crap?
Answer: Well, I live among constant insanity (everyone else is crazy but I’m just fine) so I figured that was pretty close to Wonderland. We’re all mad here, you see.