Tag Archives: 25 song challenge

Day 5: If You Like Pina Coladas

This one should be easy.  There are so many songs that get stuck in my head on a regular basis.  So. Many.  But how to choose the most obnoxious one?

Heyyyyyy Macarena . . . you're welcome.

Heyyyyyy Macarena . . . you’re welcome.

No, not that one, though undeniably it gets stuck in your head, I’ve already covered it.  The worst songs are the ones that not only get in your head but that you hate beyond measure.  I don’t actually hate Macarena – the first few times I hear it.  It’s after you hear it dozens of times that I begin freaking out.  But there is one song I only have to hear once, and yet radio stations continue to play it, probably because djs are ticked at getting low salaries.  Here it is, guys, here it is.

 

I was tired of my lady, we’d been together too long
Like a worn-out recording of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleepin’, I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns there was this letter I read

 

Get ready for it . . .

 

‘If you like Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape
I’m the love that you’ve looked for write to me and escape’

 

Do you like pina coladas???

Do you like pina coladas???

 

Arghhhhhhhh!  I hate this song.  Hate it.  It gets into your head and just stays there, and it is the worst possible song ever about the worst possible people.  I guess I should show you more, in case somehow you have managed to miss it.

 

I didn’t think about my lady, I know that sounds kinda mean
But me and my old lady had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I’m nobody’s poet, I thought it wasn’t half bad

 

I’m bored so I’m gonna go cheat on my wife!  Yay!  Check out my song!  It’s so awesome!

 

“Yes, I like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain
I’m not much into health food, I am into champagne
I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malleys where we’ll plan our escape”

 

For cheating lovers everywhere!

For cheating lovers everywhere!

 

Yes!  I DO like Pina Coladas!  Also standing in rain!  I like getting drunk!  Also cheating on my wife!  How about you?  Of course if you know the rest of the song, it turns out his wife likes cheating on her husband too, cause that’s who shows up in response to the personal ad!  Isn’t that romantic?  They’re both totally untrustworthy jerks, but at least they found out they both like pina coladas and standing in the rain and cheating on each other!

 

Now technically this song is called “Escape” and it’s by Jimmy Buffet who also wrote a song about Margaritaville, which is probably where this pina colada guy escaped to after he figured out he had VD.  But enough of that.  The point is, no matter how awful this song is, it sticks in your head, and no one remembers the “escape” part. They just remember “If you like pina coladas, if you like pina coladas, blah blah make it stop, make it stopppp!”

 

Yes, I know, I’m responsible for another earworm, but the challenge made me do it.  If it gets too bad, go have a pina colada.

 

Day 4 (just pretend): Highway to Hell

Okay, so I missed yesterday of the Neverending Song Story because of the Mucus from Hell.  If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s making that crap.  I’m sure you’re delighted I filled you in there.

Anyway, I was supposed to list a song that calms me down AND WHY.  Yeah, if there was one, I might have posted yesterday whilst all mellow on my song choice.  But Mellow  Yellow tends to make me twitch, so maybe not.  Instead I will go with my original idea of the comforting little ballad “Highway to Hell” by AC/DC.  Sometimes screaming songs are nice when you need to shout, shout, let it all out.

Hello, welcome to Hell.  Elmo will be your server today.

Hello, welcome to Hell. Elmo will be your server today.

The best thing about this song is the inspirational lyrics.  Observe:

I’m on the highway to hell
On the highway to hell
Highway to hell
I’m on the highway to hell
(highway to hell) I’m on the highway to hell
(highway to hell) highway to hell
(highway to hell) highway to hell
(highway to hell)

If only I could understand what he’s trying to SAY here.  Any guesses?  Oh, and one other reason I love this song.  It’s especially funny when a four-year-old sings it as Thing One once did.  “Hiiiiiwaaaay to Heyelllll!”  Laughter and screaming are the best medicine, are they not?

Day 1: La Cucaracha

Okay, if you’ll remember, we’re doing this 25 songs, 25 days challenge – cause no way can any of us make an entire month here – in which we discuss songs.  Songs that are meaningful based on some random list of criteria, like songs that remind you of ex-boyfriends (anything by Taylor Swift will do, won’t it?) or your parents (I’m bettin’ on Twindaddy’s being “A Boy Named Sue”), etc.

First prompt asks for a song from your childhood AND an explanation of why you picked it.  In other words essay, not fill in the blank, students.  To that I say – what childhood?  I was raised by wolves until I was four.  Then I was captured by Disney and forced to slave 18 hours a day in a sweat shop making Mickey Mouse ears.  Until I escaped and ran away to Vegas where I made a living as a gambler and doled out advice to Kenny Rogers.  Know when to hold ’em.  Know when to fold ’em.

I bet Twindaddy doesn't even know how to play poker.  Wuss.

I bet Twindaddy doesn’t even know how to play poker. Wuss.

Okay, fine, my childhood was not that interesting.  I was born in 1976, back before The Internet.  Yea, truly, it wast the dark ages.  Back then we didn’t need artists like Lady Gaga to be bizarre.  We had Madonna and Cyndi Lauper and we were HAPPY, darn it.

At first I thought I would talk about Cyndi, cause I remember how much I loved her song “She Bop”.  I sang that song like I was the most awesome nine-year-old on the planet.  This was before I realized what the song was about.  Thanks a lot, Cracked.

Ooops I got it past the censors, boop boop!

Ooops I got it past the censors, boop boop!

Speaking of disillusionment, in kindergarten we all sang a song called “La cucaracha”, a charming little Spanish song about . . . wait, what?  Okay, here are the lyrics as I remember singing them as a child.

La cucaracha, La cucaracha

Blah blah blady blady blah

Yo do mo pretty

Oh yeah me quatro

La la la la la la la

Or something like that.  In other words, I had no idea what I was singing.  And likely neither did the teacher, unless she had some sort of twisted sense of humor.  Here are the Spanish lyrics I learned in Spanish class in high school (this was the coolest day of Spanish class ever).

La cucaracha, La cucaracha

Yo no puede caminar

Porque no tiene, porque le falta

Cigarillos de fumar

Translation? According to my Spanish teacher, this was a song about a prostitute who could not walk because she did not have her weed.  Cockroach was not a bug, it was another word for marijuana as in “Pass me that roach, man.”  Yet for some reason they use cigarettes in the last line.

Stoned hobo cockroach.  See, this is why I hate bugs.

Stoned hobo cockroach. See, this is why I hate bugs.

Anyway, just wow.  I mean, how on earth is this song even remotely appropriate for little kids?  I mean, sure we didn’t know what we were singing (we were a bunch of little whitey kids mostly) but seriously?  Then I started looking up tthe song on the Internet just now and guess what I found?  That wasn’t true EITHER.  I’m starting to feel like I did when I realized that Jeremiah the Bullfrog shared his mighty fine wine, not that we had a mighty fine time.  (Nice one, music teacher.)

It's also a dance!  That apparently you do stoned!

It’s also a dance! That apparently you do stoned!

I suppose technically it is hard to tell what is true, since there are so many versions.  Most of them use marijuana instead of cigarillos, so I didn’t even have the right Spanish lines.  Others (the cleaned up ones) just talk about a cockroach that loses its leg and can’t walk.  Another version is about a cockroach who has had too much weed and can’t walk.  I wonder if the cockroach smoked a bowl while Jeremiah drank?  If so, I bet they had a mighty fine time.

Joyyyyy to the worlllld mannnnn . . .

Joyyyyy to the worlllld mannnnn . . .

So what is the lesson I learned as a child from this “children’s song”?  You cannot trust adults, they will only lie to you.  And they won’t share their wine either.  Adults stink.  La la la!

25 Days of the Gambler

Well, Twindaddy is doing this challenge where you talk about songs and what they meant to you and crap like that.  Or something.  All I know is that it means prompts for like 25 days so everyone cheer.  Oh woot.

My happy message for the day.

My happy message for the day.

I figure I can crank out 25 songs based on that, and every one will be the Gambler.  Know when to hold ’em.  Right, so here are the prompts if you’re stupid enough to play along.

Because I care.

Because I care.

Oh yeah prompts.

Gambler, Gambler, Gambler, Cats in the Cradle, Gambler, If You Like Pina Coladas, Gambler.

Gambler, Smells Like Teen Spirit, Cats in the Cradle, Highway to Hell, Gambler, If You Like Pina Coladas, Gambler.

Go to Twindaddy’s blog for more information. Cause I really can’t be bothered.  Oh, look, another random Grumpy Cat gif.

He has a point.

He has a point.

So get ready for . . . whatever.  If you want to join in for some strange reason, go to his blog and you can get more details that might actually matter.  Here’s another old friend.

I can kick Grumpy Cat's ass.  I'm just too tired today.

I can kick Grumpy Cat’s butt. I’m just too tired today.

There should be some way to end this post . . .