Tag Archives: 50 Shades of Grey funny

50SoG Recap#10: Meet the Parents!

 Chapter 19, page 261.  We’re getting there!  Only seven more chapters.  Is that long enough for him to kill her and then get sentenced to prison for murder where he gets to personally learn some hard limits?  Let’s find out.

Now that Christian has chained up Ana and introduced her to his riding crop and cable ties, it’s time for her to meet his parents!  No, really!  To make this meeting more fun, Christian has stolen Ana’s panties, but Ana is not going to ask for them back, because that will show him.  “I almost hug myself with glee, because I know this will drive him crazy.” Ana thinks.  Yeah, that’s a good idea.  Purposefully antagonize Mr. Stable.

They dance to Sinatra’s song “Witchcraft”, because they are both so highbrow don’t you see?  Naturally he is a fabulous dancer.  They finally leave to meet his parents, and Ana thinks “Oh the many faces of Christian Grey.”  Hey, that reminds me of  “The Three Faces of Eve”, a movie Ana should really check out.  She, subconscious, and inner goddess would get a real kick out of it.

Ana finds out Christian learned to dance from “Mrs. Robinson” her name for the woman that molested him and taught him the fine art of slapping the crap out of people.  She is so jealous.  Jealous of the woman that abused her boyfriend . . . I don’t . . . even.

She meets his mom and dad, who are nothing like the parents in Twilight at all, and then his little sister Mia who bounces around like a Cocker Spaniel on crack.  His brother is there as well, with Kate, and they are making out all over each other which Ana finds really disturbing.  Ana, Ana, Ana.  You were tied up and sucking on a riding crop the night before.  I don’t think you have much room to judge.

Ana mentions that she is going to Georgia to see her mom for a few days.  Christian handles this predictably well.  Dinner time!  Kate mentions that Ana went to the bar with her buddy Jose on Friday because apparently she hates Ana as much as I do.  Christian whispers that he’s “palm-twitchingly mad” now while keeping up a happy face in front of his parents.  Ana is scared to death.  I just love stories of true love, don’t you?

Ana gets jealous of their blonde maid who is in love with Christian. Surprise.  Christian distracts her by running his hand up her thigh.  Ana shuts her legs tight to stop him.  They’re still at the dinner table with his family.  What a charmer, that Christian.  He abruptly announces that he’s going to show Ana around and drags her out to the boathouse.  Well, he starts with dragging, and then tosses her over his shoulder.  Ana’s one brain cell realizes, “He’s mad about something – could be Jose, Georgia, no panties, biting my lip.  Jeez, he’s easy to rile.”  And any of those things are perfectly good reasons to get enraged.  You know, if you’re batshit insane.  He warns her that he is going to spank and then fuck her.  End chapter!

Chapter 20 begins with Ana again pleading “Please don’t hurt me.” Christian proves he’s not completely heartless, and decides to just “fuck her for his pleasure, not hers” as punishment for her not-crimes.  He grabs her, you know, down there and informs her aggressively that “This is mine . . . all mine.”  Oh, wow, I think I am going to swoon. And then he warns her not to come, because he’ll punish her, even though Ana can orgasm to anything, even Trojan commericals.  She doesn’t, lucky girl, and Mia shows up and Christian says he was showing her his rowing trophies.  Because he’s an expert dancer, rower, is fluent in French, and made millions of dollars by the time he was twenty-six.  All this and fucking crazy too!  What a package!

After the dinner, Ana gets mad at Kate. Now Kate does not have all the information we do, since Ana has not told her he’s actually beating her.  However, Kate is supposedly a fabulous investigative reporter, and she did notice that Christian was creepy, and that he has made Ana cry ever since he met her.  So, yeah, duh, Kate.  Then again, you notice she gets mad at the clueless friend for antagonizing the boyfriend, not the boyfriend for getting antagonized and beating her.

But it’s all okay, because Ana thinks, “Can I not lead him into the light?”  Sure, Ana, you can change him with the power of love, even though no other woman has ever managed to do this ever.  He promises to “try” not to be an asshole, and that tiny thread of hope is all Ana needs.  She says she’ll sign the contract, (D’oh!) but he advises she wait until after Georgia.  They go back to his house and the chapter ends oh no there’s another sex scene first.  Cause who wouldn’t be in the mood after that scene at the boathouse?  She asks him to “make love to her” and then her subconscious chides her because “think about all that he’s said, how much he’s conceded.”  Yeah, Ana, he said he’d try not to beat you occasionally.  Jeez.  And subconscious, who the hell’s side are you on anyway?

They share a toothbrush, which is so sexy if you’re a total freak, and Ana has a brilliant idea.  She’ll let him beat her if he’ll just tell her a little about his background.  Great plan!  Christian puts some vaginal balls in her, and she asks him to spank her, and he does, but this time it’s so awesome because it’s not as painful and then he sexes her and they both have massive orgasms and then they cuddle up to sleep.  And then Christian gives her one sentence of background info, just before the chapter mercifully ends.

 “The woman who brought me into this world was a crack whore, Anastasia.  Go to sleep.” 

Sweet Dreams!