New Years Eve post – Resolutions are easier if you set standards low. Really low. (12/01/01)
Job Search Fun – I try for a new job at my old job (12/01/26)
Not sure what happened here. Maybe I slept.
The Big Red Atomic Dog – I start writing reviews of awful Children’s TV. In this one, I ponder how Clifford got so big (12/03/30)
Woman at the Well – I retell a random Bible story. Badly. (12/04/20)
Time Management! – This won’t help you. (12/05/07)
View from a Trampoline – I figure out I’m not 12 anymore (12/06/11)
You Suck: Helpful Advice for Writers – I dispense learnings from my writing class. (12/07/18)
Penguin’s Progress – How things don’t get done at a university or why I stay with my old job. My first post after my switch from blogger to WordPress– (2012/07/30)
50 Shades of Beating a Dead Horse – I decide to recap the 50 Shades series despite countless warnings and many others beating me to it. I am an idiot. (2012/08/06)
More 50SoG? Yes, No, Who invited you to the party? – I ponder whether to continue the series. And I give 50 SoG the psychopath test. Guess who passes with flying colors???? (2012/08/20)
50SoG Interviews Taylor: I start interviewing 50 Shades fictional characters. Speaker 7, her mind clearly blown by her recaps, links to me and I get semi-famous! (12/8/22)
Your Weekly Horoscope – I make up horoscope readings. I am still getting hits from people wanting actual readings. (12/09/07)
The Cool Table – my first post on Canvas of the Minds. (12/09/09)
Queen of the Mucus People – beginning of my series “Fun with Lung Disease” (12/09/30)
Curious Alice Visits the Hospital Part One – Pneumonia sucks. (12/10/02)
50 Shades Flunked: Back to School – I grade E.L. James on her third book. Not pretty. (12/10/15)
An Alice Halloween Special – Worship the Great Pumpkin at the patch of your choice. (12/10/31)
The Seneca Scourge by Carrie Rubin: A Review – There are still good books out there, you guys. (12/11/02)
My Hurricane Post (12/11/04) – My totally unhelpful reflection on Hurricane Sandy
Alice’s Inspiring Movember Post (12/11/06) – There’s a picture of male anatomy and a pumpkin with a mustache.
Alice’s Thanksgiving Special (12/11/22) – Pilgrims, Indians, Turkey, and Smallpox
Alice’s Press Release Blurbs (12/11/18) – You like me! You really like me!
Twilight Movie Recap Part One (12/11/30) – I review Twilight with my darling, snark-filled children.
Alice’s Letter to Santa (12/12/12) – Alice starts her blackmail campaign against Santa.
Alice’s Christmas Special (12/12/25) The story of Jesus and Santa.Wow, what a trip down that rabbit hole of memory lanes. Clearly, so much happened in 2012, as revealed in those blog posts that I’m sure you clicked on instead of skipping to the bottom. Like I applied for a job and got pneumonia and reviewed a bunch of awful books. Oh, and there was a hurricane. Let no one say Alice does not have a handle on news we can all appreciate. Or something. Make way for 2013.
You might have wondered if I was actually keeping up with your responses or if I was just going to say screw it and just give you a random grade (I don’t know any teachers that do this). I’m not as talented as some people who have way too many clown noses lying around (wait, those were clown noses, right?) who can magically place them in every post despite there being like 5,000 posts. I have slightly less than this and still didn’t do it. But don’t despair! I have test results. Some of you may be held back. On the plus side, you get to keep your same desk.
Questions for Chapter One and Two:
I had 10 bloggers comment on chapter 1 and 8 on chapter 2. You all get complimentary happy faces for that one, I just decided, cause I love comments. Some of you guessed right. Some of you guessed wrong. Some of you guessed the most violent answers out of pure spite, which I admire. And of course some of you have, I’m so sorry, actually read these books and have pointed out your unfair – oh so unfair – advantage as far as knowing what happened in the the book. Then again, I’m not sure if I could correctly answer anything from the first two books and I know I read those. So who knows.
So 1 happy face for everybody. Along with the added happy or frowny for each question depending on if you got it right or wrong. (I would say I’m going to check, but yeah right, so whatever you do doooon’t cheat because . . . what am I saying, cheat all you want.) Either way you can wear these faces with pride, because even if an answer’s wrong, there’s still a chance it could have happened in the book because these books suck so bad I wouldn’t be surprised if the Titanic suddenly surfaces in one. Also, I think there should be multiple Alicebling prizes for various inane things, like most violent response, responses that made Alice laughhh, etc as I think of them. Everyone can be winner! Unlike that damn monopoly game at McDonalds because that freaking clown cheats. Here are our current contestants.
It is not too late to enter, you guyz! Some of you may have and I forgot to stick you on this list because Alice is hard of thinking – just let her know. This is a really cool contest. There are prizes, I swear, as soon as I figure out what they are. Also you ALL win a place on my blog roll just for showing up (most of you are probably already there unless I haven’t remembered to add you, which is also possible.) This is impressive because I am a very hot commodity and like millions of people see my blog everyday and I would never lie to you guyz, my friends.
I have decided to go to one 50 Shades recap a week because it is the most my brain can stand. Speaker 7 had her reasons for making her recaps come slower and slower. She was trying to maintain brain cells. I think they do regenerate, but it takes time people, and also reading actual real literature and watching a lot of PBS. Tough therapy there. So good luck to you all, and may the odds be evah in your favor, and all that crap.