Now that my depression has lifted for however long, I have lots of plans.  I have more energy to do the plans.  I have resolutions, like not drinking so much cola, and losing weight (because it’s healthy, not to look like I’m 20 – as Mamie said to Scarlett O’hara – “You done had a baby.  You ain’t never wearing that again.” Or something to that effect; I’m not looking it up.)  I also want to write more about esketamine nasal treatments, the history, and a personal account of what it’s like.  Well, kind of – it’s a little hard to describe.  But I couldn’t find much when I looked, so it’s better than nothing.  I also wanted to clean, clean, clean cause I have a lot of that to do. So much. And Marie Kondo won’t return my calls so it’s up to me.

Quit meditating and get to my house.

But then this morning I couldn’t get myself to move.  It was like, I’m awake, I got motivation, but my body isn’t moving. That’s odd.  Then I had this genius idea of getting those tiny coke cans that are actually 8 oz (I can’t believe that’s 8 oz cause I have gotten used to 32 oz and 8 oz is like a drink from the water fountain) and there was this sale, but you had to buy four six packs. I was okay with this because I had plans to label them so that my husband would not whine that he didn’t get some, and that I could know which ones were mine and could like wean myself off of them.  I think that was the idea.  So the Things and I went to the grocery store and we got this but then we also got a few other things like pizza for tonight (it’s low calorie pizza no not really shut up) and then we checked out but I didn’t get the special exactly cause it was 3 for one and not 4 for one.  I think.  Whatever.

This is from an old post.  It has cokes in it.

So then we went to McDonald’s for fountain drinks because I don’t have much ice at home (MY first world problem) and the others weren’t cold and I haven’t started my resolution yet why are you looking at me???  Then I paid and I started to drive away without picking up my drinks until the Things pointed it out, so I went back through the drive-through but they were nice and stuff and didn’t point out my stupid.  Thanks, McD’s.  Anyway at some point during this I was like, huh, my chest really hurts. I mean sure I had been coughing up great gobs of green goo, but that’s not unusual (sorry for the description there), so it hadn’t occurred to me that I could be sick.  Just garden variety sick – or at least my garden variety.  Wow.

Yay, they’re back!

I’m not sure how to explain how odd it is to be relieved that you are sick.  But it meant I wasn’t sad again, and that I could later lay down and that was fine.  But I wanted peeps to know I wasn’t disappearing because I was sad again.  I’m okay.  It’s just mucus.  Be back soon.  

~Alice