More late breaking news you guys, brought to you again by Facebook, my only source of news save a couple of bloggers who have been letting me know about stuff like the Republican presidential debates, led by Trump, who from brief glimpses at the TV, appears to be arguing with himself. I have not heard yet on the last one from Speaker 7 or List of X, so let us hope they decided to ignore this and are not still in drunken benders trying to forget it.
But right, back to my news. Before I told you guys about Alyssa Milano’s magical pumped breastmilk and how she was really angry that it was not allowed on the plane with the rest the milk that was still stored in her regular boobs. No word on whether airlines will start measuring the amount of liquid in boobs or other organs next. I guess that all depends on whether a terrorist manages to do something really amazing with it first. I’m sure Facebook will keep me informed.
Alyssa is still in the news, yammering about how people won’t accept women breastfeeding, thus giving her excuse to publish lots of pictures of herself breastfeeding. Speaking of pictures, this next piece of news is about selfies! No, not selfies of Kermit with his new girlfriend. Though I also told you guys, via Facebook news, that Kermit and Miss Piggy had broken up, even though no one knew they were together, and they are both puppets. His new girlfriend is also a pig, in case you were wondering. And Kim Davis has already announced that she will not issue them a marriage license.
And before that we had a 100 year old man kill his wife with an ax and a senior citizen having quadruplets (they weren’t related to each other – I don’t think) so you may be wondering – what next, Alice? Here’s a hint.
Yup, this piece is about a report – yes an actual report – that says that more people were killed taking selfies (like the one above taken by a guy running from BULLS who survived but is in big trouble for making this, like, more dangerous?) than were killed in shark attacks in 2015. Several reputable internet news sources have picked up on this, including Yahoo News, but the story I chose comes from Mashable. According to Mashable, the dude who slipped off the Taj Mahal while taking a selfie (not American this time) was the 12th selfie related death this year. In comparison, there have been only 8 deaths from sharks.
This made me wonder a few things. For one, how did they come up with the comparison? They are fairly different things. A selfie is a self-absorbed way for a person to take a picture, whereas sharks are sea animals with big, sharp teeth who rarely ever take photographs (they are reportedly shy). Would you compare these two any other way? For instance: Tourists like to take selfies. Sharks like to eat tourists. How many selfies can a tourist on a beach five miles from the ocean take before a shark traveling 60 miles per hour can eat them? Show your work.
I wouldn’t be surprised if one of those shark related deaths came from someone trying to take a selfie while riding a shark. Or jumping over one on water skis.
Anyone (or their *cough* friend) ever taken a selfie while doing something stupid? Anyone willing to admit it? Let me know in the comments below!
I was chatting with my old pal Merbear and her hubs when Mer noticed another IMPORTANT NEWS ARTICLE on Facebook. Apparently Alyssa Milano was getting on an airplane and someone confiscated her breastmilk. OMG. STOP THE PRESSES. This is Alyssa Milano, people, and clearly they did not recognize that she was, HELLO, on that show with the witches that lasted like dozens of seasons somehow AND “Who’s the Boss” back in the 1980s. I remember the episode where she picked out her first training bra with a pink bow. And now here we are, coming full circle back to the boobs.
And there are several boobs here, as you’ll soon see. Now I’m not going into a breast vs bottle debate or breastfeeding in public or any of those other first world problems we have going on around here cause I like to keep this a lactivist-free zone. I’m also not arguing that it was not incredibly moronic to take breast milk, even if the rules do say take away liquids cause once a terrorist once tried to use liquid to blow up a plane. I mean, it’s breast milk, and I highly doubt it carries explosives. If so, I have to say I’d be very impressed and much more keen to call breastfeeding a true “super power”.
I don’t know the exact airport guidelines for liquids anymore, and I didn’t want to look it up, especially since a lot of airline personnel also don’t really get the guidelines either. They’re just doing their jobs, which, like most jobs, make no common sense. I mean, it’s not like terrorists get together in little conventions every few months and share their tips and strategies.
Terrorist One: Hey, man, I heard this dude hid a razor in his shoe and hijacked an airline.
Terrorist Two: Cool stuff. Let’s do that from now on. They will never suspect a thing!
Still, we take our shoes off at the airport because, well, maybe some terrorists really are that stupid and by golly, we are going to catch them. As well as a lot of irritated people just trying to make their flights, like say little boys whose names happen to be on the no-fly list.
But that’s the thing – it’s an irritation. The truth is that we really don’t know how to fully prevent terrorists cause they tend to change their strategies like the little sneaks they are, but people want you to do something, so you do what you know. And it bugs people. But it has yet, to my knowledge, caused anyone to say starve to death or go without medical care.
Whoops, did I forget Alyssa? God forbid. Now I don’t blame her for being ticked that someone took her special milk. I mean, she pumped that stuff from her own bod, and it was for her bay-bee and they just, like took it. That bites. I could see writing a nasty letter to the airport. Or griping about it to friends. Starting a twitter campaign that is then picked up by SEVERAL media outlets . . . not so much.
My friends and I pondered in our hearts about Alyssa’s problem. First off, we admitted that we had no idea she even had a baby – talk about OUT OF THE LOOP. We worried for poor Alyssa’s baby. It’s not like Alyssa can make more of that stuff, like it just comes right out of her boobs or . . . wait. But that’s not the point. The point is that Alyssa Milano’s breast milk is a special commodity, probably made from sparkly unicorn dust. Which means they likely didn’t use it as creamer in the tea or coffee they offer. I bet they sold it on Ebay! You know someone would buy it. But only with a certificate of authenticity. When you buy actress breastmilk, you want to make sure it’s gonna make your baby spoiled, entitled, and rich. What if, say, you got Lady Gaga’s milk instead? I shudder to think of it.
Here’s a snippet from an actual article from USA Today:
The actress, who is mom to son Milo Thomas, 3, and 7-month-old daughter Elizabella Dylan, tweeted that 10 ounces of her breast milk had been confiscated. “Gone,” she said. “Not okay.”
And even worse, apparently it was thrown away.
OMG the HORROR. So they didn’t sell it on Ebay. What a waste. Poor Elizabella. She’s already confused about her name, now her food’s gone. Another article stated:
Alyssa Milano: The airport took my breast milk.
Am I the only one who thought of that movie line? Dingos ate mah ba-by! Now that’s some news right there. If dingos got Alyssa’s baby, I would be very concerned. Especially if she was on an airline at the time. Maybe the airports should stop playing with breast milk, and start keeping an eye out for dingos.
Cause you just never know what could be the next trending news.