Tag Archives: book review

50 Shades Flunked: Lesson Four

Crap this is crap.  Crap, crap, crap.  But at least I’m already on chapter . . . four. 

Poor Pony. He might need to be shot soon.

Alright, so A) Ana hits the yacht with her jet ski and kaboom is wrong (don’t tell sad pony).  Also wrong is B) Christian takes dirty pictures of Ana.  Well, at least it’s wrong so far.  That only leaves C) The emails.  They’reeeeeeeeeee baaaaaaaaaack!

Now you’ve done it, James. Kitty Brains everywhere.

Okay, so chapter four opens with Ana feeling restless.  I am on the edge of my fucking seat here (BoredNow).  Ana gets an idea in her tiny, tiny brain to take out the jet-ski by herself and tells poor Taylor (AnaFail). Wow, who could think Christian might have a problem with the biggest moron in the universe taking out a jet ski?  Considering she face planted in his office and all she had to do was walk across carpet, this should go so well (FacePalm).

Taylor hesitates (Guy wants to live.  Go figure.) so she gets all bravefaced and courageous and tells her husband she wants to go out! (AnaFail)  Wow, like, I don’t have to get bravefaced for that.  I just say “I’m going out.”  And husband says “Bye.”  But for Ana-kins, this is a major achievement (FacePalm).  She says “Taylor doesn’t hide his admiring smile.” (AnaFail)  He’s not admiring you, you little twit.  He’s thinking “Can I kill her and make it look like an accident?”

Yes, Taylor. Yes you can.

So she figures out the jet-ski after only a couple of tries (naturally) and is all “this is fun!” and “Ha ha! It still keeps going!” and “Math is hard!” (AnaFail)  She spins around the boat and Christian sees her and takes out his gun and plugs her one and for once I actually like Christian. Oops. Drifted off again.  Anyway, he sees her, and Ana thinks “What was I thinking?” and I think “Nothing, bitch” and Christian gets madfaced, and poor Taylor has to listen to his shit (AnaFail).  Yet Ana doesn’t feel bad for him, she feels bad for her poor “pathologically overprotective husband.”  Yeah, um, did you notice the whole “pathological” thrown in there, Ana-kins?  That’s not a good thing (AnaFail).  And Taylor, you really don’t have to take this.  It’d be so easy to kill them both.  No one would have to know.  Secret’s safe with me.

Ana talks to Christian on the phone and is all excited because she gets “permission to have fun.” (FacePalm).  Having just gotten off the phone, it only make sense that Ana would then decide to . . . God no . . . email him. (EmailAbuse).

Now I’ve had to go and get a new kitten. Great.

Moving on, Ana goes shopping and whines about how hard it is to be rich (BoredNow, AnaFail).  She calls up pathetic, stupid, lovesick Jose, wakes him up, and asks him what kind of camera she should buy new husband.  He’s a little annoyed by this and Ana thinks “I don’t need this right now” because crap, why wouldn’t he want to be woken up by someone he has a thing for so he can give her advice on a gift for her asshole husband? (AnaFail, FacePalm)  Ana returns to the boat and gives Christi-poo her gift – a Nikon Camera.  Why is it always a brand name?  Is she fucking getting paid for this?  How many sponsors does she have?  And why would they want to sponsor this? (WTF)

Ana’s subconscious “glares at her like she’s a domesticated farm animal.”  Good one, subconscious!  She tells him he can take pictures of her, and he gets all freaked out, and worries that he might be objectifying her by taking her picture (that’s objectifying?  WTF?) and Ana is all I totally love rough sex just not hickies and Christian is confused and so am I (AnaFail).  Ana thinks Christian being “uncomfortable” about her bruises is “chilling.” (AnaFail).  No, that would be normal, Ana, which admittedly confuses me, since we’re talking about Christian here.  So she questions him about what’s wrong, blah blah blah (BoredNow) and takes stupid pictures of him and then he sticks his peen in her (SexyTimes) and this does nothing to relieve my boredom (StillBoredNow).  Then they lay there and blather on about their vows (AlicePukes, EvenMoreBoredNow, FacePalm). 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOORED!!!!!!!

More blah blah about returning home and Christian being afraid of the tickles and Ana telling Christian how fabulous he is (SoBoredAliceBangsHeadOnTable).  And then – holy crap, E.L. James discovers a brand new invention – the Internet has a chat feature?  Who fucking knew? (FacePalm)  She chats with Kate and chat-yells at her for mentioning that Christian is a dom and Kate apologizes and they make happy faces (FacePalm).  Finally, Ana has a bad dream about losing Christian (sounds like a good dream) and realizes that her greatest fear is losing him because she’s the most co-dependent chick on the face of the freaking planet (AnaFail, FacePalm).  But at least the chapter ends.

Final Score = 100-60=40 or

For our next question, we’re doing something new!  True or False! You have three opportunities now for a happy or frowny face.  Or more if you’re cheating.

Question 5A:  Ana is the worst character in the history of ever.  True/False

Question 5B: This book has caused brain damage.  True / False

Question 5C: E.L. James plans on writing a youth novel next.  True / False

Good luck!  And remember everyone is a winner!  Not really!

The Seneca Scourge by Carrie Rubin: A Review

Hey, guys, I am majorly excited here because I get to review a book that is actually a book!  It’s by Carrie Rubin who many of you may know from her blog.  If not, go to her blog.  Then buy her book because it is really great, and I’m not just saying that because she is a blogger friend.  If I didn’t like the book, I would say “Carrie Rubin’s book has a really nice personality.”

The Seneca Scourge is an edge-of-your-seat medical thriller with a science fiction edge.  For those who say they don’t like sci-fi, this is not typical Star Trek stuff.  In fact, the sci-fi does not actually make a definite appearance until quite a ways into the book, although there are hints dropped along the way.  But these are subtle hints, not giant hints the size of icebergs that some authors might leave.  She gives you just enough to wonder – who is this guy?

This guy is named Dr. Casper Jones, but he’s not the main character.  The main character is Dr. Sydney McKnight, a beautiful, intelligent doctor with a past that makes her isolate herself from almost everyone.  She quickly gets embroiled in a rapidly escalating epidemic at her hospital that spreads to the rest of the city, the country, the world.  An unknown virus is killing people at an alarming rate, and nothing they do is helping.  She is forced to work with virologist Dr. Jones.  He’s a dark, handsome stranger who also happens to be just plain strange and has some sort of secret he’s not telling anyone. 

There is a lot of research in this book.  The author has experience in the medical field, and this is quite apparent.  I’m not a doctor, but I have been to a lot of doctors, and I’ve watched a lot of doctor TV shows.  I recognized the names of antibiotics, and several of the treatments used, although fortunately I did not have experience with the respirators.  There is enough information given to present the realism of a hospital environment without overwhelming the reader with a bunch of technospeak.  The only inaccuracy I could find was that not once did Sydney ever make out with a colleague in the janitor’s closet.

I’m kidding about that last line, since that sort of thing only happens on television.  In reality, doctors work long shifts and suffer exhaustion, and poor Sydney fits that bill.  She is pushed to her limits in trying to combat this virus.  I really enjoyed her character.  She wasn’t a Mary-Sue.  She had weaknesses, like her lack of trust, but was someone who was willing to do whatever it took to help a patient, even if it meant bending the rules a little bit.  The author doesn’t tell us what her character is like, she shows us through her words and actions.  It doesn’t take long to find yourself identifying with the heroine.

There are so many questions that propel the reader through page after page.  Who is Casper?  Why is he so weird?  What is this virus?  How will they stop it?  Who else is going to get sick and die?  Will Sydney ever get to take a freaking nap?  And once she starts to answer these questions, the action only escalates, and the tension increases.  I read the last part of the book in a few hours, because I could not put it down.  I won’t give away the ending, but I found in highly satisfying.

This book isn’t just a medical thriller, nor is it a sci-fi book.  More than anything it is the story of a woman facing her deepest fears, and learning that it is possible to put your faith in other people.  Only when the pressure is on, do we learn what we are made of, and what is most important in life.

This book is offered as an e-book on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com and will soon be out in paperback.  At a paltry five dollars, it is a steal.  I highly recommend The Seneca Scourge by Carrie Rubin.  Five Stars.