Tag Archives: breastmilk

Facebook News with Alice: Alyssa Milano and the case of the stolen breast milk

I was chatting with my old pal Merbear and her hubs when Mer noticed another IMPORTANT NEWS ARTICLE on Facebook.  Apparently Alyssa Milano was getting on an airplane and someone confiscated her breastmilk.  OMG.  STOP THE PRESSES.  This is Alyssa Milano, people, and clearly they did not recognize that she was, HELLO, on that show with the witches that lasted like dozens of seasons somehow AND “Who’s the Boss” back in the 1980s.  I remember the episode where she picked out her first training bra with a pink bow.  And now here we are, coming full circle back to the boobs.

Just WAIT till Twitter is invented, Dad.

Just WAIT till Twitter is invented, Dad.

And there are several boobs here, as you’ll soon see.  Now I’m not going into a breast vs bottle debate or breastfeeding in public or any of those other first world problems we have going on around here cause I like to keep this a lactivist-free zone.  I’m also not arguing that it was not incredibly moronic to take breast milk, even if the rules do say take away liquids cause once a terrorist once tried to use liquid to blow up a plane.  I mean, it’s breast milk, and I highly doubt it carries explosives.  If so, I have to say I’d be very impressed and much more keen to call breastfeeding a true “super power”.

I don’t know the exact airport guidelines for liquids anymore, and I didn’t want to look it up, especially since a lot of airline personnel also don’t really get the guidelines either.  They’re just doing their jobs, which, like most jobs, make no common sense.  I mean, it’s not like terrorists get together in little conventions every few months and share their tips and strategies.

Todd, I'm tellin' ya, put the stuff in breast milk.  They'll never suspect!

Todd, I’m tellin’ ya, put the stuff in breast milk. They’ll never suspect!

Terrorist One: Hey, man, I heard this dude hid a razor in his shoe and hijacked an airline. 

Terrorist Two: Cool stuff.  Let’s do that from now on.  They will never suspect a thing!

Still, we take our shoes off at the airport because, well, maybe some terrorists really are that stupid and by golly, we are going to catch them.  As well as a lot of irritated people just trying to make their flights, like say little boys whose names happen to be on the no-fly list.

But that’s the thing – it’s an irritation.  The truth is that we really don’t know how to fully prevent terrorists cause they tend to change their strategies like the little sneaks they are, but people want you to do something, so you do what you know.  And it bugs people.  But it has yet, to my knowledge, caused anyone to say starve to death or go without medical care.

Whoops, did I forget Alyssa?  God forbid.  Now I don’t blame her for being ticked that someone took her special milk.  I mean, she pumped that stuff from her own bod, and it was for her bay-bee and they just, like took it.  That bites.  I could see writing a nasty letter to the airport.  Or griping about it to friends.  Starting a twitter campaign that is then picked up by SEVERAL media outlets . . . not so much.

It's only a matter of time before baby is on twitter too.

It’s only a matter of time before baby is on twitter too.

My friends and I pondered in our hearts about Alyssa’s problem.  First off, we admitted that we had no idea she even had a baby – talk about OUT OF THE LOOP.   We worried for poor Alyssa’s baby.  It’s not like Alyssa can make more of that stuff, like it just comes right out of her boobs or . . . wait.  But that’s not the point.  The point is that Alyssa Milano’s breast milk is a special commodity, probably made from sparkly unicorn dust.  Which means they likely didn’t use it as creamer in the tea or coffee they offer.  I bet they sold it on Ebay!  You know someone would buy it.  But only with a certificate of authenticity.  When you buy actress breastmilk, you want to make sure it’s gonna make your baby spoiled, entitled, and rich.  What if, say, you got Lady Gaga’s milk instead?  I shudder to think of it.

Here’s a snippet from an actual article from USA Today:

The actress, who is mom to son Milo Thomas, 3, and 7-month-old daughter Elizabella Dylan, tweeted that 10 ounces of her breast milk had been confiscated. “Gone,” she said. “Not okay.”

And even worse, apparently it was thrown away.

OMG the HORROR.  So they didn’t sell it on Ebay.  What a waste.  Poor Elizabella.  She’s already confused about her name, now her food’s gone.  Another article stated:

Alyssa Milano: The airport took my breast milk.

Am I the only one who thought of that movie line?  Dingos ate mah ba-by!  Now that’s some news right there.  If dingos got Alyssa’s baby, I would be very concerned.  Especially if she was on an airline at the time.  Maybe the airports should stop playing with breast milk, and start keeping an eye out for dingos.

Cause you just never know what could be the next trending news.