Tag Archives: Cake by the Ocean

Someone Left My Cake Out By the Ocean

I’m out for a while, guys, away from Facebook news and stuff gets like, crazy crazy.  Droopy Dog Cruz just drops out, ka-poof, like he was tired of people (like fellow senators) saying he was the devil or something.  And apparently Kasich dropped out too, though no one really noticed, just like they didn’t really notice he was running.  And for like two days I didn’t even know this.  My mother told me, and we don’t even talk all that often (Happy Mother’s Day Mom and Ted!).

Even weirder, there’s not even that much about it on Facebook, the place I get all my liberally biased news.  That’s right, Facebook suppresses conservative news too!  (I tried to find the Gizmodo article, but only got this article by the same guys about painting a room by blowing up paint.) I think it must be true, though, cause Facebook news says Tylenol can make you emphasize less with people, which must be why I don’t care about a lot of really stupid people.  Frequent headaches and all.  Anyway, so we are left with . . .

Trump, te Trump, Trump, Truuuump.

Trump, te Trump, Trump, Truuuump.

No one quite knows what to do with this.  Oh, sure, comedians can laugh about it, but there’s this little edge to their laughter like ha ha Trump might be our president it’s hilarious and hahahahaha . . . ha . . . cough . . . choke.

So we’re left with Hillary and Bernie still duking it out because even though Bernie doesn’t stand much of a chance now, unlike Cruz, he’s just not going to leave Hillary alone until he absolutely has to because where would the fun in that be, huh?  Meanwhile, Facebook does bother to announce that, hello, Trump just won – uh what was that latest state – he won one, guys, and I am totally surprised what with him being the only one running.  Why are they bothering to announce this?  Is it actually possible for someone to be the only candidate and still lose?  I mean saying he’s not a Democrat running in Texas?

These days?  Anything is possible.  ANYTHING.

Time to start snortin' the baby powder, peeps.

Time to start snortin’ the baby powder, peeps.

One might think this is good for Democrats.  The problem is, if Hillary wins, there are many Bernie supporters who claim “Bernie or Bust” which is quite true because if they don’t vote for Hillary, they will, in fact, be voting for Trump, meaning “bust” big time.  Ka-boom.  I will write this out slowwwwly for people who are still uncertain about our two party system.  If you don’t vote for the candidate picked, even if you don’t like this candidate, you are, in effect, voting for the other party.  So then you just have to decide.  Hillary or Trump?

I think I lost some people there.  Come back, Canada is closing the gates!

This whole thing makes as much sense as that old song about cake getting wet.   You know “Someone left my cake out by the ocean” . . . wait, no that’s the new song with one of those Jonas brothers about . . . it’s totally just about eating cake by the ocean young Disney Channel viewers.  It’s edgy though, cause he says like bad words, and talks about cake.  Cake that is bound to get wet.  And you know what happens then.  I don’t think that I can take it. Cause it took so long to bake it. And we are never having that recipe again.

Soylent cake is made out of BABIES!

Facebook News: Soylent cake is made out of BABIES!

Oh nooooooooooo!  Ohhhhhhh nooooooo!

Did you see those metaphors just come flyin’ at you there?  I did.  They didn’t make any sense, just like this election, so it’s like we just took a perfectly good cake, left it out in the rain, on the beach, near a Jonas brother and a bunch of girls in bikinis, and now Trump may be President of the United States.  Actions have consequences, people.  Jonas brothers, ruined cake, Oompa Loompa politicians, people moving in mass to Canada where they probably don’t even have cake or oceans, I don’t know, and someone just “Wake Me Up When It’s All Over”.  When I’m wiser and I’m sober.

Till then, let’s just eat cake and dance to stupid songs.

-Alice