Tag Archives: cats are funny

You’re Doing It Wrong

This cat is not showing proper alignment . . . probably.

This cat is not showing proper alignment . . . probably.

So one thing I’ve noticed in my obsessive study of . . . what was it again . . . oh, right yoga, is that everything is a brand.  People want to claim something that is supposedly an ancient tradition is their idea because money.  There are so many kinds of yoga and just as many yoga-ish programs.

Some of these have interested me because of my loosely attached neck that goes creeeak when I move.  I’m desperate because clearly doctors aren’t going to do anything unless I actually break my neck, which somehow I have thus far avoided.

But I don’t want to get taken either.  I’ll give you a few examples.  First up is the MELT Method created by Sue Hitzman.  Basically, it’s a foam roller.  That costs 40  bucks.  And a 20 dollar book that tells you how to roll on it.  The rolling is supposed to massage your muscles and prevent pain.  I think it also cures Leprosy.  It sounds pretty stupid, and yet . . . people say it works.  Is it just placebo?  Is it so bad if it is just the placebo effect?

I'm meltinggggg, I'm meltinggggggggg . . .

I’m meltinggggg, I’m meltinggggggggg . . .

I guess it depends on if you’re being harmed by it or not.  When investigating melting, I found a site of physical therapists who really, really hated this program.  Apparently, in an effort at D.I.Y., people managed to hurt themselves.  With a foam noodle.  That’s pretty impressive.  And then the therapists have to correct their correcting.  Sort of like when certain men think they can fix a house despite having no knowledge of house fixing because IS MAN (cue grunt).

Another one is called Yoga Tune Up.  Instead of a roller, Jill Miller has balls.  No, not those kind, I mean the kind you bounce.  They are toys for children.  Oh just . . . look at a picture, then.

Check out my balls!

Check out my balls!

From what I understand, they are Pinky bouncy balls (1 buck a piece at Wal-Mart) that she slapped a label on which ups the price to 12 bucks for two of them. Impressive.  She has you roll around on the balls on the floor or up against the wall.  It’s supposed to also work those sore muscles.  I tried this with one of my unlabeled Pinky balls.  I then wondered if this was such a good idea, rolling a ball up against my spine since I don’t know what I’m doing and spines are pretty important, or so I hear.  Jill does have experience with both physical therapy and yoga, whereas I mostly have experience in smacking into walls and falling over.

Finally, I stumbled upon something called YogAlign by Michaelle Edwards.  She says that the postures people commonly do in yoga are bad because bodies aren’t supposed to be right angles, they’re supposed to be all curvy.  So you know how you can’t bend over straight and touch your toes?  You aren’t supposed to – apparently this is why we have those bendy things called knees.

Well, she's aligned, but she's aligned over a lake.  That doesn't look promising.

Well, she’s aligned, but she’s aligned over a lake. That doesn’t look promising.

A lot of it makes sense, but in order to test it I have to pay 60 bucks for a book and a DVD.  The only thing I’ve heard from this program is praise.  Also, the creator of this program is really good at self promotion.  I mean, really, really good to the point of STOP IT ALREADY.  Find an article about yoga somewhere, and she’ll have comments on it that just happen to advertise her new form of yoga.

She could be right.  On the other hand, I find it suspicious that suddenly one person has discovered all the answers.  After all these years one person said, hey, bodies shouldn’t go bendy like that so let’s totally redesign yoga.  And then market it.  You can find her book on Amazon – there are only glowing positive reviews.  Either she really is the Yoga Messiah or something fishy is going on.  For one thing, I’m curious about just how different her methods are from the modifications you can find in many yoga books already, but at 60 bucks that’s a lot for an experiment.

But what if she’s right?  Or what if the other two are right?  All I need is some balls (cough) and a roller and the knowledge of how to do yoga differently than every other yoga teacher and I’ll feel better.  Or maybe I should just make up my own yoga program and make money and then I won’t care that my neck hurts because I will be able to hire someone to hold up my neck while I walk.

Try the Alice program now!  We promise results!

Try the Alice program now! We promise results!

What do you guys think?  Have you heard of any of these programs?  I’d love to know.  Also, check out the new Alice Roller Ball Yoga, on sale soon.