The Things and I were eating at Wendy’s and came up with a fabulous idea for a new kid’s T.V. show. In their Kid’s Meals, they got “smart links” that you can attach together to form a giraffe. If you squint. A lot. They each got a set, so we decided to make our own . . . creation. Meet Mutey – the mutant giraffe.
Mutey is a mutant, but he’s just like YOU! Only he was raised in nuclear waste. And has two heads. And two stomachs. And we’re not sure about the other parts. But otherwise, just like YOU and ME. He’s special! Not only that, he has special friends too!
This is Mutey’s best bud. My husband came up with him while we were excitedly discussing our new show in front of several somewhat worried Wendy’s customers. Roady the Roadkill Raccoon was involved in an unfortunate accident and flattened but reanimated with the powers of electricity and play-doh!
But that’s not all. Mutey has other friends who make special appearances from time to time to
freak out brighten everyone’s day! They also teach lessons like the ABCs, only backwards, and numbers from eleventy billion to -286.
And many, many more as soon as our twisted imaginations come up with them! Anyway, we put a lot of thought into this (like the last 20 minutes or so) and decided on a title and a theme song. Check it out:
And the theme song for “Mutey and Friends”
Mutant, Mutant Giraffe!
Mutey goes on adventures
With his friends!
Doodle doodle pop!
And remember kids
Mutey is like Me and You
We Love You!
Doodle Doodle Poo!
Catchy, isn’t it? We thought so. And so will the kids! Once they climb out from under their beds!
So what do you think? Have we got a great pitch, or what?
|Bob the Builder|
|Haha, welcome to the
|Imagine opening your toolbox
to find . . . .THIS
|Wrench: My teeth hurt
Hammer: Bang. . . bang . . . bang
|Thomas the Tank Engine|
|Better make yourselves
useful – FAST
|All Aboard! Hahaha . . . I’ll walk, thanks.|
|Jay Jay the Jet Plane|
|“Gosh, Tracy, we sure are creepy!”
“You said it, Jay-Jay!”
|“Yeah, I dunno, she’s been standing on that lot talkin’
to the planes for over an hour . . . better get the white coats.”
PBS means well – they really do. Back around 2000, they started making more shows with minority characters, because I guess they felt left out of the wackiness. Which brings us to my next children’s program:
Two kids, Max and Emmy, who look white and speak English like Anglos, yet have a disembodied parent voice with a Mexican accent, find a glowing scale in their playroom. No, not one you weigh on; it turns out it’s a dragon scale – and it’s magical, of course. I’m thinking if I saw something strange and glowing in my room, I might get Mom and Dad. But not these two. They say some magic words – I guess whoever left the dragon scale left instructions or something, I forget. Anyway, these magic words – which are repeated every episode so they can reuse the same animation – transport them to dragon land.
Now I’m a big fantasy fan, and I’ve read a lot about dragons. They’re big, scaly, and they breathe fire and eat people, especially knights. They seem oddly fond of kidnapping princesses. So I’m waiting for these kids to get roasted, but, alas, turns out they’re friendly. And they can speak Spanish. No, really! Who knew?
Anyway, there are several eccentric (read: annoying) dragon characters. Cassie is the pink one, who shrinks when she’s unhappy and whining, which is pretty much all the time. Org, or Ord, I was never quite sure, is the token big, stupid one. And then there’s . . . Zack and Wheezy, the two headed dragon. They have one body, two heads, yet one’s a boy and one’s a girl and . . . anyway, they also have opposite personalities. Zack is paranoid, and Wheezy is so obnoxious you want to kill her. Talk about your therapy issues.
They also have a teacher, Quasimodo, no wait, that’s the hunchback. At any rate, he’s the typical old, wise teacher, and apparently the only adult Max and Emmy come in contact w/ besides disembodied parent voice. From time to time there are guest star dragons, like the one in a wheelchair. Cause his legs don’t work. In that case, I don’t know why he doesn’t just fly, except that they all have such tiny wings on such huge bodies that I’m not sure how any of them fly.
From what I can tell, Max and Emmy spend most of their time in this dragon place, and their parents never know the difference. They never say how long the kids are gone, but when my kids got quiet for more than five minutes at a time, it usually meant they were covered in Noxema or something and it was time to check on them. Either this doesn’t occur to the parents, or they’re just so glad they’re gone that they don’t care. Maybe they left the dragon scale there on purpose.
I really didn’t like Dragon Tales. I’m not certain which character was the worst – I guess they all tied for last place. Where the heck was St. George when I needed him?
General Weirdness: Yes
Two-headed, Bi-Polar, Dual Gendered Dragon: Yes
Most parents are exposed to a whole new world they never would have stepped into or even known about had it not been for those little bundles of joy. For one thing, few people watch children’s programming unless they are parents, or possibly young adult males, for some reason. I would say the majority of parents have plopped junior in front of the T.V. for a least a few minutes, even if it was only to chisel bits of teething biscuit off the highchair. However, if you are one of those parents that insist that neither you nor your child were ever exposed to the evil television, I believe you are either:
But back to the show. The four aliens – or whatever these things are – are Dipsy, Laa Laa, Tinky-Winky, and Po. Dipsy (that’s dipsy, not tipsy, she’s not drunk -probably) is green and has an antennae that points straight up. Tinky Winky is purple and has an upside down triangle antennae (more on that later), Po is red and has a circle antennae, and Laa Laa is yellow and . . . confused apparently, because there’s no way she’s getting reception with that thing on her head.
About the only intelligible words they say are “Hello, Bye-bye, eh-oh, and Naughty Noo-Noo”. This, of course, didn’t stop people from freaking out that the toys were saying bad words. And that wasn’t the only controversy. There were also rumors that Tinky-Winky was gay, due to being purple (gay pride color) and having the triangle (gay pride symbol) on his head. He didn’t help speculation by carrying a purse and wearing a tutu (not that there is anything wrong with that). Luckily, it was Jerry Falwell, right wing religious nut job, making the accusations so most people just ignored him, and Tinky-Winky avoided the paparazzi.
repetitive (take a drink every time they say “bye-bye”) it was low on the didactic vomit meter. You couldn’t understand a word these guys were saying, which was fine with me. Some thought there wasn’t enough educational value, but I will tell you that my kid could say “eh oh” better than anyone else on the block, so there.