But I won’t do that. Good morning, boys and girls. We’ve got Meatloaf on the menu today, because you can never get enough Meatloaf, can you? I got the Meatloaf idea from twindaddy who got it from Squirrel, who posted it on his Facebook page. “But Alice, I thought you took Squirrel off Facebook,” asks none of you. Well, I did, but no matter how many times you try to deactivate Squirrel, he always comes back more hyper than ever. Sad Pony was totally okay with deactivation since that is his normal state anyway.
But back to Meatloaf. I admit that I like his music, well some of it anyway, because it’s so hyper-dramatic. Like me. He could sing nursery rhymes and make them sound angsty. So that’s why I am using his “I Would Do Anything For Love . . . But I Won’t Do That.” for this post. What won’t he do for love? That is a big question my friends and I have spent debating instead of doing actual work. It’s even discussed on the Internetz, but no one really knows for sure. I think Meatloaf was hedging his bets, in case the girl was into something really far out, I mean far out for Meatloaf. How many times can I say Meatloaf in one blog post? How do you think he got the name Meatloaf? Surely his mother didn’t name him that. So he chose it for himself. Why would you choose to call yourself Meatloaf? I mean, I could see Mac N Cheese, but Meatloaf?
But back to the blog post. Sleep. I would do anything for sleep. Except that. I’m not sure what that is, because when I’m really sleepy, which is most of the time except for night time, I would do just about anything for it. Even for another hour of it. I don’t care. I’m like a drug addict that way. One more hit, just one more hit of the snooze button and I swear that’s it! I’ll totally get up then zzzzzzzzzzzz.
But no, I have to get up, put on clothes, eat something and then get my children to do the same. Instead I end up in their beds because everyone needs snuggle time. So we’ve got the three of us in one bed, piled in like bears, and I’m thinking “I would do anything to stay right here for as long as possible.” But time doth marcheth on, so we have to freaking get up. Now they will have the chance, normally, to get more sleep once they are dropped off at their grandmother’s. But WILL they? No. Because they are children, and children waste summer vacation being awake.
When I spoke about Sad Pony and Squirrel to my counselor (she is totes okay with that because she is used to dealing with insane people all day), she asked me what animal I would like to be and I said house cat. Because house cats get to lie around and sleep all day. And she laughed and said she knew I was going to say that. I can’t imagine why. The great thing about cats, though, is that not only do they sleep wherever and whenever they please, they really don’t give a darn if you like it or not. They do not aim to please, cats, because they are independent, confident, and evil. So you understand why the idea of being reincarnated into a cat is so appealing to me. With my luck, I’d be reincarnated as a cockroach and immediately walk into a roach motel.
But right now I’m still Alice, so I have to find a way to stay awake all day. I have my trusty Coca-Cola. Or coke, as we call it, not pop you crazy Yankees. Yes, I’m drinking tons of coke because coffee isn’t nearly sugar laden enough, even at Starbucks. But I don’t think it’s working. My coworker just left the office and I came very close to blurting out “Good night.” And I’m wondering how comfy keyboards are, because pretty soon my face is going to be on it.
So I would do anything for sleep. Except – remember the rest of that song. Or my name. Or what planet I am on. Sleep. Just one more hour and I’m good. No I do not have a problem. I can totally do this. I can stay awake. I can k;uijaidjinknovpyh8iaowsrd