What is NaNoWriNo? Well, it started with Jen of Jen and Tonic when she decided she thought NaNoWriMo was too much work, so instead of writing 50,000 words, she’d just write a blog post every day for a month. Like with Nano, it’d be more about quantity than quality, which means we can make our posts suck if we want. Now I’d been doing that anyway (writing posts once a day, not sucking, although possibly that too), and it was making my head spin, so I decided to not do that. But then Jen said she was doing it, and then Speaker 7 said she was doing it too, and then this other blogger said she was doing it (I forgot her name, sorry) and so then it was like I had to do it too. Because when they say would you jump off a cliff if your friends did, that pretty much describes me.
Of course, I think Jen and Speaker have a much better chance of getting people loving even their suckiest posts because they are awesome plus they have mob ties with Le Clown™. He invites them over to his blog for parties all the time. Does he invite Alice™? No. And all because she might have said her contest was better than his because she lets people cheat. And she made fun of him. And she started trademarking whatever he hadn’t trademarked, including his name: Le Clown™. Still, is that a reason not to invite someone to be a guest on your flaming clown blog? No it is not. Don’t you like how I answer my own questions? Of course you do.
So anyhoo, that’s 30 blog posts right there, but allowing suckiness is definitely making me feel better about this. You see I type pretty fast, but not nearly as fast as I think (eleventybillion words a second), so I can write most blog posts in around 10 minutes or so (except the 50 Shades ones as they require reading and puking breaks). However, I like adding pictures, and this can take hours hunting around on scary Google Images for just the right stupid picture that probably no one will notice I snatched. So I figured I could try recycling my pictures, which I have never done before.
Speaker mentioned she might just write the word “Post” which is brilliant. She is also fortunate in that she has two blog helpers, providing they let Hugo out of puppet prison and Goofy gets out of rehab. I need blog helpers, besides Thing One and Thing Two who perch beside me at the computer while I type (except NOT when I am writing the 50 shades posts. I want to protect their fragile brains from Dumb™.) Maybe I can dig around in their toy chests. Or I could get a voodoo doll that might or might not be a clown.
Oh, right, and there was this other thing going on next month. No, not the turkey thing, the Movember thing, with the mustaches and prostate awareness and stuff. I’m thinking many bloggers will write moving and enlightening posts on this topic. I will not be one of them. Probably I will put a mustache on a turkey.
So this is Alice™ signing off. Let’s see which one of us poops out first. Or just uses “poop” in a post. Why is everyone looking at me?
You might have wondered if I was actually keeping up with your responses or if I was just going to say screw it and just give you a random grade (I don’t know any teachers that do this). I’m not as talented as some people who have way too many clown noses lying around (wait, those were clown noses, right?) who can magically place them in every post despite there being like 5,000 posts. I have slightly less than this and still didn’t do it. But don’t despair! I have test results. Some of you may be held back. On the plus side, you get to keep your same desk.
Questions for Chapter One and Two:
I had 10 bloggers comment on chapter 1 and 8 on chapter 2. You all get complimentary happy faces for that one, I just decided, cause I love comments. Some of you guessed right. Some of you guessed wrong. Some of you guessed the most violent answers out of pure spite, which I admire. And of course some of you have, I’m so sorry, actually read these books and have pointed out your unfair – oh so unfair – advantage as far as knowing what happened in the the book. Then again, I’m not sure if I could correctly answer anything from the first two books and I know I read those. So who knows.
So 1 happy face for everybody. Along with the added happy or frowny for each question depending on if you got it right or wrong. (I would say I’m going to check, but yeah right, so whatever you do doooon’t cheat because . . . what am I saying, cheat all you want.) Either way you can wear these faces with pride, because even if an answer’s wrong, there’s still a chance it could have happened in the book because these books suck so bad I wouldn’t be surprised if the Titanic suddenly surfaces in one. Also, I think there should be multiple Alicebling prizes for various inane things, like most violent response, responses that made Alice laughhh, etc as I think of them. Everyone can be winner! Unlike that damn monopoly game at McDonalds because that freaking clown cheats. Here are our current contestants.
It is not too late to enter, you guyz! Some of you may have and I forgot to stick you on this list because Alice is hard of thinking – just let her know. This is a really cool contest. There are prizes, I swear, as soon as I figure out what they are. Also you ALL win a place on my blog roll just for showing up (most of you are probably already there unless I haven’t remembered to add you, which is also possible.) This is impressive because I am a very hot commodity and like millions of people see my blog everyday and I would never lie to you guyz, my friends.
I have decided to go to one 50 Shades recap a week because it is the most my brain can stand. Speaker 7 had her reasons for making her recaps come slower and slower. She was trying to maintain brain cells. I think they do regenerate, but it takes time people, and also reading actual real literature and watching a lot of PBS. Tough therapy there. So good luck to you all, and may the odds be evah in your favor, and all that crap.
No, this post isn’t about winning a stupid contest. Although it does refer to one that was about winning a stupid contest. Said post was the one in which I nominated myself for Queen of the Internets for receiving a gold unicorn badge from a Canadian clown. I figured it would only be fitting, then, to like my own post. Because I did like it. It had a UNICORN. Here is what WordPress told me:
This just makes me want to like all my posts from now on.
I’m not sure why WordPress is concerned about our inflated egos. I mean, at this moment, bloggers like Le Clown have egos bigger than our biggest state: Canada.*
I like my blog. It’s special, and not just because it has a gold unicorn, although, seriously, can you get better than this freaking thing?
But it’s not just that badge. I have OTHERS. And another one I really love is my Canvas badge, because I am now a Canvas author. To be a Canvas author, you have to be nuts. I know, right? I totally qualify. Just kidding. You actually have to be approved by Ruby, who has a really cool blog that I am going to promote again called The Canvas of the Minds. It’s a mental health blog. People are going to go visit just to get us to shut up. I know they will.
When I’m not writing about removing the stigma from mental health, I’m writing about removing the threat of zombies. As a proud member of the Zombie Apocalypse Task Force I thanklessly work to rid out country of this menace. There are still many more though, thanks to Reality T.V. If you want to join this effort, suck up to Love and Lunchmeat. You’ll get this awesome zombie bling.
Is that all the fame I have acquired you may ask? No, it is not. I also have this badge, which is awesome because it has a Meerkat and a dirty word that I will have to cover up when I show this post to my kids in the same way I cover most stuff with bad language. I will read it as an entirely different word. Fools them every time, even though they’ve been able to read quite a while now. At least they tell me it does.
See how I sneaked him in there? That one came from Elaine4Queen who said if I mentioned her I would get mentioned on her blog in her awards category. Freaking sneaky, isn’t it? I like this kind of award because you’re not expected to do anything for it, and I am lazy. Which reminds me of another lazy award that is totally awesome.
If you want to get this award, you just have to go to Dotty’s blog. Oh, and there’s some questions I’m supposed to answer. Let’s see here:
QUESTIONS TO ANSWER
1. How many bricks do you own?
Lots. They’re on my house. I tried to count but I got bored after 1 and went back and messed around on the Internet. Also, my husband probably has some lying around the yard somewhere. He’s a collector.
2. How many Cumberland sausages can you fit in your mouth without chewing?
I’m another clueless one that doesn’t know what a Cumberland sausage is and won’t look it up. But I do love McDonald’s sausage biscuits. I think I can safely get one sausage biscuit wedged into my mouth at one time. But I like to savor the unhealthiness bite by bite.
3. What is your most inventive way of using biscuits (or cookies if you’re American)?
After reading that 5o Shades book, I’m not sure if I should answer this one. But one inventive thing to do with cookies is give a ginger snap to your unsuspecting three-year-old who bites down on something as hard as concrete and looks at you like “Why has thou betrayed me?”
4. If it was made compulsory to have a mental illness which one would you choose and why? (If you have a mental illness already you have to choose another).
I think I would choose Multiple Personality Disorder because then you could be your own friend. In spite of my earlier posts, I don’t actually have real multiple personalities like the main character in a book I’m reading, I just pretend. Shut UP, subconscious!
Okay, moving on. Are you still with me? Good. So here’s the last award I’m going to mention. It came from Mr. MaryfoofooPoppins (not really his name, check his blog to find out) at a Spoonful of Suga and requires some more work on my part. It’s a chain mail award, but I don’t care because it is my chain mail award. Here it is.
I am very appreciative of this award because it’s pretty and says I’m “Kreativ”. Do you get it? It’s Kreativ because of the spelling of Kreativ. Oh, hey, there are questions for me to answer too. I’m supposed to tell you 7 things about myself and nominate 7 other bloggers.
1. I like to like my own posts.
2. I have a lot of awards. See?
3. I write on another blog. It’s called Canvas of the Minds, in case you forgot.
4. I am a sneaky blogger.
5. A sneaky blogger that is also mental.
6. A sneaky, mental blogger that won a gold unicorn award.
7. I am too lazy to nominate individuals, so everyone who reads my blog can have this award. Ta-da!
Okay, I think I’m done for now. Enjoy basking in my success. Also, if you want to join my success and be featured in my blog, send me bling. I hear Angie at Childhood Relived gets bling and I want bling too. If you must, steal hers, but be sneaky about it, okay?
Love me FOREVER,
P.S. Everyone, quick, like your own posts. Because you’re worth it.
*I don’t believe them that it’s a real country. I still think it’s a state. We got it in that Louisiana Purchase thing where the French said, le pfft, take it all, we’re drunk on French wine. Also, Texas believes it’s still its own country, and the rest of the country, I think, is inclined to let them (I love my state). So it only follows, using my logic system, that if Texas is a state and thinks it’s a country, then Canada must be a state. Makes total sense.
We all honor our heroes, right? As well we should. Our armed forces are really cool because they not only protect us from our enemies, they also go through a lot of crap to do so. I mean, they have to run. A lot. And have people yell right in their faces. And eat crappy food. And wear stupid hats. And sometimes clean floors with a toothbrush. That would suck. Especially if they made you brush with it later.
But these are not are the only troopers, people. There are some right here, tirelessly fighting, despite getting no recognition. Who am I referring to? Zombie hunters, of course. You think there are no zombies? Well, guess why? Zombie hunters, that’s why. They keep the zombies down so we don’t have to.
This is why I feel I must once again promote Love and Lunchmeat’s Zombie Apocalypse Task Force. And not just because I’m on it, because I am not one to toot my own horn. Ha, of course I am. See my badge? But it’s not about me. It’s about L and L here. And since she has done so much for our country, I think we should do something for her.
She’s involved in a contest. No, it’s not for a clown blogroll. I can’t actually remember what it’s for, but she wants to win for the same reason we all do. We’re insane. So, I ask you all to help a sister out and go over to her site where her post will direct you to a website about a circle of moms (it’s possible some of these moms might be zombies, you never know, so she must infiltrate in order to make certain our liberties are at safe.) There you just scroll down and click on the little thumbs up thing. There’s other blogs on there, but I’m pretty sure they suck because they don’t fight zombies they just talk about taking care of your kids or some other crap.
Votes must be in today! Do it for your country! (Canadians can vote too and be patriots for whatever the heck your country does.) So be a patriot, vote for lunchmeat. And vote for love. Just vote. You’ll be glad you did.