We’re back to the kiddie shows in this latest installment of bizarro-world. There’s more than enough freaks in this one for your very own freak sandwhich, with some to spare for a friend. Next up is:
When I first heard the name of this show I thought, “A town of laziness? At last I have found my people!” Sadly, it turned out that the town wasn’t what I’d hoped for. There were only three humans, and all of them were disturbing. I mean more disturbing than the puppets, which is saying something.
Okay, so the story is this. There’s this town of puppets that is getting along perfectly fine being lazy jerks and then comes this pink-haired human girl to ruin everything. She decides that everyone in this town should be healthy and exercise like she’s Michelle Obama or something.
And she had help. Her help came in the form of an adult man in an uncomfortably (for me anyway) skin-tight jumpsuit. His name was Sportacus. Yes, really. He flew in a sporty blimp and dropped down from the sky every once in a while to help out pink-haired girl. I don’t remember her name, and I’m not looking it up, so I’ll just call her Katy Perry.
So Dork-a-cus and Katy spent every episode trying to educate the puppets on physical fitness and nutrition. There was a stupid puppet mayor and several stupid puppet children. I remember one was obsessed with candy and often had a lollipop stuck to his forehead. Another one was called Stingy. I think he was a member of the Young Republicans. And there was a black one with headphones because . . . I don’t remember. Maybe he was trying to block out the sound like I was.
But, oh no, I’m leaving out the bad guy! The oh-so-subtle Robbie Rotten of the
fake chin and freaked out disguises that could fool no one but Our Hero and Katy Perry. His mission in life was to bring down Sportacus, so you kind of had to cut him a break there. Guy’s heart was in the right place, but sadly his brain wasn’t. So his plans to keep the lazy in Lazytown were always thwarted.
I remember one episode where there’s this race and Sportacus goes on about how fruit is fuel for your body blah blah crap and so Robbie decides to trick him with a sugar filled apple. Sporty takes a bite and ka-blammo! Instant Diabetic! He immediately has a total spaz attack right on the track. I think even Robbie was weirded out.
The thing that was ickiest for me was that little pink-haired Katy had to have this adult guy hanging out
with her all the time. And he was totally French on top of that. At least I think he was. He kind of had an accent and this stupid Hitler stash. Point being, it just seemed kind of odd for him to be hangin’ around a young girl all the time. Couldn’t Sportacus find someone his own age? Creeper.
Also Katy was way too darn perky to live. She always had this dance number at the end with Sportacus in which she bounced around like a caffeine fueled Chihuahua. After watching a half-hour of that show, I was ready to eat several sugar apples, or possibly throw the sugar apples directly at her head. I mean, what’s so wrong with being lazy? Must we all conform to your impossible standards, Michelle – er, Katy??? Maybe we don’t want to be fit and healthy. That’s why we’re here in front of the television and not at the gym.
Besides, if those two freaks are the spokespeople for fitness, I’d rather chill with Robbie.
Psychedelic Hair: Check
Irritating Puppets: Yup
Perky-Meter: Please make her stop