Hello, again. In case anyone was expecting a conclusion, or just hiding in their blanket forts, I’ve had a headache going on since roughly the beginning of time. Or possibly this election. It is pounding, pounding like drums of war and it looks at pain meds like “Bah!” But nevermind my sinus / tension / help us all headache, I should wrap up the election in Arendelle. It’s so easy in fairy tales.
Yes, it’s all over in Arendelle! They have a queen! Why is monarchy suddenly sounding better to me now? Look at our good neighbors in Britain. I’m pretty sure at this point that Prince George and Princess Charlotte could govern about as well their politicians, and they’re toddlers. And just think, we’d be descended from King George Washington, and the worst scandal he faced was that cherry tree thing, and we’re pretty sure that was all a set-up.
I might be losing it just a tad. I mean just because the whole thing is over on Tuesday. Which is – two days from now. But no need to PANIC. We should instead be thinking of reform, saying we get through the next four years. Here are some ideas I had while my head pounded.
- No more campaign funds from donors or even the candidates’ own personal fortunes. Each candidate is given 50 dollars from start to finish to finance their campaign. I’m thinking some trips to the Dollar Store will be in order. Think poster board and lots of crayons.
- From start the finish, the campaign season can last, at maximum, 3 months, or roughly as long as the Christmas season. No more campaigning as soon as a president sits down. Shut up and start thinking how you’re gonna spread out that 50 bucks, people.
- No more special interest groups, PACs, corporations, or whatever the heck you’re called influencing the election. They’ve already got their 50 bucks, which is a good enough allowance, so do be quiet, they don’t care about you without your money.
- Media coverage cannot be bought by either party. That’s right, media, you have to find your own news! And just like high school students, you might try citing your work! There’s not going to be as much to cover, because they will only be here for three months, so you might want to shut off the news occasionally. It’s okay. We’ll get by not knowing if former Disney stars are planning to run for president or somehow else destroy their reputation for a few hours.
- Time to reform the electoral college. First off, by explaining how it works. That bad, huh? Maybe you should try to change it. You’ve got four years. Work it out.
- Only two debates. One for the primary, one for the actual election. No more than 5 candidates allowed on stage. I don’t care how they fight it out, no one listens to more than 3 or 4 of them anyway, so just 5 in the primary. If anyone acts like a brat in either debate, either by calling names or refusing to answer a question, he or she is sent to the time out hall of shame chair. If they do it again, they don’t get to come back. No more debate for you!
- Candidates are not allowed to say mean things about their rivals. We have to leave something for the media to do – all on their own. Candidates can only give detailed plans for beginning to solve stuff like poverty. Expect a lot of quiet debates until they get used to this.
- Politicians are only allowed to communicate via those old Mission Impossible tapes that explode after the message is finished. No more twitter or email ever again.
I know there’s more, so much more, but I’ll leave it at that. If you have anything to add, please do! You can find me at Blanket Fort, Alice’s living room, Alice town, 1234HELP.
Happy Halloween, guys. I’ve never really liked this holiday, even when I was little. Sure, I liked the candy, but they usually gave you those circus peanut things. Also you never looked as good in your costume as the girl on the cover, partly because they left out half the items she’s wearing, and partly because you weren’t the girl on the cover. But I digress, I have a fictional debate to run. They do wear nice costumes, though.
I would have added in a jump scare with either of our actual candidates, but since you never know what picture WP will decide to add to the preview, I’ll just stick to the evil hag who at least knows the issues that matter to her.
Okay, off to the races. We have our first, and only, Arendelle presidential debate since this is Disney where the dream that you wish will come true.
First off, we have our moderator, Belle, because of course the only one who reads books would be stuck with it.
Wishful thinking, Belle. Next comes the introduction of the candidates, who walk on stage in their usual subtle style. Here come Prince Hans and Queen Elsa.
Hans invites his family up on stage and introduces them.
So the debate is over? Time for the election! I mean I’m sure no more scandals will surface or anything. Like – does anyone know or care about the running mates? Is Hans really going to give people kittens or could there be something slightly sinister behind him? Has Elsa ever changed clothes since she put on that sparkly dress? How did Hans change clothes in the middle of the debate? Will this be done in one more post long before the presidential election (in NINE DAYS not to frighten you)? Yes.
With the election season underway, Hans and Elsa got prepared the typical way. With parties from campaign donors.
And of course, lots of political ads.
But that’s just preparation for the big debate. Elsa leaves a quick thank you for her supporters.
Ah, Mother Gothel? Now why would she promote Hans? What is their connection? How did she come back from the dead? Questions, questions.
Shang spoke for his candidate, Elsa.
So now they are ready for the first debate. Later their VP candidates will debate too. Hans tried to choose himself, but needed someone else. You’ll soon find out, but any guesses would be fun. Stay tuned for coverage of this ridiculous, historic event.
What, another election? Don’t worry, this one will be blessedly short, which is great. It also involves fictional people, which makes it even better. Also it gives me something to do cause I’m bored.
As with all monumental decisions, it started with a Facebook post.
Hans wasted no time getting his press coverage in. On Facebook. Of course.
Rapunzel had a good idea there. Popcorn makes almost everything better. I’m stocked in it for early next month. Next came the search for campaign managers and running mates. Yes, in this election the primaries were skipped because most Disney royalty are not stupid enough to run in an election. They stayed with Facebook for candidates, because I kept losing my camera. I mean it’s more efficient. Better than Twitter anyway. #twitterisforlosers
After whacking her head against some ice a few times, Elsa tries again.
Oh, if only it were so easy, Elsa. So many questions. How DID Hans get out of prison this time? Who is helping his campaign? How many scandals will surface? Will I find my camera or just have the whole thing done on Faceboook? Shouldn’t we consider that for the next election?
You might have thought (or hoped) that we’d forgotten about Olaf (a snowman from the Disney movie Frozen) and all the wackos who have shown up to claim Elsa’s throne, seeing as how none of them are (supposedly) real at all and we are (in theory) way too big to be playing with this stuff. Except maybe Thing Two, she’s eleven. When does the statute of limitations run out on doll playing? No matter.
Queen Elsa decided on the best course of action in this dire situation. Ask her friends on Facebook.
Hans took to his Facebook page to express his opinions.
And later this image popped up on Anna’s Facebook page.
Along with this status.
A little more investigation, though . . .
Anna posted one more status.
So ends our Olaf caper for those of you who were on the edge of your seats there. Wouldn’t it be great if someone could get a shot of, I don’t know, one of our politicians advocating crazy criminal activity? And if that were to make this politician sink in the polls instead of get more popular? Wouldn’t it???
I’m gonna go play with my toys.
The search for the fugitive Snowman Olaf continues. He was spotted briefly in this recliner before making his escape.
Unfortunately the snowman crime wave has led to Disney politicians tweeting.
And more tweeting
And . . . more tweeting.
Prince Hans also took this opportunity to put up the first of sure to be many campaign posters.
And just in time for Christmas. This is going to be a very long year.