Tag Archives: Disney

Ever just the same, ever a surprise: Review of the live action Beauty and the Beast

“Tale as old as time

Song as old as rhyme

Beauty and the Beast

– “Beauty and the Beast”

*Warning Spoiler: The beast turns into a prince at the end.  Sorry!  Seriously, no spoilers.

Tonight I went to the pre-showing of the new live-action Beauty and the Beast.  I bought my tickets early for the “Fan Event” which translated into your tickets cost more, mostly, though we got awesome drinks and popcorn buckets.  At first I was thinking I got gipped, because come on, other theaters in big cities got these really pretty pins, and I got a bucket.  But still, there were cushy recliners, assigned seating, and a design to the theater that ensured you would see the movie, no matter how tall or fat headed the person in front of you might be.

Bucket and drink. But also a fold out rose. But mostly it was a bucket. wooot.

My husband, who believe me showed his twu luv by coming with me after I bought him a ticket, was literally the legs of the operation.  He went back for the popcorn buckets and the drinks, then again back for the 3-D glasses (who knew it was 3-D?) that the stupidhead ticket guy didn’t tell us to take.  The special feature was an interview with the guys working on the score (which I’m sure will be on the DVD) and the Beauty and the Beast music video (which has already been on youtube.  Check it out, it’s trippin’.)

In case you are wondering about the Things, they were invited to the movie in the same theater at the same time by some friends whose mother actually shelled out for the tickets.  Vile betrayers.  Thing Two said she hoped that we weren’t close to each other, to which I responded “So do I.  Like I want to be near teen girls giggling.”  I mean, seriously, I didn’t.  I was however, beside an adorable little girl wearing a Belle dress and sparkly shoes.  More on her later.

Of course there was not one of these in 40 year old size. credit: Disney Store.

When the movie started, any complaints I might have had vanished.  Any other thoughts I had vanished as well.  No more political stupidity, no more stress, no more worries, for a little over an hour.  Just as I was during my Thing One’s starring role (she was a spoon) in the high school Beauty and the Beast musical, I was transfixed.  I was pretty sure my husband was over there, but I didn’t check to see.  I did not peel my eyes from the screen.

Was the movie good?  Well, I suppose part of it depends on whether you liked the original movie, or Disney period.  Though I feel I must point out that the guy playing Gaston is evil but extremely hot, and Emma Watson is obviously beautiful.  So you know, there’s something for everybody.  Well most people.  There were some who, for hateful reasons you can easily discover with a quick Google click, refused to take their unfortunate children to the movie.  (Hint: It’s seriously not a big deal and I doubt the kids will notice, parents.)  Disney is feeling the hurt, people, I mean with sold out theaters long before the movie began, gosh I’m not sure what they will do!

I was already obsessed long before the movie came out, thanks to them announcing it like ten years early.  When the merchandise came out, I completely restrained myself and did not buy a thing.  I bought several things.  Though not enough to break my budget, so no naysayers.  I’ve had my fill of naysayers, most of them found on Disney fan boards.  Go away, false fans.  Because this was not just a movie.  This was an incredible movie, with the ability to make me feel, at forty years old, the awe and wonder and beauty of the film I first watched at fourteen.

#notobsessed. BTW that’s a real working clock.

It’s a story that is – well not as old as time, I don’t think the dinosaurs did musicals.  But close.  It’s been retold millions of ways.  I love all of them.  The heart of the story is always the same – see beyond appearances, for beauty is found within.  It is a lesson many people need to take to heart, now more than ever, as they dismiss people based on the color of their skin, the place they grew up, the religion they believe, the people they love.  Belle does not fall in love with the Beast as soon as she sees him.  She thinks he’s a jerk, since he acts like a jerk.  But as she spends time with him, gets to know him, she sees beyond the outside, beyond her first impressions.  She finds he is not so different than herself.

Barely even friends

Then somebody bends

Unexpectedly”

This movie had a lot to live up to, as the original Disney cartoon of Beauty and the Beast is a beloved classic, the only animated feature to be nominated for an Academy Award.  I believe it lived up to the original, keeping close with the story, but with twists.  For one thing, it briefly mentions why no one realized there was a freaking castle and royalty nearby.  That had been bugging me for years!  There are also so many touching moments.  Like Belle and her father, and their love for each other, and ostracism from a town of people with no imagination, no vision into the future.  I know people like those in this “poor provincial town” and – I cannot imagine living that way, with no stories in your head, no new ideas.

Man, I hate this town.

They didn’t forget the talking furniture and appliances.  They are done in CGI, which some have complained is awful, because they probably come from Belle’s town and can’t see beyond pixels.  Though they are very different in appearance than the Disney version, they absolutely fascinated me.  Disney created an atmosphere much more conducive to 18th century France.  I work in archives, so I tend to like old stuff.  The costumes, the enchanted objects, the castle, the town, all of it is very true to the time period.  Now some complained that Belle’s dress is too modern, and that lousy feminist Emma Watson should have worn a proper corset.  First of all, Belle’s dress is more modern because she’s Belle, always looking to the future, never having to fit in, and also because Emma didn’t want the depiction of unrealistic figures.  I for one didn’t even notice, probably because Emma is naturally so thin she doesn’t even need a corset.

The Beast notices Belle is not wearing a corset. Does not care.

Yet with all the beauty, the incredible special effects and imaginative sets, none of it matters if you do not love the characters.  And you do love these characters.  There is Gaston, the handsome idiot, harmless enough until for the first time he doesn’t get what he wants.  The household objects are all lovable as well, which allow you to look past the fact that they aren’t actually on the screen.  Emma talked to nothing a lot.  There is the Beast, punished severely for his arrogance, filled with anger and despair, but who still has enough humanity to save Belle from a pack of wolves.  And there is Belle, who could have escaped when the Beast was attacked, but her morality, her inner goodness, compels her to help nurse the Beast back to health.  It starts with small acts of kindness, which lead to more of these acts, more closeness, and more understanding of both themselves and each other, for you cannot love without knowing who you are first.  And, as Belle points out, you cannot love unless you are free.

“It is sweet and strange

Finding you can change

Learning you were wrong.”

I’ll admit it.  I cried during this movie, with my hands up by my mouth.  I cried on the way home. But I wasn’t depressed. They were tears of absolute joy, for this is a story I have written myself, all my life, in books that are never quite good enough, that I have never dared show to any but one friend, that I have never tried to publish, that so often, I say I never have time to work on.  But the stories in my head never go away.  They are there, urging me on, even as I try to ignore them.  But tonight, in the little girl in the Belle dress, I saw not just my girls when they were younger, but I saw myself.  The whole world ahead, every day filled with magic, with possibility.  I watched as she tried to grab the flakes of gold that shot out of the screen at you.  And I delighted when the credits rolled, the song played, and she danced so passionately in the aisle.

Okay, she can keep the dress.

It’s time to remember that little girl, or boy, that’s inside you.  It’s time to listen to the voice that speaks to you, I mean, as long as it’s not an actual voice you understand.  It is simply time for us to find the beauty within ourselves and each other, to love instead of hate, to make the world a better place for the little girls dancing in the aisles, lost in dreamland.

Advertisements

Elsa vs. Hans: The campaign continues

With the election season underway, Hans and Elsa got prepared the typical way.  With parties from campaign donors.

Hans Bond

Why, thank you, ladies. I deeply respect . . . your money.

Party conventions

disney hunger games 1

This year’s Elsa convention held in my backyard.

TV interviews

The Belle Show

The Belle Show

And of course, lots of political ads.

I love it when I find just what I need on Google images.

I love it when I find just what I need on Google images.

But that’s just preparation for the big debate.  Elsa leaves a quick thank you for her supporters.

elsa-thanks-supporters-1elsa-thanks-supporters-2After a careful Twitter search . . .

disneypresident-fb-hans-gets-snows-voteOh oh.  Elsa better keep hold of her supporters, especially the easily persuaded.  Not that there are many of those . . . yeah.  So we finally hear from the campaign managers of both campaigns.

Mother Gothel here to promote the Hans campaign. Arendelle needs a strong leader like Hans who does not freeze countries. Or shoot icicles at people. Etc.

Mother Gothel here to promote the Hans campaign. Arendelle needs a strong leader like Hans who does not freeze countries. Or shoot icicles at people. Etc.

Ah, Mother Gothel?  Now why would she promote Hans?  What is their connection?  How did she come back from the dead?  Questions, questions.

Shang spoke for his candidate, Elsa.

Elsa is clearly the superior talent. She isn't a sociopath, she's never been in prison - well just once, and she's a strong, loving ruler. Also - check out my pectorals.

Elsa is clearly the superior candidate. She isn’t a sociopath, she’s never been in prison – well just once, and she’s a strong, loving ruler. Also – check out my pectorals.

So now they are ready for the first debate.  Later their VP candidates will debate too.  Hans tried to choose himself, but needed someone else.  You’ll soon find out, but any guesses would be fun.  Stay tuned for coverage of this ridiculous, historic event.

~Alice

Elsa vs Hans: The 2016 Arendelle Presidential Race

What, another election?  Don’t worry, this one will be blessedly short, which is great.  It also involves fictional people, which makes it even better.  Also it gives me something to do cause I’m bored.

As with all monumental decisions, it started with a Facebook post.

disneypresident-fb-1

Hans wasted no time getting his press coverage in.  On Facebook.  Of course.

disneypresident-fb2

Rapunzel had a good idea there.  Popcorn makes almost everything better.  I’m stocked in it for early next month.  Next came the search for campaign managers and running mates.  Yes, in this election the primaries were skipped because most Disney royalty are not stupid enough to run in an election.  They stayed with Facebook for candidates, because I kept losing my camera.  I mean it’s more efficient.  Better than Twitter anyway.  #twitterisforlosers

disneypresident-fb3

After whacking her head against some ice a few times, Elsa tries again.

disneypresident-fb-4adisneypresident-fb-4b

Oh, if only it were so easy, Elsa.  So many questions.  How DID Hans get out of prison this time?  Who is helping his campaign?  How many scandals will surface?  Will I find my camera or just have the whole thing done on Faceboook?  Shouldn’t we consider that for the next election?

Stay tuned.

~Alice

Breaking News in the Olaf case

You might have thought (or hoped) that we’d forgotten about Olaf (a snowman from the Disney movie Frozen) and all the wackos who have shown up to claim Elsa’s throne, seeing as how none of them are (supposedly) real at all and we are (in theory) way too big to be playing with this stuff.  Except maybe Thing Two, she’s eleven.  When does the statute of limitations run out on doll playing?  No matter.

Queen Elsa decided on the best course of action in this dire situation.  Ask her friends on Facebook.

facebook disney posts 1

Hans took to his Facebook page to express his opinions.

facebook disney posts 2Plenty of squabbling, but no results.  Just like Congress!  The Things and I made a search and found this in Thing Two’s room.

An Elsa voodoo doll? (I did not put her up to this one.)

An Elsa voodoo doll? (I did not put her up to this one.)

And later this image popped up on Anna’s Facebook page.

Elsa's feeling really bad! Those are NOT the lyrics to "Let it Go."

Elsa’s feeling really bad! Those are NOT the lyrics to “Let it Go.”

Along with this status.

facebook disney posts 3Some more investigation finally turned up our wayward snowman.

What is that nose?

What is that nose?

OMG it's Olaf!

Okay this one even freaked ME out.

A little more investigation, though . . .

Hans: Keep quiet and no one gets hurt, snowman!

Hans: Keep quiet and no one gets hurt, snowman!

Hans: Oh oh.

Hans: Oh oh.

Anna posted one more status.

facebook disney posts 4

So ends our Olaf caper for those of you who were on the edge of your seats there.  Wouldn’t it be great if someone could get a shot of, I don’t know, one of our politicians advocating crazy criminal activity?  And if that were to make this politician sink in the polls instead of get more popular?  Wouldn’t it???

I’m gonna go play with my toys.

Alice

 

Snowman Violence and Disney Politics

The search for the fugitive Snowman Olaf continues.  He was spotted briefly in this recliner before making his escape.

His rampage must be stopped.

His rampage must be stopped.

Unfortunately the snowman crime wave has led to Disney politicians tweeting.

elsa hans tweets1

Clearly this is Queen Elsa’s fault

And more tweeting

pocahontas hans tweets1

Hans forgot and used a picture from a party with campaign donors

And . . . more tweeting.

aladdin hans tweet

Making sense won’t win an election, Aladdin.

 

Prince Hans also took this opportunity to put up the first of sure to be many campaign posters.

It looks familiar some how.

It looks familiar somehow.

And just in time for Christmas.  This is going to be a very long year.

Alice

Seven Dwarfs Go To The Mall or Why Snow White Should Not Be G-rated

Breaking news!  The Things and I just happened to catch the Seven Dwarfs at the mall yesterday (It could happen).  And they volunteered to be interviewed!  Well most of them did – Grumpy had to be restrained.  But it was all worth it, cause now we can let you see into the minds of the real stars of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs – the dwarfs of course.  What do they dig them jewels for?  What the heck is wrong with Dopey?  Why is Bashful, you know, Bashful?  What ticks Grumpy off the most?  Why are they still in the same bachelor pad after all these years?  How have they adjusted to modern times?  So many questions.  Let’s get some answers.

Warning: This will ruin your childhood and possibly scar you for life. (Click to enlarge pictures)

They were easy to spot what with the single file and all.

They were easy to spot what with the single file and all.

The dwarfs each had special shops in mind, but were nice enough to wait.  Mostly.  First we spoke to Sneezy, while trying to avoid his mucus.

I'm now going to have to change clothes and get vaccinated.

I’m now going to have to change clothes and get vaccinated.

Next we spoke to Grumpy.  Or rather he spoke to us.

Not sure if that's the best place for you to go right now, Grumpy.

Not sure if that’s the best place for you to go right now, Grumpy.

Let’s check in with Sleepy while he’s still awake.

Not sure if we want to know, Sleepy.

Not sure if we want to know, Sleepy.

Let’s check in with old, reliable Doc.

I guess that's what they dig them for?

I guess that’s what they dig them for?

Well, there’s that lovable Bashful.

I'm not seeing this.

I’m not seeing this.

Let’s talk to Happy.  I could use some happy.  But – what happened to his hands?

Hooo boy.

Hooo boy.

I wish Happy had some soap and water for MY brain.

I wish Happy had some soap and water for MY brain.

Okay, one last dwarf.  Thank freaking Disney-goodness.  Dopey.  Aw, what could be wrong with Dopey, fan favorite?

Oh, right he doesn't talk much. Wonder what he's thinking about?

Oh, right he doesn’t talk much. Wonder what he’s thinking about?

 

Well there goes my childhood.

Well there goes my childhood.

Wow.  Okay so I think that answered all my questions and then some, boys and girls!  I need to get hold of some of that memory soap and see if I can reach my brain.

Any other Disney characters you’d like to peer into the minds of?  I didn’t think so.

 

Alice

Disney Hunger Games Begin! Finally!

So I don’t know if you remember, but the Things and I were working on the first annual Disney Hunger Games.  My original hope was that if this took off we could then put actual Disney Channel actors into the games and have them fight it out.  Oh I wouldn’t kill them, just mess up their overcaked makeup a little and see how fast they can run in those spike heels that every kid naturally wears to real high school.  Anyhoo – if you’re interested in seeing how all this started, here’s a link (LINK DROP) to the beginning of this fabulous idea that any day now Disney, or probably one of their enemies, is going to pay me big money to produce for them.

Like many great endeavors, at least mine, this one has not taken off due to us being very busy what with starting school, sharing germs, randomly scanning the internet, staring into space, and whining that it is too hot to take the dolls outside.  But I will say that we did at least get the first day of the games completed, and those pictures have been patiently waiting on my computer to see the light of day.  This is some great stuff people, better than all that gossip about that reality show about the family with 27 kids who shockingly are not quite as religious as they said they were.

So here we go.  Day one.  The contestants are gathered in the arena!  It might resemble a trampoline, but don’t be fooled by our small budget.  It’s an arena.  Whoever guesses what we used for the Cornucopia (where the contestants fight to the death for swords and backpacks and stuff) gets a gold star.

Our happy contestants

Our happy contestants

Let the games begin!  We will see what their beginning strategies are – will they go for the weapons, Target back packs, gum, etc?  Or will they head for the hills in terror?

The cornucopia containing fabulous prizes!

The cornucopia containing fabulous prizes!

This is much like the Price is Right, if on the Price is Right the contestants had to bid on the Showcase Showdown while under enemy fire.  A show of hands for everyone who thinks that would make an awesome game show!

The timer goes off, and there are heroes go – many off into the forest in a panic.  Ain’t nothin’ worth an arrow, not even the bag of Doritos.  But a few brave souls ventured toward the cornucopia, including Mulan, Li Shang, Merida, the triplets, Beast, and probably a couple others we don’t remember.  Aladdin and Flynn wisely sent their animal companions.  Prince Phillip, another of the few princes who actually, at one time anyway, came equipped with a sword, had to first take Aurora out of harm’s way, because she had once again fallen asleep.

This really isn't a good time, honey!

This really isn’t a good time, honey!

Unfortunately, we weren’t able to get all the footage due to an unfortunate computer SD card incident.  No I do not have a fancy smancy smart phone that does awesome pictures just like that.  If you would like to send me one, email me at aliceisatwonderland@hotmail.com and I’ll happily give you my address.  Thank you.

There were pictures, no really, of all the awesome weapons including a bow and arrow, a mace, an axe (all from a Singing Merida playset – no seriously, all were accessories.  Best girl doll ever.), a sword, a lightsaber, some armor, and various other crap we could fit in the hamster playground er Cornucopia!  Which is not at all like a horn of plenty, unless said horn was packed with weapons, which would have made for a more interesting Thanksgiving story.

There were also awesome fighting pictures, but things got a little blurry.  Merida fired an arrow into John Smith’s behind, and Mulan kicked Phillip right in the family jewels.  It was fantastic, I mean horrific mass hysteria.  Here is one preserved shot.

Oh the horror, the horror.

Oh the horror, the horror.

Sadly, we also had our first deaths.  First was Tinkerbell, knocked down hard when Beast muttered that he did not believe in fairies.  And then Peter Pan tried to take revenge, but due to his current tiny size, he was accidentally stepped on by the Beast.  The beast felt kind of bad about it.  But then came the worst, most gruesome, death of the day.

Snow White, attracted by the shiny apple in the cornucopia, picked up a bow that was in the way.  And then the Brave triplets arrived.

snow in cornucopia

Snow: Oooh shiny. Shiny, shiny! (Note Abu, Meeko, and a couple of forest animals taking some of the haul)

A bow and arrows! Neato!

A bow and arrows! Neato!

The wee little devil triplets wanted that bow for their sister.

The wee little devil triplets wanted that bow for their sister.

Not sure which is creepier - that they cut off her head, or their innocent looks while doing so.

Not sure which is creepier – that they cut off her head, or their innocent looks while doing so.

That’s right, we’ve gone hard core and it’s gonna be tough to swing that G rating now, but if Hunchback of Notre Dame could do it, there’s hope.  There were some injuries as well.  Aladdin was hurt by friendly fire when Abu turned rabid and gave him a big love bite.  Will our favorite street rat survive?

Here’s where you guys come in!  In the story, fans were able to give their favorite contestants stuff to help them – like water, soup, burn cream, and anti-monkey venom.  If you want to help them in some way, just write it in the comments.  And please remember to think on poor Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, and Snow White, who gave their lives for a pointless game that I just made up.

Any ideas for next time?  Let us know in the comments below!

Disney Hunger Games: Final Interviews and Predictions

So we’re back again.  I apologize for the length of time between posts (in case you’ve noticed or something) but programming is a real pain what with the writer’s strike and all.  But we’re back to finish off the interviews so that we can then finish off the contestants.  And now, once again, is everyone’s favorite sociopath, Prince Hans.

Haha who are you calling sociopath that's ridiculous!  I'm a nice guy, really.  Just look at my teeth. Now let's finish off these interviews - finally.

Haha who are you calling sociopath?  That’s ridiculous! I’m a nice guy, really. Just look at my teeth.
Now let’s finish off these interviews – finally.

First up are our tributes from Agrabah, that great city where they cut off your ear if they don’t like your face (actual original lyrics).  Let’s give a warm welcome to Aladdin.

Hans: Aladdin, I hear you were born a street rat.  Yet now you are the future sultan, and all because you married a girl.  Nice plan there. Aladdin: I just wanted the girl. Hans: Sure you did.

Hans: Aladdin, I hear you were born a street rat. Yet now you are the future sultan, and all because you married a girl. Nice plan there.
Aladdin: I just wanted the girl.
Hans: Sure you did.

Hans: What is your strategy for winning the games? Aladdin: Well it's totally not going to have anything to do with monkeys or tigers or flying carpets or all powerful genies.  Trust me.

Hans: What is your strategy for winning the games?
Aladdin: Well it’s totally not going to have anything to do with monkeys or tigers or flying carpets or all powerful genies. Trust me.  Hans: I’ve heard you are a lying thief, yet still got to be the hero. What gives?  Aladdin: Well I don’t spend a lot of time playing with ponies. Hans: Hey, ponies are great . . . who told you?  Aladdin: Gotta go – one step ahead you know!

Next is Aladdin’s beautiful prize er bride, Princess Jasmine.

Hans: Princess Jasmine, what a nice dress . . . wait, is that a wedding veil? Jasmine: Yes I was planning a beautiful wedding. Hans: Oh give me a break, someone already tried the wedding idea. Jasmine: Darn that Ariel.  She's such a little brat!

Hans: Princess Jasmine, what a nice dress . . . wait, is that a wedding veil?
Jasmine: Yes I was planning a beautiful wedding.
Hans: Oh give me a break, someone already tried the wedding idea.
Jasmine: Darn that Ariel.  Did I mention I’m expecting? Hans: Next.

Next we have . . . oh wait there seems to be a problem.  Did Hans lose something important?

Hans: Hey, street rat, give me back my wallet!

Hans: Hey, street rat, give me back my wallet!

Moving on, we have the tributes from the China-ish district.  Everyone give it up for Mulan!

Hans: Why Mulan, given up the cross-dressing I see? Mulan: I only dressed as a man to save my father and rescue my country. Hans: Well I think it's great that now everyone sees you in those pretty dresses, just the way women belong!

Hans: Why Mulan, given up the cross-dressing I see?
Mulan: I only dressed as a man to save my father and rescue my country.
Hans: Well I think it’s great that now everyone sees you in those pretty dresses, just the way women belong!

Mulan: I can shoot missiles all the way to the freaking Southern Isles, you jerk! Hans: Not necessary, really, haha . . . um, next?

Mulan: I can shoot missiles all the way to the freaking Southern Isles, you jerk!
Hans: Not necessary, really, haha . . . um, next?

Next up the commander in chief who looks really nice with his shirt off (so some say) and sings the best song ever about being a man.  Uh, anyway, let’s get down to business and say hello to Li Shang.

Li Shang: I happen to like Mulan in her fighting gear!  We practice hitting each other all the time.  Shall I practice on you? Hans: Save if for the games . . . please.

Li Shang: I happen to like Mulan in her fighting gear! We practice hitting each other all the time. Shall I practice on you?
Hans: Save if for the games . . . please.  NEXT!

Our final interviews, at last!  Let’s hear some from the Hairland district, starting with Flynn Rider.

Hans: Greetiings, Mr. Rider.  You have quite a bit in common with Aladdin.  Both of you are thiefs, both of you married beautiful princesses to inherit their kingdoms . . . really, what did I do wrong? Flynn: Maybe the murder part.  Just a guess.  Hey, nice watch. Flynn: Why thank you . . . wait a minute.  Next!

Hans: Greetiings, Mr. Rider. You have quite a bit in common with Aladdin. Both of you are are lying thieves, both of you married beautiful princesses to inherit their kingdoms . . . really, what did I do wrong?
Flynn: Maybe the attempted murder part. Just a guess. Hey, nice watch.
Hans: Why thank you . . . wait a minute. Next!

Welcome Rapunzel, she of the really, really, really long hair . . . that she once had but now is short and brown.  Except when she apparently wears blond wigs to please the children cause let’s face it, that’s her whole calling card there, the hair.

Hans: Hello, Rapunzel.  Um, nice mom cut there. Rapunzel: I know, everyone loves the long blond stuff, but do you realize how much that stuff weight?  Or how much debris I pick up in a single day.  Once I caught a woodchuck. Hans: Nice.  Tell me, do you also have mom jeans? Rapunzel: No but I have a frying pan. Hans: Brown hair is a great look for you.

Hans: Hello, Rapunzel. Um, nice mom cut there.
Rapunzel: I know, everyone loves the long blond stuff, but do you realize how much that stuff weighs? Or how much debris I pick up in a single day. Once I caught a woodchuck.
Hans: Nice. Tell me, do you also have mom jeans?
Rapunzel: No but I have a frying pan.
Hans: Brown hair is a great look for you.

Hans: Well that, thank God, concludes our interviews folks.  Now for the fun stuff.  The killing . . . wait, where is my watch?

Hans: Well that, thank God, concludes our interviews folks. Now for the fun stuff. The killing . . . wait, where is my watch?

Hans: Hey, I want my watch back!  You poop-heads!

Hans: Hey, I want my watch back!   You poop-heads!

While Hans searches for his stolen property, let us wish luck to our candidates out there.  May the best, or sneakiest, person win.  You can still get your votes in to see 1) Who wins 2) Who bites it first . . . and second and third and so on . . .and 3) Just how deranged is Alice?  Here are some earlier votes:

List of X
I’m going to go with Team Mulan. Unlike many others in the Games, they both have had military training and know how to survive in the wilderness. Also, if I remember correctly, Mulan has a pet fire-breathing dragon (which she should make sure to keep away from Philip) which is great for reconnaissance and starting fires.
I’ll tell you how Cinderella is going to win – just before the games, a fairy godmother is going to show up and give Cindy some combat boots, an M-16 rifle with unlimited ammo, and a tank to ride to the arena. The only condition is that she’ll have to kill everyone before midnight.

1jade1
The one with the triplets, or the last one…sorry but I’m too lazy to keep them straight. Of course, they will probably go first.

ravinj
Merida or Mulan I predict will be finalists.

faithhopechocolate
I bet the winner will be someone quite unexpected. I’m betting Ariel will either die first or win.

Mental Mama
Personally, I’m rooting for the raccoon thing from Pocahontas. What the hell was his name…?

So we’ve got a couple votes in for Mulan and Merida, a possible win or death for Ariel, and the raccoon thing from Pocahontas.  There’s still time to get your guesses in before the games begin!  Winners will get Evil Squirrel’s Sparkly Pony from my last contest.  He doesn’t know he’s donated yet, but it just seems proper.  Or maybe just the knowledge that you, yes you, predicted who would massacre the most princes and princesses in a pretend contest on a silly blog.  You could put it on your resume!

See you soon.  And may the odds be forever in your favor.

 

 

Disney Hunger Games: The Interviews Part Two with t2

Disclaimer to the disclaimer: The following words, opinions, and creative forms of grammar are that of Thing 2 and Thing 2 alone.  Alice had nothing to do with it.  She swears.  Now for Thing Two:

Before we start i would just like to note: Hans is a brony but no one knew, and i have no problem with that and neither should you,bronies are NOT gay, people can like what they like and there is no one to stop you and no one should judge anyone that way, its bloody america the only way to stop someone is the bloody law and if you are a brony or like “girl things” don’t be afraid to be yourself and stand up for people, no one can tell you no….you are your own person and they are just a heartless (kingdom hearts reference!) thank you for your time

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                -T2

see! if girls can like ponies than so can boys! and anna agrees!

see! if girls can like ponies than so can boys! and anna agrees!

                                                                                        ——————          ♥     T    ♣   2   ♠       —————

Welcome welcome to more interviews (with thing two!) As i continue to be young and adorable while i typedy type type on mom’s computer, Hans

continues the evil plan. Not many changes have happened, lets recap our last interviews!

Prince p and Aurora

ariel the non mermaid and stupid eric

bella belle and beast

merida and her wee little devil brothers

All the way from the Southern Isles, it's Hans - out on probation!

All the way from the Southern Isles, it’s Hans

Hans: welcome back to the hunger games interviews! Today we will interview the following:

Snow and prince dude

Kristoff and Anna

John smith and Poco

Prince charming and Cindy

Peter pan and Tinkerbell

sora and riku

(i wish i could add sora and riku from kingdom hearts but mom would not allow it)

Hans: Ok now here is our first interview of the day, everyone welcome…… Cinderella!

Hans: so welcome to the show cinder! do you look familar..... cindy: oh your like my rebel dress? i can't belive i was brave anof to show my clean...hairless...beatiful..... hans: ohhhhh okay now lest not get to wild,next!

Hans: so welcome to the show cinder!
do you look familiar…..
Cindy: oh your like my rebel dress? I can’t belive I was brave enough to show my fabulous legs!
Hans: ohhhhh okay now lest not get to wild,next!

Hans: so tell me anna do you hhave any love intrests? Anna:it's none of your busniess sicko

Hans: so tell me anna do you hhave any love interests?
Anna:it’s none of your busniess sicko

well it looks like Hans is playing hook line and sinker….but anna is not taking the bait.

Hans: so kristzofs kris: its kristoff Hans well merry krismas! HAHAHaa? kris: its not funny hans: whoops, heh sorry

Hans: so kristzofs
Kris: its kristoff
Hans: well merry krismas! HAHAHaa?
Kris: it’s not funny
Hans: whoops, heh sorry

kris: NO ONE CALLS ME KRIZOFF!!!! hans: THIS is a bittt too accseesive!!!

Kris: NO ONE CALLS ME KRIZOFF!!!!
Hans: THIS is a bittt too excessive!

Up next uhh……Prince kit…charming…whatever you want to call him

Hans: so charming, tell me a bit about yourself.... pc:Ohhh uh i     like shoes? hans:okay then thats intresting next!

Hans: so charming, tell me a bit about yourself….
P.C.:Ohhh uh i like shoes?
Hans:okay then that’s interesting next!

now its the one and only neverlandian….. PETER PAN!

Hans: whoa peter, what in arendell happed to you? peter: i steped on tink and she turned me tiny and made me look like an elf that kills chickens HAns: well that sucks

Hans: whoa peter, what in arendell happed to you?
Peter: I steped on tink and she turned me tiny and made me look like an *elf that kills chickens
Hans: well that sucks

hans: peter can you please get out from under the couch? peter: not unless you give me a triangle cracker!!! hans: how about a gingerbread house? peter: deal.

Hans: peter can you please get out from under the couch?
peter: not unless you give me a triangle cracker!!!
Hans: how about a gingerbread house?
peter: deal.

up next……… Tinkerbell!

Hans: uhh hi? tink: don't ask buster or i'll fairy dust you butt to the wall

Hans: uhh hi?
tink: don’t ask buster or I’ll fairy dust you butt to the wall

up now is……*drumroll*……Pocahontas!

Hans: so poco how will you plan to win? poco: i plan to not use violance but.....

Hans: so poco how will you plan to win?
Poco: i plan to go if i have to but…..

but..i gave birth to the son of the sun god Hans:uh sorry poco, but we all know what your doing poco: dangnabit poco:UHHH i mean.....ohfolled again?

but..i gave birth to the son of the sun god
Hans:uh sorry poco, but we all know what you’re doing
poco: dangnabit
Poco:UHHH i mean…..ohfolled again?

next is the adventurer and poco’s loved husband (lets pretend the sequel NEVER happened)

hans: so john how do you plan to win the games? john:oh i plan to use my awesome strengh and dramatic posing! hans: you sound so much like your wife! you guys must be a POWER couple!

Hans: so john how do you plan to win the games?
John :oh i plan to use my awesome strength and dramatic posing!
Hans: you sound so much like your wife! you guys must be a POWER couple!

now we interview prince dude!

Hans: so dude do you have any hobbies that you would like to share dude: i like to kiss -derp- Hans: oh thats nnice... dude:their lips are soooo hans:OOOOK TIM next!

Hans: so dude do you have any hobbies that you would like to share
dude: i like to kiss -derp-
Hans: oh thats nnice…
dude:their lips are soooo
hans:OOOOK TMI next!

up next following her super weird and bloody dumb husband….SNOW WHITE!

Snow:OH HIIIIIIII MY NAME IS…. Hans: hello mrs.white, so how are you planning to win the games? snow: OHHHH im not planing to cause violence, I’m going to SING my way out! Hans:well good luck with that

well that’s all for today folks! make sure to leave a comment to vote for who you think should win! (i still think sora and riku should TOTALLY be in the games) and no butts were harmed in the making of this post, or Hans.

stay tuned for PART 3!

anna says to continue watching for part 3! she loves you as much as she loves the plushies in my room :3

Anna says to continue watching for part 3! she loves you as much as she loves the plushies in my room :3

*and here is a little something for people who found out who peter and tink REALLY are

Disney Hunger Games: The Interviews Part One

Sorry for the delay, but the Game Makers have not exactly been concentrating on their duties. (Click to enlarge photos)

The Game Makers have been a little distracted.  Are you surprised it's them?

Are you surprised it’s them?

Anyway, after some quick wardrobe changes with their stylists – Elsa and the Fairy Godmother were worked pretty hard – it is time for the customary pre-game interviews.

First, let me introduce to your our host!

All the way from the Southern Isles, it's Hans - out on probation!

All the way from the Southern Isles, it’s Hans – out on probation!

First up for an interview is Prince Eric from the Atlantis District.  Let’s see what questions Hans has for him.

Hans: Nice to meet you Eric.  How are you enjoying things so far? Eric: Oh, it's really nice up here.  Great seafood. Don't tell Ariel.

Hans: Nice to meet you Eric. How are you enjoying things so far?
Eric: Oh, it’s really nice up here. Great seafood. Don’t tell Ariel.

Ariel: Eric, Eric! Eric: She knows!

Ariel: Eric, Eric!
Eric: She knows!

Hans: Uhh, Ariel, nice to meet you too . . . why are you wearing your wedding dress? Ariel: Because Eric and I were going to get married . . . before . . . the games.  Sob.

Hans: Uhh, Ariel, also from the Atlantis district – nice to meet you too . . . why are you wearing your wedding dress?
Ariel: Because Eric and I were going to get married . . . before . . . the games. Sob.

Hans: Haven't you two been married a while now?  I mean - I saw the rip in Eric's clothes. They don't even fit him. Ariel: Umm . . . no . . . . no just getting married.  It's horrible!

Hans: Haven’t you two been married a while now? I mean – I saw the rip in Eric’s clothes. They don’t even fit him.  And a wedding is not getting you out of the games.
Ariel: Crap.

Next up is Princess Aurora from the Narcolepsy District.

aurora interview1

Hans: Aurora, lovely to meet you. That’s a beautiful dress.    Aurora: Yes, but the fairies couldn’t decide on the color. Pink, blue, pink, blue. I see that in my nightmares you know? Pink or blue? Pink or blue?  It’s exhausting!

Hans: So what skills do you think you'll bring to . . . um, highness? Aurora: zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Hans: So what skills do you think you’ll bring to . . . um, highness?
Aurora: zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

After unloading Aurora from the couch, it was the second tribute from Narcolepsy, Prince Phillip’s, turn.

Hans: Prince Phillip, welcome.  I hear you once killed a dragon.  Do you think that gives you an edge? Phillip: Yeah.  A sharp one.

Hans: Prince Phillip, welcome. I hear you once killed a dragon. Do you think that gives you an edge?
Phillip: Yeah. A sharp one.

Moving on. Next on the hot seat are tributes from the French-ish district, starting with Belle.

Hans: Welcome, Belle.  Uh . . . Belle.  Do you - think your team will win? Belle: I'm reading. Hans: But the book doesn't even have any pictures.

Hans: Welcome, Belle. Uh . . . Belle. Do you – think your team will win?
Belle: I’m reading.
Hans: But the book doesn’t even have any pictures.

After Belle finished her chapter, it was Beast’s turn.

Hans: So - Prince . . . Beast?  Those claws should come in handy in the games. Beast: My name is  Adam.  And I am totally suing that enchantress. Hans: But everyone knows you're cooler as the Beast.

Hans: So – Prince . . . Beast? Those claws should come in handy in the games.
Beast: My name is
Adam. And I am totally suing that enchantress.
Hans: But everyone knows you’re cooler as the Beast.

My life sucks.

Beast: My life sucks.

And now time for the last interviews of the day : welcome the Clan Du -whatever district.  First up is Merida.

Hans: Merida, tell me about yourself. Merida: I AM MERIDA, FIRST BORN DESCENDENT OF CLAN DUNBROCH!

Hans: Merida, tell me about yourself.
Merida: I AM MERIDA, FIRST BORN DESCENDENT OF CLAN DUNBROCH!

Elinor: Get away from my daughter!  I can be a reaaaal mother bear! Merida: Muuum, yer embarrasing meee! Hans: Security!

Elinor: Get away from my daughter! I can be a reaaaal mother bear!
Merida: Muuum, yer embarrasing meee!
Hans: Security!

Next up are the triplet tributes, Hammock, Hammich, and Hummus . . . or . . . whatever their names are.

Hans: They're bears. Are we serious?  Are we really doing this?

Hans: They’re bears. Are we serious? Are we really doing this?

Triplets: Hiiiiii!  Got any porridge? Hans: Will someone get the three bears here off my lap?

Triplets: Hiiiiii! Got any porridge?
Hans: Will someone get the three bears here off my lap?

Hans: Seriously . . . now they're just staring at me.  And licking their lips.  Anyone?

Hans: Seriously . . . now they’re just staring at me. And licking their lips. Anyone?

Merida: Oh, dear, my bad!  They'll be back to normal soon!  I hope. Hans: I should have stayed in prison.

Merida: Oh, dear, my bad! They’ll be back to normal soon! I hope.
Hans: I should have stayed in prison

Hans: Well that's all for today, but stay tuned for the rest of the interviews.  After the Beast and those bears I need some freaking Zyrtec.

Hans: Well that’s all for today, but stay tuned for the rest of the interviews. After the Beast and those bears I need some freaking Zyrtec.

Still 9 districts left to go!  How will interviews go with the others?  Anna?  Aladdin?  Mulan?  Those other guys?  Will we get to the killing and stuff already?  Stay tuned.

. . . . . To be continued.  These posts may last as long as the movies!