Tag Archives: Elsa

Elsa vs Hans: 2016 Spooktacular Debate

Happy Halloween, guys.  I’ve never really liked this holiday, even when I was little.  Sure, I liked the candy, but they usually gave you those circus peanut things.  Also you never looked as good in your costume as the girl on the cover, partly because they left out half the items she’s wearing, and partly because you weren’t the girl on the cover.  But I digress, I have a fictional debate to run.  They do wear nice costumes, though.

I would have added in a jump scare with either of our actual candidates, but since you never know what picture WP will decide to add to the preview, I’ll just stick to the evil hag who at least knows the issues that matter to her.

Boo! Where's my beeping check?

Boo! Where’s my beeping check?

Okay, off to the races.  We have our first, and only, Arendelle presidential debate since this is Disney where  the dream that you wish will come true.

First off, we have our moderator, Belle, because of course the only one who reads books would be stuck with it.

Welcome to the debate. Let's try to be civil here.

Welcome to the debate. Let’s try to be civil here.

Wishful thinking, Belle.  Next comes the introduction of the candidates, who walk on stage in their usual subtle style.  Here come Prince Hans and Queen Elsa.

So sorry. Someone forgot my fog machine.

So sorry. Someone forgot my fog machine.

Politics never bothered me anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Politics never bothered me anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Right. So first question is for Elsa. You have a bad history of causing environmental problems. What do you have to say about this?

Right. So first question is for Elsa. You have a bad history of causing environmental problems. What do you have to say about this?

Well, I was born with these ice powers so my parents locked me in my room most of my life and then they died so when I got out I . . . well . . . this ice storm happened.

Well, I was born with these ice powers so my parents locked me in my room most of my life and then they died so when I got out I . . . well . . . this ice storm happened.

Her sister annoyed her and she let loose with these freaked out icicles that nearly killed us and then the entire kingdom fell into a nuclear winter. I know, I was there.

Her sister annoyed her and she let loose with these freaked out icicles that nearly killed us and then the entire kingdom fell into a nuclear winter. I know, I was there.

 

In all fairness, this was a long time ago and I have my powers totally under control. Let it go, Hans.

In all fairness, this was a long time ago and I have my powers totally under control. Let it go, Hans.

Except for the time you had that cold and created millions of tiny animate snowballs - who we don't know if they're dangerous or not I might add.

Except for the time you had that cold and created millions of tiny animate snowballs.

 

We found a nice home for the snowgies, and there is no longer any problem with my health or my powers, thank you.

My health is fine now.  And we found a nice home for the snowgies,

Yes, they are totally safe up on the mountain with the abominable snowman you also made. And then there's Olaf . . .

Yes, they are totally safe up on the mountain with the abominable snowman you also made. And then there’s Olaf . . .

Moooving on. This one is for you, Hans. You are accused of trying to murder Anna and Elsa and trying to steal their kingdom. How do you answer these accusations?

Moooving on. This one is for you, Hans. You are accused of trying to murder Anna and Elsa in order to steal their kingdom. How do you answer these accusations?

I don't think I introduced you to my lovely wife and kids yet! By the way, I should point out that Elsa does not have either.

I don’t think I introduced you to my lovely wife and kids yet! By the way, I should point out that Elsa does not have either.

Wait . . . what?

Wait . . . what?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hans invites his family up on stage and introduces them.

Meet my wife Barbie, and my adorable baby twins, Hans II, and Helsa.

Meet my wife Barbie, and my adorable baby twins, Hans II, and Helsa.

That . . . didn't answer the question. Also - your family is in a box.

That . . . didn’t answer the question. Also – your family is in a box.

They like it in there. Elsa could never have family values. She has no family except Anna and her husband with that weird affection for reindeer . . .

They like it in there. Elsa could never have family values. She has no family except Anna and her brother-in-law with that weird affection for reindeer . . .

I am the first Disney heroine not to need a man. And no internet, I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I am the first Disney heroine not to need a man. Besides Merida and Mulan. And no internet, I’m not gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Okay, final question. How do you both plan to make Arendelle great again?

Okay, final question. How do you both plan to make Arendelle great again?

First, I'm going to arrest Elsa. Also her sister. And anyone else I don't like. Then I'm going to build a giant wall around the city to keep out Muslim terrorists like Aladdin and Jasmine. I'm going to cut taxes on myself, because I will give jobs to people like Tiana who come from black inner cities where there's all that violence and whatnot. I'll grab any girl I please or just leave them to die. And I will murder all the little children training to be Jedi in the temple.

First, I’m going to arrest Elsa. Also her sister. And anyone else I don’t like. Then I’m going to build a giant wall around the city to keep out Muslim terrorists like Aladdin and Jasmine. I’m going to cut taxes on myself, because I will give jobs to people like Tiana who come from black inner cities where there’s all that violence and whatnot. I’ll grab any girl I please or just leave them to die. And I will murder all the little children training to be Jedi in the temple.  And if you don’t elect me, I’ll take my minions and start riots in the streets.

. . .

. . .

Wow. I don't know . . . did you just say that?

Wow. I don’t. . . did you just say that?

Of course not! What candidate would be stupid enough to admit all of that? I'm going to buy kittens for every person in Arendelle.

Of course not! What candidate would be stupid enough to admit all of that? I’m going to buy kittens for every person in Arendelle.

If I am elected, I will treat all citizens of Arendelle as equals! And I swear not to, like, freeze them again - or I'll fix it when I do. I mean - look at your alternative.

If I am elected, I will treat all citizens of Arendelle as equals! And I swear not to, like, freeze them again – or I’ll fix it when I do. I mean – look at your alternative.

Ah . . . that was - really frightening. So ends the debate. Good luck people of Arendelle. I'm heading back to France.

Ah . . . that was – really frightening. So ends the debate. Good luck people of Arendelle. I’m heading back to France.

So the debate is over?  Time for the election!  I mean I’m sure no more scandals will surface or anything.  Like – does anyone know or care about the running mates?  Is Hans really going to give people kittens or could there be something slightly sinister behind him?  Has Elsa ever changed clothes since she put on that sparkly dress?  How did Hans change clothes in the middle of the debate?  Will this be done in one more post long before the presidential election (in NINE DAYS not to frighten you)?  Yes.

You’re welcome.

~Alice

Elsa vs. Hans: The campaign continues

With the election season underway, Hans and Elsa got prepared the typical way.  With parties from campaign donors.

Hans Bond

Why, thank you, ladies. I deeply respect . . . your money.

Party conventions

disney hunger games 1

This year’s Elsa convention held in my backyard.

TV interviews

The Belle Show

The Belle Show

And of course, lots of political ads.

I love it when I find just what I need on Google images.

I love it when I find just what I need on Google images.

But that’s just preparation for the big debate.  Elsa leaves a quick thank you for her supporters.

elsa-thanks-supporters-1elsa-thanks-supporters-2After a careful Twitter search . . .

disneypresident-fb-hans-gets-snows-voteOh oh.  Elsa better keep hold of her supporters, especially the easily persuaded.  Not that there are many of those . . . yeah.  So we finally hear from the campaign managers of both campaigns.

Mother Gothel here to promote the Hans campaign. Arendelle needs a strong leader like Hans who does not freeze countries. Or shoot icicles at people. Etc.

Mother Gothel here to promote the Hans campaign. Arendelle needs a strong leader like Hans who does not freeze countries. Or shoot icicles at people. Etc.

Ah, Mother Gothel?  Now why would she promote Hans?  What is their connection?  How did she come back from the dead?  Questions, questions.

Shang spoke for his candidate, Elsa.

Elsa is clearly the superior talent. She isn't a sociopath, she's never been in prison - well just once, and she's a strong, loving ruler. Also - check out my pectorals.

Elsa is clearly the superior candidate. She isn’t a sociopath, she’s never been in prison – well just once, and she’s a strong, loving ruler. Also – check out my pectorals.

So now they are ready for the first debate.  Later their VP candidates will debate too.  Hans tried to choose himself, but needed someone else.  You’ll soon find out, but any guesses would be fun.  Stay tuned for coverage of this ridiculous, historic event.

~Alice

The Princesses of Disneyland County: Elsa Goes Evil

It’s been a while since I’ve visited this series, a series some say rivals the Lifetime network in nonsensical plotlines and use of plastic.  No nakey dolls here, though, so look for your sexy pony pics elsewhere.*  Anyway, I already introduced our main family, the Kristoferrsons, who include Kristoff, Anna, and their four kids.  I forget their names but one was named after the reindeer, Sven.

Obviously we have other princesses here, like Belle and the former Beast guy who is now not nearly as interesting, and their children, one of whom is a a little beastie herself.  Belle is stuck teaching not only children but a continuing education class for the princesses with stunted intellectual growth (it’s a full class).  Ariel and Eric have a beach-side house complete with pool and BBQ grill, but Eric is stuck on an all seaweed diet until he gets out to party with the other princes, who should never be allowed to watch their own children.  Aladdin and Flynn are great pals and love to have adventures that frequently force their wives to bail them out of jail.  When they feel like it.  But I digress.  I’m talking about Auntie Elsa today, the single I-don’t-need-a-man chick who is totally comfortable in her own skin.

Until she tried on Maleficent’s dress and went off the deep end.  Again.

Wow, I can't believe Mal sold her stuff to a thrift store.  Maybe I'll just try this thing on.

Wow, I can’t believe Mal sold her stuff to a thrift store. Maybe I’ll just try this thing on.

Ooh, I'm liking this.  Evil, yeah, I could totally do that.  Just for fun.

Ooh, I’m liking this. Evil, yeah, I could totally do that. Just for fun.  A few minutes, tops.

Riiise my snowman minions, rise!

Riiise my snowman minions, rise!

Bwahahahaha, now no one can stop me from taking over the suburbs!  I think I'll start with Anna's cul-de-sac!

Bwahahahaha, now no one can stop me from taking over the suburbs! I think I’ll start with Anna’s cul-de-sac!

Uh, Elsa, the people at the thrift store called and said you were kinda acting weird.  Again.

Uh, Elsa, the people at the thrift store called and said you were kinda acting weird. Again.

THIS is for sitting outside my bedroom for thirteen years!  I built snowmen, Anna, lots of 'em.  Now dieeeee!

THIS is for sitting outside my bedroom for thirteen years! I built snowmen, Anna, lots of ’em. Now dieeeee!

Elsa - you're just not yourself today.  Have you had your snickers?

Anna: Elsa – you’re just not yourself today. Have you had your snickers?                                                                          Elsa: That’s a granola bar.  Anna: Just freaking eat it.

Oh, whoa, I feel much better now.  Thanks, Anna!

Oh, whoa, I feel much better now. Thanks, Anna!

Good thing Anna saved the day, there.  Elsa is much better now, but banned from the thrift store.  Also the mall and the grocery store, but those are stories for another day.

Speaking of stories, is there anything you’d like to see the princesses do next?  What family would you like to see?  Do you want me to stop playing with my dolls?   Because my counselor says it’s okay as long as they don’t talk back to me.  Anyhoo, let me know what ya think.

Alice

*Sexy pony pics used to be a common search word on my blog.

Fun with Dolls: What was Elsa DOING behind that door all that time?

In case you missed it somehow, I dig that movie Frozen. The funny thing is, I’ve only watched it twice (I swear!  No word on how many times I’ve heard one of the songs).  I also love collecting the dolls along with my kids.  I got a new Elsa – she’s so fancy, everybody knows, cause she’s got a fancy outfit, and a fancy price.  But anyhoo, she’s also quite flexible if you TAKE HER OUT OF THE BOX.  I mean, really, what else do you buy and then just leave in the box forever?  I don’t get it.  You’re supposed to play with them.  Studies show that if more people just played with dolls, they wouldn’t be playing boom boom with guns and accidentally shooting their pals during drunken hunting trips.  Or becoming vice president.

But moving on.  Even if you haven’t seen the movie at all, you can’t help but know some of the songs because they are played over and over.  And over.  In one of them “Do you want to build a snowman?” Anna sits outside of her sister Elsa’s door for like thirteen years or so, asking her to come out and play.  Anna doesn’t take a hint easily.  Anyway, I was wondering if, while Anna was out there running around the castle aimlessly and banging on her door, or sitting at her door, or leaning up against her door, what was Elsa doing in her room?

Ohhh Ellllllsaaa, come out and plaaaay . . .

Ohhh Ellllllsaaa, come out and plaaaay . . .

Well it just so happens there was a hidden camera in her room (probably set there by a relative of that creeper Hans) that caught some of Elsa’s moves on camera.  Let’s check them out, shall we?

Elsa quite enjoyed coloring and writing letters to "Dear Abby".

Elsa quite enjoyed coloring and writing letters to “Dear Abby”.

Dear Abby:

My parents locked me in my room cause I have freezing powers and my little sister has spent the last decade slamming her body into my door and screaming at me to go play with her.  It was all her fault I froze her brain in the first place.  I’d thank you to please answer my letter this time instead of telling me to “please seek help”.  That’s why I WROTE you.  Jeez.

Elsa

She practiced Yoga for better control.

She practiced Yoga for better control.

Dear Abby:

I am trying to practice Yoga to help with my little problem.  I keep freezing my Yoga mat and slipping.  Also when I do headstands, the blood rushes to my head and and I get brain freeze.  Should I give it up?

Elsa

Elsa tries out gymnastics.

Elsa tried out gymnastics.

Dear Abby:

Gymnastics is really tough.  I can do a mean splits, but it doesn’t appear super elegant in my wool dress.  My parents will not buy me a leotard despite being a king and queen.  They are unfair, especially since they let Anna ride a bicycle through the house while standing up.  I heard her crash into the stairs the other day.

Elsa

Elsa tried out dancing.

Elsa tried out dancing.

Dear Abby

My parents went away on a two week trip, so I did a little dance.  It’s hard to dance in this dress.  I don’t dare go out, yet, because my sister just told me our parents mysteriously died in a shipwreck.  I don’t believe her.  I think she is possessed. 

Elsa

Elsa played with ponies

Elsa played with ponies

Dear Abby

I don’t actually play with ponies.  I am a collector.  I just think they’re nice, is all, and magical, and sparkly, and express the true meaning of friendship.  Also I think they are spiritual talismans that can ward off evil.  I plan on stringing one around my  neck before I face my sister.

Elsa

Elsa got daring and showed off some shoulder.

Elsa practiced for her debut.

Dear Abby:

I’m tired of this buttoned up look.  I decided to show off a little shoulder today.  Look out, world.

Elsa

Elsa tries out her Marilyn impersonation.

Elsa tries out her Marilyn impersonation.

Dear Abby

Oops, some wind blew up my dress the other day. I have some pretty nice legs.  I wonder if my powers could go into dressmaking?  Did I tell you I created a living snowman back when I was four? 

Elsa

P.S. I think I’m finally ready to leave my room.  You can call off the restraining order now.

So anyway, for those of you at all familiar with the movie – what do YOU think Elsa was doing behind the door?  Also, do you think maybe Anna is secretly evil?  Here’s a video that might give you second thoughts.

Snow Day! Thanks, Elsa!

So last Thursday we had a snow day.  Wait, let me say that better.  Snow dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!  Wooot!  Bounce around!  Stay in jammies all day, no work, no school!  As you can see, I still react to snow days the way I did when I was the Things’ ages.  But who doesn’t like a free day off?

Still, we should be thankful for who was responsible for dumping snow and ice on us in just the right amounts to cancel work (rather than just enough to make it crappy, which is what happened the next day).  That’s right.  Elsa, the snow queen from Frozen, finally did something right!  Unfortunately, her friends weren’t quite so happy.  My Things got it all on film.

Conceal don't feel my hiney!  Eat snow!

Conceal don’t feel my hiney! Eat snow!

 

Arghhhhhhh!

Arghhhhhhh!  Not again!

The other princesses aren’t too happy with the situation, especially since they were at a beach party and have no pants.

If all of you would quit whining, I wouldn't have to freeze stuff!  I don't care about Prince Charming's new hairpiece, or how cute Kristoff's buns are, I'm not getting a boyfriend soon and I hate shrimp!

If all of you would quit whining, I wouldn’t have to freeze stuff! I don’t care about Prince Charming’s new hairpiece, or how cute Kristoff’s buns are, I’m not getting a boyfriend soon and I hate shrimp!

Elllllsa!  Are you off your meds again?

Elllllsa! Are you off your meds again?

What?  I'm perfectly fine! Eeeeaaaarerrrrrgh!

I’m gonna freeze more than your heart and brain this time, Anna!

Elsa, calm down.  Read a nice book!

Elsa, calm down. Read a nice book!

Uh, last book she read was the original The Snow Queen.

Uh, Belle, last book she read was the original The Snow Queen.

Nevermind.

Nevermind.

My Charming does NOT have a toupee!

My Charming does NOT have a hairpiece!

I like shrimp.  They make great friends!

I like shrimp. They make great friends!

At least my hair looks good in the wind.  Ready for my closeup!

At least my hair looks good in the wind. Ready for my closeup!

Hey, fish can swim in snow, right?  Flounder?  Flounder??

Hey, fish can swim in snow, right? Flounder? Flounder??

You guys . . .

You guys . . .

Elsa, if you'd just get a nice boyfriend like me, you'd feel better.

Elsa, if you’d just get a nice boyfriend like me, you’d feel better.

 

Kristoff DOES have nice buns.

Kristoff DOES have nice buns.

ANNA!!!

ANNA!!!

Eat snow!

Eat snow!

Hmm, maybe I should think before I speak and not rile her up so much.  Nah.

Hmm, maybe I should think before I speak and not rile her up so much. Nah.

Yay, snowball fight!

Yay, snowball fight!

Ariel don't . . . OOOF!

Ariel don’t . . . OOOF!

Okay, enough . . . try some relaxation, Elsa.  Like make snow angels!

Okay, enough . . . try some relaxation, Elsa. Like make snow angels!

I . . .am feeling calmer.

I . . .am feeling calmer.

Heh heh, now would be a good time to drop snow on her face!

Heh heh, now would be a good time to drop snow on her face!

You can probably guess what happened next.  It was a while before the snow cleared up, and even longer before the ladies decided to go without pants.

All pictures and doll arrangements made by Thing One and Thing Two.  I just loaded them and helped with captions.  Hope Elsa doesn’t get too mad at all of you – or at least gets mad just the right amount.

-Alice

The Cold Does Bother Me Anyway

Things were going well.  I wasn’t sick all the time.  There were birds twittering in the trees and crap.

Then came . . . THE COLD.  And the birds froze and died and fell out of the trees.  Not really, they got the heck out of here, but I can’t because I live here.  I live in Texas, so it’s not as bad as Yankee weather.  I don’t understand how anyone can live up north without sacrificing themselves to a snow plow.  My father had a sophisticated term for this type of cold.  “Colder than a well-digger’s butt in Idaho”.  That is the ultimate in cold, though I have never been to Idaho, met a well-digger, or taken the temperature of his butt.

That's pretty darn cold right there.

My scientific chart

Let it snow, let it snow, MAKE IT STOP.  I hate that song, and the White Christmas song, and I hate snow.  Also ice.  And cold, did I mention that?  Partly I hate cold because it makes my lungs have seizures or something and then refuse to come out and play.  So it’s hard to breathe and I get sick easier.  This is partly why I haven’t posted in a while.  I am sorry about that.  You can go on living happily now.

I went to the doctor, but he said I just have a cold that has lasted since last Wednesday.  A cold – from the cold.  How nice.  This cold cold has stuffed up both my nostrils and my brain.  I can’t the think straight.  Thinking is not needed to write on my blog.  It is needed to work, so I’m not sure what I’m going to do about that.  I have to write a short bio on former slave Frederick Douglass for our exhibit.  This is what I have so far:

It's off to a good start.

It’s off to a good start.

Where was I?  Oh, yeah, the cold.  Did you know there are people who actually like this weather?  I knew one guy who did, and it’s a good thing he lived elsewhere cause this makes me angry.  Know what else does?  Elsa.  That’s right, the freaking snow queen from Disney’s Frozen.  I used to like her but now I’m starting to think she’s kind of a jerk.  Prancing around in a flimsy dress while everyone else freezes to death.  Real nice, Elsa.

Wheeee, snow!  Ice!  Car wrecks!  Pneumonia!

Wheeee, snow! Ice! Car wrecks! Pneumonia!

So I’m supposed to end this blog post with a kick or something.  But I got nothing but rambling.  So here were go.

Frederick Douglass

He lived.  It was cold.  He died.

The End

 

-Alice

 

The Princesses of Disneyland County: Awkward Family Photos

We thought maybe before we went too far into this little docudollodrama we’d more properly introduce the characters.  First up, there is the Frozen family – they aren’t actually Frozen, they’re just from the movie.  Anna of course married Kristoff, and they had four children.  Elsa, always the smarter sister, has stayed happily single.

I needed a last name for them, but since Disney never gave Kristoff one, I decided on Kristoff Kristoferson.  I think it has a nice ring to it.  Their eldest daughter is named Ellie, after Auntie Elsa who gives the kids sugar and then makes a break for it.  The second is Sven – more on that argument later – and then Annabelle (they aren’t the most creative), and finally Kris Jr.

First we have Aunt Elsa taking a family photo.  It goes just as well as these things usually do.

family pic 1 blur

First pic – well, that ones’s a bit blurry, and not everyone’s looking forward. Let’s try again.

Maybe the camera needs adjusting - oops.

Maybe the camera needs adjusting – oops.

Well that one's pretty good except - oh the heads.  They might want those in the picture.

Well that one’s pretty good except – oh the heads. They might want those in the picture.  Hang on guys, I have this.

There we go . . . darn it.  Hey, I need a manicure.

There we go . . . darn it. Hey, I need a manicure.

Oh, oh - can't keep those kids still for a second!  If only Anna would let me freeze them for just a minute . . .

Oh, oh – Kris is crawling over Dad, Sven is hitting Annabelle and Ellie – is on my phone?  Hey!

There we go again . . . what a mess.  Why won't Anna let me freeze them for just a minute?

What a mess. Why won’t Anna let me freeze them for just a minute?

MIght as well get a good selfie in while I'm waiting for hem to get in shape.  Helloooo facebook!

MIght as well get a good selfie in while I’m waiting for them to get in shape. Helloooo Facebook!

A decent photo - or decent enough for Anna.  Hallelujah!  I'm going for a drink.

A decent photo – or decent enough for Anna. Hallelujah! I’m going for a drink.

Stay tuned next time as we do more weird things with dolls continue the saga of the Housewives of Disneyland County.