I never thought I’d say this, but I’m almost jealous of all those peeps doing Nanoblowmore.  I mean, sure, they are about to lose their minds and have been doing every wacky thing possible for a post, but there’s this definite sense of camaraderie that comes with desperation and/or possible insanity. Plus I’ve gotten to read lots more posts from you guys than usual.  At last you are fulfilling your duties to ENTERTAIN ME.  Well done.

Which is why, sense November is almost over, I wanted to join in on some of the posts.  For one, I’ve seen award posts for the first time in a while.  And I got an award!  I’m sure this has nothing to do with needing another post either!  Well, not in all cases.  I actually got this award twice, which is kind of funny, but since it was merbear and twindaddy who gave it to me, I’ll write about it.

Blog of 2013 the year!  Huh?

I am really proud of this one.  Of all the eleventy-billion blogs out there, I am the blog of the year.  Woooot!  I have beaten everybody else!  I am Queen of the Internetz!  I am . . . wait . . . how come other people have this thingy?  It says Blog of the year, not blogs.  I’m beginning to think this might be another chainmail award or something crazy like that!  Fortunately, I don’t care.

I’m supposed to nominate more peeps?  I can’t take this kind of pressure, you guyz.  Besides, I’m still going with the whole I am THE blog of the year, because I am happy in my delusions.  Also lazy.  But hey, there was another bandwagon people were on lately.  Peeps did tarot card readings on this totally legit site and I said this looks ridiculous, ME TOO.

First up, how I feel about myself right now.

That figures.

The site says “You feel discontent or uneasy and feel a need for a change in your life, a new direction, perhaps even an adventure.”  And it’s represented by The Fool.  I’m thinkin’ a new direction probably wouldn’t be a good idea if I’ve got this moron fueling my destiny.  I’ll pass.

Next card – What I want most at this moment.

WTF???

No offense, Mr. Death, but I’m not wanting you right now.  No death wishes.  I would think drawing this card to be a slighly bad omen, sort of like having Cancer as your birth sign (I’m so lucky).  But the site says “The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is absolute change, to end what you no longer want and start anew . . . However catastrophic such changes could be, embracing them will only make you grow in wisdom and experience.”  Or, you know, die.

Next up, my fears.  For some reason, Mr. Happy Death doesn’t appear here.  instead we get the Herc.

Well, this is awkward.

I like how the dude is riding a lion in this one.  That shows strength.  Also stupidity.  This card says “Whether you are recovering from ill health, a broken marriage or relationship, or challenges at work, you will find the will power to come out on top.”  Well, that about covers everything, doesn’t it?  I’ve had ill health, problem relationships, and challenges at work, but now I know if I ride a lion, I can be on top.  Thanks Tarot!

And now what I have going for me!  Yay!

A dude with a harp? You’re kidding me, right?

The site says “It’s a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, perhaps enjoy a well-earned holiday, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby.”  What?  Baby.  Nooooo.  No no no no.  Go away angel dude.  No babies here.  Don’t even think about it.

So what’s going against me when I’ve got sun boy going for me?

Da fuq?

According to this, that freaked out card represents “the world.”  So “the world” is against me.  Awesome.  But it adds “As always, fear holds us back and so often leads to missed opportunities. Do not give up or change direction this late in the game just because you have experienced delays – stick with it, have faith and trust the universe, and you will reach the successful conclusion you are wanting.”  Whatever that might be.  See, we’re always right here at Tarot international!

Finally: Outcome.

Outcome is chubby guy on a throne. Okay.

This guy is called “The Emperor” but he doesn’t look anything like the guy in Star Wars.  Which I guess is a good thing.  According to this card “Expect success and achievement of your goals, this is a time for fulfillment of your ambitions. If you have placed your trust in your father, husband/partner or a man of significance in your life, they will come up trumps for you.”  Thank goodness I have me a man!  I have to wonder, though, what this means for straight guys with no dads.  Huh.

Well, there you go.  I’m thinking maybe the dove candy wrappers might be about as useful, but who knows?  I’ll let ya know.  In fact, if you’d like me to do a tarot reading for you, complete with necessary sarcastic remarks, I’d be happy to do so.  Just ask.  I know. That’s why I’m Blog of the Year.

You’re welcome.

Alice