Tag Archives: Frozen

Breaking News in the Olaf case

You might have thought (or hoped) that we’d forgotten about Olaf (a snowman from the Disney movie Frozen) and all the wackos who have shown up to claim Elsa’s throne, seeing as how none of them are (supposedly) real at all and we are (in theory) way too big to be playing with this stuff.  Except maybe Thing Two, she’s eleven.  When does the statute of limitations run out on doll playing?  No matter.

Queen Elsa decided on the best course of action in this dire situation.  Ask her friends on Facebook.

facebook disney posts 1

Hans took to his Facebook page to express his opinions.

facebook disney posts 2Plenty of squabbling, but no results.  Just like Congress!  The Things and I made a search and found this in Thing Two’s room.

An Elsa voodoo doll? (I did not put her up to this one.)

An Elsa voodoo doll? (I did not put her up to this one.)

And later this image popped up on Anna’s Facebook page.

Elsa's feeling really bad! Those are NOT the lyrics to "Let it Go."

Elsa’s feeling really bad! Those are NOT the lyrics to “Let it Go.”

Along with this status.

facebook disney posts 3Some more investigation finally turned up our wayward snowman.

What is that nose?

What is that nose?

OMG it's Olaf!

Okay this one even freaked ME out.

A little more investigation, though . . .

Hans: Keep quiet and no one gets hurt, snowman!

Hans: Keep quiet and no one gets hurt, snowman!

Hans: Oh oh.

Hans: Oh oh.

Anna posted one more status.

facebook disney posts 4

So ends our Olaf caper for those of you who were on the edge of your seats there.  Wouldn’t it be great if someone could get a shot of, I don’t know, one of our politicians advocating crazy criminal activity?  And if that were to make this politician sink in the polls instead of get more popular?  Wouldn’t it???

I’m gonna go play with my toys.

Alice

 

Olaf is Missing!

Bad news.  We think.  The Things and I have managed to lose Olaf.  He’s not in the freezer anymore, so we’re not sure what happened.  Thus no picture of “Hug Me” Olaf today.  Instead we have a report in from Arendelle.

Breaking News

Arendelle.  There is a crazed snowman on the loose.  He has already attacked two people, killing one blue-haired girl and injuring a prince. It is known he can withstand extreme cold and hot butter, and is currently armed with a bendy plastic sword.  Residents are advised to not open a door and just let their work go. The Arendelle police have issued an APB out for his arrest. 

Olaf was last seen in a freezer.

Olaf was last seen in a freezer.

Queen Elsa is currently being questioned about any knowledge of his whereabouts, as she was the one who gave him life, which kind of makes her his mom.  Or his god.  Anyway, coming so soon after the whole freezing the entire kingdom incident, this is indeed unfortunate for her future political career.  Arendelle citizens are concerned that Princess Anna might have to take the throne, and her complete lack of experience in – pretty much anything but being adorkable – could be a problem. 

Queen Elsa of Arendelle

Queen Elsa of Arendelle

Olaf’s second victim, Prince Hans of the Seven Isles, is recovering at a nearby hospital and has announced plans to run as the first Republican candidate in Arendelle.  He’s not a native born citizen, and he’s evil, but it is believed he has a strong chance.  His solution to the rise in crime is to arm everyone with frying pans, as this seemed to work well in the neighboring kingdom of Corona, ruled by the parents of Princess Rapunzel.  Rapunzel had no comment on the situation.

Prince Hans. Future political candidate?

Prince Hans. Future political candidate?

Kristoff, boyfriend of Princess Anna, is leading a search party along with his reindeer partner, Sven.  According to Kristoff, Sven thinks that the media has blown this out of proportion and that Olaf is just off his snowflake meds.  He dismissed the idea that Olaf might enlist an entire army of snowgies, created from the snot of Queen Elsa, to help him in his mad killing spree. 

Princess Anna expresses remorse at asking Queen Elsa repeatedly to build a snowman. 

Anybody with information please alert Alice at her blog as she claims to know these people personally.

Arendelle News

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the Third Day of Christmas Olaf gave to us

A bag of frozen sausage – made out of teddy bear brains!

a bag of frozen sausage!

Elsa’s other solution for Olaf’s melting problem

See my nitrates?  I think we’re gonna have to start getting more creative.  I feel like my audience is dying off.

Wait, did Olaf get to you, too?  Or was it the political candidates?  Did they have the election yet?  I don’t even know anymore.  I am  hiding in the freezer – when Olaf leaves.

Alice

 

The Princesses of Disneyland County: Elsa Goes Evil

It’s been a while since I’ve visited this series, a series some say rivals the Lifetime network in nonsensical plotlines and use of plastic.  No nakey dolls here, though, so look for your sexy pony pics elsewhere.*  Anyway, I already introduced our main family, the Kristoferrsons, who include Kristoff, Anna, and their four kids.  I forget their names but one was named after the reindeer, Sven.

Obviously we have other princesses here, like Belle and the former Beast guy who is now not nearly as interesting, and their children, one of whom is a a little beastie herself.  Belle is stuck teaching not only children but a continuing education class for the princesses with stunted intellectual growth (it’s a full class).  Ariel and Eric have a beach-side house complete with pool and BBQ grill, but Eric is stuck on an all seaweed diet until he gets out to party with the other princes, who should never be allowed to watch their own children.  Aladdin and Flynn are great pals and love to have adventures that frequently force their wives to bail them out of jail.  When they feel like it.  But I digress.  I’m talking about Auntie Elsa today, the single I-don’t-need-a-man chick who is totally comfortable in her own skin.

Until she tried on Maleficent’s dress and went off the deep end.  Again.

Wow, I can't believe Mal sold her stuff to a thrift store.  Maybe I'll just try this thing on.

Wow, I can’t believe Mal sold her stuff to a thrift store. Maybe I’ll just try this thing on.

Ooh, I'm liking this.  Evil, yeah, I could totally do that.  Just for fun.

Ooh, I’m liking this. Evil, yeah, I could totally do that. Just for fun.  A few minutes, tops.

Riiise my snowman minions, rise!

Riiise my snowman minions, rise!

Bwahahahaha, now no one can stop me from taking over the suburbs!  I think I'll start with Anna's cul-de-sac!

Bwahahahaha, now no one can stop me from taking over the suburbs! I think I’ll start with Anna’s cul-de-sac!

Uh, Elsa, the people at the thrift store called and said you were kinda acting weird.  Again.

Uh, Elsa, the people at the thrift store called and said you were kinda acting weird. Again.

THIS is for sitting outside my bedroom for thirteen years!  I built snowmen, Anna, lots of 'em.  Now dieeeee!

THIS is for sitting outside my bedroom for thirteen years! I built snowmen, Anna, lots of ’em. Now dieeeee!

Elsa - you're just not yourself today.  Have you had your snickers?

Anna: Elsa – you’re just not yourself today. Have you had your snickers?                                                                          Elsa: That’s a granola bar.  Anna: Just freaking eat it.

Oh, whoa, I feel much better now.  Thanks, Anna!

Oh, whoa, I feel much better now. Thanks, Anna!

Good thing Anna saved the day, there.  Elsa is much better now, but banned from the thrift store.  Also the mall and the grocery store, but those are stories for another day.

Speaking of stories, is there anything you’d like to see the princesses do next?  What family would you like to see?  Do you want me to stop playing with my dolls?   Because my counselor says it’s okay as long as they don’t talk back to me.  Anyhoo, let me know what ya think.

Alice

*Sexy pony pics used to be a common search word on my blog.

Fun with Dolls: What was Elsa DOING behind that door all that time?

In case you missed it somehow, I dig that movie Frozen. The funny thing is, I’ve only watched it twice (I swear!  No word on how many times I’ve heard one of the songs).  I also love collecting the dolls along with my kids.  I got a new Elsa – she’s so fancy, everybody knows, cause she’s got a fancy outfit, and a fancy price.  But anyhoo, she’s also quite flexible if you TAKE HER OUT OF THE BOX.  I mean, really, what else do you buy and then just leave in the box forever?  I don’t get it.  You’re supposed to play with them.  Studies show that if more people just played with dolls, they wouldn’t be playing boom boom with guns and accidentally shooting their pals during drunken hunting trips.  Or becoming vice president.

But moving on.  Even if you haven’t seen the movie at all, you can’t help but know some of the songs because they are played over and over.  And over.  In one of them “Do you want to build a snowman?” Anna sits outside of her sister Elsa’s door for like thirteen years or so, asking her to come out and play.  Anna doesn’t take a hint easily.  Anyway, I was wondering if, while Anna was out there running around the castle aimlessly and banging on her door, or sitting at her door, or leaning up against her door, what was Elsa doing in her room?

Ohhh Ellllllsaaa, come out and plaaaay . . .

Ohhh Ellllllsaaa, come out and plaaaay . . .

Well it just so happens there was a hidden camera in her room (probably set there by a relative of that creeper Hans) that caught some of Elsa’s moves on camera.  Let’s check them out, shall we?

Elsa quite enjoyed coloring and writing letters to "Dear Abby".

Elsa quite enjoyed coloring and writing letters to “Dear Abby”.

Dear Abby:

My parents locked me in my room cause I have freezing powers and my little sister has spent the last decade slamming her body into my door and screaming at me to go play with her.  It was all her fault I froze her brain in the first place.  I’d thank you to please answer my letter this time instead of telling me to “please seek help”.  That’s why I WROTE you.  Jeez.

Elsa

She practiced Yoga for better control.

She practiced Yoga for better control.

Dear Abby:

I am trying to practice Yoga to help with my little problem.  I keep freezing my Yoga mat and slipping.  Also when I do headstands, the blood rushes to my head and and I get brain freeze.  Should I give it up?

Elsa

Elsa tries out gymnastics.

Elsa tried out gymnastics.

Dear Abby:

Gymnastics is really tough.  I can do a mean splits, but it doesn’t appear super elegant in my wool dress.  My parents will not buy me a leotard despite being a king and queen.  They are unfair, especially since they let Anna ride a bicycle through the house while standing up.  I heard her crash into the stairs the other day.

Elsa

Elsa tried out dancing.

Elsa tried out dancing.

Dear Abby

My parents went away on a two week trip, so I did a little dance.  It’s hard to dance in this dress.  I don’t dare go out, yet, because my sister just told me our parents mysteriously died in a shipwreck.  I don’t believe her.  I think she is possessed. 

Elsa

Elsa played with ponies

Elsa played with ponies

Dear Abby

I don’t actually play with ponies.  I am a collector.  I just think they’re nice, is all, and magical, and sparkly, and express the true meaning of friendship.  Also I think they are spiritual talismans that can ward off evil.  I plan on stringing one around my  neck before I face my sister.

Elsa

Elsa got daring and showed off some shoulder.

Elsa practiced for her debut.

Dear Abby:

I’m tired of this buttoned up look.  I decided to show off a little shoulder today.  Look out, world.

Elsa

Elsa tries out her Marilyn impersonation.

Elsa tries out her Marilyn impersonation.

Dear Abby

Oops, some wind blew up my dress the other day. I have some pretty nice legs.  I wonder if my powers could go into dressmaking?  Did I tell you I created a living snowman back when I was four? 

Elsa

P.S. I think I’m finally ready to leave my room.  You can call off the restraining order now.

So anyway, for those of you at all familiar with the movie – what do YOU think Elsa was doing behind the door?  Also, do you think maybe Anna is secretly evil?  Here’s a video that might give you second thoughts.

Frozen Lego Castle Review or Maybe I Should Stick to Duplo

I saw a cute little lego castle – and it was Frozen, so I thought GREAT. I bought it before the scalpers could jump the price up to even higher than legos are normally priced.  I figured, hey, the girls and I love Frozen and building the thing together should be tons of fun!

I am very dumb sometimes!

See, what I didn’t realize was that the castle would be so small.  By small I mean like slightly over microscopic.  This is not to say there is no detail, oh no.  There is a LOT of detail.  Like 5 thousand pieces worth or so.  The box claims there are only 292 pieces, but I think they’re lying.  I personally would have given up on the first level (yeah there are three) but luckily I had Thing Two with me, the Master Builder.

Objects may be tinier than they appear

Objects may be tinier than they appear

You might notice on the box that it says this set is for ages 6-12.  WTF.  I happen to be much older than 12, and I was about to lose it.  I can only imagine a six year old putting this thing together, unless said six year old is incredibly brilliant and dexterous and comes from Oz which is probably also a set made by Lego in 5 billion pieces.  My Thing Two is ten, and yes happens to be brilliant, so brilliant she made her own youtube channel right under my nose on the computer in the living room after I told her not to do it and also made her own videos which I don’t even know how to do.  I didn’t discover this until 2 months later.  That’s how to be a “with-it” parent, you guys.

In this instance, her devious tenacity came in very handy.  After only 6 or 70 hours or so, we had the entire thing together.  By “we”, I mean “she”, although she did allow me to put some pieces in, as she said “So you can feel involved, Mommy.”  Here is a picture of our fabulous work.

It's the size of my freaking hand - my real hand.  That is not a stunt hand.

It’s the size of my freaking hand – my real hand. That is not a stunt hand.

It really is a very neat set.  It comes with three figures – Anna, Elsa, and Olaf.  Olaf gets his own picnic set like in the movie, which was great cause I could just shove him over to the side that way.  There’s also a sled which Anna and Elsa can ride, as well as ice skates, and skis, and a tiny hill they can slide down or hide cookies inside, if they choose.  I don’t know why they’d choose this, but whatever.

You’ll notice the side of the castle has some cool stairs.  Those were neat.  There’s also a tree.  Don’t ask Thing Two about the tree.  It about drove even her over the edge since the instructions told us in intimate detail how to put together the three parts of Elsa but not any steps on making the dumb tree.

Inside on the first floor is an ice cream and popsickle machine.  I don’t recall this being in the movie, but then again, Elsa had no furniture that I could tell in the movie.  I guess she was too busy running around doing dramatic Broadway numbers to care.  Anyway, it’s cute.

The whole set.  Note the giant hill Ana can slide down - ooooh.

The whole set. Note the giant hill Ana can slide down – ooooh.

Upstairs you’ve got Elsa’s balcony so she can belt out her “Let it Go” tune for the 564,493,206 time.  Also she has a bed and a book to read – it looks like it’s the Snow Queen.  I bet she didn’t like the reading there.  There’s probably a reason they named the villain after the original author.

On the top story there’s mostly just a seat and a torch.  Not sure how the torch doesn’t burn down the castle, but I guess it’s her magical powers and all that.  Anna has a torch to hold as well, in case she gets mad at Elsa and decides to test those magical powers.  Elsa was supposed to have a frozen scepter, though that got left out of the set.  Fortunately we have an extra arm for Olaf, more giant cookies, and other extras we didn’t need to make up for it.

Kristoff, Sven (he’s the reindeer), and my favorite sociopath, Prince Hans, are not in this set.  I hope they make another set soon so I can add them to my collection after Thing Two builds it for me.  Right now, the three have to play with Vadar whose head fell off and a Ninjago figure.  She does have some handcuffs, though, which will come in handy when we get a Hans figure.

Hope you enjoyed this review and be warned.  Legos are cool, but evil.

 

The Cold Does Bother Me Anyway

Things were going well.  I wasn’t sick all the time.  There were birds twittering in the trees and crap.

Then came . . . THE COLD.  And the birds froze and died and fell out of the trees.  Not really, they got the heck out of here, but I can’t because I live here.  I live in Texas, so it’s not as bad as Yankee weather.  I don’t understand how anyone can live up north without sacrificing themselves to a snow plow.  My father had a sophisticated term for this type of cold.  “Colder than a well-digger’s butt in Idaho”.  That is the ultimate in cold, though I have never been to Idaho, met a well-digger, or taken the temperature of his butt.

That's pretty darn cold right there.

My scientific chart

Let it snow, let it snow, MAKE IT STOP.  I hate that song, and the White Christmas song, and I hate snow.  Also ice.  And cold, did I mention that?  Partly I hate cold because it makes my lungs have seizures or something and then refuse to come out and play.  So it’s hard to breathe and I get sick easier.  This is partly why I haven’t posted in a while.  I am sorry about that.  You can go on living happily now.

I went to the doctor, but he said I just have a cold that has lasted since last Wednesday.  A cold – from the cold.  How nice.  This cold cold has stuffed up both my nostrils and my brain.  I can’t the think straight.  Thinking is not needed to write on my blog.  It is needed to work, so I’m not sure what I’m going to do about that.  I have to write a short bio on former slave Frederick Douglass for our exhibit.  This is what I have so far:

It's off to a good start.

It’s off to a good start.

Where was I?  Oh, yeah, the cold.  Did you know there are people who actually like this weather?  I knew one guy who did, and it’s a good thing he lived elsewhere cause this makes me angry.  Know what else does?  Elsa.  That’s right, the freaking snow queen from Disney’s Frozen.  I used to like her but now I’m starting to think she’s kind of a jerk.  Prancing around in a flimsy dress while everyone else freezes to death.  Real nice, Elsa.

Wheeee, snow!  Ice!  Car wrecks!  Pneumonia!

Wheeee, snow! Ice! Car wrecks! Pneumonia!

So I’m supposed to end this blog post with a kick or something.  But I got nothing but rambling.  So here were go.

Frederick Douglass

He lived.  It was cold.  He died.

The End

 

-Alice

 

More Christmas Ideas Disney Style!

Christmas is almost here (again) and I know you guys want to do better than last year when at the last minute you gave everyone corn dogs from 7-11.  So I’ve compiled another list of Christmas toys to make your shopping easier.  I even got them all from one store, the most wholesome, magical one on earth – the Disney Store!  Maybe these toys aren’t the best – I mean it’s hard to beat hammers, tacks, and whips that crack – but here goes.

1. Yoda Tracheotomy

Quit, Chewie, the Heimlich!

Quick, Chewie, the Heimlich!

Poor Yoda.  This is what happens when you steal lights from people and try to eat them.  You didn’t have to go that far to convince Luke you were nuts.  I’m not sure the purpose of this toy.  I mean, you can have a flashlight, or you can have a yoda doll . . . the reason for combining the two is lost on me.  Use the force, shove stuff down your throat . . . yeah I’m not getting it.  Oh and remember, this is sold by the Disney Store who has shockingly already capitalized on their recent acquisition bwahahahahaha.

2. Frozen Brain Storage

Anna wasn't using those brains anyway.

Anna wasn’t using those brains anyway.

I’ve seen these little purse things around for a while, and I’ve never understood them.  I mean, sure, they’re cute and all until you realize you are shoving your change into an empty doll skull – or possibly a completely disemboweled doll in this case, I’m not for sure.  She looks so blindly happy about it, despite having no brains or nose.  Also there’s a strange flap of skin on the left side of her face. Is that an ear?  Part of her hair?  I’m not sure, but Disney, really, remember these are kids here!

3. Decaying flesh pins

This is what you want to wear to that formal dinner party.

This is what you want to wear to that formal dinner party.

That’s right!  When you think evil, creepy Sith Lord, you obviously ask yourself – hey, how can I wear that guy on my shirt?  Well, Disney, once again, has the answer for you.  It’s the Emperor Palpatine pin!  Put it on your Star Wars tie and watch the chicks line up!  And vomit.  But wait, there’s more!

What a charming face!

What a charming face!

I’m not sure which of these guys would win the ugly award, so why not just wear them both and let others decide by number of people running away from you and / or asking for your number at a comic convention.

4. Pound of hairy flesh

What happens when Chewbacca has a wax done.

What happens when Chewbacca has a wax done.

Keeping with the fleshy organ removal theme, here is yet another Star Wars offering.  A Chewbacca journal!  If you’ll remember, Chewbacca is that walking carpet that randomly makes howly noises in the movies.  I bet he made a really loud howly noise when his hair was ripped off of him and for what?  A journal cover?  Are you happy, children?  Well, ARE YOU?

5. Frozen Radioactive Girl

When Elsa lets it go, try to wear a lead apron.

When Elsa lets it go, try to wear a lead apron.

Here’s the very popular Elsa singing doll, singing the well known “It’s all about the base”.  Or possibly it’s all about the arms, since by the looks of it, she has dipped her arms in some sort of nuclear waste and is now glowing.  I remember the part where she sings, but I fail to remember the part where her arms start glowing in the dark.  I guess Disney thought it’d be a nice touch.  Anna also glows – in the chest area, which is more concerning.  Adding to the fun, they are motion activated, so walk past one and this happens.  I think these two better head to the nearest Arendale hospital STAT.

6. Ozzie and Harriet PJs

The plaid, the plaid . . .

The plaid, the plaid . . .

You know what they say, the family that wears matching Mickey Mouse PJs together . . . is freaking weird.  I predict at least one of these kids is growing up to be an ax murderer.  Oh, sure, some people think it’s cute for everyone to match, and I mean everyone, even Dad isn’t spared.  And this is for bedtime, not a one-time only picture.  On the plus side, I guess they don’t have to wear it out of the house, but they do have to wear it every night.  Every single night.  One day those manically happy parents will regret it when they wake up to a little voice saying “NO MORE MICKEY . . .”

7. Snowman Stalkers

Move over elf, there's a new stalker in town.

Move over elf, there’s a new stalker in town.

You know how the Elf on the Shelf has been terrifying kids for years with his ever watchful beady little eyes?  Well, guess what?  Frozen is cashing in on that psychological torture with a stalking snowman!  I don’t know about you, but I think the snowman scares me even more than the elf, what with him offering “warm hugs”, then hiding and peeping at you and reporting back to – Santa?  Or the snow queen herself?  We’re in big trouble guys.  Say your prayers or someone gets frozen tonight.

Imagine this guy watching your every move.

Imagine this guy watching your every move.

8. Castle Freaking-Kidding-Me

What a bargain!

What a bargain!

Okay, enough of the gross, let’s move onto the beautiful.  And this actual castle, located in London, England would certainly make a nice summer home . . . wait, what?  It’s . . . a 20 inch sculpture?  As in no one can live in it, not even a Cinderella doll, but it costs 37,500 dollars????  That’s more than my first house.  WTF.  Oh, but hey, it’s got 28,255 Swarovski® crystals.  Less than 3 weeks till Christmas, start saving now!  Limited edition of 50 people they think might actually buy this!

9. Pile O’ Severed Heads

Bring out yer heads . . .

Off with their heads!

Something dreadful has happened in a little cottage deep in the wood.  We never knew the Evil Queen had it in her, but word from the forest animals is she was passing by not long before this grisly scene was discovered.  That’s right – Snow White and all seven dwarves, heads sliced from their bodies!  Not sure what the queen did with their bodies.  Maybe she put Snow’s on display for the heck of it.  Good luck, Prince Charming.

10. Nightmare on Sesame Street

Sure it says Olaf . . .

(muffled) Hellllp Meeeee.

I know it looks like I’m picking yet another Frozen toy, but look closer.  It’s supposed to be the snowman, mouth removed and straw stuck in his brain.  Yet I think he looks an awful lot like this guy:

Bert from Sesame Street!

Bert from Sesame Street!

The resemblance is just too uncanny.  You’ll notice Bert looks very concerned about this latest development.  I bet Ernie was behind it.  Imagine, your best buddy, chopping your head at the mouth and sucking your brain out through a straw.  I think I’d want a little time apart after that one.

Okay, so there’s 10 fabulous gifts you can get for your little monsters this Christmas.  No, don’t thank me.  Thank the mouse.  That . . . freaking . . . . mouse.  Look out it’s little Timmy!

Buy it All, Buy it All!

I have developed a slight spending problem, which is really interesting since only a month ago I could hardly spend at all.  I wouldn’t let myself buy anything, especially not anything possibly considered “frivolous”.  There were times I’d leave entire carts of (non-perishable) items because I couldn’t bear to spend money on them, no matter what it was, and was too depressed to go return the items where they belonged.  (Sorry Mecca employees.)

Spend money.  Live poorer.

Spend money. Live poorer.

Now I get my best exercise going to big chain stores like Mecca, grabbing items on clearance (they often mark things down but don’t reflect it on the sticker) and running them over to the price checker.  Total thrill when it comes up cheaper.   If not, or I still don’t want to buy it, I return it right where it belongs, then grab something else.  Rinse, repeat.  When the price checkers aren’t working, I really don’t know what to do.  I don’t like having an employee scan it, because they tend to not want to stay by a pole until you return with three more items.  Did I mention the Abilify med I’m on makes me restless but also extremely active?  To a somewhat psychotic point?

It beats being down, though, and I love it.  But there is another issue.  Seems my extreme self-control has been loosened, which is not that bad, except that I really have to watch it now when I add up the amount I spent on NEEDED merchandise for my online doll series that is watched by at least three people.  Or my Disney / Barbie collection in general.  I used to collect expensive dolls, so spending 100 and then nothing else for a long time was no big deal.  But when you do it in increments of 10, 20, 30, etc, it’s like just eating one slice of cake.  Then going back for another slice.  And just one more.

Caaaaaaaaaaaaake

Caaaaaaaaaaaaake

On the plus side, not everything I want is in the stores, or at least, not at the right price.  Unfortunately, there is INTERNETZ.  And it’s even easier to just use your card and go CLICK and buy more stuff.  Then you get packages in the mail and it’s totally like Christmas except after a while you sort of have to run home and hide the stuff so the others in your family don’t realize quite how much Christmas you are giving yourself in October and November.

But most of it I was saving for Christmas presents for my children.  No, seriously, except that after a while there wasn’t much more storage space, and I had to admit that they hadn’t actually asked for a lot of it, though they’d of course like playing with it.  So I’ve just started opening some of them so we could play with them now.  That way Christmas is not so overwhelming.  And what are toys for, but to play with?  (Don’t keep them in the box!  They suffocate!  Have you not seen Toy Story???)

But even though I’ve never gotten us in the red, still I needed to curb the spending every day and I figured, what better way than a sticker chart?  I got some stickers (Guess which kind?  You will never guess.) and made it three whole days before I cracked this morning and bought this thing that had been out of stock for weeks but now it was in and if I didn’t buy it’d be gone in no time because everyone knows Mickey and Amazon have no soul.

I bet these guys would hold me accountable.  I think I'd be dead.

I bet these guys would hold me accountable. I’m sorry I bought all the stuff don’t kill meeee!

My ten-year-old accountability partner will be so ashamed.  I bet she gets her sticker for not having her bad habit today.  Oh, well.  I’m not sure why I feel worse about buying collectibles (even that sounds better than “toys”).  I mean, aren’t most electronics technically toys, only with higher price tags?  And who doesn’t have a smart phone or a tablet or an Xbox or something of that nature by now?  Huh?

Do you guys have spending issues?  If so, what is your weak spot?

I’ll get back on the spending sobriety wagon tomorrow I guess.  I came up with a little ditty appropriately to the tune of “Let it Go”.

Buy it now, buy it now!!!

Buy it now, buy it now!!!

Let it go, Let it go

Don’t hold onto it anymore

Go ahead, spend your dough

You know you want to, oh!

 

Why do you care

What they’re going to say

The bank won’t foreclose

At least not until you miss some more payments . . .

 

I know I have medical bills

But those things are so dull

And the collectors they can’t do too much

If my wallet is now not full

 

It’s time for me  to slow it down

To stop the spend merry-go-round

It’s okay to buy but not so much

I’m brooooke!

 

Only guilt, only guilt!

You spent too much you git

Oh but hey, it’s okay

Perfection’s never possible anyway . . .

Pocahontas: Alice spends too much. Merida: Yes, but maybe she'll buy you that hunky boyfriend.

Pocahontas: Alice spends too much.
Merida: Yes, but maybe she’ll buy you that hunky boyfriend.

The Frozen Effect

So what’s so special about this movie (besides the fact that it the highest grossing animated film of all time beating out Toy Story 3, and he 5th highest film period- and it’s still playing in some theaters)?

Take that, Woody.

Take that, Woody.

It’s because this movie, with very small exception (those blasted trolls) is perfect.  As Beauty and the Beast did for me back in the 90s, so Frozen has done for a new generation of children – it’s blasted us out of the park.  The stunning animation, the incredible songs (“Let it Go” took Best Song in the Oscars), the characters, and the story – it was amazing.  It’s a bit slow in the beginning, but once you hit that big musical Oscar winning number, you’re taken in.  Okay, well, I was, as were my daughters, and obviously a whole lot of other people.

And that’s the answer – this was a movie that struck not just children, but adults as well.  Whereas little children saw pretty princesses, older kids and adults saw their lives.  You can’t help but identify with the sisters Elsa and Anna – both individually and in their relationship to each other.

And they're just so gosh darn cute.

And they’re just so gosh darn cute.

A brief synopsis – though this post is anything but brief – bear with me.  Elsa has those magical ice powers, but she hurts her sister while playing with her powers, so the parents get a troll to heal her and then completely disregard everything he warns them about.  They decide the best way to help the girl is to lock her up in her room and try to get her to suck up her feelings (tied to her enormous creative power) so she doesn’t freeze the place.  Oh, and little sister Anna has her memory wiped, so has no idea why her sister has shut her completely out.

Now take away the fantasy part of it, and see if that doesn’t sound familiar in any way.   I see Frozen in many ways as a metaphor for mental illness.  Elsa’s parents tell her to suck up her feelings.  They keep her isolated from others, for fear of her endangering them, and, I suspect, fear of embarrassment.  And little sister is left outside the door, repeatedly knocking, begging, pleading for Elsa to let her in.  “Do You Want to Build a Snowman”  is a song that can get very irritating, but it’s important.  Especially the last line, where you see both sisters, isolated from one another, slink down in despair on either side of the door.

“Do you want to build a snowman?  It doesn’t have to be a snowman.”

elsa anna

Anna – for goodness sakes, NO I DON’T.

After the deaths of the rather controlling parents, Elsa is forced to come out to lead her people.  Anna is thrilled to have her back, but she annoys the heck out of Elsa until finally she can no longer keep her feelings inside.  She unleashes them on the entire kingdom, starting an eternal winter.  Cursed as a witch, she is chased away from the castle, but once she’s away, she realizes suddenly that now she is free.  Free to be who she is.  And her song “Let it Go” resonates with me like no other song does, no matter how many times it is played.

So I’ll give you the song, along with my commentary.

“Let it Go”

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation,
And it looks like I’m the queen.

People with mental illness are isolated.  From friends, from coworkers, from family, even from others with their illness.

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried!

What happens on the outside (her enormous outburst) reflects what she has been keeping inside – a swirling storm of emotion.  You can try to keep it in, but it won’t stay in forever.  It didn’t for me.  And heaven knows I tried.

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be

elsa good girl

My parents never DID get me that Xbox.

Oh wow, this is a big one for me.  Be the good girl, Alice, always be the good girl.  Growing up with a brother who had enormous outbursts due to his manic depression, I felt I had to be the good one for my parents to make up for it.  I tried to do whatever I was told, and when I deviated, well, I heard about it.  In school I figured out early that to cry, or show emotion, could invite ridicule.  My smile was made fun of – so I tried not to smile around these people.  I didn’t even look up.  For a long time.
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know!

They tell you never to mention mental illness – especially if you ever want a job or to be taken seriously.  But, eventually, people will find out.  Even if you think you’re hiding it so well, you aren’t.  People with any kind of sensitivity will see through the mask.  I know my kids did.  And when I finally admitted to it, and told others what was going on – there was a definite lift I felt.  No one thus far has ridiculed me.  If anything, they’ve in some way understood.  So if you have a total meltdown at a dinner party, don’t worry too much.

Try not to freeze the entire country, though.

Try not to freeze the entire country, though.

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door!

I don’t care
What they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway!

A typical first reaction to spilling the beans about your illness – okay, this is me.  Deal with it.  I don’t care what you say.  I’m running away, don’t follow.

It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all!

Distance does change the scope of the problem.  Staying at a mental hospital showed me I was far from the only one that was sick, and I was by far not the sickest.  One of my biggest fears was going to a place like that.  Well I did it, twice, so what can’t I do?  What fear can’t I conquer?

It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me I’m free!

It'd really suck if she slipped right here . . .

It’d really suck if she slipped right here . . .

Often, when you shut up your feelings, you shut up your creativity, your potential.  What could you do if you weren’t hiding in your bedroom?  You’re an adult now.  There aren’t any real rules (except the obvious ones like paying your taxes and going to work so you get paid).  Other than that, if you want to buy dolls or ponies, buy them.  If you want to make a go at Broadway, try it.  No more rules.

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You’ll never see me cry!

Here I stand
And here I’ll stay
Let the storm rage on!

The song is picking up now – it’s gone from sad, to more hopeful, to angrily determined.  Just TRY and stop me now.

My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back,
The past is in the past!

Here is the point in the song where the animation just leaves you breathless.  Elsa raises her arms and builds a castle.  That’s right.  She builds an entire freaking castle out of ice.  All that, ALL THAT CREATIVITY, locked away inside for so long.  How sad is that?  But how many of us do that?  And for how long?

Think how much her parents could have saved on architects by now.

Think how much her parents could have saved on architects by now.

Let it go, let it go
And I’ll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone!

You don’t have to be perfect anymore, Alice.  No one is.  You’re okay just as you are.  Your Things, after all, told you so all along.

Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway!

So she’s out in the open now (well sort of, she’s still not back home), but at least she’s able to be herself in this place she’s built with creativity denied to her for most of her life.  Later, when Anna comes to ask for help with the whole eternal winter thing, the song of both sisters is reprised in a beautiful duet.  Anna insisting she can help her, Elsa insisting she has no idea what she’s talking about, and ending with Elsa once more lashing out, freezing her sister’s heart.  Only true love can rescue Anna now.

And it does.  But not from a prince.  Anna sacrifices herself for Elsa, and Elsa heals her with her love.  Sisterly love.  So yes, this is an awesome movie.  I’ve told you a lot, but not nearly all of it.  If you haven’t seen it yet, please do, especially if you have a sister or are the mother of sisters.  You won’t regret it.

Aw.  If they watch it, maybe your daughters will quit fighting for at least five seconds.

Aw. If they watch it, maybe your daughters will quit fighting for at least five seconds.