Disney Villains watch the Final Presidential Debate
I figured, when watching this last debate, who better to help out than those who know politics best: Disney villains. The Things helped gather all those we could find for a focus group. Maleficent got caught in traffic, or so she said. And Cinderella’s evil stepmother was busy working on the third party (the evil party) campaigns of her stepdaughters. But most of them showed up, partly because I promised them pardons from their respective kingdoms.
They’re all ready to take notes. We’ll see how long it takes them to figure out this isn’t Dance Moms.
First question: What’s your opinion on the second amendment that guarantees your right to free arms? Should there be gun restrictions, yadda.
Gaston: YES! GUNS!
Jafar: What about magic?
Hans: Sword will do in a pinch.
Second question: What do you think of abortions, specifically late term abortions?
Mother Gothel: I love children! Especially ones with magical hair I can kidnap.
Ursula: I prefer after birth abortions. But really, who needs a voice?
Third question: What is your stance on immigration? Should we build a wall or help them become citizens?
Jafar: Keep out the street rats
Gaston: I say we shoot them.
Hans: I wouldn’t mind them building me a castle first.
Fourth Question: Wikileaks has been leaking secret information, possibly from Russia. What do you think of that?
Ursula: It IS nice to have blackmail against people, bwahahaha.
Mother Gothel: Wikileaks sounds like a plumbing problem.
Fifth question: How do you plan to help the economy?
Hans: Tax cuts for villains. The evil will trickle down. Others: Works for us.
Sixth Question: Do you believe you are fit to be president? Is it okay to grope women?
Gaston: Groping women is great!
Evil Hag: Only if we get to grope back.
Sixth question: Let’s talk about ISIS, Syria, and Iraq. How are you going to fix it all?
What are those? I want to know about my social security!
Seventh Question: How are we going to fund Social Security, Medicare, and control the National Debt?
Evil Hag: My economy was based purely on beauty products. We were fine. Now give me my check.
Will you accept the results of the election?
Gaston: No.
Jafar: No.
Hans: I’m going to say yes, because it sounds good. Then I’ll kill my opponent.
Any closing statements?
Hans: I think we all know I’d be best at this thing. I’m a sociopath, but I’m subtle about it.
Queen of Hearts: Off with their heads!
So I guess they got as much out of the debate as the rest of us. The most important question was one that was so easy for Mr. Trump. Will you agree to transfer power? He sorta answered that one wrong. As Hans knows, you have to be subtle to truly make it in politics. Tsk Tsk.
Did any of you see the debate? What did you think of it?
~Alice
Disney Hunger Games: The Interviews Part One
Sorry for the delay, but the Game Makers have not exactly been concentrating on their duties. (Click to enlarge photos)
Are you surprised it’s them?
Anyway, after some quick wardrobe changes with their stylists – Elsa and the Fairy Godmother were worked pretty hard – it is time for the customary pre-game interviews.
First, let me introduce to your our host!
All the way from the Southern Isles, it’s Hans – out on probation!
First up for an interview is Prince Eric from the Atlantis District. Let’s see what questions Hans has for him.
Hans: Nice to meet you Eric. How are you enjoying things so far?
Eric: Oh, it’s really nice up here. Great seafood. Don’t tell Ariel.
Ariel: Eric, Eric!
Eric: She knows!
Hans: Uhh, Ariel, also from the Atlantis district – nice to meet you too . . . why are you wearing your wedding dress?
Ariel: Because Eric and I were going to get married . . . before . . . the games. Sob.
Hans: Haven’t you two been married a while now? I mean – I saw the rip in Eric’s clothes. They don’t even fit him. And a wedding is not getting you out of the games.
Ariel: Crap.
Next up is Princess Aurora from the Narcolepsy District.
Hans: Aurora, lovely to meet you. That’s a beautiful dress. Aurora: Yes, but the fairies couldn’t decide on the color. Pink, blue, pink, blue. I see that in my nightmares you know? Pink or blue? Pink or blue? It’s exhausting!
Hans: So what skills do you think you’ll bring to . . . um, highness?
Aurora: zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
After unloading Aurora from the couch, it was the second tribute from Narcolepsy, Prince Phillip’s, turn.
Hans: Prince Phillip, welcome. I hear you once killed a dragon. Do you think that gives you an edge?
Phillip: Yeah. A sharp one.
Moving on. Next on the hot seat are tributes from the French-ish district, starting with Belle.
Hans: Welcome, Belle. Uh . . . Belle. Do you – think your team will win?
Belle: I’m reading.
Hans: But the book doesn’t even have any pictures.
After Belle finished her chapter, it was Beast’s turn.
Hans: So – Prince . . . Beast? Those claws should come in handy in the games.
Beast: My name is
Adam. And I am totally suing that enchantress.
Hans: But everyone knows you’re cooler as the Beast.
Beast: My life sucks.
And now time for the last interviews of the day : welcome the Clan Du -whatever district. First up is Merida.
Hans: Merida, tell me about yourself.
Merida: I AM MERIDA, FIRST BORN DESCENDENT OF CLAN DUNBROCH!
Elinor: Get away from my daughter! I can be a reaaaal mother bear!
Merida: Muuum, yer embarrasing meee!
Hans: Security!
Next up are the triplet tributes, Hammock, Hammich, and Hummus . . . or . . . whatever their names are.
Hans: They’re bears. Are we serious? Are we really doing this?
Triplets: Hiiiiii! Got any porridge?
Hans: Will someone get the three bears here off my lap?
Hans: Seriously . . . now they’re just staring at me. And licking their lips. Anyone?
Merida: Oh, dear, my bad! They’ll be back to normal soon! I hope.
Hans: I should have stayed in prison
Hans: Well that’s all for today, but stay tuned for the rest of the interviews. After the Beast and those bears I need some freaking Zyrtec.
Still 9 districts left to go! How will interviews go with the others? Anna? Aladdin? Mulan? Those other guys? Will we get to the killing and stuff already? Stay tuned.
. . . . . To be continued. These posts may last as long as the movies!
aliceatwonderland 