Funny Blog Friday: Reporting From the Front
Hi ho, this is Alice, your raving reporter, talking to you from the front lines. Well, actually I’m now safe at home with some cocoa, but I WAS at the front lines at 7 pm Black Thursday at our local Mecca. There’s no news camera to dramatically film me in my blond wig while I squish my face up in a concerned, yet attractive way, so why not report from home?
You’re making fun of me again, aren’t you Alice? Well this is IMPORTANT don’t interrupt me!
For that matter, why not SHOP from home? Yes, I realize I’ve spoken about the pitfalls of that, but I’ll tell you one thing. There are no literal pitfalls when you shop online, versus actual pitfalls if you try to shop in person. Like getting trampled by a long line of shopping carts that wraps around the store, filled mostly with stuff they could have safely bought with a click while drinking cocoa.
I’ve decided that the best way to shop on the worst shopping days of the year is to go there with nothing to buy. It also helped to not have anything to spend either. This allowed me to better observe the people. Also to better observe the employees pushing giant dollies in my direction.
This is not an actual picture of the store, but I figured it’d do. Only the best from the media, folks.
And wow, were there people. Keep in mind I waited TWO HOURS after the official sale began here, and it was still bonkers. There were people back to back with shopping carts filled to the brim for what was apparently one of maybe three lines they could check out in? I’m not sure. Anyway, there was a line of carts like a cattle drive. I wanted to say “Mooooo” but these people didn’t look very happy and some were armed with very heavy bake ware.
Mecca Customers
I did not have a cart, so I was able to weave around most of the people. A few I bumped into and politely said “excuse me” but often I did not get a response. Not a smile, not a nod, just a stiff, determined expression, like a general on his way to battle.
I love the smell of plastic in the evening.
Not all of the store was open, because apparently some of the deals didn’t start until 8 pm. A lot of rows of the store were roped off with, get this, streamers like at parties. But they were thoughtful enough to get actual policemen to guard these pathetic boundaries. Yup, law enforcement to keep people from being homicidal morons in a store right after giving thanks and breaking bread. I love my country.
Nothing’s getting past this impenetrable fortress.
Since electronics is the main draw on these shopping days, they had spread them throughout the store, thus preventing bottle necking in the actual department. Nothing like shopping for DVDs by the hamburger meat. I found a couple priced two bucks and picked them up for some reason. As if I was going to find a cash register? I think there is something wired in your brain that just commands you to grab this stuff.
I glanced at the aisles filled with cardboard containers that were rapidly emptying. By tomorrow evening, the store will look something like Atlanta after Sherman made a visit. I ended up putting down my videos. A reporter only risks so much, after all.
Mecca after Black Friday
I made my escape through lawn and garden, ironically the place where they store all the ornaments, actual Christmas trees, etc. Who cares about that stuff? There were cheap toys and bed sheets, and PJs and TVs, and I was so above that.
Unlike them, I’d already clicked for my junk. I suddenly don’t feel so bad about the whole online thing. It certainly beats the cattle drive.
This is Alice, your faithful reporter, signing off. Have a happy Black Friday. Try not to die. 🙂
I should have put this in black, right?
Oh, I almost forgot, I am thankful to two bloggers, Victoria of Angst Anarchy and H.E. Ellis of the blog, er, H.E. Ellis for sending me their signed books. Check out the links to find out more about these books. I won them, that’s right I WON, in that blog hop thing we had a while back. You should take part in that – you don’t have to shop if you win. Anyway, I was pretty stoked about the whole thing. I plan to read them soon.
No prizes today, but feel free to read the funny bloggers on this list. It’s safer than venturing out THERE.
Funny Blog Friday: Jekyll and Hoff
So it’s finally here! Halloween? No, the Funny Blog Friday Thing! You know, the thing! I’ll just use the face I give when I’m pretending I have some idea of what I’m talking about.
I am completely clueless.
Fortunately I have never let this stop me before. What we have here is a Funny Blog Hop with funny bloggers and prizes, lots of prizes (not that you need incentive to visit a blog. Prizes.) I did realize (maybe?) that I’m to show you my contest TODAY, so those of you who read before totes got a heads up! Yay for you! I think! I’ve already had some funny entries, but I can’t wait for more. The winner(s) will get three pictures of the fictional Alice drawn by the real Alice and her real Things (14 and 10 year old daughters for the uninitiated).
Thing One is still procrastinating on hers (she claims stomach flu, bah!) but here are the others:
Here’s my artwork – wooot. Notice the 50 shades book. For shame, Alice, go back to books with pictures. Same to you, James.
And Thing Two’s. This is so weird, yet adorable somehow.
Now for the caption contest! Simply ignore everything I’ve said in any post so far, if you read them, and give me a caption for this picture of Pocahontas (from Disney’s er Pocahontas) and Merida (from Disney/ Pixar’s Brave). You can write it in the comments section.
Have you not seen these movies? Then Wiki them, or don’t, it could be funny either way. Anyway, have fun with it. I can’t wait to read some more. I’ll choose a winner based on how far the coke squirts from my nose when I read it. Oh, right, here’s the picture, performed by my the girls’ Disney dolls.
After my post, be sure to check out the rest of this crazy blog hop. They might even know what’s going on.
But for now, my latest scary Halloween post.
I thought a while about what would make a good Halloween post – something scarily funny, and the first thing I came up with was Jekyll and Hyde. If you haven’t heard of these guys (guy?), it’s one of those classics they often make you read in English class. I somehow escaped it – maybe cause they made me cover MacBeth like at least three times (seriously). If you know the Incredible Hulk, you pretty much have this story down, though. Jekyll angry. Hyde smash.
But that’s not the scary part.
Nooo, see they also made it into a musical.
Still not the scary part.
One version of this musical starred him.
Helloooo ladies!
Yup, that’s right. Our hero / villain is “the Hoff”, the man best known for Knight Rider, a show about a man dumber than his talking car, and Bay Watch, a show about men and women in skimpy swimsuits that are also dumber than a talking car. Which sadly does not make an appearance on the show. He’s gonna star in a Broadway musical.
But, hey, maybe we misjudged the guy. Let’s look at the cover of the DVD.
That – that face . . .
Wow, that was truly horrifying. But it’s just a picture, right? Here’s a clip from the musical, performed live on Broadway in front of I’m sure dozens of people. This is a normally very passionate song in the play. Then Hoff gets a hold of it and . . . just watch.
After watching this my first reaction was:
Then I burst into laughter. Actually I laughed the entire way through, from his first appearance looking like a cross between the lead singer from Smells Like Teen Spirit and Mrs Howell from Gilligan’s Island. The way he chews on her neck, and creeps around and makes this, this face:
Boogah, boogah!
Hoff goes from one hammy, overdramatic look to another, clawing the girl while jutting out his chin, throwing his head back and shouting his lines. And that he’s trying to be serious just makes it even funnier.
That poor actress he works with – she looks truly disturbed by him, and not for reasons having to do with his playing a psychopath in a play. I think she’s mentally planning her resume, and how to leave this one off the list.
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!
Here are the others participating in the blog hop:
Victoria of Angst Anarchy
Alanna of White Girls Be Like…
Jamie of Fits of Wit
H.E. Ellis of H.E. Ellis
Jessie of Jessie Reyna
Alice of Alice at Wonderland
Ben of Ben’s Bitter Blog
Jenn of Properly Ridiculous
Lisa of Buddhaful Britt
JC of JCS Bloggery
Sarah of No Cry Babies
Elke of The Pretty Platform
Jack of The Things I see Up Here
Chicks A & E of Too Funny Chicks
Charly of Crazy Life
Kevin of Trailer Trash Deluxe
Karilin of That Nameless Color
I invite you to check all these guys out, and possibly try to forget this post. I may scratch it off my resume myself. Happy Halloween! Don’t let the Hoff bite!
One more note: This is my 500th post. Scaaaryyyyyyyy!
Funny Blog Friday Update: Bleep Blop Bloop
Hey remember when I mentioned that blog hop thing and wanted captions yesterday and like it’s today and I only got one kinda randy and fabulous one from a nun (the most awesome nun I know)? It occurred to me, besides the fact that possibly I have no friends or they don’t love me, that maybe I should have just said to put the caption to the picture in the COMMENTS, not make your own post, cause come on, you got things ta do and all dat. Yay, do dat, do dat – frack I’ve got that Iggy twit in my head. Sorry.
Also WordPress said bleep, blop, bloop to me again. Shut up, WordPress. And quit changing the site. Are you in cahoots with Facebook?
Anyway, so here’s the pic again and the link to my original FBF post and I sound like one of those moms that says pleeeeease vote for my babieeeeeeeeeee in this contest! Or rather please caption my babieeeee!
For more incentive, here are two of the prizes. Thing One is still working on hers – it’s like she has standards or something. First up is mine. Click to enlarge pics.
Here’s my artwork – wooot. Notice the 50 shades book. For shame, Alice, go back to books with pictures. Nice pictures.
And here is Thing Two’s Manga Pony Alice.
This is so weird, yet adorable somehow.
These pictures will of course be on the finest Wal-Mart drawing paper and mailed directly to your choice of house, work, prison, whatevs. So come on, you can’t resist this stuff can ya?
Update 2: The fab Merbear has offered a caption too and I’m gonna spit out my drink. Okay, so you can you know, either put your caption here or on the old post or just run like the colors of the wind or whatever. I’ll be okay.
Doooon’t worry about meeee.
Alice
aliceatwonderland 